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BBYG,
I live in Buffalo New York and there is a Pastor Doreen in one of the local churches here. Keep praying for strength.
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Lisaem, What church do u belong 2? I belong to Elim Christian Fellowship, it is so exciting to meet someone who lives in the same city! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Well my "new found" peace didn't last long at all, it is about 85 degrees out & I am in the house alone, have no idea where H is, he was gone most of the weekend. I know I said I have to change me, but it is kinda hard not to look at what is going on around me. This is a problem that has been ongoing throughout our M, H goes out a lot w/o me, we spend no where near 15 hrs. a week together, it is almost as if he doesn't want to spend time w/ me although he says he does. I didn't sleep at all last nite & didnt' make it to church this morning, that left me feeling empty also. H mowed the lawn, 1st time in yrs., then left. Maybe the change in me means being on my own, I was fooling myself big time to think that I could let this go & act as if what H does doesn't bother me. I feel like such a failure right now, for all my big talk & promises I made to myself & God, I had a true feeling of peace for a total of 5 days. Today I am right back where I was feeling hopeless about this situation & ready 4 him 2 leave. I have let the enemy back in my mind & all I feel is doubt & despair, and that oh so familiar feeling of tiredness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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Oh Babygirl! I'm so sorry your weekend was so sucky!
You know, right, that it's really easy to be happy and cool about things when everything is going right? You remember last week and the week before you'd gotten some good lovin, and your dh was taking (baby) steps in the right general direction....well, the ole devil is throwing a wrench in your monkeyworks - and the doubt is setting in. REMEMBER YOUR GOOD STUFF! It makes goin' through this sucky stuff easier. Push the doubt out! It has no place in your life, and only makes the devil settle in on your living room sofa and munch out on ju-ju-bees, relishing in your doubt cause it's manna to him.
Make your own good stuff, too. Dh is away? Shoot! Go to an art class, DO SOMETHING, BE...exist! LIVE! You know the adage, "the devil loves idle hands?" He loves idle MINDS, too...why do you think the doubt creeps in so easy? How could it creep in if you are out and about - BEING the person you are MEANT to be? It/he can't.
I've come to love you all - each of us has been through so much - YOU ARE IMPORTANT and SPECIAL to someone who has never met you face to face, and might not ever (I've said it before, we are all sisters/brothers through our tests of fire). Your happiness is precious to me - I'm praying we all find our peace and happiness and I'm in your corner pulling for you!
Just think of me as your personal cheerleader! Lean on me if you need to - Lord knows, I'll probably lean back now and then!
- Kimmy
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Kimmy - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...and only makes the devil settle in on your living room sofa and munch out on ju-ju-bees, relishing in your doubt cause it's manna to him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can always count on U to put a smile on my face! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I have let the him settle down on the sofa the kitchen the sun porch & the bedroom w/ way more than snacks to eat, he has had full course meals! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I KNOW I HAVE TO STOP THE DOUBTS! My H is not away, just wasn't home all weekend with me, working or going out, that is why I got so bent outta shape. We had a blow out last nite & after we had SF & he pulled out all the stops, I didn't even want it & I told him so & that it would solve nothing, maybe he thought that was showing me how much he loves me??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> All I wanted was some of his time, which I hardly ever get. I should not have to beg for that. Y can't he understand that it hurts me that he spends no time with me, even under the best circumstances that would hurt. He still says he is not leaving & wants to work on our M & that he feels he is making some progress, I saw a couple of baby steps recently but when I look at the overall picture I see little or nothing. I left him a note this morning telling him that I am tired of feeling hurt by his actions. Sometimes I don't know why I even bother.
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{{{{{{Babygirl}}}}}}}}
I am so sorry.
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BBG, you are sooo close to letting it go and giving it all to him. Girl just keep it up. We just think we can solve the worlds problems! LOL But God is so much better at it than we are. Sit back, breath, and just start trusting. Give one pc at a time if you have to, but give it to him and let go. God did not create you, me or anyone else on this earth to dwell in anger, sadness, and sorrow. He wants you to let him handle this for you. i know its hard and beleive me, it doesn't happen everyday, but when you do let him handle it, you feel sooo good inside. Give him the glory for everything you have. Even yur problems! This is where the devil is winning. Family is the greatest hate of the devil. And trust me, he's doing all he can NOT to make your M work! ((((((((Hugs to you))))))))) MISSED YOU ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
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BG, hugs to you.
Not sure if this is fitting or not but I will post it anyway. "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. "
Maybe your H is doing the best he knows how to do. I would say that somethings should change, like him not being around. I bet the SF was his way of trying to make it better and having your feel loved. Mars and Venus thing, men can get everything they need out of sex, they feel complete and loved, we need more.
Him saying that he want's the M maybe true, he just does not know how to do it and being a man, does not want someone to tell him how.
Hang in there.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I saw a couple of baby steps recently but when I look at the overall picture I see little or nothing. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm going to smack you upside the head with something I KNOW you already know:
LOOKING AT THE BIG PICTURE SUCKS LIKE A HOOVER!
I mean it. Let's look at MY big picture, instead of the "little bits" - and remember all this happened within a year of having our ds:
1. My dh's mom passed and he lost his mind
2. Not only did he loose his mind, he lost his morals and memory of what is important in his life.
3. Our house burned down
4. My grandfather passed
5. Nio got in a car accident
6. I got in a car accident with our baby
7. The businesses that dh had taken care of for his mom were failing
8. We had custody of my dbil who has downs syndrome
9. We both worked opposite hours so someone would always be home - but never at the same time
10. Dh began EA which turned into a PA
When dh's morals came around again for the first time, he was appalled to learn and face what he'd done in respect to cheating - so in an extensive effort to assauge his own horrible feelings, he did it yet again....Then it bit him in the butt again (nothing like Karma to slap you around for awhile).
Now, if I looked at the big picture - shouldn't I be a quivering mass of protoplasm - sitting in a corner somewhere, stark nekkid, rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, slowly plucking my eyebrows out one hair at a time? Cause when I used to look at the big picture that is EXACTLY the inclination I had....
Focusing instead on the little pictures and little things is what pulled me out of the maisma....The big picture blows chunks....I'm focusing on the little, more positive pictures....and there are more of them every breath I take.
- Kimmy
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. "</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Luv- I actually had that quote hanging on my wall in my bdrm. I know what u mean though & I know that H is having a hard time w/ trying to fix the mess he created & I know I have not always been the most supportive of his small efforts here & there, I am just tired, it seems as if eveytime I think things r looking up somthing happens & it is not good. I did so enjoy my 5 days of peace last week & I want that feeling back, I know it is the key to working thru this no matter the outcome.
Thanks ladies for your words of encouragement, I really thought I was past this stage of needing them, remember I was about to start a new thread - a no more "doom & gloom" thread, not now, maybe later.
Sunny - I am not giving up, I will have that feeling of peace & letting it go back again. It was so awesome & I miss it already.
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Dear BG, I know what you mean. Sometimes it comes so easily and at other times it difficult to see past the pain and memories.
Autumn or Genia said it so right, think about the good times. However, it's difficult when their are just as many bad times or some where in the good times is a bad memory. Now what I mean?
Can you tell you H how sad it makes you that the two of you don't spend more time together? Could you start suggesting things that you can do together?
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Luv, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Can you tell you H how sad it makes you that the two of you don't spend more time together? Could you start suggesting things that you can do together?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I w ill try 2 convey that 2 him, I wish it had done it better in the note I left 4 him this morning. I have suggested many things 4 us to do together, he always seems 2 be busy doing something else, which makes me think he doesn't want 2 b w/ me. I try to concentrate on what is good, but most times I feel like there isn't much there at all so I end up thinking of the negative stuff, doubting God & feeling hopeless. Thanks for the advice. How r things w/ u? Going well I hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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I know w/ me and H. We never had time for one another and developed seperate lives. I just simply say, I really don't want to go back to the way it was and start planning things! I've got bike rides w/ friends planned. Boat hang outs and "meet on the lake" parties going all the time. Hunny I keep him tired! But the more time we spend, the closer we have gotten. Oh and do some different stuff. Do w/o going out to eat lunch for week and get a room! They (H) don't plan special stuff, but they do love it, we have to do it. And if he cant make the first one, dont LB just plan another one. Plan a dinner or midnight snack out in the back yard after the kids go to sleep! Mine doesn't know what I will come up with next! (Me neither) LOL. But it will be special!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
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That is good advice Sunny, Thanks! It just makes it a bit more frustrating cuz waiting 4 little ones to go to bed or be at a sitter is not our problem, we should have saturday nite EVERY nite! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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It may sound a bit tacky but here goes. My H was working so much and I was frustrated and just told him. I'm going to have the most wonderful SF that I have ever had tonight (when & where and what time)and you are the first one I'm inviteing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL You should have seen the look on his face. OMG! It was to die for. But he was there and I made it special and it was great! LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
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Sunny - That wasn't tacky at all, kinda cute actually! Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Yeah. And it didn't involve an exhaustive search for Pop Rocks. Sorry. Couldn't help it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Oh the pop rock, found them at a corner store, we had 4 couples up at the cabin and I bought a pack for all of us! LOL Its was quite interesting!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D
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I am LMAO! I'm not gonna ask what flavor you got! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> - Kimmy
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Hey Sunny, U didn't tell me u found the pop rocks, I am soooo jealous, have yet 2 find them here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Kimmy somehow I missed your post a couple of days ago regarding the "big picture" wow - when it rains it pours right? I know things could be a whole lot worse, thanks for sharing.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Kimmy somehow I missed your post a couple of days ago regarding the "big picture" wow - when it rains it pours right?
I know things could be a whole lot worse, thanks for sharing.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No big. I've a theory about all of it:
LIFE happens. Sometimes a lot more LIFE happens to some people than others. But the alternative to LIFE happening...oy! Who the heck wants that? Besides, those of us that have a lot of LIFE happenings usually have a lot of character...of course, if LIFE keeps it up with me, I'm gonna have so much character I'll be next in line for an Oscar.
- Kimmy
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