</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Let's stay positive I want him to experience life without me in it and a strain from not being with the children and see how he likes it!!

I was thinkning about not going home a couple of nights and still not telling him where we are and see how he likes it. I wonder if he thinks that this is all a game. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That sounds like a good idea, I saw a couple of H's on Oprah left alone w/ kids for the weekend while the mom was away - it wasn't pretty!

I believe that they all think it is a game, maybe not intentionallly, but that is what it feels like to me. I am too old to play anymore, & too tired. I agree though do what you have to do to get his attention. I have been there done that. Now I'm just done. Not trying to bring you down, & sorry if I sound negative, I am only speaking for myself & this mess of a M I am currently in. There is hope for you, I do believe that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Whatever the future holds for me, God will be w/ me, love from a man is nice although it often comes w/ strings & conditions & maybe even a time limit but my Fathers love for me is eternal, & I am so glad about it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BG - You are so right as usual. The love of God is all we need. I am beginning to think men are more hassle than they are worth. Let's ship them all back to Mars.

I don't know how you have done this for so long. I have really been trying to stay strong and focused. But I am getting so tired of the same old lame excuses. My H is so selfish. He has always looked out for himself first. Not exactly my idea of family. I am really beginning to wonder if he will ever change. There are those doubts creeping in again. Sometimes it is just so hard to fight them.

Sorry, didn't mean to start on my problems on your thread.

You have done all you can do. There comes a time that we have to realize we can't do anymore. All we are responsible for is ourselves. We have taken this horrible situation that we didn't ask to be in and we give our all to try and save our M's. We can try and try, but it can't be done alone. When the time is right, you will know that you are done. I hate to see anyone give up, but we can't keep doing this forever with nothing in return. You deserve more - your H is a fool. I pray that you find the happiness you deserve. You are a great friend and I hope you will continue to share your great advice with us.

Hi Baby girl,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> how about a pre-A clause before M, if H has an A the BW gets EVERYTHING automatically & H has to pay for the divorce. If OC is produced from A H must have vasectomy (sp) also! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like the humor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Hi KrisM,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am beginning to think men are more hassle than they are worth. Let's ship them all back to Mars. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
It is so good to have humor with our emotions being out of control and all. We deserve a good laugh. Thanks!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kris,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am really beginning to wonder if he will ever change. There are those doubts creeping in again. Sometimes it is just so hard to fight them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Remember only GOD can change H or mine, we can't do it, all we can do is pray for God to touch their hearts & be still while God is doing his work on them. In the meantime we need to pray for ourselves & our family as we wait for God to change us also. I admit I could have prayed harder for my H & this situation, as I say though if it is God's will then it will come to pass, & I don't believe it is so I have accepted that & I am ready to move on alone.

Currently I have nothing to say to him, of course he was to exchange hellos & goodbyes now, I don't. We are supposed to talk about the contract this evening, most likely I won't even mention it & he won't either. He is not ready to do anything I have asked of him, & pulling his weight financially is at the top of the list. I am now checking on what will happen if I lock him out, I don't want to do that only to have him call the police & have them tell me I have to let him stay there unitl I have a D in the works.

Your are 100% right Kris, my H is a FOOL.

BBYG,

He is a FOOL!! He does not even realize what love you ahve ofr him to even tolerate this behavior. I am praying for you, but you know when it is time for you to leave. God did not put you here for this torment. Plus God might be giving you your answer by not changing H. It may not always be what we want but we have to face it when it comes.

H has a different agenda and priorities so you need to be focused on you and what you need to do. You can not change him and maybe you are not the woman who is suppose to. I don't mean to sound harsh but it hurts me to know that you have given two years to making this work and he still has not gotten it.

I don't want a time to come for you when you think that you've wasted ten years trying to make it work. Or when OC is graduating H.S. and H finally decides that it is time to work on your M.

How long is too long with nothing is the real question? I am praying for you and will try to support you in whatever you do!!

Love ya,

JT

BBYG,

One other thing that I want you to remember is that GOD already has your future written. He knows what you will do so whatever you decide he will not be disappointed in you, for he knew al along. He holds our future in his hands, and happiness is promised to those that are righteous. I believe you to be a righteous woman and virtuous woman.

There is no way that you would not be doing his will for knows all things!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT

BG,
I hope you guys talked last night and it went well.

I do like the idea of having a pre-marital agreement regarding A and OC. I would be set if I did that before.

BG, I have the same exact feelings as you do. All three, even the looser one. We know we are not loosers but just like everything else, either the heart or the head pulls you in one direction more than the other. In my heart I know I am not but my little pea brain tells me I am.

Take you time, I know it's been two years but you can still plan and think before you make a move. Haste makes waste. My H hastely left last time over something so simple and stupid and the waste his haste made was OC.

I think there needs to be a saint of marriages or family or somthing. It should be all of us, everyone here fighting to keep it together, trying to forgive and move on, looking to God for support. I vote us Saint's of Marriages. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Since I am not really up on all the Siants, I have no idea if there already is one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

JT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am praying for you, but you know when it is time for you to leave. God did not put you here for this torment. Plus God might be giving you your answer by not changing H. It may not always be what we want but we have to face it when it comes. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I know God can change this & turn it all around, change H & me too, but as I said, it may not be his will, & if so I am ready to face that.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">H has a different agenda and priorities so you need to be focused on you and what you need to do. You can not change him and maybe you are not the woman who is suppose to. I don't mean to sound harsh but it hurts me to know that you have given two years to making this work and he still has not gotten it. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

There is NO WOMAN that can change him, only GOD. I think maybe I am not the mate God has chosen for him. Everyone is not meant to have the gift of M. I don't think you are being harsh just a caring friend.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want a time to come for you when you think that you've wasted ten years trying to make it work. Or when OC is graduating H.S. and H finally decides that it is time to work on your M.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

No worries there, I will not waste another year, maybe not even another month on this. Unless H does a 360 immediately, I am done, & I don't see that happening. I made my peace w/ not seeing my step daughter ever again this past February so I am ok w/ that too.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How long is too long with nothing is the real question? I am praying for you and will try to support you in whatever you do!! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Thanks, I am praying for all of us as well, unless the Lord says different to me I have a deadline in mind, someitme between now & the end of the summer H will have to leave.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One other thing that I want you to remember is that GOD already has your future written.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that, I tell myself all the time it is already done, whatever the outcome may be. I will be alright & praise the Lord anyhow!


Luv,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope you guys talked last night and it went well.

BG, I have the same exact feelings as you do. All three, even the looser one. We know we are not loosers but just like everything else, either the heart or the head pulls you in one direction more than the other. In my heart I know I am not but my little pea brain tells me I am. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

All the emotions, the ups & downs, the positive moments & the moments where you just want to throw in the towel for good. They are part of the rollercoaster. It has taken me almost 2 yrs. to figure out this ride is making me sick & I better get off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> We didn't talk last nite at all, we may tonite but I doubt it. I really don't have much to say to him at this point.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Take you time, I know it's been two years but you can still plan and think before you make a move. Haste makes waste. My H hastely left last time over something so simple and stupid and the waste his haste made was OC. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I understand what you are saying, I made a hasty deciscion on DDay & threw H out, I will never know if it would have mad a difference in how this all turned out or not. I doubt it. He was seeing OW as much as possible during that time, & I know he would not have ended A w/ OW so it is highly that I still wouldn't have had to put him out.

At this point I am totally drained & w/o any real effort from him I feel as if I am wasting me time. As JT said how long do I continue to put up w/ this from him??? I feel as if he is continually pushing to see much I will take before I snap, and I am really close now.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think there needs to be a saint of marriages or family or somthing. It should be all of us, everyone here fighting to keep it together, trying to forgive and move on, looking to God for support. I vote us Saint's of Marriages. Since I am not really up on all the Siants, I have no idea if there already is one </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I agree, a saint would be lovely, especially if they could come down & kick our H's in the butt! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Love you guys too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well ladies,

Headed home, off tomorrow, but I will check in. Going out this evening to celebrate the arrival of my best friends new grand baby!


Hope everyone has a great evening!

Hey posting buddy!! Hows everything in your world! I hope good. Are you still consitrating on you ? Girl I hope so. Hows H doing? Tonight we are to do the contract thing right? How do you think its going to go? SOO many ?'s who is close to ar? Are you? I'm going on vacation, off for 12 whole days!!!! H has to work so me and the girls are hitting the road. Don't know where, but the cabin is the starting point. I hope I've build enough trust in H to leave. But if he does anything,as many people are watching us lately,
I will know. But if I didn't feel I could I don't think I would leave for that long. He will be coming up on the weekends too so its not like we will be apart for 12 days. I need this sooo bad and so do the girls. H needs it to but he has no Vacation time built up. I do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Well enough about me. Send me back to my thread. Tell me hows you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Hey BG - I saw that you posted a few things tonight and was hoping you were around now.

Did you and H negotiate the contract tonight? How did it go?

Hope things turn around for you. You deserve so much more than he is giving you. Hope you find some happiness soon.

BBYG,

I hope that you had the discussion with H last night. I know that you are strong and you will do what is best for you. I do think that you have been doing what is best for your H is stead of taking care of yourself. You need to make sure that you take care of yourself also - M is a two way street and both partners must participate.

But on a lighter note I will have a Martini for you too this weekend and will toast each of you. So know that someone will be thinking kind thoughts of you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep praying!!


JT

Hello Ladies,

H & I talked briefly, he forgot to re-write his contract, said he didnt' have time & I know he did. Actually had the nerve to tell me I was not abiding by the things he wrote down on his contract previously????? Duh - why would I when I never signed off on it. He is truly a piece of work.

I told him to find somewhere to go & live, I am done for real. No more games for me. Surprisingly I am not upset, expected as much from him - NOTHING & that is what I got. It is ok though this won't last much longer. Right now I am gonna concentrate on getting my house painted & me & of course getting him out. I just talked to a good friend of ours, the same one I wanted to talk to H & he was trying to reach him, of course H was ducking him, & my friend told me that he never understood why I took him back anyway, he has known us both since we got married & he knows how inconsiderate H is & how he has shown no remorse about any of this, he wondered why I have stayed in this as long as I have, I know that he cares about us both & how much he admired me for not walking away from H in the beginning. He is a minister & I kinda feel like that further confirms what I know I need to do.

I didn't make it out last nite, but I am going out tonite to celebrate my girlfreinds 43rd b'day. Tomorrow I have a b'day party for my two great nephews & I plan to get my goddaughter tomorrow also so my weekend is not looking too shabby.

I hope everyone had a good day & will have a great weekend, I will check on everyone else now.

BG - Hope you have a fabulous weekend. I'll say it again - your H is such a fool. Hope you find the happiness you deserve. Remember when one door closes, God will open another. Take care of you and know you are in my thoughts.

Hi Babygirl,

It takes a lot of strength to do what you are doing. I may be going through the same thing soon. It seems wayward husbands always try to get us to give in an inch and then they take a mile. So sorry. I hope you keep your head up and stay around positive people. You are doing what is best for you. The roller coaster ride is very painful. I am still riding but I think I need to get off soon unless husband starts treating me with more respect.

BBGY~ Do what you need to do and we will all support you here at this site. You do have to promise to keep posting because it has been you many times who has kept me going.

Kris, Genia, & Albany

Thank you all for your thoughts prayers & encouragement. I hope things are going well with all of you.

My weekend was good, Friday I was off because of Regan's funeral & I spent the day w/ my girlfiend, buying paint for my house, shopping for me & we went to lunch to celebrate her b'day, plus went out that nite. H was asleep when I got in, & wanted to grill me about where I was & who I was with Sat. morning, I gave him one word answers for the most part. He stayed home til almost 2:00 p.m. which was unsual for him. I found out, by snooping of course that he is about to have his license revoked because of non-payment of child support! It killed me to say not to say anything to him about it but I didn't, in some ways I really don't care, but then again I do, he is digging himself in such a hole & he thinks this will not affect anyone but him. His phone is still off & he has not helped me pay a bill in over a month. Most annoying of all he seems to not care about any of it. His main focus right now it what????? Certainly not me or us. The thing that bugs me too, is that he was always quick to call my son's dad a deadbeat, he spent no time w/ my son & paid little or no CS unless I dragged him into court. Now who is the deadbeat????????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I have no clue as to how his mind is working these days & I don't think he does either.

So the rest of Sat. I spent at my 2 great nephew's b'day party, H went out Sat. nite & I didn't see him again til Sunday morning. I left for church w/o saying good bye. Thought about him a lot while there since the pastor was talking about how we as chrisians are supposed to invite others to get to know Christ. My H is a christian but has been out of fellowship for yrs. I know I should be praying for him earnestly, that if nothing else he would come back to Christ, even if we are not together, so I did pray for him yesterday for that reason, I feel right now his walk w/ the Lord is more important than anything else. I was gonna talk to him about how I missed the God fearing man he used to be, the man who exteneded the invitation to me to accept Christ as my personal savior when I got home but he was leaving as I was coming back from church, I didn't see him again until late last nite, he was trying to make small talk but by then I didnt want to talk. My neighbors were having a loud party last nite so I slept in the other bedroom on the futon, when H woke up he was pissed & asked if I was sleeping in there for a particular reason? I told him I couldn't sleep in our bedroom because of the noise, he slammed the door, later said see you later & left for work. I had a terrible time sleeping last nite, as much as I want to I can't move in there for good, & I have asked him too before & I know he won't plus he has a bad back. So that is pretty much where I am at right now, except now I am not sure what to do, how can I put him out now with him possibly about to lose his license, he drives for a living, I know it is not my responsibility that he is screwing up his life more & more each day,& he is leaving me in the dark about so many things, living this double life still & he really thinks that I am going to continue living w/ him like this. I know I shouldn't care what happens to him but I do & is it wrong of me to further add to his problems by putting him out? I am wondering if I should even bring up the suspension, he will know I went thru his pants again but so what, things can't get any worse at this point. H used to discuss EVERYTHING w/ me especially financial matters before the A, I used to help him manage his $ but now like I said everything is done is secret or by letting his mummy or OW help him I guess. I will most likely bring it up, since have never been one to keep my mouth shut. I am starting to feel sorry for him, it is like he is in this downward spiral & I can't stop him from falling. I know I should be more concerned about myself & getting him out of my house, &walking away from it all.

Friday, my best friends live in boy friend left her after a 4 yr. relationship & they lost a baby 2 yrs. ago, so I have been trying to help her, when I am such a mess myself, so sorry for the long ramble, I needed to get that all out & I didn't want to burden her with it. Thanks for reading ladies, you all mean so much to me.

BBG TELL HIM TO GO TO MOMMIES !!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She listens to him and he talkes to her more. I don;t understand this man. Either act like you want to be there or get out. Dang. I feel for you having to deal with the roller coaster like you do. I wished it would come to an end before you end up hating this man. And to spend that much time with someone and end up hating them is bad. I'm glad you are making a life for yourself and this has not gotten you hiding from the world. I'm glad you have friends to turn to. Do you have to file papers to get him out? And he's not worried about your feelings and the pain he is causing. Send him to his moms. Sorry I just hate to see him do you like this. You are a great person and a wonderful mom and friend! Don't let him tell you different. And with your faith, God has a special person in mind for you !!! (If hubby doesn't get a clue soon.) I hope your day has been good! You posting buddy.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunny,

Thanks for reading my "novel".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I wished it would come to an end before you end up hating this man. And to spend that much time with someone and end up hating them is bad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel the same way, I don't want to hate him, there was once so much love between us & to see it reduced to the situation as it is now, is so sad. I do still love him but not as much as I once did, he is killing it slowly, & I have told him that more than once, he doesn't get it though or doesn't want to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I am really starting to pity him cuz I know he is a good man, at least he used to be, he has been running w/ the devil so long & thinks he is his only friend I think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know I can't save him but it hurts to watch him continue to fall like this.

I do think I am going to bring up the suspension & ask him to leave again. My lawyer told me once I file for D I could have H removed from the house. I can't see him fighting me if I lock him out now w/o filing legal papers, but I don't know.

As far as finding someone else, don't even want to entertain the thought, maybe I am supposed to be single. I have a ex-boyfriend who will be divorced soon who is waiting for me to throw H out, but I don't want to pursue a relationship with him or anyone else right now, & I know that is not what you are saying, you are talking future.

I have a wonderful family a great son & god daughter, I have friends who are closer to me than my own sisters, a good job & my health. I love the Lord & I know he loves me, so I will concentrate on all those positives in my life. Of course I can't fully do that until the living situation w/ H is resolved.

I am really tired of limbo land.

Babygirl!

Chica! Take your prozac. There was a reason your doc prescribed it...believe me, once you begin taking it, you'll be FAR more able to look at your situation more objectively and more apt to make positive choices for your life.

I know I'm still new to this board, and you all don't know me from Adam, but I am so seriously not new to this situation.

I am SO here for all of you - just as I know you are "ears and shoulders" for me. Baby - email me if you have ANY questions. I totally don't mind. I'm such an open book that it irritates the heck out of my dh (LMAO - he should've considered that, eh?).

Baby, you've got the right 'tude 'bout the positives in your life...you're doing great, imo! Hugs.

- Kimmy