My H and I have been married for 6yrs and living togehter for 11. We have 2 children, ages 4 and 8. I recently found out that he had an affair the first year we met(1989)with another MW. The affair lasted for 3 yrs without me knowing. He ended the affair because I was pregnant with our first child. <p>Four days ago, an old friend called to console me about my divorce. I ensured her that I was not going through a divorce. She continued to tell me that my H was seen on several occasions dropping this OW off at her sister's hair salon, and how the OW brags about my H divorcing me, that they will soon be married, and that she is expecting his baby. I don't know if this is the same OW from 1989.<p>My H admits to the affair but denys the baby. <p>I am very confused and hurt because 2 yrs. ago I wanted a separation. Because my H was very jeolous with my success in my career. It became a battle ground everytime I got home after work. Then my H had a nervous breakdown and I felt sorry for him, so I stayed. We have nothing in commom but sex. When times get rough he is just a big baby. He is the type that yearns for attention and that is why he continues to cheat. I ask him why can't he go on with his life with this OW and let me be free. His answer is that "I am the best and he loves me". How can this be? Is he just playing me? <p>My instint tells me that I should file for a separation and go on with my life. It hurts because of our kids and our finances! I love my H very much and I feel as though I am abandoning him as if he were my child. I need advise on what I should do . . .

Tired,<p>I would suggest that you get into marriage counseling ASAP. I have used the phone counseling here at MarriageBuilders (888-639-1639) and found it to be terrific---very much focused on saving marriages with concrete ideas and plans. Steve and Jenn Harley do the counseling. <p>You've got a lot of conflicting issues to deal with. You love your husband, so you're not ready for divorce yet. He's clearly not being honest with you, and who knows exactly what his situation is. I'd try to get him to tell you what the situation is by making it safe for him to tell you (no lovebusting). If he truly has an OW pregnant and she's boasting about this, you may need to consider a divorce to protect yourself and your children financially. Good legal advice, as well as good counseling, is essential.

I have to agree with K that counseling is the best step for your marriage at this point. It sounds like your H has a big emotional need for admiration.<p>If you view him as a big baby, it doesn't sound like you have a lot of admiration for him, or respect, for that matter. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] And that is understandable, especially in times when a woman needs her man to be that Rock. Maybe he feels (unduly) pressured by you to be something he is not wired up to be???<p>In any case, I don't think you should feel responsible for him, like a mother. Obviously he can take care of himself if he is running the streets with some other woman. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I'm so sorry you are in this sitation. By the way you described him, it doesn't seem he would be mature enough to tell you the whole truth of his situation.<p>I'm sure Dr.Harley would have some wise words to offer you about setting up a personal plan to fix this tough situation.