Here is our new one yes the other was getting to long. Since I print them out so I don't miss anyone. We are doing great. SIL not coming. My D is undesided now, teenagers ! Working on visitations and contact issues. No LB'ing yet. I'm calmer now, I think she may be calming down and realizing he is w/who he wants to be with and I will be a part of OC life. I'm not going anywhere. Well I'm going to catch up now. Talk to ya'll in a while.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

But I will miss the other thread soooo much. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Just kidding, it was getting way too long.

Well my update for today is H has been text messaging me hot & heavy all day mostly about SF. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I guess I should be happy he still wants me as I believe, (pray I am not being foolish), that he has been faithful since his return home. It pisses me off though that he can't get that hot & heavy about US working thru our issues. At this point I need him to let me know that he still loves me & wants to work on us first & that he wants to have his D in our lives as a blended family.

I am thinking of writing him a letter about how I feel stating that his D & OW are not my main concern right now. I just don't want to feel like I am wasting time with him, & if he can't or does not feel like he can fully commit to me & our M then we seriously need to think about him leaving & me doing PB. I know this is a serious stray from the 180's but I don't think it can hurt at this point, I will not LB at all just want to give him something to really think about.

As you can tell I am not too good at sitting still & letting God work this out for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I know what you mean. Limbo land is not a good place to be. H still has a fear I'm going to run when the OC gets here. I wonder if thats what he wants me to do? No I don't think so. He has been so commited to making our M better that I just can't see that. Told him no, wasn't planning on skipping yet. Kinda quiet, we have a lot planned this weekend and then its back to the cabin for the long weekend. Can't wait!! 3 days of lovin, laughin, and playin! Getting visitation stuff in our minds. When to what and how. This is such a head ache. I hope everyone is doing well and have a good evening.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Hey girls,

I am glad we started a new thread I was having trouble keeping up. But back to business, I hear what you all are saying and I think that we all have come to some resolutions in our lives. The main thing now is to continue to move forward.

I know that I feel like I am the one who's blocking my relationship from moving forward. I identified this with not only my actions, but while watching Dr. Phil today at work (if you did not see it look at it in his website www.drphil.com)I think his relationship excerpts really will help and inspire all of us to some degree. I found that I had to release the pain and anger of his affair. I connected with Nora and Paul's story to some degree.

I kinda feel like Paul. I know that that is not helpful to my marriage to harbor this anger and rage towards my H for his affair and pregnancy. I must either get back into the M or check out of the the M.

With God's help I think it's time for me to check back into the M. H tells me that he's trying but I keep throwing it up in his face daily. i admit it I do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I have to honestly change in order for H, and our M to change.

Thanks I'm rambling but I'll talk to you later it's time to leave work.

JT

No real update--same <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> SSDD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> --H said he was done on Saturday but still been coming by everyday and calling --not a day without phone contact or him stopping by--again action are different then his words--we will see if anything comes out about being done when he goes to visit family. he said he was going to tell them that he was going to get a D but then again he already supposedly told them--guess he forgot that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> HE is obviously confused with who he has told what too.

I will post an update tonight after he stops by on his way to work.

Hello,

Sunny - Glad to hear SIL is not going to be w/ you - you have enough on your plate. Concentrating on you & H is best right now, OW & visitation issues are not a priority at the moment, & don't forget DNA test! H is probably insecure about you leaving him once OC is here cuz of the guilt he feels about all this, probably knows if he were in your shoes he'd be long gone. That is difference most of us women are way tougher than they give us credit for. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT - You have to work on the anger issue, I know it is hard, but you have to stop throwing up the affair, OW, OC. I think someone mentioned to you before to take up kick boxing or some other activity to let out your anger any target except H! If you can't let go of the past you will never move forward together w/ your H. You can't keep punishing H cuz you are hurt, find another outlet for your anger.

Albany - just keep playing the game - PA/180's It is not easy either I know, but you are a strong woman, never forget that!

As for me I had another text messaging session w/ H, got off the SF stuff & actually had a conversation of sorts about us, he actually had the nerve to tell me that he loves me but sometimes I make him so damn mad! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I didn't LB, though tempted, told him we both know what buttons to push to tick each other off & we BOTH have to work on that. I got the feeling he pefers talking this way, I can't imagine why???? LOL

I think I may hold off on the letter, we will see what happens when he gets home tonite.

Whew! glad that's over. No time right now but just for a quickie (hey! now there's an idea! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Therapist appt. went as I expected and nothing like I feared! Over-anxious & over-reacting I guess.

Therapist basically reiterated everything we have been trying to tell OW but I'm sure it sounds much better coming from a "professional"(again!).

I think therpist knows EXACTLY what is up.

Gotta run now.
God Bless!

Hey girls!!

kt - glad to hear that counceling went well for you. Hope OW gets the point and starts doing what is best for OC.

