My kids recently spent a week with their dad, his gf and gf's dtr. They had a nice vacation going to several fun spots with them. My daughter (16) video taped about an hour and a half long tape of the events of the week. She and my son (14) have been pestering me to watch it with them so I can share all the places they went.<p>The prob...I don't know if I can handle it. Just a quick what happened...I'm divorced, 21 years marriage, 3 kids 19,16,14. H had a two year affair with a woman from another state that was just over when I found out, then he started with a woman he has worked with for 20 years...a woman my kids have known all their lives. He's been living with her for over a year now. <p>To be fair here I am also involved (very involved) with a wonderful man now.<p>Would you guys bite the bullet and sit down with the kids and watch the tape? I have no idea how much of EXH and OW are on it. But I gotta tell you, I don't like this woman...never really did, and to watch them with my kids on vacation...I just don't know how I'll do.<p>this sucks.<p>thanks<p>allison

Allison,<p>I think i would be honest with your kids. . . about your feelings and your potential reactions to them . . . and then let them decide, because they know what's on the tape, <p>but be fully prepared to respond the way you indicated, such that they realize that you were serious, and then to let them know how much divorce can hurt. . . <p>it will be a good lesson for them . . . and you should look to the situation as a lesson for them. . . .<p>good luck. . . <p>wiftty

try to think of them as just 'extras' on a film--pretend you don't even know who they are. Concentrate on watching the kids.<p>I think it's nice that your kids feel it's important to share their vacations with you.

Hi Allison,<p>In my case, I've set boundaries with regard to my son & his life with his mom & her new husband. To be perfectly succinct, his life with them is separate from his life with me. I know that sounds harsh and unfair, but this was not my choice, it was hers, and if he has any issues, he needs to take them up with her.<p>In the end, it's about your level of comfort. If you are comfortable with watching vacation video of them with their "other" family, by all means go ahead. If you are not, you need to explain your reasons to your kids and let them know what your boundaries are.

Hey Allison! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I haven't read the other's responses, but my spin on this is you tell the kids that you still feel uncomfortable or uneasy with viewing the tape when it has your ex & OW in it.<p>They may end up telling you that she's not in it .... remember Hon, these are your kids and know you and they may not have included her in it to start with.<p>And if she is in it, then you telling them [Radical Honesty] is best for all. <p>Personally, I think they'd appreciate to know that after 21+ years together, a person doesn't become immuned or unfeeling to that once life's partner simply because they are no longer together and are now with someone else.<p>How are you anyway, Ali? How's your job doing? You do sound good. I hope this response finds you All well, Hon.<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ June 06, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>