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As many of you know, H and I are trying to conceive our first child.
We have been trying for 8+ yrs. We have succeeded in conceiving more than once; I just have not been able to carry to term.
This is the week of “trying.” It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions for both of us.
H is excited and scared of the financial aspects of raising 2 children. And he has started wondering about whether or not we might wind up with twins or triplets, as I am taking fertility pills.
He is really trying to be sweet about this whole “trying” thing. I say he is trying, because today he laid his head on my belly and said, “Grow little babies, Grow.” The moment was so special and magical for me. Only to have him ruin it moments later with,
“God, you are gonna get so BIG.”
“Thanks Honey… for ruining the magic of the moment.”
“I’m sorry. Forget I said that last part.”
That’s kinda hard to do, NOW.
I am excited and apprehensive.
I want a child of my own so badly. I want to experience the growth of a life created out of love within my own body.
My apprehension stems from the worry that my feelings of such great love for Lil Bit will pale in comparison to those I will have for my “own” child. I don’t want to feel like I love my child more... and yet I do... I know there will be a different feeling... I know I will not have to make a child of my own leave me. And I don't want to make Lil Bit feel left out...
Am I crazy?
The new babies that we have here seem to be born to parents that have NO CONTACT. (Sorry, I don’t have all the details of happy_girl or babstr)
As we have Contact, I am curious as to how it will effect the OC when Daddy and Step mom have a baby of their own AFTER the OC, and after the OC is old enough to see the change in Daddy and Step mom.
Sorry for rambling…
I feel really weird tonight... must be a hormonal thing...
But thanks for listening…
<small>[ July 21, 2002, 09:06 PM: Message edited by: Stacia_Lee ]</small>
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Stacia,
You are not crazy. You deserve a child of your own. I am sure it will be an adjustment for Lil Bit, but that is normal. Lil Bit knows that you love her and I am sure she will be happy about being a big sister.
Dawn
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I believe the feeling of apprehension when TTC to bring another child into the world is normal, especially when it comes to adding another sibling...(your first, Lil bit's new sibling)...I felt apprehensive when I was pg with my 2nd child...I felt so guilty as my firstborn was the light of my life...it turned out fine...I felt the same way again five years later when I had "Mini-me"...I felt like I was abandoning my two older girls....especially after surviving being homeless with them and raising them myself for so many years.... I feel that what you are feeling is natural...and normal...lil bit will be a little jealous of her sibling as most any other kid... It will all work out and I pray for the Lord to bless you with all blessings...you deserve all the blessings that overflows for your loving and kind heart...You are a good friend too... Keep me updated as much as you can and I look forward to making another baby blanket for the myriad of babies that seem to be in my life right now...must be something in the water...Now I want another baby......hee hee!!!! IM when you get the chance... Twiisty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Stacia, Your worries are totally normal. Let me explain to you my experiences and then you will see what I'm saying. The first time I was pregnant I had a miscarriage at 2 months. The next time I was pregnant I had my oldest daughter (shes's 12 now.) After her birth I had 5 miscarriages. I lost all of them between 2 to 3 months and one at almost 4 months. I could get pregnant, just couldnt seem to carry them. Finally about 2 years after my last miscarriage I got pregnant again. I spent the first 7 months worried that I would lose my baby, and the last months worried if I would love this new baby as much as I loved my first. I had a son (he's almost 7 now) and the most amazing thing happened when I had him. I loved him just as much as my daughter. When he was 3 I got pregnant again. Again, one more time, would I love this baby as much as my other two, and my son was my "baby" still. Such a silly thing to worry over but I worried about it a lot nevertheless. Then my youngest daughter was born (she just turned 3) and surprise, I love her just as much as the other two. Being a mom has an amazing way of making your heart grow even bigger so it can hold that much more love. Yes it will be an adjustment for LilBit, but the love you have for your own child once you have one, will not take away from your love for LilBit at all. Having your own baby wont change your love, it will just give you even more love to give.... Ann <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Stacia
You are the one person on this planet that has ample room in her heart to include Lil Bit when you have your own child. I strongly believe in your capabilities to continue to love and make special Lil Bit. The fact you will have your own child will never take away the special feelings you have for Lil Bit, only enhance it. We are all capable of loving many people in many different ways for many different reasons. Especially you.
God blessed you with a huge loving and generous heart, Stacia. The worries and apprehension you are feeling is absolutely normal. We all borrow trouble when we are feeling stress or anxiety or making monumental decsions...I happen to be racked with angst these days myself. But, this too shall pass.
Hey! Enjoy the next few days of "trying". Consciously going for it can make for some very intense and cosmic connections between you and spouse that can bring you closer, realizations on how deeply you love each other.
Love
Catnip =^^=
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Stacia,
I don’t think it’s a question of “more” or “stronger”. It’s a matter of being different. The love you feel for Lil Bit will not lessen or pale in the light of the love you feel for a child born of you. It’ll be a different kind of love, for sure, in the sense that each child is so unique and individual, that the love you feel for them can only be unique and individual to them. It’s custom made, Stacia. Don’t fret about it. This “difference” is what makes it so special. I used to complain that my mom loved my sister more. She cleared it up for me when she told me that my sister and I each had very different needs. As our mother, it was up to her to meet those needs. My strengths were my sister’s weaknesses and vice versa. She taylored the “love” she gave us to meet OUR needs, and lend support and reinforcement to those areas of our lives that needed her help. It wasn’t that she loved one of us more…..it was that she loved us both SOOOO much that it would pour over us and fill in the gaps, which were constantly changing as we grew….kind of like the shifting sands of the ocean.
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From an oldest child's perspective... Getting a sibling is the biggest tragedy in an oldest child's life. You go from being king of the hill to being low man on the totem pole (new babies just take so much time and attention, nothing you can do about it). I was three when my brother was born, and apparently I was not happy about it. One thing my mom did to prepare me was to emphasize how glad she was that I was BIG, and I didn't need all that time and I could feed myself which was such a big help and blah blah. And now, my brother and I have one of the best relationships around--I tell him things I wouldn't tell anyone and I would trust him to the ends of the Earth. If it wasn't for him, I would not have survived the last year, not to mention our own father's affair and subsequent divorce when we were younger. So, getting a sibling was a huge tragedy, and a gift that could match no other. Go for it, and I'm doing a little fertility dance for ya (just imagine what THAT looks like <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) EJ
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Stacia,
I feel the same thing. Hubby is pressuring me to conceive. I am scared with our finances, my age (not health-wise, but relating to kid), and comparison of these other kids. I don't want to compare, but I know I would love my own child. And I don't want them to feel hurt by my love for my own child. I am so afraid that I would treat them differently. I can relate to your topic so very well. I think if we get our finances in order (like not in debt every month), then I will give in to hubby. The responses you got to your message have been helpful to me. But I am right there with you in the apprehension line.
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