Hi runner1;
Very good question and here are the answers. In canada the separtation laws are very wishy washy. Because the car was bought during the marriage and is unsettled the cops will do nothing because it is domestic dispute (she did report it stolen and thats what the cops told her. He has the right to take it any time he wants). The same with the townhouse it was the former matromoital home and there is no restraining order he can come and go as he pleases and again the cops will do nothing. Basically it's been there done that. As to whether he was in the house or out he was hanging out with one of the nosey neighbours.
As for the flowers and choclate, the flowers are always welcomed from me(she loves all kinds of flowers) and the chocolate lasted all about 30 seconds(all you could hear is the suction of the chololate vaccum). That's why she loves me. She gets a rose very monday morning when she gets into the car(I leave it there).
She could care less if he got mad but until a court date is set she has to remain cool until he buries himself in court( let him make an [censored] of himself) With him and her sharing a child the law will not allow her to keep him from the daughter.
Just between you and me I don't give a rat's [censored] about him and one of these days I will tell him to get a life.<p>231<p>[ February 15, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

Hey Monkeygirl;
Did you have that baby yet? Drop us a line it's been awhile since we heard from you.<p>231 [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

rent update;
The people from the co-op was there tonight and told her she has to pay the higher rent. This is because he told them he still lived there and that he was always there hanging around and the fact she had the cops there on several occasions. So now its a matter of either staying or moving. Now the problem is that if she moves her sister would not want me to live with the GF. The sister is thinking of going back to the abusive husband ( go figure). My problem is I help the GF through some very dark days and I think she should really consider who is important here. Is it her life or does her sister have too much say? Oh yeah the mothers back, Oh weeee!!! just throw more gas on the fire people. I'll tell you something here I'm getting pretty fedup with all this crap coming from her ex and family and all the crap that's coming from my EX. I'm really going to pop a fuse here folks. Anyways I have to go I have another day of work yet again tommorrow.
Remember he who laughs last probally never got the joke in the first place. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ February 20, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

Hi;
We went out friday night for dinner again and again I had a wonderful time. I was going to talk to her about whether or not she is moving during dinner but things were going so well that I did not want to ruin a good evening together. But I feel that I must discuss this with her. I love her so much and we are growing together as a couple so well that I'm afraid of saying anything encase it cause a step backwards for us. I don't wish coming off like an a-hole but I feel I must put my foot down on this topic. Now she has a job things are not so tight for us but I still give her some money to try to keep the wolfs from her door and help make ends meet. But will I be the bad guy if I say that if she decides to move and not take me with her that I'll stop giving her money to help her? I feel that I'm not going to pay for a household that I don't live in. Now her sister has a hate on for men and bonehead hanging around causing trouble for the GF is just adding fuel to that fire. I have nothing against her sister and I would more that happy to give her time to heal, rebuild a new life for herself and her boys but if GF tells me that her sister won't go for me living there as well then I'll have to decide whether my support for GF will continue.
Whether it's her mother,sister,EX, pope or the archbishop of cantaberry the final decision rests with her, it's her life and if she wish to share that life with me then that her decision the others can like it or lump it.I just hope she makes the right decision in this case taking into account all I have done for her.
That girl loves me very much,it show in her eyes, the way she worrys about me and the little things she says and does. I love her very much and I would do my best to always be a good man to her but if she if she is more worried about what her sister might say or do then where does that leave me? Well I'll have to get the nerve up soon to approch this subject cause timing here is important cause we need to save money for first and last. Well wish me luck. Any input would be welcome.<p>231 [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

update;<p> I haven't had a chance to talk to her so in the meanwhile I've been debating in my head my options. I do love her but.....well you know I just don't know. wish me luck<p>231

What's Up Dude!!!!! Hi Runner1!!<p>YES!!! I FINALLY HAD THAT BABY!!!!! On February 9, 2002 at 7:46pm. 6lbs. 10oz. baby girl!! I hoped that you had figured it out since I had not been on the net for awhile. I am just now getting back to the land of the living!!! smile....<p>Seems like you are still in turmoil with the current GF and the ex-GF. Surely, something will have to give here and all these issues will be resolved. You are very strong to continue to put up with the GF's ex doing whatever he pleases. However, you may want to take heed to what Runner1 had to say about the GF letting him take so much advantage of her. I've been telling you all along that she needs to put her foot down with him and mean it. She needs to stop giving in to his demands and make her own! <p>Now as far as your ex's BF is concern, she has a problem if she si going to let another man come into her life and disrespect her and her children. He sounds like a sorry excuse for a man that needs to grow up as well. Since your children do live with her, you can definitely express how you feel to her but for the most part your hands are probably tied on how much action you can actually take.<p>Well, there goes the baby........I have to sign off now but just wanted to let you know that I am still out here and I had not forgot about you. Runner1, hope to hear more from you as well.<p>Chat with you later.

