This weekend my wife told me she doesn't love me anymore. We have two children 13 and 9 and have been together 15+ years. <P>About a year and a half ago we had a similar situation and I was asked to go stay elsewhere - which I did. After a couple of weeks we got back together and I had thought it was the best our relationship has ever been. We used a lot of the information from the Marriage Builders site to help us. The problem then was that she felt controlled by me, rightfully so, since I was always the breadwinner and she was always home with the kids. I realized the error of my ways and tried to change them.<P>Recently she got a job outside the home and has also been spending a lot of time in chat rooms on the computer - she has developed many good friendships through the chat area. I have had great difficulty dealing with it since she spends hours there and I frankly get a little jealous, although there is absolutely nothing sexual going on there, it had made me feel neglected.<P>Over the last couple of weeks things have been going sour, I have tried my best to let her do what she wants so those feelings that I am controlling her wouldn't come back up. <P>She now tells me she just doesn't want to be married anymore, she is tired and that's it, she feels nothing for me.<P>Here's the main part of my problem - she wants me to stay in the house with her, be friends - nothing more, and keep up a front for the children. I still love her very much and don't want to give up - but she has no interest in repairing the relationship. It seems hopeless.<P>SK

stuklu,<P>I am sorry to hear of your dilemma. I know someone who is doing what you are. Living together "for the kids sake" and it is a living nightmare. I also know someone who lives with a wife who cheated and is in limbo right now. I have seen with both of these people how hard it is when one spouse, loses feelings and yet remains in the same household.<P>The spouse who lost all feelings, has no problem with this. They simply have the best of both worlds. They get to live in a two income or two parent home. They think their kids have a "good life" but the children don't. They are emotionally ok with this, because it was their decision.<P>TO the spouse like you, who is on the other end, they remain in limbo. They are just existing in this world and can't figure out what they did wrong. They have to see their spouse day in and day out, acting like a roommate. The children may not know exactly, but will soon catch on. Its not healthy for the kids either.<P>Can you suggest counseling for the two of you? If not, I'd recommend going yourself and thinking this through long and hard. Sometimes its better to make a clean break and start life over and you at least have your pride and your freedom. I'd like to think you would try all options to save the marriage first, but in the end, living in the house like this, is just really hard.<P>I'll see if I can get a friend of mine to sign on and give you some insight to this. He has recently gone through some crisis's of his own. But I think he could give you some insight as to why this is really not healthy for you. <P>Good luck, Dana<BR>

Thanks for your input Dana.<P>Right now, I am still trying to revive the relationship. We have been talking more than we ever did and I believe she is softening.<P>At the same time she is resistant to things going back to the way they were, which obviously wasn't good for her. I intend to just continue loving her by saying and doing all the right things to fulfill her emotional needs in order to restore the love to the relationship.<P>It is very hard on me to give so much unreciprocated love, but I know that she will come around and that if she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. I expect this to be a very long process, but as long we are together in the house we still have a chance.<P>I realize that living as roomates would never work, but as long as I am in love with her I will be staying. I am doing the things I need to do and as long as I can stay focused I will continue to deal with it in this manner. A shake-up like this may be exactly what I needed.<P>Thanks again<BR>Steve

Thanks for your input Dana.<P>Right now, I am still trying to revive the relationship. We have been talking more than we ever did and I believe she is softening.<P>At the same time she is resistant to things going back to the way they were, which obviously wasn't good for her. I intend to just continue loving her by saying and doing all the right things to fulfill her emotional needs in order to restore the love to the relationship.<P>It is very hard on me to give so much unreciprocated love, but I know that she will come around and that if she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. I expect this to be a very long process, but as long we are together in the house we still have a chance.<P>I realize that living as roomates would never work, but as long as I am in love with her I will be staying. I am doing the things I need to do and as long as I can stay focused I will continue to deal with it in this manner. A shake-up like this may be exactly what I needed.<P>Thanks again<BR>Steve

I am so sorry to hear about what has happened. All I can say is that you need to talk to your wife. Did her decision to not want to be married come after her preoccupation with chatting. Beware. I was unhappy in my marriage and was drawn to them. I did something that I never dreamed I would, had an emotional affair with someone online. It was incredibly easy and before I knew what happened I was so addicted that my secret life on the computer took over. When my husband found out I was torn, did I want to leave him for someone I never met or stay? The affair crashed and burned and I decided to leave anyway. I, too, am terrified of going back to the way things were. Find out if your wife is just chatting or if there is someone specifically she is chatting with. I can tell you, it messes up your head . I am a professional woman and I still marvel at how gullible I was. I'm not saying your wife is having an email romance, but your description of your wife's behavior sounded fimiliar to my own reaction. Best of luck to you two...I hope things work out!<BR>Lonelysoul <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stuklu:<BR><B>This weekend my wife told me she doesn't love me anymore. We have two children 13 and 9 and have been together 15+ years. <P>About a year and a half ago we had a similar situation and I was asked to go stay elsewhere - which I did. After a couple of weeks we got back together and I had thought it was the best our relationship has ever been. We used a lot of the information from the Marriage Builders site to help us. The problem then was that she felt controlled by me, rightfully so, since I was always the breadwinner and she was always home with the kids. I realized the error of my ways and tried to change them.<P>Recently she got a job outside the home and has also been spending a lot of time in chat rooms on the computer - she has developed many good friendships through the chat area. I have had great difficulty dealing with it since she spends hours there and I frankly get a little jealous, although there is absolutely nothing sexual going on there, it had made me feel neglected.<P>Over the last couple of weeks things have been going sour, I have tried my best to let her do what she wants so those feelings that I am controlling her wouldn't come back up. <P>She now tells me she just doesn't want to be married anymore, she is tired and that's it, she feels nothing for me.<P>Here's the main part of my problem - she wants me to stay in the house with her, be friends - nothing more, and keep up a front for the children. I still love her very much and don't want to give up - but she has no interest in repairing the relationship. It seems hopeless.<P>SK</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>