Originally posted by Crazymum:

Often because the OW wants to continue to have sex with her husband.
In some cases its the other way around. The H has a hard time letting go of the OW. Having the W around during visits will keep things at bay, both ways.

LOL true, true <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .... either way, doesn't sound like a picnic for the W ... more like a probation officer!

Pep

SO very true Pep.

This past Jan was my daughters 4th birthday (OC). I had a b-day party for her at our local Chucky Cheese and invited Xmm and his W to join. They were there, but every chance XMM had away from the W he was making passes at me. I was truely pissed.

First I didn't invite him to be hit on, it was for our daughters b-day. It was also the first birthday he was able to celebrate with her. I thought I was being civil inviting him and his W.

Second, how the hell can this guy sit and say he's trying the make things work with the wife and do these things with her basciall right there?? Not to mention my family and all the kids??

As stated, if there is going to be contact, it needs to be made very clear that everything is over between the WS & OP. That the contact that is happening is for the child only.

Originally posted by Crazymum:
every chance XMM had away from the W he was making passes at me. I was truely pissed.

This is what "Pepper" (my hot side) would have done in your situation ....

In a voice loud enough to be heard by others...

"I want you to stay away from me. Your advances are UN-welcome."

If he's such a dolt, he needs swift and direct consequences!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Pep

JL: you are so right on! that's what I'm trying to get at.


Why can't W encourage WS to be involved in OC lives? They do, if that's what WS really wants AND that's how we know, from experience, how difficult, if at all possible, C can be. BS can do all the "encouraging" they want but if OW is uncooperative, no amount of "encouraging" is going to change that. And some BS & WS, by "encouraging C w/ OC, are "encouraging" pain in their BC's hearts.

Why can't OW "encourage" MM to be involved w/ BC and leave his family alone?

Some of you are only advocating what is just humanly impossible. A man cannot be in 2 places at once so something just has to give, he cannot always be there for OC like he can for BC who live in his home w/ him. It's impossible.

Do you think that if BOTH parties were completely agreeable and cooperative we would still say NC? OF COURSE NOT!!!! What we are saying is that it is very HARD to find it working that way and it usually does not work because only 1 side is trying and that causes more pain and anguish for the BS or BC. That is why NC is then chosen.

Do you think we are lying when we say that it's NOT working? Hello! WE are telling you from our own experiences WHY it's not working. Either the OW is uncooperative or OUR BETRAYED CHILDREN CANNOT handle it!!!! We love our BC and we do not want to jeapordize their impressionable hearts and lives any further, it was enough to have been betrayed in the first place but we can't expect our BC to just suck it up and act like "adults" now can we?

First of all, Chris I hope you are doing better today and taking things slow in regard to your decision. It's the holidays and perhaps you should put off any decisions till after the holidays are over. You need time to sort through this. ((((HUGS)))) Wishing you comfort in this rough time you are going through.

There are so many responses on this thread that I'll never get through them! LOL At any rate, I feel the same as Catnip did a few pages back, this topic has been beat to death!! I doubt there is anything left to say that wouldn't be a repeat so I won't be posting after this one. I'm sorry if you have additional questions for me.

I'd like to thank those who have responded to my questions and helped me to learn a little about this issue. Especially Catnip. Youv'e been so patient with me and kind. I've learned a lot from this thread. Mostly that I am grateful for never having to go through this. Probably shouldn't say that, but I am. Having a H cheat on me after 25 years was hard enough. Like someone said, you never know what you will do until you are in the same situation. That is so true. I would only *hope* that I would be adult enough to put the children first, but I haven't been tested.

Someone had asked about my marriage. I had what I consider to be a strong, intimate, and enjoyable marriage for 25 years. Could not have wanted more in a H during those years. I have been divorced for a time now and been dating. Awhile back I met a very special man and am going to get engaged to him on Christmas. I'm very happy and excited!! I believe strongly in MB principles and will be using them till the day I die. While they didn't save my last marriage, I don't think that anything could have. Dr. Harley understands intimate relationships as well as any author I have read...and I've read them all! LOL Learn and follow his advice and you will have done all that you can do for your marriages. I have been a member and reading on this site off and on for 3 years now. It's hard to believe! After my divorce I stopped posting for a time and then reregistered with my current name. This site has helped me through some very rough times of my life.