Monkeygirl -<p>I am so happy that you and your baby angel are well. I just knew you were going to have her on my birthday and sure enough you did! Only mine is at 8:45 a.m. What did you name her?

Dear 231 -<p>I am probably wrong, but I am wondering if your GF is using her mother and sister's disapproval as an excuse because she is unsure about moving in with you. To be honest, you shouldn't make her feel pressured into making up excuses. When the time is right for her, she will come to you and tell you especially since she already knows that you are in favor of the arrangement. My advice to you is to NEVER bring up the subject again.<p>Do you really want her to move in with you because she is grateful for your financial assistance? If you feel cheated, just stop giving her money. <p>Another, harsher theory is that she is just stringing you along for the money that you give her and that is why she won't risk angering you with her own refusal to move in, she instead blames it on her family. <p>Try to avoid providing any cash and see what happens.

Hey Monkey girl;
I sure missed talking to you and thank god you finally had that baby. I was being to wonder if you had complications. And yeah what did you name her(sooner or later comes to mind). It reminds me of a joke my brother told me once about Prince Charles and Dianna when they had their first baby. He said that they should of named him UP. Why? So they can sign their christmas cards Up-Chuck-and Di.
Now back to the topic at hand. No I don't think she is stringing me along cause I've been without a job in the pass and had no money and she was still there. Yes she does want to live with me and I think she would at this point but I personally think that she been living in the shadow of her father so long that she afraid of coming of wrong here (Her mother has always seen her as her father's daughter and never leats her forget either)and I think she is tried of her mother's preaching. But I do plan to tell her that if she moves and expects me to support her and not be there she is barking up the wrong tree. Yes sometime she has too many excuses why not instead of yes I can.Scared you bet but she would never admit to it.Scared of him thats a big 10-4.Why? I don't know but personally I think he is using something againtst her but what is a mystery to me. This thing is also a matter of either s--t or get off the pot. Like she says we have to solve this problem of my own children in light of recent activities.She called me at work today at lunch. Her cat is still ticked at her for getting him de-clawed and fixed. It's been a week and he still leaves the room when she comes in. We did not have time to have a dicussion but she said she would call me tomorrow and we'll talk. We have come through a lot worst and I think we can talk like adults and come to some agreement. Moving to a new place and neighbourhood will give her more control over things(no spys) and if she finds him in this place the cops can give him the heave ho. Anyways I have to go cause I have to go to work in the morning. I hope she is a quiet baby for you monkeygirl, mine where, so was her's.<p>231

Hi guys;
Well I finally talked to her and I just got off the phone. We talked about things and basically I got a long PLEEEEEEEASE trust me, I am not stringing you along, I do want us to have a life and I do love very much but Me and sis have to follow our lawyer's advice(new lawyer). We have to make it look like we are two women Who husbands have left us hanging out to dry.Dave in your own words I'm trying to barbeque his bacon but good and I promise I will live with you very soon cause he has no leg to stand on and it should be cut and dry for me. Just relax , I understand what you are going through but if you let me accomplish this thing I will be your loyal and devoted wife as long as you live I promise. Just don't go off have cocked and screw up everything that we have accomplished so far. I will see if I can get her to let up on this man hate thing so you can come and spend time with me like we use to before I took her in.<p> Well gang now what? Love of a good person can make it hard to decide what to do? I have to do some serious soul searching and tell you later<p>231 [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi guys;
Well I guess I'm caught between a rock and a hard place here.Runner1 you are right she is not ready yet but is willing.We will have a life together but not as soon as I hoped.
I have to be out of this place by June so my other brother,his wife and son can stay here for a few weeks in July. My sister is going to get on the band wagon so to get me out. I don't want to be here when he comes cause he acts like lord of the land when he comes Example; My nephew lost his licence for under the influcance. He admits that it was stupid. but when big brother came the last time he took my nephew aside to have him explain himself. As for me last time he talk to me after four years was to give me crap for my daughters taking off their shoes in the back hall. Other wise he never said two words the whole three weeks he was here.
So here my delemia; I can't live with her before june and I can't stay here. To go and get a place of my own would mean not giving her money anymore, money she needs. I use to rent a room for a couple of years at this house but it was a bad experince for me. I feel either way I'm screwed. I still have two months before June, maybe I'll get lucky and things will turn themselve around enough for her to have a chance of heart about living together. I still have time to think too but I must make a decision soon.
I'll be calling her tomorrow cause its her birthday I never miss a chance to wish a happy birthday.<p>231 [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 02, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

