KT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Many a time my H has seemed mean or distant after SF, leaving me feeling used. I would call him on it and eventually, once we learned to actually communicate, it wasn't about me, it was usually something up w/ him (work or some other manly stress) and he would apologize.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have experienced this w/ H for quite sometime now, I have told him I felt used & he has not apologized, but always says I shouldn't feel that way. He actually did it yesterday & today. Mon. & Tues. he was hot & heavy w/ the text messaging, once we had SF on Tues. nite, he was cold & distant again yesterday morning, against my better judgement I text mess. him yesterday morning said some mushy stuff about us & said I love you, totally no 180 stuff, only to get no response, sent another mess. 2 hrs. later asking if he was busy, he said he was. I sent another mess. in the evening asking if he was still busy, he said yes still busy. When he came home he didn't want to talk about his day or the messages, pretty dry this morning too & no mess. from him. So I feel used & only good for one thing to him. At least if he would apologize for it, I'd feel a little better but he won't, pretty much blows it off, like I shouldn't make a big deal about it.

It just makes me wanna scream!

I know I had day's where I HATED him and the way he was acting, but other days I would just look at him and know that I LOVED and cherished him, no matter what. On the good days would think about the great times we are going to have, on the bad, just think back and try to fine the reasons why I loved him so much. I still do that. We are all going to have our bad days. I sure they think of the hurt they caused and thats when they get down, we read it as not wanting to be w/ us, but maybe they just want to know "I'm hear for you" and I love you!. Because when you are down they may read "get away from me" and all you want them to do is hold you! Our WS are human and they too have a hard time w/ everything they caused! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> They think Why does she/he want me hear? I don't deserve this kind of love, and we need to show them they are and thats why we are here. I don't know, just something to ponder.
Sunny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

KrisM. Big hug for you.

I am right there in those exact same shoes as you. My H wants to be at the delivery. Makes me wonder if he went to US. Anyway, if you read my other post about my Ltr to H, you will see how our talk went last night. My H flat out refuses to listen or care about my feelings. I feel so much like you do.

Sorry I dn't have more to offer. Just know that I feel your pain.
My prayers are with you and everyone else here.

Morning albany~

Something came to mind, and I don't think I've thought of this before. Could your H be in a state of depression? His ups and downs, back and forths tend to indicate such. It could be why he seemingly turned into a totally different man in the afternoon, from the man you had SF with in the AM. Even if the SF didn't hold the same meaning for him as you--still it's awfully odd behavior. His smoking habit seems like a back and forth thing too, according to how things are going in his life. It's something to consider, and something I would encourage him to have checked. Another thing to consider is his eating habits. Does he eat a lot of junk and processed foods, or good quality, well balanced meals? I know he gets awesome food when he's with you, but what about when he's alone?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I tell him everyday that I love him and I care ant want it to work--it doesn't seem to matter--in fact less I talk about sometimes the better.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Precisely!!!!!!!!!! It is better the less you talk--the less you talk about the status of the relationship anyway. You're not even supposed to be reminding him you love him. That's one of the 180's. Albany, he knows you love him, you don't have to keep telling him. Just show it, by consistent Plan A behavior, ok?

Last thought for now--Plan B????????

Oh, and I'm feeling a little better, not 100%, but not so bad either. Thank goodness, because I've been having to be outside doing plantings for an event we're hosting here this weekend for D and friends. If it rains, I'm gonna scream, cuz then the happenings will be inside, and all of yesterday's yardwork will be for naught. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Just my luck, yard will look spectacular, and the house will look less than spectacular, (I suppose I should clean just in case)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Take good care of yourself.

~ad

He already takes Lexapro for depression and I think that is a lot of it and also what Sunnydale plays a part to--to much guilt to face it and make it work in December he just kept saying how he was bad and I would be better off without him etc.

Smoking thing I feel goes with his stress and depression.

I know I shouldn't tell him I love him--it is so hard not too--and I need to get back up on the wagon and not fall off.

What do you think of him telling me he told his parents yesterday and then later his mom says he has told them nothing?

Okay girls~

I want you to know that I'm tired of feeling alone I just want to be held told I Love You--don't I and WS's deserve that after everything??

I also want you to know when H and I were living together and he told me we would get through OW & OC together I rarely threw anything in his face--it has only been since he left. Him leaving actually made the worst come out in me.

I guess somedays it is just so hard to give and do PA and even 180 things because I much want reach out and have him reach back--it is like I'm just totally starved for his love--and it hurts like heck to have them say I love you but don't want to be married and you didn't do anything wrong--I know we both cause the demise of the marraige but I didn't choose A and OC.

Probably just rambling but it is hard to stay up when the one person you so much want to say I Love You and want to be with you doesn't.

Albany,

I know exactly how you feel, I have H in the house w/ me & it is like pulling teeth to hear an "I love you" or just be held, unless he is looking for SF.

I know I should not have said ILY yesterday, not part of the 180's, I didn't hear it back, instead got - "you have a funny way of showing it."

