Well, I just found out that my final judgment was signed yesterday. How ironic. Yesterday was the 6th anniversary of the day we closed on our house. A house we loved so much. I remember going home that afternoon and painting into the night with the stereo blasting and me and my XH so excited that this beautiful house that we had been looking at for months was finally ours.

Tonight I will go home and have a good cry in the house that we loved so much and is now mine alone. Then tomorrow morning I will wake up and try to start living life again. I am now a divorced woman. I never thought when I married him I would say that. Such a waste. I loved him so much. He has lost the best thing that ever happened to him - me.

Thank you everybody for being there for me the last few months. I will keep posting and hope that I can help someone with my experiences.

Fingers I am so sorry for your - but I find I will be in the same boat in less than a month. I wish you luck in your new life and I hope you find the true happiness that you and all of us deserve and you are right they are losing the best things that happened to them... Have a good cry and wake up happy tomorrow.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !!!!

Fingers and MAW -
We are all in the same boat. My FJ was signed one week ago today. I'm doing well. My XH is not being too nice though (see "my XH is being a poop head" thread).

Hang in there.
Live your life for you.
Read.
Relax.
Smile.

Hugs,
Llama

Fingers -

What is there to say, but that I'm sorry that your marriage ended this way. But I want you to know that you'll be ok. You really will. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know how you feel - the lost dreams - and we've only been in our "former" dream house for three years this summer - the house that we stayed up evey night working until the wee hours of the morning on - and now ExH is trying to force me to sell.

So today, feel however you want. And then know that it's really not that bad being a divorced woman - especially one divorced from our Exs.

The more time goes by, the more I see how ugly ExH has become and the happier I am that I am no longer in that situation.

I am so emotionally free of all that baggage that ExH heaped upon me. And you will feel some relief as time goes on.

I too like being married and my Ex will never ever have what he had with me - but it's their loss and possibly our gain.

Go take a bubble bath with some candles and mood music or turn up the stereo and dance until you can't dance no more because tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - and what a great life it will be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Watch out world - here we come!

K

Hi Fingers,
I can only imagine how you feel at this point in time... I know it has to be hard.
It is such a shame to find yourself in a position that you now find yourself in... but considering the circumstances you have been facing it has to be for the better.
Try not to dwell to long on what was... look toward the future and look forward to what can be... I'm sure it will help in your healing process.
I'll say a prayer for you as well.
Keep posting, your input and threads have been most valuable.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Thanks everyone for your kind responses. I didn't shed a tear last night but today feel a bit weepy. Delayed reaction I guess.

Right now, this very moment, my XH is in an emergency hearing with the ex-OW concerning her motion for paternity and immediate support ($$$$$$) for the unborn babies. My XH and the ex-OW are going to destroy each other. Grab the popcorn and take a seat.... the fun is about to begin.

<small>[ August 28, 2002, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: Fingers1258 ]</small>

Sorry for your sorrow. I am sure that I will feel horrible when I get to that point, but truthfully right now I am looking forward to it terribly. My wife has become a seething fool. She continually demands or wants more money even though I am already paying almost double what I would be required to pay by law. I want to help her because in helping her, I am helping my children. But she continually argues about things, and harangues me into feelings that I think Why should I care about her at all? I just keep thinking about my children and trying to do what is best for them. I pray that I will make more choices in their favor than against.

I am hoping that with final divorce, we can get on with our lives. She is so angry, and truthfully, I don't understand why. She wanted the divorce. She has had the repeated affairs. She has the house and car. I am paying her more than I have to. My lawyer recommends that I don't pay anything more than required by law. My wife's repeated anger and demands has about pushed me to agree.

I hope that with this closure, you are able to continue on with your life. I am hoping that I will be able to start my life again soon. I have been trying to release our past after a huge amount of time and effort resurrecting it. I realize that we are not meant to be and that regardless of what either of us would desire, we will still be important in each others lives simply for the fact that we have children. All I want are my boys. I want them 50 percent which is what I have. I would love them more, but realize that they need their mother as well. I hope that she can see that they need me and not fight it. We have a prelim agreement and it has been working fine as far as our children are concerned. But she can't seem to separate our children and what they mean to me from my money and what it means to her.

Take care, and stay strong.

Formerly Confused: Thank you for your post. Three days after the FJ has been signed, I am feeling better and stronger and now feel that I can put this behind me. My problem now is, I keep thinking about all the good times we had and there were a lot of very good times. I now think more of the good times than the bad.

Your W sounds like my XH; a very angry person. My XH was the one that wanted the divorce. I guess they don't really know what they want so they lash out in anger or when they realize that they have gotten what they want, that makes them mad. Who knows for sure?

In your case, with the kids, you have to deal with her on a continuing basis. Is there any way you can limit your communication to just the children? Can you have a friend or relative act as a go-between?

As far as paying her all that extra money, you definitely need the court to set a guideline as soon as possible. I know someone in a similar situation as you. He has 5 children and paying way over and above what he is required. His divorce has been pending for 3 years. His wife keeps delaying the divorce because she knows she will get less money once the court has set the guidelines and a FJ is entered.

Take care and keep watching out for your kids. You sound like a great father.

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 07:58 AM: Message edited by: Fingers1258 ]</small>