Nrly, you are so right that people don't really know what they will do until they are in that situation. Unfortunately, society does make judgements on others behavior in regard to what most consider irresponsible. I would imagine you made a judgement regarding your husband's OW and you have never been in her shoes. The well-being and protection of children against uncaring and irresponsible adults will always be a "hot button".

What I still don't understand and what I keep reading from some of you is that you consider this to be a choose the OC or choose ME situation. Logic would tell us that it doesn't HAVE TO be that way. There are even those among you, in the same shoes, who have not made it that way. The H has chosen his children, his OC AND his Wife!! The adults control this situation entirely. The children involved are not only innocent, but UNLIKE the W involved have no power or ability to reason this situation out.

OC really get the short end of the stick here because they are often times (from what you've posted) blamed by the adults. They are the contention. Not everyone does, but since I've been reading, I've seen some posts who read that way. It's a shame. Someone said that OC will not miss their father since they've never had them in their lives. Couldn't disagree more. Any child who doesn't have a father will notice it at a young age. When they find out that the norm is for other children to have a daddy, then they will naturally wonder where their daddy is at. Then they will feel like something is wrong with them that they don't have a daddy. Later, at some point they will understand that their daddy didn't love them enough to be part of their lives. I think this is tragic.

Those of you who don't think that the father is necessary for raising of the OC, no doubt think that that same father is necessary in your own children's lives. You can't have it both ways ladies. You are being hypocritical in your thinking and behavior. I know that this statement will bring up lots of responses, but none of them will be valid, because they will all be focussed on anything and everything but the true issue I am trying to get after, which is that all children need their father in their lives.

For those that asked questions regarding the OW involved. I have no answers as that isn't my concern in this issue.

JL,
I find it interesting that you would stay involved in posting on this site when you aren't or have ever been in this situation. Your opinion that a man is not dodging his duty by fathering a child and then doing nothing more is a joke JL. A true joke. Think whatever you like. It makes no difference. Be as mad at the court system as you like too. Everyone knows that men get the shaft not only in regard to CS, but in divorce matters also, but that has nothing to do with him abandoning a child he created. You say he didn't want the child? Well hell, JL, why did he stick his w*lly in another woman besides his WIFE??? His "choice" ended there. Like it or not, a woman's body is her own and that is where children are formed. There is no changing of the facts of nature. And men who get themselves in this situation and cry foul are little more than whiners. Are they so stupid as to not KNOW what the consequences could be? You are trying to make this a man vs female issue. I am not debating those. I am not debating who gets the screws in courts. I AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT PART! You said a man gets his *** in an OW only if she lets him. Duh. Are you trying to say that a man is NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHERE HE STICKS HIS D***??? That as long as a WOMAN will let you, you'll stick yours in anyone? This is rich. I'm not debating anything in regard to male vs female here. Clearly you are and have issues in that regard. Word of advice, get a therapist and work through it and stop attacking people who aren't even talking about this subject when posting. Or go find a board where that is debated. I didn't bring this up at all, yet you came out guns blazing like I did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And spare me the God Bless, because you can't say the things you did to a complete stranger and have it taken seriously.

Jtigger,
You gave the best and clearest explaination of this whole issue with your post. Thank you!!

Lynn,
It is true that my concern in this issue is only the children. I believe that adults, Wives included, have the weight on their shoulders to tough it out for the benefit of the kids. Adults are the ones in control, not the OC and not the original children. BW are innocent, but they have power on their side and maturity. They can choose to get out of the situation if they want to. The children have no choices. Not sure what you are harping on what I didn't say about the OW? This issue isn't about them! It's about the children. What a crock that you think *I* am pushing an OW agenda! Too ridiculous for words. I had an OW who broke up my marriage remember?

I do want to address one issue which I am well in knowledge of and that is the NC between MM and OW. Some of you seem to think that as long as YOU limit your H's contact with the OW that all will be well and that your marriage will survive. Nothing could be further from the truth ladies! If and I do mean IF, your H wants contact with the OW, then he will have it. It won't matter what you do. And IF he is the type of man to want another affair, he will have that too! At the center of W's trying to control NC is the deep issue of trust. There is none. And as long as there is none, your marriage will not be a good one. A man/H has to choose for himself that he wants you and no one else. You can't control what he wants or does. Accept the limitations of that and move on. What will be will be. Work on your relationship with him, That truly is the best thing a woman can do for herself and her marriage. Follow Harley's principles and grow within yourself. Take care of you and your children.

