I trusted my wife completely, On 9/12/03 she told me that she didn't want to be married any more. That there was no one else, she just couldn't take the stress anymore. I had trusted her completely and now have discovered that I was just blind.

There has been communications between them for at least 18 months, but it has progressed over the last couple of months.

The signs were there and back tracking her lies has been fairly easy. I am torn in half. I think she is too. I have told her that I know about the other person, without releasing specific information. Each time she talks to him, he convinces her that I don't know any thing. Both are married with children. She is leaving tommorow. He is still living with his wife. A week ago, she said she was sorry and asked if I would try to work things out. She went to break up with him and asked me just to trust her on this,it was something she had to do face to face,and she would be home is just a little bit. When she returned 4 hours later, she had been crying, she said that she just had to leave at least for a while, she was confused.

Both are advancing this relationship at thier separate work places, I know that she is convince he will leave his wife, but she has to clear the path. They could easily avoid all contact,but I feel that he has mental control over her. I am not for sure that, he hasn't threatened to go public with the whole story.

I am trying plan A. But sometimes, when I know that she has called him, I just dive right back into depression. I think she is very ashamed that she has allowed this to happen, but she is not sorry for her feelings towards him. She has said, we can't work things out because she has done too much damage. I am afraid that, my only chance is that, she never knows how much I know or all the details.

Do I tell her what I know, Do I tell his wife, Do I tell his boss? Do I keep monitoring the situation, do I take a tough love approach? We have told the kids that our separtation is because we need some time apart. I feel like I have lied to them. If I tell his wife and she kicks him out, I think it will just open the door. Both had a lot to lose by discovery, my wife has already released her rights to our home, and signed documents giving me 50/50 custody with no child support or spouse support.

I doubt if his wife will do the same?

You can tell by her voice and comments that she has little or no confidence that this affair will last, but she can't just kill it. She is disrespecting me, by calling him from my house. She isn't aware that I know what she is doing it. I have a way of monitoring her somewhat, I know that if I give that information to her, she will change her tactics. Do I mention Divorce, based on adultery, do I tell her that I will try to take the kids.

Please give me some advice.

Part of Plan A is confronting the OP's spouse with the truth of the affair whether or not the WS ends the affair after D-day. Furthermore, if the WS is still not willing to end the A after d-day, the BS must expose the truth to close friends and family as well. If they are co-workers then you must also expose their affair to both their superiors, for most companies frown upon affairs due to the possibility of becoming liable, not to mention the bad publicity it would bring if the media got a hold of it. Why is exposure necessary? because affairs are based on fantasy, and there is nothing that hastens the destruction of a fantasy than the introduction of cold, hard reality. Exposure has NOTHING to do with spite or revenge, but with destroying the affair.