Okay here goes, I am in a marriage that has seemed to hit rock bottom. We have no direction no where to turn it's in stand still it all feels so strange actually.

If you had it all to do over again. See my husband is neglecting my needs, sexual, emotional, and communication. He says he can't talk to me but I don't feel that was the case, he could and didn't. This has been for 8 yrs. I have not been happy, he knows this I've threatened divorce too, he didn't fight he told me it was just not in him.

Would any of you divorced over this? I have 3 children, I am afraid of never finding love and happiness again, I am afraid that I will spend the rest of my life pining over him...

I am in love with him dearly but I haven't felt that he has been in love with me. It has been a lonely road and the emotional abuse and neglect as torn me apart and changed who I am.

What would you do when you knew it was the end? Would you have still done it? Is any of this real cause for divorce? I'm scared and confused..

Thanks

I've been there.

Personally, I wouldn't (and didn't) consider the neglect I experienced to be cause for divorce. Basically, if what you're doing now isn't working, try something else. I would never have run out of other things to try - not in a single lifetime, anyway.

Even tried-and-true methods such as the Harleys espouse take time to work. If you are able to apply those methods consistently and yet they still don't work, chances are it's because your husband has some unresolved personal issue he is refusing to deal with. If you keep working on your relationship, I think you are likely to discover what that issue is. Once you figure it out, don't let your husband get away with avoiding it any longer. Once it's out in the open, he will face a choice: he will either decide to deal with it, or he will run.

I've written this as if it were some kind of general principle, but in fairness I must admit that I am really just describing what happened to me.

My wife ran.

Thankyou Gnome,
He told me he knows the reasons behind a lot of the neglect. He told me that he has deep seeded resentment with me from years prior he doesn't know why or where but he knows it's there and he doesn't know how to move on from it. No suprise to me I already felt that.

He said to me " I know you wanted me to fight for this marriage, but it's just not in me"

He told me he hated sex because we weren't friends, and he resented the pressure I put on him to have a sexual relationship because it was a bi-product of friendship.

We've been toghether for 12 yrs, those 12 yrs have been more down than up. I've gone to counseling, he quits says it makes us worse becaue it causes us to think about our problems. I've begged him to go onto MB'ers, he refuses he says it's not him to air his dirty laundry. He won't even take the time to read the material here.

He complains that we aren't friends right now that is true, but when we do become friends he won't take it to the next level of and intimate relationship we're just friends. He doesn't maintain any level of the marriage and in effect it seems to kill the friendship all relationships need maintenance.

I'm sorry your wife ran away...I fear with his past behaviors he will never face any of this, he hasn't faced any of our problem, even the small ones and then they eventually escalate to bigger ones.

I just don't know where to go from here.