Is it considered a affair if your wife has kicked you out or leaves and she sleeps with another man?
Shes says it is not cause we were not together. Yes we are still married. Then after that one sleeps with another man. I take her back give her everything to find out 3 years latter she nows run back to the same man she slept with the first time. But , she says they are just friends and i need to except that and i'm to jealous thats why she left this time. IS IT NATURAL FOR THE CHEATING SPOUSE TO HAVE SO MANY EXCUSES? I'm not sure if they have slept together yet this time but i know for a fact they have been in contact.

of course.

It's not their problem...it's yours!

Find in the MB archives the link to the "cakeman"..However there can be "cakewomen" too.

And unless they are willing to want to change and work on the M, they will continue to point the finger everywhere else instead of where it should be pointed...at themselves and claiming responsibility for their actions...

a very different way and rather dramatic way to look at it is like a terrorist...they blame others and say "well because you did this, we don't like it and then we're gonna blow up this whatever because it's justified". Not so.

To me an affair is defined as a spouse sneaking around with OP and having a relationship covertly. An affair is mostly several months or long term but there are one-night-stand affairs where a spouse secretly has sex once with OP.

But in reality, if you need to get technical about what your WS is doing, you could rightly call it adultery or infidelity. She is still a married women and has no right being involved with any other person.

It is totally a consistent pattern that WS has many, many excuses for what they are doing. They are totally confused and most times, do not know what they want. They also cannot look at themselves so they blame all manner of things for what they are doing.

Maybe before you take her back again, you need to make it clear to her that you expect faithfulness with no contact with OP. Your marriage with never rebuild without both parties knowing what is expected for a healthy marriage. Learn the MB principles and learn about yourself. You sound like you are confused yourself. Infidelity brings confusion to all involved and someone has to break the cycle of confusion and get some answers.

TW

Yes it's an Affair because you're still married. Your WW is in the fog and will try to rationalize her actions anyway she can.

She has twisted the vows you took in marriage to "forsake all others" and is trying to make it seem ok to you.

You will have to decide for yourself if you will stand for it and what actions you will take. I would never let my WW if we reconciled stay in any form of contact with the OM.

You should read up on this site as much as you can and I highly recommend the book from here Surviving An Affair.

Do her actions show you that she loves you?

The answer to this question will lead you.

Well she took my kids and left so i guess that would say no her actions dont say she loves me. But sometimes she does and sometimes she dont. My defenition of love is unconditional, and thats gods love too. When me and my wife got back togather from our first seperation i thought this was it it was ment to be. Is there such thing as ment to be? Now i'm right back there where i was three years ago. History does repeat itself. Same guy same seperation same words used now its hurting 4 people instead of three.

I am not the best person to adviced you, since I am in a trouble mind these days.

But if you loved her tried your best so later you wont have any regrets.

why you said is afecting 4 people instead of 3?. Why you dont go to counseling?
Maybe you need more communication, You need to know what she needs to be happy, and see if you can gived to her.

Oh but if you receive a financial windfall and she finds out about it then just watch how she wants her share, why? because all of a sudden she decides that she is your W afterall. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />