Just a little background....my x and I had a business together, but I fired him in April ( he was just screwing up big time). <BR>He has paid me no child support since April 2nd. I have never stood in the way of him seeing the kids. He is to have them every 2 and 4th weekend of the month, but seldom takes them then, just when it is convienient. <P>He has my son for fathers day and the night. When I go to get him, my son says tomorrow Dad is taking him street cycle riding on a friends bike. My X doesn't even have a license for a street bike. I said no, there are other things you can do, but not on a bike. ( I feel it is unsafe, and if anything were to happen, it is all my dime. )<P>Well, this AM my X comes to the house ( he isn't suppossed to) and my son calls me. He doesn't really want to go, so I say no. His Dad comes uncorked at him! I can hear him yelling at my son.."I am disappointed in you, if I want to take you, your Mom can't stop me!!" <BR>My son did not go, but clearly upset. I came home he is a mess. Says that he feels in the middle of it all. I feel awful...<P>------------------<BR>Susan

ugh. your poor son. what a drag. :P

Dear Sue,<P>After your awful day, I appreciate your email from earlier even more!!!! I am so sorry you and your son had to deal with his angry outburst.<P>I don't really see what money has to do with it! If he is not licensed, then it is not legal, right? You are just protecting your son.<P>I am sorry for your son, too, that your x put him in the middle of the whole thing. There are better ways to handle things! A little phone call from him before starting this trouble would be a thot. But of course, that is nothing you can control.<P>You and your son are in my prayers tonight. Sleep well and wake refreshed.....<P>Nora

Sue,<P>So sorry for your problem with the x now involving your s. I guess thats part of the Disneyland Dad syndrome. Do something extreme for your kids so they will like you.<P>There probablly isn't much you can do about it as next time he won't give any advance warning. The best you can do is hope your son has the courage to turn his father down when he proposes something risky.<P>Bob

Susan,<P>What is it with our X's?...<P>Crazed minds continue... <P>I'm praying for strength for you and your son!<P> <P>Jim

I came home after the episode and had a long talk with my s. I told him my reasons, and that while he can see his Dad anytime, there are soemthings that he will not be allowed to do if I feel it is not in his best interests. <BR>He is very disappointed in his dad. I told him that I am sure his Dad loves him very much, but has a hard time showing it in the right way. <BR>His dad called back , I told him we could not put s in the middle of anything, that he should consult with me first about anything outside of his reg visitation. He was nasty to me, said I am trying to keep him from him, his life is s*** now and it is all my fault, he now has to find a job out of town because of me, etc. Of course, this time last year he was moving to Colorado to be with OW!!! I told him he should apologize to his son for yelling at him and putting him n the middle, as I had apologized to him for this as well. He asked to talk to him, and I guess he did, but there must be trouble in paradise because he has been really nasty lately. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Ooooohh!<P>Definately trouble in paradise<P>Yes, it will be difficult to keep s and d <BR>from getting in the middle with an irrational<BR>parent.<P>your talk with your son sounded very productive. keep with the high road.<P>thl<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited June 21, 2000).]

Thanks to all that replied....<P>I sometimes wonder, who is the adult here, my son or his Dad?? This is a guy who has a college degree, who has now been out of work for over two months, and who, as soon as he was fired, took off for Colorado to be with OW for almost 5 weeks!! Not sure if he even looked for a job. <BR>In the meantime, he isn't paying anything towards the kids. I haven't pushed it, it is just building up in arrears. I can support the kids on my own salary, but college savings gets tough without his help. But, when my son is 18, I must either sell the house, or pay X 40% of the equity. If he doesn't pay child support, then I will just take it off of there!! <BR>I did make a counseling appointment for my son....he has in the past not wanted to go, but this time I will make him..He needs to vent, and neither I or his Dad are the right ones for what he probably needs to say. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Neither, you know that!<P>What I think you should be also concerned with is that your s may have the inclination to pull the same crap at some point in his life IF he doesn't get counseling. To me, that is secondarily important also. Have you considered talking to him about what your expectations of a good H is, so that he has an intellectual concept of how your H should be acting?<P>thl