Scenario:
Wife filed for divorce first week of Jan. Says she does not love me like a wife should love a husband. I have a 2yr old boy and 11 yr old daughter. Married for 5yrs, together for 8. There was/is another guy, said it was plutonic. I have moved out of the house to give her space because everytime we are togther, starts out fine then we are arguing. She says she needs time to think if she is making the right decision.

I have read alot of Dr. Harleys web site and for one spouse to not love another is kinda typical. I truley know she is torn and I can see that she still loves me. I basicaly told my lawyer to give her everything she wanted Monday and she did not sign. As I was moving some of my clothes out she indicated she knew she could of ended it by signing papers. As she is telling me this she is crying and then asked me "do you know why I did not sign them.." and she then began to cry heavily and said she was not sure she was making right decision and neede space and time.

I would like to buy one of Dr. Harleys books and give to my wife for Valentines day. I would like one that focuses on one of the spouses that falls out of love. She keep indicating that she is not sure she wants to try and make work because of the hard work ahead.

Any responses about my relationship is welcomed.

As much as I plug the Harley books to everyone, it's more expensive to buy off of this site. On Amazon, HN/HN is only $13.99, with free shipping over $25. So I bought three books for a friend in your situation.
It sounds like she's open to working on it. Tread lightly, but continue treading. The end will be worth it.
Also, seek counseling with the Harleys if you can. While it may sound expensive, I've heard they get to the point very quickly, and you don't need to travel anywhere, so you save your time.
Good Luck.
Keep reading, use Plan A, and make it a Valentine's Day for her to remember.

What are the books?

Sorry, HN/HN is the Harley book, His Needs/Her Needs. The concepts on the site are a subset of the book. Check out the bookstore section of this site too.
Another book recommended by posters is "Divorce Busting" by Michelle Weiner DAvis.
Also read the article on the site "how one of you can bring the two of you together."

Good Luck

Thanks....

I can not seem to find that specific article "how one of you can bring the two of you together". Can you link it?

Thanks in advance.

BTW....I went at lunch and bought HN/HN and started to read myself. I read almost a 3rd and it decscribes us to the tee. My problem is my wife says her relationship with the other guy was plutonic and says she is divorcing me for problems in our marriage and not for him. She says she has nothad any contact with him since just before she filed. By me giving her this book, may screw up any hope/trust with her. DO I make sense? I mean I realize she may never be abe to tell me the truth cause I can not force her, but at the same time I feel she has been with him and still maybe with him. I have learned the by me being silent has been deadly. My gut tells me she is confused but I do not want to give her a book about infidelity when she has indicated there has been none (well may no sex but she has said emotionally)

Basically I do not want to piss her off.

Help~!

<small>[ February 13, 2003, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: Goblue ]</small>

What I would do is read, learn and start the changing process in you. If you have opportunity, share some things you are learning about yourself, and the similiarities you see in you that are described in the book. Your W may get some hope from that.

I would just leave the option open that if she wants to read this book, it could help. You cannot force her to read it but if she agrees, it may open her eyes to reality but it may not.

Use the book mainly for you....change...grow...
work on you and you never know what can happen.

TW