I don't know what else he wants from, I have bent so far back in all this I feel lik gumby, & what do I get in return? I asked KT yesterday if she thought it was crazy of me to just pursue working on our M & putting OW & OC (only child) issues on the back burner, but I don't know what I am doing anymore, I can't really do 180's if I am trying to show him that I want this to be all about us finding US again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

The fact that he LIED to you & said he told his parents when he didn't, I don't know what to make of that, could it mean he is trying to get you to move on, but doesn't want to let his parents know about OW & OC???

Well if he is telling me that because he wants me to go then maybe he shouldn't be coming around all the time and having actions that do not match his words--like why not take son all day last Friday but pick him up from daycare and then buy dinner food and prepare it for us. His response was he wanted to see our son--then you should have taken him all day since you weren't at work and made dinner for you two at your apt.

Can't H tell them without telling about OC--then knew about OW women last summer?

I know I have been doing too much I love you and need to refocus on 180--I have the hardest time not telling him I love him--but the less I do the more he comes around.

Also if you are done then why call me on you way home from graveyard just to tell me something we alrready discussed and tell me all about your night at work???

Albany,

I think BG may have something. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The fact that he LIED to you & said he told his parents when he didn't, I don't know what to make of that, could it mean he is trying to get you to move on, but doesn't want to let his parents know about OW & OC??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe not to get you to move on but too ashamed to admit what he did. This way if you decide to move on he won't look like the bad guy in their eyes. It will look like he did what he was supposed to but you could still not deal with the A.

My H did not tell his parents until April, after another big blow-up we had about him going to the hospital to be by her side during pre-term contractions. Prior to him telling them, we had an argument about OW and he spoke to his father and was like "she is never going to let it go, etc." To this father I am sure I looked like the difficult one but he did not know the whole story.

Does not really matter now, as his father sides with him on this. His father had a long standig A too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It was just a guess Albany, I dare not presume to know the mind of a WH, it is a dark place I am sure.

You are right his actions do not match his words, same thing w/ my H just in a different manner.

I have always thought that he doesn't want a D or to go NC w/ you but he doesn't want to commit either, classic fence sitting, and as usual it is up to US to put a stop to it at some point.

I know you are only throwing out thoughts--just rebutting them with my thoughts--Yes, I think that he is ashamed--wouldn't you be if in 1991 or early 1992 when you had a ONS in high school and the girl who is the school tramp is gets pregnant and the possibilities of the who Father is are spread between a few and the DNA proves it is you and her family wants nothing do with you and so you agree to let parents adopt baby and you give away rights. So you see secound A during our M and now second unplanned or wanted child by H.

You would think that you would learn to protect yourself--I think that everyday he probably thinks he is a complete dumb*** for not learning the first time that the only way to guarantee is to protect you and not trust them.

Hey girls--off to lunch be back in an hour or less. Digest that my last post and I think you would agree that he is ashamed and finds it easier to walk then to stay and face it.

albany,

Your OW and mine are due around the same time. Mine is due 6/9/04. Can you belive my b-day is the 13th, ain't that grand? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Just does not get much worse than that, does it? Well, at least OC and I will both be crazy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

LMF~that bites--my B-Day and Annv. are in fall.

How do like the other tid bit I told you guys???

Should have known <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> back then--actually the first time I met H in college he told me about the child a son. He was very honest and after a few months of dating I went with him when he signed away rights--I think that I even signed as a witness.

Another bit--that child was boy, we have a son, and he was told that this one is a boy.

Hey Girls,

Been busy at work today, but I have been reading and must say that I am sorry for all of your pain. I too feel used sometimes after SF with H. He seldomley responds to anything said nor does he say anything.

You must keep your head up because if he did not have any feelings for you he would not be coming back for more of you. He is just so confused right now and so are you.

You must know that you are the one that he has been coming to. So keep your head up!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh girls,

I forgot today is my birthday - so I'll give you the details of what will happen later.

H did call me to wish me happy birthday and said he has a surprise for me later!! So we shall see.

Please pray that I don't LB tonight I can already think of three big ones.

Bye,


JT

Fill us in later

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JT2

JT,

It is so hard NOT to feel that way, if H is not getting it from OW anymore, why not just GET IT from me???? I have told him I feel like I am just a hole for him to you know what in, I was LBing big time that day.

Have not heard from him at all today, don't expect to, not going to text him either. As KT said maybe this will pass in yrs. to come, can I continue to wait is the question.

How r u today?

AD - glad to see you are feeling better - missed u!

JT - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Don't LB, just enjoy your day & let H pamper you, forget all the crap, It is your day!!!

Thanks girls,

I gotta go going to dinner, but I am thinking of you all and it means so much to me to be able to share my birthday with my new friends. I can hardly make it through a day without talking to you all.

BG - don't worry be happy!! H will come around - I think I remember someone saying don't chase him let him chase you!!

Love Ya Girls,

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />