What does it mean that I actually feel a little relieved now that H is gone? It probably helps that I'm staying online so he can't call, hee hee. I know this may change in a couple of days (or minutes maybe), but I'm just wanting opinions.....maybe I'm just numb. I don't know.

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: dumplin ]</small>

Dumplin,
I think that its because you have had a weight lifted, even if only temporary.

As Catnip said, Knowledge is Power.

Stay Strong.. and keep learning...
The more you KNOW the more you can do!

Hugs,
((((Dumplin))))

dumplin,

This may sound really nuts but, for me, KNOWING what was going on,,as BAD as it was,,was better than wondering.

Hon, I know the pain you are going through right now. That's why I told you to be SURE you want to know before doing this. I told you about my experience and total shock. Heck, I never even expected an affair. I thought he was just bar hopping and to me, that was sneaky enough. To discover he was not only seeing someone but telling her he loved her and HAD been seeing her for a long long time....it just took my breath away.

But you know what else it did for me. It made me want to stand up and fight. Not for him,,not even for us,,but FOR ME!! Finding out what he was really doing was a relief, in a strange way. I suddenly realized I was NOT crazy. I was not imagining these things. I was not a crazy jealous suspicious old shrew just looking for things to complain about. Doggone it,,I WAS RIGHT! His discontent, his unhappiness was not ALL my fault. Even if in the past I didn't know the problem was an "affair", I knew something was wrong and I couldn't believe it was all MY fault,,as he claimed.

During the affair it seemed I could do NOTHING right. He found fault with everything and could be very hurtful with his criticism. I finally realized, although I am far from perfect, he was LOOKING for reasons to argue with me, to justify his actions. He was trying hard to villanize me and in the process really make me doubt myself and my own worth. Heck, he had it made. An OW at his beck and call and me at home trying to be Martha Stewart & June Cleaver all in one. And, as devastated as I was, I heaved a huge relieved sigh of knowing,,of the puzzle pieces finally fitting, of a new understanding.

dumpling Hon, don't let him get you down. Stand up and fight,,for YOURSELF. You are special, a good person and deserve to be treated as such.

Thanks for the support. You don't know how much it means to me. I'm not sure right now what I want to do; I know I'm tired of the bs and won't put up with it anymore. I talked to him this morning (to tell him where the kids would be) and he is still blaming most of this on me. H said he's going to stay at his mother's for a couple of days and after that he doesn't know. He claims that he has nowhere else to go except for her house (crap) and I'm taking his whole life from him. I told him that I didn't take his life, he did and he knows what he has to do to get it back. That didn't go over well. I told him he couldn't live a double life anymore because I was going to put up with it. All he kept saying was that it wasn't fair that I could just take his house, his kids and his whole life as he knew it from him. I got off the phone and came to work.

I don't know if I'll be posting much right now; I really don't even know what to say. It seems the only emotions I have right now are mad or nothing. Also, he's taking the computer so I don't know how long I'll have a computer at home.

I have a question--do I need to go ahead and worry about switching the bills (utilities)? H threatened to have them turned off since they are in his name.

You should be able to transfer them into your name. This should be done free of charge. That way, there is no fee for turning them back on if he did turn them off.

I called the light company and they said I would have to have him call or show them a divorce decree to get the lights changed to my name. I called him and (since he's the one who wanted them changed) asked him if he would call the light company and he started in on why should he be nice to me when I was being mean to him so I told him not to worry about it and hung up on him. I'm not going to argue with him anymore. I'm being the "mean" one and I should have to give 100% before he has to. He's supposed to come by this weekend for some more of his stuff and I don't know how I'm going to make it through it. I'm danged if I do and danged if I don't. If I don't speak to him I'm being a b*tch and if I do (but don't agree with him) it only starts a fight.