I don't know if anyone can give me good advice but I would appreciate any words of encouragement you have. Here is the story: I was married for a year and my husband was abusive, he cursed at me and only hit me a couple of times, the rest of the time he just threw things at me, sometimes he'd miss and other times he'd hit me. I had enough so I divorced him. It's been two painful years since our divorce and he has tried to get me to see him and I wouldn't have any part of it. I still love him desperately and would like nothing more than to build our relationship back but I'm also afraid. We have been spending some time together and I confronted him with his actions during our marriage and accepts responsibility for his actions and says he's not like that any more. He seems to be different and says he loves me. What should I do?? Please help!<P>------------------<BR>Hopeful in Alabama

Dear Hopeful,<BR> The only fault of yours was letting that go on more than once. Any man who abuses you isn't worth having. I stayed in a verbally abusive relationship for two years, and believe me,it did a lot to my self esteem. This sounds awful, but sometimes I wish I DID have the bruises to prove how much it hurt, because no one believed that words could do so much harm. I loved him too, but I never looked back the day I left. You will find someone better, just give it time....<BR>

Hopeful73,<P>Two questions for you:<BR>1) Do you still love him?<BR>2) Are you confident that he has in fact changed?<P>If both answers are yes, then I say try again - slowly. Keep an eye out for warning signs and be cautious. But I truly believe that some people can truly change. Maybe he has - maybe it took you divorcing him, for him to see the light. Forgiveness is a tough first step. Can you forgive him? Try. Think about how many people have forgiven you in the past.<P>Don't misread me - If he is still abusive or you see any signs of that, by all means stay away. But if it appears that he has changed, I am a strong believer in love and in marriage. While you may be divorced on paper, in God's eyes you are still joined together.<P>Don't let people talk you out of something you feel in your heart. Just coming here and posting your message leads me to believe you still have feelings for him. Why not try again (AS LONG AS YOUR SAFETY IS NOT THREATENED).<P>Good luck and God Bless!<BR>Mike

hopful,<P>I am mostly a lurker here, but when I see something I wish to give my opinion on, I do so..<P>If I were you, I`d ask him, (being you are intouch with each other) to go for help.. to go to an anger class(es) to prove he wants to improve him self, for you.. and this is the ut-most importance, (to hear others pain) in order for him to admit he has a real problem.. <P>I wish you luck.. I know If I ever had the chance to reconcile.. I would too.. my ex was my whole life.. and now I have a broken family, with no contact or communication what so ever..<P>my ex refuses to ever face me, talk to me or communicate with me ever again.. we have a 12 yr old D, (almost 13) that I would love for her to be able to see, the two roll models in her life.. getting along.. for her sake, and I have written letters to him about this, with no luck what so ever.. he is closed minded, and has cut all cords/doors.. <P>(except for seeing our daughter) he is good to our D, but still carries the hate and recentment towards me.. so now thats where we both are.. hating each other, (except for me attempts to act civilized for our D sake) too bad he can`t climb down off of his pedistil. even for a moment!<P>I wrote all of this to eplain to you.. that you still have a chance.. but I do not.. grab it, if you love him.. but only after he proves him self to you.. 100%<P>{{{good luck}}}<P>AV

Thank you for your support and words of caution. To answer all of the questions, yes, I am still very much in love with my ex even after being apart for two years and only seeing him a total of 2 or 3 times during that period. Since our divorce he has taken a new job that he loves and has worked out some other issues as well and is much more content. He calls when he says he will and tells me he loves me tearfully (He NEVER cries) I am going to give it one more chance...I am certain God answers our prayers.<P><P>------------------<BR>Hopeful in Alabama

Hopeful73,<P>I KNOW God answers our prayers, it is just not always HOW we expected those answers or WHEN we wanted them. Remember that He does things in His own time. Maybe you had been praying for reconciliation before you were even divorced, but God knew that both you and your husband needed time apart to grow.<P>Maybe now is the time He has promised you your husband back. Tread cautiously, but don't analyze things to death. <P>Trust in love.<P>And when everything works out for you, know that we will all be so happy for you and for your husband