Can anyone give me a link or website to OW's board. I want to know what goes on in their minds. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

www.gloryb.com
forums, children & affairs

but be warned if you are going there to cause trouble, it wont be tollerated. If you are going there with good intentions, you will be welcomed.

Go there at your own risk. It's a nasty, hurtful, twisted, juvenile, selfish, mentally scary place.

Most of them hate the BW and get this a reformed OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gardenbunny:
<strong> Go there at your own risk. It's a nasty, hurtful, twisted, juvenile, selfish, mentally scary place. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OUCH.

Like Twilight said, if you are going to go with intent to cause trouble, it will not be tolerated - just like it's not tolerated here when OW come to cause trouble. But, the same goes here, if you go with good intentions, you will be welcomed.

I didn't go there to cause trouble. I went there once to read, and was so shocked and troubled by what I read, I haven't gone back since.

Well, gardenbunny, I don't know what section you were reading, but I've found some of the women there are a lot similar to the women here - nice people in a bad situation and just trying to find their way.

I find that sight an absolute hysterical read!!!

They say the BW is in denial???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am long past dday and what they say and how they behave can't hurt me. But if you were new to this, it might hurt you as you could read your own situation into their stories. So maybe those who are fresh shouldn't read there.

The world is full of all kinds, with different morals, different beliefs, etc. Women like them are alot different then you are.

First of all, We do not think that all BW's are nasty. I for one have greater respect for the BW in my situation after lurking here. And the more I read here the more a realize that she is a very strong women. She went through alot. She has said some nasty stuff to me but that was because she was hurt. Most BW don't sit and wallow in self pity and say nasty things about OW and OC. It's just the few that do it here, run amuck and make this board seem negative in self growth.


It's funny that some of you BW's think that gloryb is such a nasty place but there are so many BW's that post there that disagree with you.

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: ImNotyou ]</small>

Imnotyou:

Well, as a BH, I haven't had call 2 go over 2 gloryb or TOW or any other such site if there are any.

I'm curious, though. You say you have gained respect for the BW in your sitch, and that you understand that she was hurt. What have you learned about YOU? What does integrity mean 2 you? Do you feel like you've compromised your integrity by having an A? Do you have a desire 2 right the wrongs you can control?

I'm not slamming, just curious.
-ol' 2long

I have learned that God is forgiving, that he is my judge on judgement day, not people.

I have learned alot from my situation. Everything that has happened was suppose to happen.

If the Lord can forgive, I can forgive myself. I stopped kicking myself a long time ago. I'm not saying that I'm perfect and that I know it all. I'm just as vulnerable and can be very self consciouse as the next person.

I'm not going to spend my life living in guilt or anger, nor will I let anyone tell me that I should.

I usuall don't come over here, mostly cuz I've really got no business here (though we were close). But I saw this thread on the active topics page, so hadta chime in.


Well, gardenbunny, I don't know what section you were reading, but I've found some of the women there are a lot similar to the women here - nice people in a bad situation and just trying to find their way.

Joshmom, you are right I suppose. Then there are also people like this:

Come on, 2smart. If you really are "too smart" you'd be counting your lucky stars. You are jealous because this man goes home to a wife and 4 kids ? That sure doesn't sound like fun to me.

You get the best of him. Let his wife cook, clean, and raise the brats.

Yup, she sounds like a reeaall sweetheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

MTD

<small>[ November 18, 2003, 05:52 PM: Message edited by: madly_truly_deeply ]</small>

MTD - I don't know where you got that quote - I certainly didn't say it or anything like it. We can pick apart quotes from both boards, I suppose. And find both good and bad in both, too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ImNotyou:
<strong>
It's funny that some of you BW's think that gloryb is such a nasty place but there are so many BW's that post there that disagree with you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really? I know of only one that goes over there and disagrees with us. Name three more...two more...or just one more.

can we not do this please - this is the kind of stuff that starts the board wars that we all complain about.

I agree that a newly betrayed person should not go there.

I too have learned a great deal. I learned that many (OW) get in over their heads not understanding the fact that he is married. They feel that they are not married so it is his business. Many don't respect marriage in general.

They (I hate generalizations) believe we generally don't have sex with our spouces and they are also lied to and sometimes told horrible things about us by our WSs. They are hurt and suffer too, but at least they had the choice to enter the relationship, something the BS cannot have. They also believe that their relationship will be different. They believe that they will meet the WSs needs. They as a rule forget that there is/was an intense relationship with the wife that was put on a back burnner for a while only to boil over when d-day occurs. I learned that most men go back to their wives and leave these women to hurt alone often looking like a fool. I have watched as some of these OW grow and I truely thank them for helping me heal by being able to see the other side, that my H was not innocent in this. I don't post there, it is not my place. I like some of them and pray for some of the selfish ones. I cheer when they realize they were hurting themselves and the BW and finally get out of these dysfunctional relationships and move on into great relationships with single guys..I am really happy when they learn, because they are selling themselves short. I also learned that a lot of these relationships don't end with 1 d-day.

