After the past 2 years of being divorced, and spending periodic time with my ex, the ex inlaws invited me over for dinner.<P>I don't have any family other than our child to spend cheer with. A part of me wants to go another part wonders why bother. Afterall i know his old girlfriend was there last year and they aren't together anymore, but i still feel outcasted and obvisously am not sure.<BR>I want my daughter to have the best christmas.<P>I don't want her feeling left out. NOT that she would be because we split on christmas day as far as access goes. I have christmas morning this year. Sometimes i wonder if he doesn't want to feel lonely. It's always nice to spend the holidays WITH someone.<P>?????????????????????

well..do you want to spend the holidays with<BR>them? Thats the thing you need to ask yourself..Do you still get along with them? <P>If you do then go for it..why not??<P>Would you feel uncomfortable spending the<BR>holidays with them? Does x know they invited you? is he going to be there? do you two get along if he is going to be there?<P>just some things to ask yourself..

Yes he knows they invited me.<BR>Yes he wants me to go.<BR>I sort of do, get along with them,<BR>But more than anything else they prefer<BR>me over the woman he has been seeing.<BR>I think more than anything he wants to be <BR>spending this kind of time together to strengthen a case to obtain joint custody.<BR>In january he also answers to assualt charges from 6 months ago.<P>Yes sometimes we do get along and other times...<BR>well he's a salesmen (cars at that!)<BR>He lies at the drop of the hat.<BR>When our child had informed me of his new relationship he denied it and said our daughter was mistaken.<P>Childish stuff really!<P>I hate it and that IS one of the reasons why i left.<BR>He can't change that quality of himself.<BR>It's him.<P>Although we have spent time togteher and it has been very comforting and nice!!!<P>So this leaves me where??<P>I'm not in a fantasy world either....<BR>I left him 17 months ago.<P>We talk of getting togther again, what would need to happen but that'd be years down the road.<P>SO.....<P>I care a lot about him.......<BR>I think he knows that he can't handle just a friendship with me so it's all or nothing, for him.<P>I want the friendship first but i can't rely on him like i would a friend...<P>BLAH!!!

This topic came up here at work yesterday. <P> It seems the families of the ex's sometimes prefer the company of the daughter/sister-in-law than the son or vice versa, know whatI mean??<P>If the son or daughter make themselves absent, then why not let the ex-spouse hang out? I often take my (unfortunately, but hopefully not) stbx mother-in-law to lunch on weekends. I don't try to keep the divide between her and her daughter, especially since my W is coming to town to pick up her up for Christmas. I can't say I would NOT want to see a confrontation, but as everyone in that family keeps telling me, they were not much for talking in that family.<BR>(The source of our problems.)<P>If he may be manipulating this invite, I can see your hesitation.<BR> The second half of my signature mentions trust. He should only gain your trust by actions, not by asking you for it.<P>rrunrr<BR><P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.

Well i went and it was nice enough.<BR>Although all day i felt as though he wanted to be else where.<BR>A lady at dinner mentioned that her H was distrant with her over getting pregnant turned out he was having an affair.(and a baby with this other woman)<P>My ex was not pleased when i got pregnant with our current child nor was he with the second which ended in abortion(no judgments please i beat myself up enough).<BR>What are the chances he never wanted this whole situation too?<P>What kinds of things can be undone and overlooked? What can't??<P>Thank you.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by looking ahead (edited December 28, 2000).]

Hoping everybody had a merry christmas and are planning exceptional new years celebrations!!!