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Joined: Mar 2002
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another dp oops

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CMiranda,
I'd really like to know why you have to be so sarcastic and belittling. Does it make you feel better? Do you think that these women don't know that their husbands made some really pitiful choices? I always knew my husband made lousy choices - but I desperately needed to believe in him and believe in our marriage. Do you think BS are not aware that their husbands should have used contraceptives - or even better, not had extramarital sex in the first place? Do you think you are helping them at all by rubbing it in their faces and poking fun at them for wanting to believe in something? Come on! It's obvious that you are not stupid and I think you sometimes have some very good points when you are not being so downright mean. You can do better than that. There is no sport in picking on the wounded. Show some compassion, please, and I think you will find the support here that you need for yourself.
-cdcollins

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[QUOTE]Originally posted by cdcollins:
[QB]CMiranda,
I'd really like to know why you have to be so sarcastic and belittling. Does it make you feel better?
--> I've gotten down in the mud with the bs's. We are now at the same level. If that is how they talk to me, I respond in the same manner. It doesn't make me feel better. Nor do their insults. All the same.

Do you think that these women don't know that their husbands made some really pitiful choices?

--> When I am reminded of my bad choices by the almighty bs, get ready to be reminded that I'm not just an ow, I'm a ws. Funny, that seems to be lost here.

Do you think BS are not aware that their husbands should have used contraceptives - or even better, not had extramarital sex in the first place?

---> There you go with the one sided argument again. You missed the post about how I am a big girl and should have known how not to get pregnant. My poor little MM, he was too naive to know he had a choice. A BS actually said the woman called all the shots where conception was concerned. THAT is where my remark about putting on a condom came from. If someone is stupid enough or disrespectful to tell me that my MM didn't have any control over his seed distribution, and it was all me for 7 years, in control, then they deserve the truth.

Do you think you are helping them at all by rubbing it in their faces and poking fun at them for wanting to believe in something? Come on!

--> If they decide to hit me below my belt time and again, do they expect my respect in return? Come on.. that is a perfect choice of words cd. I agree with you completely.

It's obvious that you are not stupid and I think you sometimes have some very good points when you are not being so downright mean. You can do better than that. There is no sport in picking on the wounded. Show some compassion, please, and I think you will find the support here that you need for yourself.

---> Unfortunately, my being nice hasn't worked. Just as soon as I get honest and agree with another poster in the minority or tell a poster that her bad choice of words were offensive TO ME, then all hell breaks loose. That person did apologize but after a long drawn out battle of words. Sometimes the BS's like to argue their own pov and play the know it all on affairs.
If my presentation has gotten rough it is because when I'm mistreated, I simply roll up my sleeves. If they want to roll in the mud, so be it. I'm tired of prancing around them in my tidiness.
I find it typical that you reply to me, yet a post such as gemini's, on k's thread, a resistent, constant complainer with plenty of insults and poor delivery, goes untouched.
It speaks volumes about the agenda.
You are also a smart person cd, if you had taken the time to read what I wrote and what others wrote to me, I'd imagine you would have deduced the reasons for the condom comment on your own. Instead you assumed.

CM

<small>[ November 25, 2002, 10:05 PM: Message edited by: CMiranda ]</small>

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The fact is, C Miranda, texasgirl, CD, catnip, me, and all others who post here, are victims. Victims of bad choices by our husbands and the women they became involved with. To suggest texasgirl is not is absurd.

None of us made the choice for our spouse's to cheat, to either use non failproof birth control, or use nothing at all. None of us were consulted as to how we felt about all this, during it's height, and none of us were informed by either party until the damage was already inflicted by both parties and it was too late to stop the madness.

The fact is,as I told my H the other night, I resent tremendously the OW's attempt to infiltrate my life, bother me, hassle us, demand things of me and him. I find it incredibly irritating.As I said to him, I never invited her into my life-and yet she is constantly affecting me and my family's life. I resent that. He agreed, he knows it is all his doing. BAd choices by him. Is he regretting it.

Don't be so unkind to the damaged people here. It really isn't necessary.
YOu are so angry--so hurt I suspect as well.

Perhaps things aren't as good in your life as you make it out to be. I hope things improve for you.

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That was very kind of you, UW, to point out (I am paraphrasing here) that the root of anger is sadness.

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UW,
Assuming the role of victim in a relationship that requires 2 people to make it work, is upsurd. It is blaming the other for all of your problems. I reject that just as you reject the WS saying we are the victims.
I see the issue as a group of some women here who refuse to accept responsibililty for their share of a bad marriage. Men do not seem to share in the reaction as a whole.
Men do not react the way many of the female BS's here do. More directly, the negative bs's here. In my experience and from what I have been told my other female WS's, men's reaction, my H's and what K described, are not what you all are doing. Not by a long shot. What you are doing coming here blaming with your fingers extended outward, is counterproductive and not real.
That is what angers me lately. My H doesn't blame me for all of our problems in spite of what I did. We have been able to get to the meat of our issues rather than me sit on the defense stand everyday while he blames me for all that went wrong. He acknowledges that OUR MARRIAGE WASN'T PERFECT BEFORE THE AFFAIR.
He has not problem seeing the same thing that I do where that is concerned.

Our problems, no matter who we are, didn't all happen while we were sleeping. There come a time where we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness. All the blaming and finger pointing is useless and gets you nowhere.

CM

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I think the best way to combat negative behavior is by deliberately NOT behaving in a like manner. Rewarding bad behavior with more bad behavior only leads to, yep&#8230;.more bad behavior. This is the dark side of &#8220;do unto others&#8221;. The question is where does it stop? That&#8217;s a thought for everyone. Pointing out another&#8217;s fault does not correct it. We lose credibility because we are all guilty of committing the same error at some time or another. I know I&#8217;m guilty of mouthing off. I know there have been a few times where I sunk kind of low in response to a post that just made my blood boil. I kicked myself in the butt, later on. It was a waste of time and was of no benefit to anyone. I have much better things to do with my time than to waste it by writing nasty-grams to someone who probably won&#8217;t give 2 hoots about what I have to say anyway.

Okay, I&#8217;m starting to ramble. I&#8217;m still working on my morning coffee, so my thoughts are not all together yet. To everyone, but especially you, CM, I wish you a day of tranquility and peaceful thoughts. I&#8217;m really sorry that you&#8217;ve been put in a defense/offense position. You all have so much to contribute, when the combativeness is put away.

OB1

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