I too, like lynn, am way past d-day. It doesn't hurt anymore for me. My relationship with my H is better than before in part because he had an affair. It may have saved my marriage. Would I have rather found out from him? Yes, but that was part of the problem that will never occur again if I can help it. I have learned a great deal about marriage from this website that should hopefully secure my marriage. I have also learned that I wouldn't want to be another woman, that is way too lonely and painful. They really wouldn't want to go thru a d-day and recovery as a BS, even more painful. There is no reason for me to hate our OW now, after reading there I realize that she too lost a great deal. It must have been very painful for her to realize that it was just a phase he was going thru and that he ran home and asked to have another child with me to show his commitment. It must have hurt when she found out I was pregnant and that he had never stopped sleeping with me nor taken off his rings. She was a temporary drug that helped him thru a very depressive episode when he turned away from me, I don't hate her anymore, in a way I am happy that she supported my H emotionally until I could figure out what was going on. I would rather there was no affair, but it is now part of our history and proof that out marriage is strong enough to survive and that our love for each other is stronger than before....I love you more today, but less than tomorrow. I am happy again, and that website helped me to understand the whole affair so that I could respond and heal properly. I wouldn't want to be one of them. Jersey Girl

I have been struggling for a while now to resopond and even mention all this, but I suppose this seems as good a time as any to get this off my mind if I am to at all. So many people who help me have advised me to let it all go but I cannot.

So I guees I have now revealed that I have let what has happened get so much under my skin, and I guess I am also opening up myself to more.

I have gone to TOW three times since my d-day, 3 1/2 years ago. Once to see what it was like, second to see if my OW posted there, and third was recently when I was alerted my post was circulated thru private messages from another website and then the people found humor and "irony" when comparing my current situation to that of my OW.

I have always lived by the motto if you do not have something nice to say about a person, don't say it. I have also felt that if I didn't post any negative thoughts about my OW, and if I did not agree with anything I read about another person then I don't repond. By respecting others then I thought the same respect would be shown to me.

I guess I am naive b/c I have found I was not worthy of that b/c it was done secretly and the things that were said were by no means procuctive or kind. And the graphics of the gremlins, they hurt as much as the words. It was said that some wanted to post back to me and or PM me. Maybe if that had been done and others had tried to understand the situation better, some pain could have been avoided.

I have been truely affected by this experience, just another one of lifes lessons I suppose. I am not one for confrontation (which is why I suppose I am posting this here and my hands shake as I type this out).

Please note...I do not want to start a board war, nor do I want to be hurt again, but in the same minute I feel a sense of relief to get this out.

I have met many people, betrayed and wayward, who have helped me remarkably. But in light of my experience, I do not see what came from all this that was helpful in anyones recovery, unless feeding off of someone elses turmiol is beneficial.

Basically in closing, I will say that I do not visit, do not post, I respect the OWs right to have a place to vent even thought it was not shown to me, and I will continue to do so.

I hope that we will all find the peace we need to live our lives to the fullest.

God Bless...
NGU

Hugs, some of them can be quite nasty. I doubt anyone will ever love a person who can be so cruel to others, and you know wnat, if they are loved by a MM who tolerates that typed of person then they are two of a kind and deserve each other. I just was addicted to following their stories, I wanted them to fail so badly and you know what, they failed overall. Few of thier relationships survived. The ones that did make it overall were married very young and had exit affairs. These relationships also had troubles, some going thru divorce only to leave their OW. A lot of these women are strug along by their MM and just kept on the side for years. They never leave their wife and if she throw him out they usually don't want the OW as their primary relationship. They just want to be free and unmarried which just kills a majority of the OW. Once I was strong enough I just loved to hear that they suffered like we did, only most didn't hurt quite as much, but believed they did.

I wanted to add that I agree that a person who has just found out about an affair should not visit, as the pain is still very raw. I think everyone knows what they can tolerate, and I did too b/c I did not even entertain the idea until well after d-day, and realized that even now it does not help me. I know that some people gain great insight from reading the other persons perspective. I have too, but only when I get to know the person, and am able to speak to him/her on a more personal level.

My thoughts are that it is fine as long as one respects what it is all about, and a person realizes they can read and discard what they do not agree with respectfully.

NGU

This board promotes growth and understanding and nobody is wallowing in self pity. This is a community of people, helping each other deal with a hurt. Many are at different places in their lives and understanding. Go ahead, call it wallowing, I just consider the source.

I have never read one person here slam the OC. The ow deserves and has earned her place to be scorned. That is hardly abnormal, when one looks at the damage an OW (and MM) have caused innocent people.

Go ahead, forgive yourself. Deal with God. Whatever floats your boat. While you are off spouting all your beliefs, may I remind you of "thou shall not commit adultery" or do you have some twisted logic of why that doesn't apply to you?