Kt,
You said that a father cannot be in two places at once. By that you tried to make a case that a man can't raise children in two different homes. You and I know that that isn't true. Men successfully do it all the time. There are tons of men who do this successfully everyday. I agree that the children in his household will get more of his time and attention. There is no way around that. The OC will never get as much time and attention as the BC. Somethings can't be helped. But I don't see this as destroying or being horrible for an OC. Then you go on to talk about how the adults aren't completely agreeable. Again, this is the adults fault and that is what I am getting at. Now if you and your H try your best to do the right thing for his OC and the OW stops you, THAT IS HER fault and there is nothing you can do. You would have done everything you could for the betterment of the child involved. That is where your reponsibility ends and hers begins. No, no, no, the original children should not have to suck it up! They are not adults and are as innocent and unprepared as you can get. But like other's have shown, with the adults doing the moral responsible things, the kids will eventually come to be fine with the situation as long as the parents are. It's been shown to work before.

For all of you who have the strength, courage and strong morals to back your H or W with an OC, I have nothing but pure admiration for you!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Your moral character is there for the world to see!! Others should use you for an example of what to become... Heaven surely has a special place reserved just for you.

<small>[ December 05, 2003, 11:15 AM: Message edited by: TheFeminineSide ]</small>

Originally posted by TheFeminineSide:


OC really get the short end of the stick here because they are often times (from what you've posted) blamed by the adults.

Blamed by the adults?

Could you elaborate?

"blamed by the adults" .... Huh?

I must not understand what you mean, cuz your comment makes no sense to me.

Pep

PS.... congrats on your up-coming engagement.

<small>[ December 05, 2003, 11:39 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Oh Pep I don't want to beat this dead horse anymore!! *sniff sniff* <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's true I was rambling. Can't remember who posted it, but it gave me the impression that they blamed the OC for the problems/pain in their life.

Thank you for the congrats! Who ever thought that I would find love again? I certainly didn't when I divorced. Had no intention of it either.

TFS,

You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> JL,
I find it interesting that you would stay involved in posting on this site when you aren't or have ever been in this situation. Your opinion that a man is not dodging his duty by fathering a child and then doing nothing more is a joke JL. A true joke. Think whatever you like. It makes no difference. Be as mad at the court system as you like too. Everyone knows that men get the shaft not only in regard to CS, but in divorce matters also, but that has nothing to do with him abandoning a child he created. You say he didn't want the child? Well hell, JL, why did he stick his w*lly in another woman besides his WIFE??? His "choice" ended there. Like it or not, a woman's body is her own and that is where children are formed. There is no changing of the facts of nature. And men who get themselves in this situation and cry foul are little more than whiners. Are they so stupid as to not KNOW what the consequences could be? You are trying to make this a man vs female issue. I am not debating those. I am not debating who gets the screws in courts. I AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT PART! You said a man gets his *** in an OW only if she lets him. Duh. Are you trying to say that a man is NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHERE HE STICKS HIS D***??? That as long as a WOMAN will let you, you'll stick yours in anyone? This is rich. I'm not debating anything in regard to male vs female here. Clearly you are and have issues in that regard. Word of advice, get a therapist and work through it and stop attacking people who aren't even talking about this subject when posting. Or go find a board where that is debated. I didn't bring this up at all, yet you came out guns blazing like I did. [Roll Eyes] And spare me the God Bless, because you can't say the things you did to a complete stranger and have it taken seriously.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Besides your inablility to read, you clearly don't understand the word "debate", you have also miscast what I said. The OC does come with an OW, and you must admit that being around the OW is NOT good for the MM marriage IF he has one left after what he did.

I also stated straight up that I feel what a MM does in this situation is NOT to be condoned. Perhaps that explains why I have never been in that situation. But, being in the situation decisions are and must be made. Often the decision is about HOW GETS HURT LEAST.

I find no real fault with your opinions in a perfect world, but My response to you is that it is NOT a perfect world, and yes laws do enter into decisions of who gets what, how much, and when. Any arguement that does not include the laws of the land with regard to marriage, affairs, and children of affairs is purely speculation with little merit in my mind.

IT SHOULD be the way you say, but it never WILL be the way you say, because human's and their laws are involved.

As for anger, I have none. I just detest inconsistency and the "unfair" application of "fairness". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> What I would prefer is that people face the embalances in this system, both biologically and legally. They are there and real life decisions MUST factor them in.

The ladies that have posted to you have faced those embalances.