Well, H told me tonight that he is still not sure if he is going to ultrasound or not. It just makes me so mad, because I am pretty sure he will go. He gets something in his mind and just has to go through with it. He wants to be there, who care how it affects me. I really should be use to that. Do they ever stop thinking of themselves first? I am just not sure how I will react if he goes. It just hurts to think that he is going to experience something so personal w/ OW - like that hasn't happened before. I just wish it would end. I understand why he wants to go, but I guess I have a sinking feeling that if he goes that he will just reconnect w/ OW. What little progress we have made will go down the drain. As usually, what I feel and want is at the bottom of H's list. Don't get me wrong, I am not giving up. It is just another hurdle to overcome. I get tired of all these hurdles. I guess the road to a better future is not an easy one. We all know that, and we will all survive it.

Talk to you all later!
God Bless,
Kris

KT,

Glad everything was not as intense or overwhelming as you thought it would be.

It is good that the therapist knows what is up w/ OW & maybe she can get her to see the light & accept the fact you aren't going anywhere, & stop making up the stories about OC having behavioral problems, only w/ you & your family though, how convenient huh?

Have a good nite!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well my update for today is H has been text messaging me hot & heavy all day mostly about SF. I guess I should be happy he still wants me as I believe, (pray I am not being foolish), that he has been faithful since his return home. It pisses me off though that he can't get that hot & heavy about US working thru our issues. At this point I need him to let me know that he still loves me & wants to work on us first & that he wants to have his D in our lives as a blended family.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BG - Sounds like progress to me. If he wants to communicate through text messages, then go for it. Anyway you can talk to him opens up that door to recovery. H and I have some of our best conversations through email. I think it is easier for him to communicate without looking at me. Seeing me reminds him of all the hurt. That and I can edit my messages over email to make sure I say what I really want. So much easier than saying the first thing that comes to my mind and out my mouth - gets me in trouble sometimes.

And if H wants SF, go for it. In one of the two counceling sessions with our Pastor, our Pastor told us to set the bedroom on fire. He said that is one of the best ways for a married couple to overcome problems. It certainly can't hurt to try. Problem with H and I, he took advice, but set the wrong bedroom on fire. Now we are all burned. I am the one begging these days for SF, which is quite a change from pre A days. I think my H just takes what he can get these days.

Anyway, point is communicate however and whenever you can with H. He will begin to open up more. Take it one step at a time.

God Bless,
Kris

Kris,

I pray that your H comes to his senses & realizes that it is not necessary to be at US w/ OW & the hurt & pain it will cause you as if you haven't suffered enough over this already. I am so sorry, I hope & pray if comes to his senses & stays away from her dr. appts. etc.

Hang in there.

BG - It is just so hard. I feel like this whole thing has taken so much from me. Things that H and I should be sharing together, he now wants to share w/ OW. I should be the one having that baby, I should be the one having that ultrasound tomorrow, it should all be mine, but it is not. Now who sounds selfish. That witch has taken so much from me, and now she is taking the memories and precious experiences I have shared with H and creating new ones. It all really sucks.

For so long after our DD was born, I wanted to have a third. H was very insistent on no more kids. He did not want any more, two was enough. He knew how much I wanted to have one more, but I gave in and said okay. Let me correct that, it wasn't an option. In time, I got to the point that I didn't think I wanted anymore. Now look who is having a baby? I just feel that she is having the baby I was meant to have, and I will never get to have that experience again. I hate her for that!!

See I knew this whole ultrasound thing was just going to send me back to day one. Things like this just bring back all the pain of finding out about the affair to begin with. I sure hope H is not reading this. It will give him yet another excuse to run and hide from his mistakes.

God help me. I thought I was getting past this anger. Please give me more strength to get through tomorrow. If an ultrasound effects me like this, how am I ever going to handle the birth?

Thanks for listening.

Kris

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like progress to me. If he wants to communicate through text messages, then go for it. Anyway you can talk to him opens up that door to recovery. H and I have some of our best conversations through email. I think it is easier for him to communicate without looking at me. Seeing me reminds him of all the hurt. That and I can edit my messages over email to make sure I say what I really want. So much easier than saying the first thing that comes to my mind and out my mouth - gets me in trouble sometimes.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kris, I didn't see this post before off line last nite, I think you may right about not wanting to look at me when we talk, plus it is easier, won't last as long can't say as much. In a way it is better for me too, since I tend to let comments fly out of my mouth sometimes w/o thinking, this way I can really plan what I want to say. I only got the feature on my phone cuz I knew he had it so maybe it will be worth it?? I know that SF is very important in any M I just sometimes feel like I am not getting all that goes w/ that, the affection & tenderness out of the bdrm, & I miss that & it seems to be hard for him to show that to me like he used to. I definitely agree w/ the now we are all burned comment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Well we had a good nite, talked a little bit about him giving me more time & attention, & I didn't LB or bring up his daugther. I didnt push for conversation & I know he was happy about that. So we will see what today brings.

Kris - I am so sorry that you are going thru this w/ H seemingly wanting to be more involved in OW pg. It makes me so angry that your H could be so selfish, yes HIM not YOU. I dont' blame you at all for feeling that way, & as christians I know we are supposed to love everyone but I have felt hatred for OW many a time, how could we not. Yes H was a willing participant but OW deliberately set out to destroy a M & tear apart a family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

God won't put more on you than you can bear, & I know you feel like you cannot handle another minute of this but you can & you will, God will strenghten you, he is with you, sees every tear & knows every pain you are suffering. He will see you thru this to the end & he will bring you out of it stronger & better than ever.

