I have been laying pretty low here. I can not seem to pull myself together. Husband filed for D the week before Christmas, but I had 20 days to sign the papers, so as not to be served. I finally gave up putting it off. I signed last week.

This has been so overwhelmingly emotional for me. I can not seem to pull myself together. I finally contacted an attorney, and she seems to be a go getter. Now I have all the papers here to fill out regarding all our assets ect...

Why do I still want him in my life. I am so devasted, mostly because of his cold and callous attitude toward me. I don't deserve it. This person claimed to have loved me, and boom the next day, he doesn't. He spends every evening over at the OW/OC house. If I need to contact him I have to call there, it is humiliating.

I feel like I have been discarded and I was never an important person in his life. For all you newbies, I tried to forgive, I tried visitation, offered joint custody. But the bottom line was that he never wanted to give up the OW. They had constant contact thru work, so there was never a clean break. I was never going to work. She was always there asking for a full time father to his OC.

I am scared, I am emotionally drained, I have never dealt with all these finacial matters before. I wish I could just run away. I never thought it was going to happen, I kept praying that he would come out of this fog and see OW for what she was. He chose to overlook all her faults, lies, deception, all for passion. He has lost our children's respect for him. They also feel so replaced by this younger family.

Our daughter was in town this weekend, and he never even tried to call her. He knows her feelings for him, she is hurt, appalled, discusted. She is very vocal and tell him straight out, he was wrong, but he never wanted to hear anything negative about his choices, so he shuts us out of his life.

Tuesday I finally am going to visit my parents, something most of you know I have been putting off. But circumstances make it urgent that I get there now. It is very difficult for me accepting their declining health. But at least before I had my husband in my corner telling me he loved me and he was always going to be here for me. Now I am going down there with feelings of self pity for myself, and no husband to count on for support.

I am sorry this is such a negative post. I know most of you will say that the pending D is for the best, as you all know the gory details. But Gosh it is so hard after 30 years together to let go.

I am praying that somehow I get through this trip, and divorce negotiations in one piece. I asked my Husband if he would just come over for an hour to take my mind off my parents, why do I do this? I already know his answer before i hear it. Is it to reinforce that he doesn't want me, or care what happens to me? Why do I constantly need to hear his verbal abuse? So I can get any romantic notions of reconcilliation out of my head? My mind is definately telling me it is over, but my heart is still saying hang on. When does this pain stop?

Taking one hour at a time.
Tina
BS49, WH47, OW34
married 27 years
2children 20,23
2OC 4 & 1 1/2
dday#1 3/01 confess affair and OC at one time
dday#2 6/02 affair restarted
Separated 9/02 to clear his head
dday #3 9/02
H filed for Divorce 12/16/02, merry Christmas

I'm really feeling your pain my God after 30yrs whoa.
Check out this site it's called rejoiceministries.com most of the people there post on Divorce/Divorced.

You be surprise there are people there praying to save there marriage read cajunky post, they have a prayer circle.

I'm praying for you to. I just wonder about people just being so cold not caring, but what goes around comes around believe me it does. Both will have there turn you will be ok.

<small>[ January 05, 2003, 01:35 PM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

Tina,

We are the same age & our WH's are too! I am so sorry for the pain you are in. I wish that I could answer when the pain would stop but I can't. Trusting that God will get you thru this, going minute by minute if needed.

I usually post on the DV section or at times GQ but was scanning todays active topics. We do have a prayer section there for restoration of our M's.

I have to run to the store so my kids have something to eat. We've been away for a few weeks but will come back later.

(((((((((((((((Tina)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Goid Bless,

D.

Tina, I feel your pain, and I am sorry.But your daughter is right.This man who was your H is not the man you married. He is an imposter, a lousy one at that.An uncaring, idiot. IMHO.

You need to get some back bone,girl,a nd get a good attorney.Don't make the divorce easy for him. He has had it way too easy from you. Give it to him.

reading what he has done to you makes my blood boil

I am with you.

Just wanted to say I support you in prayer and hope that you get strength enough to endure the coming months.

Tina-
I hurt for you. I am so amazed that your husband can spend a lifetime with you and then turn so cold. I understand that he is protecting himself, shutting you and family out and allowing pride to stand in the way of reconciliation, but oh how it hurts.

I do like what unhappy wife said about this being an imposter. I wonder if you can give yourself some peace and strength by seeing him as just that. He is not the man you fell in love with, not the man you married, not the man you spent a life with. He is an imposter in your husband's body. If you look at him and maybe even tell him that, would it help ease your mind and give you some separation?

You could say "You are not the man I fell for and not the man I love. You are a demon, an alien, a fraud, an imposter. I feel nothing for you, I love my husband more than life, but for you I feel nothing. My husband treats me like he loves me, and my husband believes in family and honor. My husband would say I made a mistake. I will ask my wife's forgiveness, and we will handle this together. But not you, you are not handling things with integrity like my husband would. You are putting aside the things that my husband has worked for all his life. You are exchanging his dreams, and for what? My husband will not appreciate what you are doing to his life. He will wake up someday and show you what is important to him. He will remember what he always wanted to do for his 50th birthday and his 30th anniversary. My husband will not appreciate that you are stealing his reputation and his desires. And it may take some doing to repair all of the damage that you, the imposter, are doing but when my husband does wake up, he will come to me and tell me that some alien force had invaded his body and together we will put his life back together. Don't you forget that my husband is a good strong man, and together we are a great team. I have tried to defeat you alone. I have tried to save everything that my husband worked for, but I cannot exorcise you without his help. Together though, we can defeat any imposter. When he wakes up, he will come to me. And meanwhile, I will not tarnish his reputation further by being around you or allowing people to believe that you are him. You are an imposter, and I will have nothing to do with you."

Tina, I know it sounds stupid, but maybe it would be empowering to at least see him that way even if you didn't say it. You must know in your heart that he is really has allowed some fraud to invade his body. And pride has kept him from waking up. It will be so much easier for you to believe that your husband is gone. I remember thinking that it would have hurt less if my husband had died. And there is a possibility, if only one in a million, that he will return. But meanwhile you protect yourself and you protect him by distancing yourself from the situation. You let him know that you love him and always will, but not the imposter. I pray for your pain Tina. You don't deserve this.

I absolutely loved what you wrote aimee.

It was empowering reading it. I hope Tina takes your advise.

Z.

Tina I agree with aimee in trying to believe the man you talk to is not the one you married.

Alien or not, he isn't who you knew.

I know it doesn't make it any easier. I always pray for everyone here and a special one is for you today.

Bless you Tina, I know how hard this has been for you.

love
Debi

Aimee2,
I agree with zebrababy. That was great and empowering. I also hope Tina takes your advice.

NC4U

Good post Aimee, I agree with the others.

Sending extra hugs out to you today, Tina...

(((((hugs)))))

Twiisty