You just cannot know everything about somebody if you both go to your respective homes every night and weekend. My uncle dated my aunt for quite a while. After he dropped her off at home in the evening, he would go drinking. She did not know he was an alcoholic until after they got married and began to live together.

You won't know somebody's good points any better if you live with them but they cannot hide their bad points 24/7 if you are with them all the time. I would NEVER marry again without living with the person first. I figure nobody should get married until they have fought together, gone through some sort of life problem together, travelled together, and wallpapered together. People's true natures come out in those situations; if there's nastiness to be found, you'll see it then.

<small>[ April 05, 2003, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: Merrie ]</small>

I would NEVER marry again without living with the person first.
So if you don’t like it, then there is no reason to work it out. After all, your just “testing” the waters. If you don’t like it, get out. Lack of commitment is one of the main reason that marriages of people who live together before, divorce more often.

The odds of 2nd marriages failing are 65% vs. 50% for 1st marriages.
Factor in living together before marriage and now your odds are up from that. You really are stacking the odds AGAINST staying married.

I find this an interesting topic. I've read everyones replies. There are definetly some debatable points on both sides.
I wonder if the debate is fueled by knowledge, statistics, or old wounds??

Sharing my story, Dated my ex for 4 years before living together. I did not know in those four years that he would eventually come to beat me. I did not know that when we had a daughter he would be so unattached, I did not kow the long hours he would work and the amount of drinking he did at work, I did not know that he used drugs to the heightened extent he does, and lastly I did not see his need to be in control until it was too late.
Too late was after the "i dos"
Obviously this wasn't a good marriage. The marriage lasted 4 years and 2 months and 5 days! On my final divorce papers I wrote "free at last".

I am now in a relationship where we are living together. I get to see everything. How he leaves the cap off the toothpaste, plays with his children, handles finances, handles my daughter, handles household chores, how he spends his time when he believes no one is watching, and his interaction with his family. Better yet I get to decide with a better knowledge whether or not I can live with his quirks on a long term basis.
There's no rental contract, or way out. It's a pretty basic relationship. We sit down and discuss finaces, what I needed when I first moved here, and now that he is layed off what he needs while attending school. I get to see his desire to do better for us. I hear it in his voice and depiction of the future. It's always about us.
Before you ask Yep we have talked about when we get married.
Since my divorce I have never wanted another child or to be married. Until now. When we spoke of it, he had issues because he felt the male screwed over syndrome. But he speaks so excitedly, watching a show the other night where a woman was wearing a wedding dress, he asked me what kind I would buy.
Aaww yes before you ask, we aren't married right now because hs divorce is not final. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That's right not final. But he spent his "year alone" Not being in a serious relationship doing all the holidays by himself. Not all divorce proceedings go quickly. As we all know. We will be married when he gets his final divorce judgment. It will be succesful because we opened up all the wounds and introduced all the baggage, then tied it up in one little sack and called it ours.
I firmly belive that it isn't whether or not living together or taking the time to get to know someone creates the relationship. Its honesty. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> After all the common factor I find in divorces is that someone lied. Misrepresentation of who they were or what they had. Lying about who you are can only last so long. Then the true self comes shinning through!
It's the lies of paying bills, wanting the same, it's the manipulation or control over one that creates an off balance relationship. Once the relationship becomes off balance it starts to sink. Without the life preserver you'll drown every time!!
Honesty, loyality, willingness, and comprimise make a very successful marriage or union. How ever you decide to start the process.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Be true

<small>[ June 04, 2004, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: Lenz ]</small>

We lived together for 3 yrs. before we got married.

It was a wonderful time..better than the 26 yrs. we have been married and we had many obstacles from our family from the moralists who preferred legal agreements (marriage) to love agreements (living together).

My wife wanted to get married so we did. I did it out of love for her since it mattered not what the circumstances were in being together. I just wanted to be with her.

The relationship started to decline almost immediately with marriage. She stopped taking care of herself and effort in general on her part declined.

It's never been the same.

I highly recommend living together and not getting married unless there are minor children involved.

I have nothing against marriage it's just that my personal experience has been negative. When you are living together there is only the committment of love to hold you..no legal contract..and I think this makes people work harder.