Hi from the very cold and windy great white north.<p> Monkeygirl, why do things always turn sour and not stay good like it has been lately? I guess pyshics apply here "FOR EVERY POSITIVE REACTION THERE IS AN OPPOSE AND JUST AS STRONG NEGATIVE REACTION" My problem of having to move out just doesn't want to go away "YOU HAVE TO BE OUT AT SUCH AND SUCH DATE OR YOU'LL FIND YOUR THINGS ON THE POURCH AND THE DOORS LOCKED WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK"(My fault here I screwed myself with the family: ask me later when you write) Sweetpea's mother is back to watch the kids on march break. I have to avoid GF place cause mamma has been waiting for the last couple of weeks for me to show up to tell me that we are both sinners and that I'm fornacating with her married daughter( even if she was divorced according to her mother she is still married to him in god's eyes)and we are going to hell for it.I feel like saying your point is??? So we meet some where for now. Mamma has also been talking to the GF ex during the day when she is at work. They've been having coffee every day together. I can almost imagine what they are discussing, He's telling stories to mamma and mamma is tell him to back to his wife(GF says when hell freezes over [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ) GF says they do what they want it doesn't bother her cause its over and I doesn't really bother me execpt the fact Mamma is meddling where she doesn't belong.Last time I check we are classified as adults. GF says that her mamma feels her life was a failure until she became a born again christian and now she has two daughters who both have failed marriages.
Here is something interesting, at the lumberyard I work at on saturdays there was a new cashier and she looked familiar. It turns out to be an old girlfriend/nieghbour of GF.She told me how much of a drug addicit and Ahole he was to GF and she was happy to here GF dumped her husband. now I know alot what he did to her and I now I can talk to someone who lived next door. Would it be wise to ask questions as to what he did so I have a better understanding as to what GF went through or should I just leave it alone? I want to make this girl happy but I feel I need info as to what he did so I don't open any wounds that haven't heeled yet.
Another question I have for you girl is this: I trust her, she would not fool around on me behind my back she's just not that type(she is a good christian girl) but her sister took her out to a bar for a girl's night out last night which I don't mind cause she should be able to go out with her sister and girlfreinds but why did I feel so uneasy about it when I know she is loyal and trustworthy? Is is because it was a bar scene which I have seen first hand or just my imagination running wild? You're a woman tell me if I'm just being silly? You seem to have a mirror relationship with your hubby like I do with Sweetpea thats why I'm asking you what you think?Anyways write back to I can dicuss this with you further.
Anyways how's the little one? Getting much sleep? and how's the weather there?(last time you wrote you said you lived in NT, what does NT stand for?) Here we have high winds, snow bursts and very cold. Well talk to you when you write<p>231 [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] (more like freezing)<p>[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: 231 ]</p>

Hey everyone;
Sorry I haven't posted lately but there was something wrong with the internet program. I could surf but it would not execpt keyboard inputs. I could see what was going on on the MB website but I could not communicate. My nephew fixed it for his grandmother so hence I'm back. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO GO BACK INTO THE WATERS HEHEHEH [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Anyways whats new?<p>Talk later bye

O.K. people here's whats new. Me and the GF decided not to live together but get married first cause we both lived with our former partners before marriage and they both failed so we'll go the other route. In the mean time while she is trying to get her divorce done and over with I'm going to get a two bedroom apartment and take my girls back. After the EX's BF called my oldest a lesbain cause she hung out with her girlfriends it was enough was enough. I'll take everyother week until they find that life with Dad is perferable to the mess their mother calls a life. Wish me luck, I'll keep you posted<p>231 [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Displaced this is so you can find me better<p>231 [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you, 231! It did make it a lot easier to find your thread!! After reading it, I have to tell you about my marriage that ended two+ years ago. My husband and I married three months to the day we met. From the beginning, his 16 year old daughter (who was going on 30) interfered with the marriage. He hardly knew her, had gotten custody of her months before we met. He spoke to her inappropriately about sex and treated her the way no father should interact with his daughter. Then.....his 70+ old dad got into the picture. He was constantly asking for money and putting a guilt trip on him when he said he couldn't spare the money for them to take vacations, buy new appliances, computer, etc., etc. His dad must have thought I was the person putting the money restrictions on because their son (my husband) was generally generous before we married. His dad started putting guilt on my husband regarding his daughter, telling him that she should come first (even though his dad was a former pastor and was excommunicated by his parish), that she should be given priority in everything even before his wife. I had a decent relationship with her, we loved each other...until his father interfered. I believe his dad was passing similar advice on to her. I was so desparate to save our marriage, I even asked his dad and his mother (who is very controlled by her husband) for advice to help save my marriage and got none. I finally convinced my husband to go to counseling with me, and the counselor basically told him what I had been trying to tell him all along, that we had a responsibility to each other and to avoid outside interference. He let that go in one ear and out the other. In the end, he began having an affair(s) with the assistance and encouragement of his daughter and dad and I left. Not once did he ask me to return, not once. <p>So, my advice to you is, unless you and your GF can put a stop to the interference, you may want to reconsider your relationship. Blood really is thicker than water, and family is always around. If you both can put a stop to it, you will probably have a chance.