I am keeping you in constant prayer, sweetie.

Okay girls, I know I said I would update you all last night but nothing knew really happened and I was really busy making sure everything was packed for my son.

He came over at about 6:50 am this morning and called as he was leaving work--he had done a preliminary interview for a supervisor job--they were surprise interviews--he and two others guys had thm this morning--my H went first since he had to get going--he said they consisted of about 10 questions and lasted about 35 minutes.

So to get to the main point--he was in a good mood--just really tired and said it was tiring to do interview after 12 hour shift. I could tell the minute he walked in that he was happy.

So we talked about what I had ready for Bailey and then he says do you think you could go in half an hour late and I said no--but I knew exactly what he had in mind and wanted when he proceeded to go take a quick shower <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> so yes if you guessed SF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> you were right and so I let that happen and well it was great-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> had to be quick --I had to leave in 25 minutes to go to work!

He actually gave me a kiss and hug goodbye--we SF means something a little different to men then to us women. I told him I loved him etc., and feel I left things on a very good note <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and feel I left things on a very good note </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like it to me too. That is great, all H has to think of when he is daydreaming about the last time he was w/ you are very pleasant memories! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

How long will they be gone? Do you have plans to keep yourself busy?

WAY TO GO ALBANY!!!!!! See, now if you started plan b, imagine what H last impression of you would be?

I'm gonna start another "online book club" thread suggestion, I think it would also be very helpful for all of us.(as if you don't have enough reading suggestions for you!)

Kris, I am sorry that your H is so caught up in this. Also, keep up the SF. We all know how important it is to our marriages and we are in denial if we don't admit how much it reconnects us to our spouses.

hmmm...Let's think, how can you expres your displeasure of H going to ultra-sound but not LB? I completely understand the point of not wanting any connection to be there.

My H is @ the point of realizing this. @ the appointment yesterday OW tried to bring up the fact that communication is w/ me NOT H. Therapist just ignored it so we didn't give our reasons for it but later, H was like (to me), I don't want it any other way because I don't want OW to think/feel or have any idea that there is any connection w/ her about this.

And it's not like OW would want him "back" kind of reconnection but that H has NO attachment in any way shape or form, it is purely w/ OC & that is it. A completely separate entity. You know what I mean?

Hang in there girls. Focus on your priorities and what is important and let all teh rest fall away. That is what the "new book" is about.

They will be back on Saturday around 6:30pm. I don't really have any plans. I plan to run some errands--go tanning--my arms are great from outside but the rest of me is white--so plan to go for a few minutes today and Friday after work.

I hope to pick up a few books to read and generally speaking not do a lot unless I want to--no have to do things--probably eat cereal for dinner or maybe pie and icecream-who knows.

Had you read those other two books KT??? I would read on these books while H was gone but I was cheap and ordered them online--much cheaper than our local Walden Books-but now I have to wait for them and I don't think that they are to arrive until next week.

I'm also glad I didn't write letter do PB when he left. He just called to say that he had evereything pakced up and that they were heading to airport--flight leaves at 1:00pm and the drive is a little over an hour but he figured that would be plenty of time of check in and then they could get something to eat--don't want a hungry 2 1/2 son flying. He was in good mood but who wouldn't be after SF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm feeling positive about visit--not thinking that he is going to tell them that he is done.

KT,

Question for you - do you think it is crazy of me to try & now focus on the relationship between me & H, & worry about the visitation & OW issue later.

I guess I figure at this point it has been over a yr. that his D comes over to the house on a irregular basis & I know that now he sees her at daycare everyday so I don't think he is still seeing her at OW's apt. but I am not sure. So I think it is time to focus on us since I can do nothing about the other issue at this time.

What do you think.

Good morning to all !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ALB go girl! BBG I'm still praying real hard for you! Kris, I can't remember, is H living w/ you or is he in a hotel still? Was H happy about the OC or was he mad? Did you descuss these issues when you first found out? I know from the get go I said no, but he said he didn't want to be apart of what he was kinda forced into. But thats what he is telling me. If you didn't ant it, didn't plan it, mad because you helped cause it, then whe be in support of it, why show support to someone who wants to distroy your family. I know our XOW wants nothing more than to see me throw him out. But one day (maybe today) she will realize we are stronger than that.
kt most of the time we spend worrying for nothing. Thinking the worst, my worst habit, is hard not to do. Keep up the good work.

Me and H are like old friends again. We talk, yes about other things besides OC and OW. He still is testing the waters. He doesn't know how I'm going to react at any givin time, but I have been good, no LB'ing just as a matter of fact kinda thing, Ok, whatever kinda thing. We are in town this weekend, which I hate, but we will be busy, so I guess that is good.

Jt I'm praying for you girl and I will send you a hug (((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))
It so hard to keep your sprits up. Keep praying and keep your ears open to what the lord want you to do. Making a decision such as this takes time and lots of praying. Your kids deserve to see their mom happy and dad. They also need you together, if possible. Like I said you are on my mind, and I hope today goes well for you.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny