It is important that the ladies and gentlemen of this site deal with and heal the way they are accustomed to doing so. It is NOT important that OW get betrayed spouses to see their point of view or understand how they feel about situations...in MOST (not all, but most) cases, posts made by people who are not in the same situation as a betrayed spouse is thought to be offensive whether it was meant to be or not. This is a site for people who are trying to gain strength and understanding from others who have been where they are and even though I too violated this club, it is time to let them get back to the way this board was originally intended to be. It's sad to see so many people upset on nearly a daily basis by intrusions they did not ask for, as if their lives have not already had enough unsolicited intrusions. While no one can say anything about reading the board, posting is not necessarily a good idea unless you are in the situation for which this forum was created and you are trying to maintain a marriage. There is a site for OWs where you can get support on the issues that OWs face and people who have been where you are and your posts will be more appreciated there.

See that is what is funny...no matter how many times I stateit you all don't read it...I am NOT an OW. I was a betrayed Wife!

Go for it LW, i'm behind you! lol

you many be a bw, but your betrayal did not produce a child, whom you and your family are now having to deal with. That is only friends point, there are many other areas in MB to go and discuss your betrayal. This area does not really suit your needs in dealing with betrayal and as for Lesw, I can not figure out why she finds it necessary to continue to upset the great folks on this forum. Nice try Onlyfriends, but many have already tried to get these two to see the point they are either brain dead or just plain stuborn. Gabi1116

LW,<P>you may have been a BW, but you are no longer in the marriage and apparently werent even hurt by it when it happened. If you were you wouldnt be stirring up so much sh**. YOu 2 know exactly what you are doing and I am completely sick of it. Les W is an ow and should go to gloryb. You need to go to yahoo on a chat room or something. Most of those people enjoy a good flaming. We however are not getting off on this as you are. Once again, you are not in a marriage...why did you come here to begin with? I realize this question is redundant, but you have yet to answer it. And dont give me "I was a betrayed wife" bs. You no longer are. So why did you come here?<P>Thank you onlyfriends..

It wouldn't matter how I answered your questions...you make assumptions and no matter what I say you challenge it. So you tell me why I am here?

Good job again, LW, lol!

Lurking Woman<BR>I am sure you are in your own private pain and I sincerely hope that you find peace to your problems... I know sometimes when we are carrying a burden it comes out as recentment for others who might not understand what you are going through... keep your chin up and try to figure out ways to treat others as you would have them treat you.<BR>take care.<BR>C1

Concerned1,<BR>Thank you. I did come here with no ill will and tried to talk about my story but was immediately attacked. And then I started reading the posts and so a lot of hate towards OC. And that angered me. I do not have the ability to comprehend how any adult could ever hold any anger/bitterness/frustration or anything else for a child. It just floors me. So I got a little defensive about it. I guess I just wish that BW's would realize it is there husband who cheated and their husband who created the problem. After finding out my husband cheated the first time, I believed he was sorry and I believed he would never cheat again. I was angry at the OW. Then when I found out he cheated again with another OW. I changed my tone. I realized it wasn't the OW being some evil woman it was my husband lying and cheating. He had a problem. He was the problem. Not me, not my child, not the OW, not anyone but him. He had a commitment to me and he continually broke it. But looking back I didn't come to that realization till after I had found out he cheated again. I am sorry I came off so abrassive, I have that tendency, but I really didn't mean any harm.

I have been here almost a year. In all that time I have seen no posts about anger or hostility to OC. There have been posts about anger at OW, OM, child support system, legal system, and definately at spouse. <P>I honestly wish someone would point me to specific posts that direct anger at OC. I know over the past few weeks I have not been here as much as I used to be. Maybe I missed these posts. But knowing the character of the people on this board, I just cannot believe they would post in a bad way about OC. <P>Carolyn

Lurking woman,<BR>I am one of the ones here who is usually open to talking to people who don't agree with my viewpoint. Which is why I gave you some heartfelt responses at first, in which I tried to explain my position to you. I think you will have to agree that my initial responses were fair and polite. it is when you started saying things like "bored contolling housewives," etc, etc, etc, that I got nasty.<P>So this is meant as a legitimate question: If you are here just to learn, why the name calling, why the insulting generalizations? That doesn't fall under the category of unintentional abrasiveness. And please, don't use the excuse "so-and-so was mean to me first". I hear that enough from my 3 year old. I would like an honest, well-thought-out response.<BR>cd

takincare,I would like to see some of these post also. I have been here since sept of 2000.<BR>I cannot ever recall anger or hostility towards oc either.Only great saddness. with love flowerseed

{{{Lurking Woman}}}<P>I am sorry to hear of all the pain you're feeling.<P>I have not been posting to this board long--I usually post to others--so I do not know all of the history behind this thread or your response.<P>Yes, a lot of anger is expressed on these boards. This is a "safe" venue for expressing the anger. No one wants to hurt an innocent child. Thing is, that child is a living reminder of the affair, and a betrayed wife has to deal with not channeling her anger all into the OW and the child.<P>You make some very valid points. The affair is not all the OW's fault. It's not in the least little bit the child's fault. I would suggest perhaps modifying your delivery of your ideas. I think if you avoided some "hot button" phrases more people might be able to understand where you're coming from and even agree with you.<P>Meanwhile, I would suggest reading more of the Marriage Builder site information. It will give you good insight into ways to make your current relationship better.<P>All the best to you. I hope that you find what you need.<BR>--HBC

We are all here as human beings trying to heal. No one can truly understand the situation of another or the pain that is felt, but as human beings we can empathize with one another and try to offer some comfort. That is why I am here, and I am sure that many of you (BW and OW) are here for the same reason. So let's try not to judge one another. <P>hurtmom

Lurking,<BR>I found you some sites that may better suit your needs.http://fostercare.org/FPHP/fpother.htm<BR>Foster Parent/Other Links & Search Engines<BR>Links & Search Engines brought to you by the Foster Parent Home Page (English)<P>

Good to see that everyone understands that LW is just as human and just as much pain as everyone else... thanks for clarifying your stance LW and I am glad that some of the others were able to see as hard as it is to "see" through writting that we need to show compassion towards others to soften their hearts... I guess the reading I did last night in that nice little book I bought has helped me today to be "just like jesus" dont cast the first stone.. lets heal together.<BR>C1<p>[This message has been edited by Concerned1 (edited April 20, 2001).]