BBGY's update site

AD,

[/QUOTE] BG~

What, are we twins or something? A lot of the same thoughts today! [QUOTE]

I am not sure, Lord knows my head is clouded today! But you are on point as always! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Maybe it is easier to give Albany all this PB advice so I can live vicariously thru her! (LOL)

I think my head is clouded most days. I'm not sure I'm so on point. I just try to relay what I've learned, not so much by personal experience, but from what I've read and heard so much around here. A lot of it is just common sense from an objective observer, I guess.

As far as living vicariously through others. You know, I was kind of thinking along those lines today. My thoughts were how you ladies have put up with so much crapola. I try to think of what my H should've done, had I been the cake eating, assine things coming from my pie hole type of spouse many of your H's seem to be. I consider my H to be darn close to a saint, and I don't see him putting up with such behavior for very long. I would hope that if I hadn't committed on my own, that there would've been someone around to give my H good, sound advice as to how to get my a$$ in gear!!!!

I care about and respect all of you ladies. I am so grateful for the way my situation turned out. I want to give back, and for now, this is how I try to do it.

Well AD, I for one am thankful for you as well as others here but especially ladies who have gone thru the storm & come out still M!

I have been reading some old posts & find comfort, (though very little), that there have been ladies on here who posted who had H's just as crazy & selfish as mine w/ crazy OW to boot! I am finding little strength reading these though, can't tell if the ladies are still M or not, but reading these posts confirm how looney I am to have endured what I have already w/ little or no commitment from H. I wish someone would talk to him, I have one good friend that has tried to get in contact w/ him but no luck yet.

Oh well, what will be will be....

Hey, any more problems w/MIL? How does H see D at daycare, at not want to bring her home to spend time w/ her w/u ? Does he still C OW? Just wondering. I'm glad to see you are doing things and going out for you. He gets jealous, but is ok and your not to worry if he does ? Typical man. I'm kinda glad I don't have any boys. I would have to pop them on the head if they ever acted like some of these guys do. But I think after all of this my 17 yr old thinks all guys do this crap and she will never find anyone worth having. I tell her just to pray real hard for the one God has in mind for her. Quit looking for what she wants and look for the one God is sending her.
Sunny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Believe it or not BG and maybe you've heard this before as well, but it has been said that more M's survive an A when an OC was the result, then A's that didn't produce an OC. I don't know that there are any real statistics out there to prove that or not, but I have heard it on here. I believe it has to do with the fact an OC tends to wake the WS up, and lift the fog a lot more quickly. Nothing like the reality of an OC to take the bloom off the rose as it were. Obviously it doesn't work that way in every case. I just thought I'd add that little tidbit for whatever it's worth.

As far as finding a lot of BS dealing with crazy and selfish WS, that is so true. Afterall, an A is the most selfish thing a spouse can do. Some of us WS change, some never do, some change sooner, some later, some too late.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hey, any more problems w/MIL? How does H see D at daycare, at not want to bring her home to spend time w/ her w/u ? Does he still C OW? Just wondering. I'm glad to see you are doing things and going out for you. He gets jealous, but is ok and your not to worry if he does ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sunny, no more than usual, in one of our heated discussions last week he brought up how I disrespected his mummy, I told him she has been in our M from day one & has shown not one bit of loyalty to me since finding out about OW & baby on the way. I know I need to forgive her, but I can't stand the thought of her. H works at the daycare that the baby is enrolled in, how convenient isn't it. I am not sure when he sees OW anymore, but I am sure he does, I don't know where she lives, working on that one though cuz if I find out he is spending time there, the lock smith will be getting a call asap! Oh yeah he is real jealous that I have been going out, won't admit it though, he is worried though, cuz that is not me, I tell him all the time why shouldn't I go out & enjoy myself, I have no babies to tie me down! Sunny I wouldn't trade my son in for the world, I never wanted a daughter, but God saw fit to give me a step daughter, for what reason I may never know. Not gonna stress about it though, not anymore.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Believe it or not BG and maybe you've heard this before as well, but it has been said that more M's survive an A when an OC was the result, then A's that didn't produce an OC. I don't know that there are any real statistics out there to prove that or not, but I have heard it on here. I believe it has to do with the fact an OC tends to wake the WS up, and lift the fog a lot more quickly. Nothing like the reality of an OC to take the bloom off the rose as it were. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AD ~ that is amazing, only thing about my H is that this is his only child & he wanted her to be born. If he found out that the baby was not his he would literally die. She looks a lot like him though. I believe H & OW are still having an emotional A, he looks up to her & honors her for doing what I wouldn't so that is a really heavy fog for him to see thru. I am just biding my time though, & thinking maybe I am the one who needs to wake up from the fog, the fog of thinking this could ever work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Ok my opion, and I guess I have a lot of them. ya'll going to think I don't have anyone else to talk to. But I really have begun to care about everyone and my friends have never been where we have been! SO I like talking to ya'll. But the Ow is a ego thing. Ok picture this. W is the mommy, the worker (if you do) and the wife, then turn into a sex goddess that weights 100 lbs when you go to bed. Split personalities for sure!! H's go to work and come home eat dinner do a couple of things around the house and they may fuss and not do as much as you like them to, get on the the kids, ect. get it. So we become the MOMMIES for everyone cause they can't find this or that ect. And here comes this person,(OW) telling them aren't you cute, aren't you great. And in return well my W doesn't care about me just the C, never get any, (why cause the sex goddess is tiered and he's been an A) And so on. Then we have to fun, sneaking, special plans made just for them (WS&STOW)And what did the W do? Well you fixed dinner that he missed, you bathe kids that he helped make, washed his undies, and on & on. THEN the fun (OW) sees he goes home to the "BAD" person and why? Well he needs to make a choice!! I'll help him out. After all he's only there for the kids right? NOW the fun just turned into the MOMMIE!!! OMG!!! And guess what they stay home because they LOVE their wives and their children. Why bust something for something that you know can work, cause it has in the past, for something that was so stupid in the first place. Men and women who have had A tell me this. I know why I almost came close but hello, God taped me on the shoulder and said HELLO ! You are M, either be M or get out. And I did tell H I wanted a D then and liesten to him and stayed. But we made no changes. This time we have and OC might have really opened H eyes to see what kind of person OW really is. Anyone who does the I'm prg thing to get a man is sick, sorry. My 2 cents again. Sorry so long.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny

I was talking to a friend of mine today who is involved in a emotional A right now that she is trying to get out of. I told her the same thing, the guy who is a MM tells my friend who is also M, that his W is lazy, does nothing for the kids, he cooks, he cleans, he does it all. I told her yeah right! Maybe he has a brother????? LOL

Also told her to stop jeopardizing her M for what - some jerk to talk to, that if you are not careful you will end up having sex with & really be in a mess.

I know my H told OW that I didn't make him happy, wouldn't have his baby, & most of all that we no longer had sex! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LIAR

So this STOW definitely thought having his baby would allow her to have him as well. It is the oldest trick in the book & it still doesn't work. I have yet to figure out why H came home but he did & he didn't have to. So yeah she is one sick cow, sick & a single mother of 3! What an idiot. Even if we dont' make it, he will never marry her, he doesn't believe in D. A little adultery & illegitimate child is ok though, go figure. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Go figure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> My H said the same thing. H would never M the OW. I talking to a friend last night me and OW are so different. We don't look alike we don't act alike, nothing alike. Oh we can both be B's at times! LOL. I wounder if thats the way it always is? Have to start a new thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I hope you have a good weekend and are you going out w/friends again? Me and GF use to go out on tues nights it been so long since we've done it though. Everyone busy in summer. How does he work at the d/c and not se OW. That would be hard. Is he still going to mummies all the time. Maybe he just goes cause its quiet. Has mummy , and baby boys do no wrong. Doesn't have to talk to u or ow? Hiding maybe?

Hey Sunny,

I know me & OW are nothing alike, first of all she is 28 on public asst. w/ 2 other kids whose daddy is in jail. Totally young & stupid. Granted I did some goofey things in my 20's but never tried to steal someone's H by getting pg.

How does he work at the d/c and not se OW. That would be hard.

He drives the bus, not sure if he picks up the baby or sees OW when she is dropped off.

Is he still going to mummies all the time. Maybe he just goes cause its quiet. Has mummy , and baby boys do no wrong. Doesn't have to talk to u or ow? Hiding maybe?

Not sure about that either how much he sees mummy, don't think he is hiding but maybe your right, she is giving him spiritual advice I am sure, you know she is really holy!

This morning I asked H what time we would discuss the contract tomorrow, he wouldn't give me a time & didn't want to talk about it of course. I sorta left in a snit, was listening to the radio in the car & they were having church at the radio station, I was praising God & crying all the way to work, almost had to pull over. I sent H a text message & told him if WE could put GOD first in our M, we could work this out. No response of course.

He doesn't want to sign off on the contract & abide by it I already know this but if he dooesn't
I am done, plan to do the best PB I can w/ him there until I pack his stuff & put it out. I am too tired to dance this dance anymore.

Not planning on going out tonite, need a rest from it, even though it pisses H off when I do. Actually have no plans for this weekend, maybe do something w/ H on Sunday if he acts right tomorrow, big IF there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Big ((((HUGS)))) BBYG!

Be strong and take "me time" this weekend.

I will Albany, thanks again for your support.

I real calm right now, will try to stay that way when we talk tomorrow, after my "praise session" in the car this morning I am feeling like I want to be close to him, I am sure that sounds strange. Anyway, I will find something to do w/ myself this evening other than think about how tomorrow will go.

Of course I got no reply from him re: my text message. But it is all good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey BBG how did your weekend go. Did you get H tired down and get to talk w/o lb'ing all over the place? Hope everything went well.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

BG,

I am so sorry. I see that it's been since Oct. and still not much of a change in H. From reading this post I can't tell if OC ever comes to your place? If not why? If so, when did it start?

I keep thinking that once visitation can take place at our house, things will calm down. I just need to make it another 2 mos or so. Not sure if I can.

Hey Sunny,

Wish I could say things went well, we talked Sat., he wants to make revisions to his portion of the contract & we will on Thursday. I did LB, I told him to leave me alone, I even attempted to move out of the bedroom but that futon is too uncomfortable.

We talked briefly about Fathers day, spending it togehter with his D, I don't believe it will happen though. When Thursday gets here he is gonna come up with some more stall tactics I am sure.

I starting to think about my future without him in it, I will be sad because I know we could have worked this out & had an even better M, but it looks to me as if I am the only one who wants this.

H's phone is off again so MIL called promptly looking for her baby boy, I started not to answer but did, took a message, we were civil to each other, that is it. I got really pissed & told H to tell her not to call anymore, which he said he would. I later felt convicted about it & told him, (against my better judgement), that it was ok for her to call the house, he appreciated that, I just hope I am not sorry I said that. Knowing mummy dearest she was going to call anyway, if he even told her, I was proud of myself for being an adult afterall that is his mother & he loves her, right? I turned off my ans. machine so at least I won't hear her irritating voice when I come home everyday!

Other than that my weekend was good, spent yesterday celebrating my grandmothers 89th b'day. This weekend my girlfriend turns 43 & two of my great nephews are celebrating their b'days too so I will be busy partying!!!!! Looking forward to that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am so sorry. I see that it's been since Oct. and still not much of a change in H. From reading this post I can't tell if OC ever comes to your place? If not why? If so, when did it start? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H lived w/ OW & his D from her birth unitl last April 03. I saw the baby on a frequent basis while he lived w/ OW, of course once H came home OW started her s*&#. So since last April I have seen the baby on an irregular basis, since he has not gone to court for visitation, have not seen her since Feb. now & may never see her again, which I can live with, but I will not continue to live with H & not have his D visit at our home, so as I said he may not be in the picture much longer, this in not our only problem of course but it is a major one as you can imagine. That is why I keep telling you to nip this in the bud, I don't want to see you in my situation a year from now.

If your H won't put his foot down w/ OW than you put yours down w/ him! I sure wish I had of.

BBYG,

I AM INCLINED TO AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT THAT. I AM SORRY YOUR H IS NOT REALIZING WHAT HE HAS AT HOME. HE WILL DEFINATELY MISS IT IF YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE. THIS SHOULD BE THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YOUR LIVES AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE TO ENDURE. H SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS IS HURITNG YOU, BUT THEY DON'T REALLY SO THEY?

I HOPE THEY DON'T HAVE A CLUE THAN TO REALIZE THAT THEY KNOW AND JUST DON'T CARE. I AM SORRY I'M SO HARSH TODAY JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS STUFF OFF MY CHEST.

SNYWAY TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND PRESERVE YOUR HEART SO THAT IT DOES NOT HARDEN. YOU MAY NEED IT AGAIN!

JT

BBG so glad you had a calm weekend. MIL is a case! Just remember your son may one day get you a DIL, so you know how NOT to act. So you will revise the contract and go over it thursday? I hope he will sit down w/ you and do it. Question. If H is seeing the D at daycare, maybe he thinks that is enough. Or does he go to OW home to see her too? Maybe he feels if he sees her at school then he doesn't need C at the home to upset you. Don't know. How did you act when she came around at first? How did you feel. Did it just come rushing all back to you? Its ok if you dont want to answer. I was just courious. I'm tring to picture what I will do and feel, but I guess I wont know til then. Talk at you in a while
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny

Hi Babygirl,

I am so sorry for your pain and that your husband has so little consideration for your feelings.
(((((((((((((((hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]
Like I told love we need to love ourselves and do things for ourselves to feel better. I went and got my hair done. I think I will make an appointment to do my nails. I also go shopping for new clothes. That always feels good.