I guess I learned one thing on this thread, people that claim they like to debate, really don't.
Finally, no matter what you say, I will still hope that God Bless' you.


God Bless YOU FTS,

JL

I find it interesting that you would stay involved in posting on this site when you aren't or have ever been in this situation.

And you said YOU are not involved in this situation also....?

Word of advice, get a therapist and work through it and stop attacking people who aren't even talking about this subject when posting.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Was this nice?


And spare me the God Bless, because you can't say the things you did to a complete stranger and have it taken seriously.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> double <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Whoa! What a temper!

FTS Congrats on the Marriage!!! Hope it brings you years of Happy times.

Now, back to the debate!! I don't believe any woman says no contact as a way to keep MM from OW. Nobody is that simple minded. What happened in our case is once OW was pregnant, MM realized what was happening and told me everything. He was shattered and scared. He did not want to lose his marriage. When it comes to this point, houses, cars, etc are not considered. It is the marriage. Once we decided to try and work it out, we had to think out every possibility. I did not have his balls in a vice, controlling his every move, crying and begging him to stay with me. Far from it. The anger and the hurt came to the top and he was asked to leave lots of times. HE is the one begging to stay. Once we started to discuss the OC and how s/he would fit into our lives, it became quite obvious that this would not work for our family. Our children were not going to have their lives torn apart and turned upside down. Many people in the same situation, who had tried contact or had contact told us how disruptive it was to everyone. The ongoing drama of it all. We decided it was best to have no contact. It was not an easy decision, but it was made with all the cards on the table. Obviously, I was concerned with my childrens well being first and foremost. I refused to have their lives torn apart and have their childhoods marred by anyone or anything. Husband agreed. It is disingenous to think that BW are so shallow as to say OC or ME. It is a far deeper thought process and discussion. Had my husband wanted contact, that would have been an issue also. Our needs would have been to far apart to keep a marriage intact. I would have certainly resented him forcing such a life altering decision on our family without my needs being met. Same for him. Had I demanded NC as a way to stay in the marriage, and he wanted to know OC, his needs would not have been met.

BW do not use OC as a weapon, they do not demand NC. However, in those early years when feelings are raw, the BW is certainly well within her rights to say no way to contact. You state how the adults have to behave in such a manner that is best for the children involved. True. But in the early days the only children that the BW should be concerned for is her own. Afterall, two of the adults in the situation are the ones guilty of causing the upheaval and they are out of line to expect others to suck it up. That is hardly adult. That is selfish.

Once a few years have gone by, and the marriage is healed and the couple might want contact, but that has to be thought out as well. Is OC thriving? Would contact disrupt two families? Are BC willing to accept this intrusion into their lives? What looks good in words, where everyone is all lovey-dovey and nobody gets hurt is a fairy tale. Life is not that clear cut. None of these decisions are easy. But they are made. The decision to have the affair is what caused this. The only scapegoats are the OW and MM. Society has the same view of OW as they did hundreds of years ago. And MM, who hurt their families are seen as horrid also. However, as long as the child is not on public assistance, the child is seen as cared for.

Anywhooo, this thread is certainly long isn't it? Good dialog, both sides presented, wild posts, mild posts, etc. Good learning for people who are just starting on the OC journey.

My advice to those of you who are new to the world of the OC is to read through this. Printing would be a bit long. Take lots of notes and learn from them. We have BW with contact, BW with none, BH with contact, H with points of views, OW who want contact, etc. It is probably a decent cross section of people and circumstances that when graphed, could help you decide on what is bests for you. Make a pro and con list, and use each persons experience to fill out the pro/con side. Just know that aside from being very proactive to getting the legal side of things taken care of immediately, making sure to protect assets for you and your children, making sure no money goes out until paternity has been determined, all legal sides buttoned up, you have time. Once you are set legally, sit back and reflect. Keep a journal. Take your time on what you want. Be honest with yourself and what you are willing to accept. Don't be forced into anything, make sure that you both are 100% supportive of whatever decision you make. Then go and live your life. Enjoy each other. Love. Laugh. See a movie. Have great sex. Go to parties. Enjoy your family time. Lavish attention on your children. Spend romantic weekends together. LIVE YOUR LIFE. Cause that is what you deserve. And it will happen. OC does not ruin your life. It alters it. The anxiety will all melt away and your life will be just fine. You and your spouse will thrive and be happy. These early days are dark hours, but it does end. Oh, and if your husband is truly ashamed of what he has done, and understands what you have gone through, the romance to win you back will sweep you off your feet!!! Enjoy it!!!He means it!!! AHhhhhhhhhhhh, and you thought a honeymoon was fun?? Just you wait. Let him woo you and you are in for some very erotic and romantic and loving times. Go for it!!!!

Originally posted by LynnG:
You and your spouse will thrive and be happy. These early days are dark hours, but it does end. Oh, and if your husband is truly ashamed of what he has done, and understands what you have gone through, the romance to win you back will sweep you off your feet!!! Enjoy it!!!He means it!!! AHhhhhhhhhhhh, and you thought a honeymoon was fun?? Just you wait. Let him woo you and you are in for some very erotic and romantic and loving times. Go for it!!!!

Yes! indeed.

Pep

TheFemineSide,

BRAVO!!!

Their is too many posts to catch up on and I feel most of them are "beating a dead horse".

But I did catch your last post. You said it well my dear!

It doesn't matter how you try to say it's about the kids and the kids only, some BW's can't separate it and start talking about the OW and the affair.

I completely agree that NC will not stop a man from cheating. In some cases I can see temporary NC, if he really needs to get over the relationship of the OW. A man(or woman) who can have contact with his OC and restore his marriage, has proven to be totally committed to his marriage and kids. And the BS in this situation is a truely strong and remarkable person.

Congrats on your upcoming engagement!
Have a wonderful holiday.

God Bless

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ImNotyou:
<strong> It doesn't matter how you try to say it's about the kids and the kids only </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...but it's not!!

Allrighty then.... Although I must admit this has been a fascinating debate to read and given me personally some insights... I actually have something to add. I apologize for the length in advance.. My son is 7. He doesn't know his father. His father was in his life until he was a year old, and he snuck by to see him for 10 minutes on his way to work. He had major surgery when he was 13 weeks old. Where was xMM? At home. Came by for 10 minutes on his way to work. He used seeing my son as an excuse to try and sleep with me (which I figured out and put an end to VERY quickly). But every time he saw him he told him he loved him, and was very into the "dad" role with him. But after his first birthday I made it clear that he was welcome to see him ANY time, as long as he was consistent and did not sneak around to do it. He has made NO effort to see him since. Do I consider that abandonment? Yes. Because he was in his life for a year, then walked away. But I'm now 6 years past this, and while I still can't stand the sight of xMM, I've accepted it. NOW... to the real purpose of my post. xMM had another OW before me. And has a 9 year old D with her. xOW #1 and I were best friends for 5 years. She's married, and has been with her H since she was pg. Her D considers H her "dad". According to J (xOW#1 - much shorter to type lol), NC was the only way for xMM to remain in the house. Fine. I can respect that, I have no choice. For the past 5 or 6 years though, xMM has had contact with J. They used to "run into" one another at different stores in the area. We all live within 10 miles of each other. Funny how *I* never ran into him quite as much. But then again, when I did, I had no problem with telling him what I thought of him. So she's the "nice" xOW, I'm the *****y one. Go figure. About a year ago, J started acting wierd when xMM's name was mentioned. And one day I was supposed to come by her house and she called me about 3-4 times to make sure that I didn't. I had to go pick up my son - and the way was right past her house. Who's motorcycle was parked outside her house? xMM's. I got mad, because on any other given day, my son would have been there (but wasn't that day). I called her, and she didn't answer her phone, and I just left a message that said "WHAT THE F*** are you doing?".
She called back about 25 min. later and denied anything - that he was just in the neighborhood and stopped in for a beer. Fine. Whatever. Since then our friendship has deteriorated. I took him back to court for more CS (and he's still under the state guidelines, BTW - I was not out to gouge him). She FLIPPED out on me, saying I was nothing but a greedy bytch, how much more do I expect him to pay, and lots of other nasty things. This from a woman who is independently wealthy to me that busted my hump working and bought a house by myself with no help from xMM's CS - that didn't even cover my daycare. Needless to say - our friendship is now ended. Which is fine. I think that certain things that she did were to deflect any interest in her and xMM's relationship. I don't know if they're sleeping together again, but I do know that they are in constant contact, and J's D knows xMM as mommy's friend. Now this is an excerpt from an email from her "xMM and I chatting on line never...because there are online spies, so think what you want And not for nothing H knows that I speak to xMM and could not care less I dont why you do... and yes we are all talking, H is doing this for D, so in a short time D will know the truth and I could not be happier, Because nobody is going to tell her before her parents will"

So I wonder, does BW know about all this? Or is xMM sneaking around AGAIN? And she may say that they don't chat online, but they sign on and off at the same time each day. Seems a little suspect to me. But I've since taken them off my buddy list - I don't want to know.

But this is a perfect example of what CAN go on behind BW's back. She's the nice xOW, so he'll be nice to D. I'm the *****y xOW, so my son doesn't even get an acknowledgement if we run into each other. Ignoring him is *my* punishment for not being accomodating to him. J has some serious problems - doesn't want any man angry at her and thinks I should be the same. She encouraged me to continue seeing an alcoholic because "he's really a nice guy..." even though he was beginning to be abusive and she knew of this. I guess I'm a stronger person, because I know that nobody has to put up with that crap, and I'd rather be alone than settle. Which is what she admitted doing with her H.

Hopefully this rant will make some sense, I suppose that it's to point out that xMM WILL have contact if he wants. I'm sure his W doesn't know. I thought of telling her, but that would hurt her, and what purpose would that serve? Would her whole life be turned upside down yet again? Would she WANT to know? Or would I be serving my own interests in getting payback at him for being an [censored], or something else? And until I know that answer, I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Originally posted by TheFeminineSide:
Can't remember who posted it, but it gave me the impression that they blamed the OC for the problems/pain in their life.

Well, without an ability to remember who "THEY" might be.... perhaps your impression is incorrect.

For me, your remark seemed too outrageous to be factual ... and apparently it is.

Pep

joshmom

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">About a year ago, J started acting wierd when xMM's name was mentioned. And one day I was supposed to come by her house and she called me about 3-4 times to make sure that I didn't. I had to go pick up my son - and the way was right past her house. Who's motorcycle was parked outside her house? xMM's. I got mad, because on any other given day, my son would have been there (but wasn't that day). I called her, and she didn't answer her phone, and I just left a message that said "WHAT THE F*** are you doing?".
She called back about 25 min. later and denied anything - that he was just in the neighborhood and stopped in for a beer. Fine. Whatever. Since then our friendship has deteriorated. I took him back to court for more CS (and he's still under the state guidelines, BTW - I was not out to gouge him). She FLIPPED out on me, saying I was nothing but a greedy bytch, how much more do I expect him to pay</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to ask, do you still have feelings for xMM
Why would you take him back to CS after this incident? This seems like the typical behavior of some OW when things don't go there way.You seemed to have gotten jealous because he was with OW#1. You seem very angry at xMM not only because of your son but he never left BS is this true?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lurker007:
<strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to ask, do you still have feelings for xMM
Why would you take him back to CS after this incident? This seems like the typical behavior of some OW when things don't go there way.You seemed to have gotten jealous because he was with OW#1. You seem very angry at xMM not only because of your son but he never left BS is this true? </strong>[/QUOTE]

Oh God no - I don't still have feelings for him. The CS had absolutly nothing to do with this incident, and the incident was about a year ago. The CS was because I needed more - FOR MY SON. He pays below the state guidelines - I could have raked him over the coals and squeezed every bit out, but that would accomplish nothing. I didn't ask for any more than I felt was fair. And he AGREED to the amount.
And I wasn't jealous because he was with OW #1, I was just shocked because she's married and what the heck was he doing at her house - her husband hates him and did she want to take a chance on screwing that up - and for what? I'll admit I'm angry (but even that word is giving it too much credit) about my son, but not because he didn't leave BS. That was his choice, to stay, and I respect that. He's made his choices. But he's still with W, and sneaking around to see OW #1 - that was the gist of the story - that if a man wants to see his OW/child/whatever - he'll find a way. I'm sure his W doesn't know. No - I don't want him back, I never did. And trust me, I'm anything but typical. And I'm moving 1,000 miles away, I think the farther away from the whole twisted situation the better - but that is not the reason I'm moving, that's just a bonus.

JoshMom: Thank you for shareing your story.I hope you are honest in what you say. I hope everything works out for you and your son. Leave OW#1 and xMM to bare the fruit of there own pain. Let Go and let God in.

<small>[ December 09, 2003, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: Lurker007 ]</small>

Lurker - what reason would I have to be dis honest here? I think that most people that know me know that I don't mince words, I will say what I feel, but I'll also be honest and upfront. And that goes for people that know me IRL, too.