Albany,

AD said;
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If and when you move to PB, you need to be dead serious. He can NO LONGER come over. In fact, many women change the locks to the house/garage, etc. Drop offs and p/u's with your son should be through a 3rd party. Any necessary communication should be made through a 3rd party. You will not be able to ask him to check oil leaks, etc., and he will not be able to come for dinner, etc. You will be cut off from one another. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the only way to do it, from what I have read on the general ? board you do DARK - NO CONTACT AT ALL!

Very scary I know but you can do it, what do you have to lose????

I'm so slow. I just kept posting away on the old thread. Hum-de-dum-de-dum....

Yes albany, if you do PB, go over to General. Tons and tons of valuable information over there as well as many smack dab in the middle of PB right now. Lots of support!

Dark is the word. He has to experience life completely without you. Pretend you're in Australia or something.

I couldn't find it but KT said once ok if you do plan B you wake him up and he gets serious about M and you get life together and live happy or you do it and get D and get your life together and still can be happy. Either way what do you have to loose? He will have to make a choice and you will end up ok, but it will be over with. No more back and forth. So what do you have to loose. Yes its scary, but do the foot down thang and lets go. I told my H and I beleive thats what brushed some of the fog off his head. Still brushing too, but its soo much better now than 2 months ago. Could not beleive what 4-6-8 weeks can make. Just pray about it and we are here for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Thanks Sunnydale!

I'm trying to be strong--I will update you guys later--early evening pst. He is coming by to check oil leak--and I told him I would call him at 4:30pm. I will update after he goes to work--he works tonight and is off Fri., Sat., Sun., Mon.

Albany - I think you may be ready for Plan B also. However, my concern is with OC due soon, is the timing right? What do you all think? If you plan b now and baby is born - will H run to be with OW if he thinks there is no more chances with you? I don't know - just a thought to ponder.

Let us know.

Good point to consider Kris. I hadn't thought of that. However, it will take more time than usual to prepare for Plan B because albany also has to iron out all the details regarding her son. Initiation of PB likely wouldn't take place till after the birth of OC.

This is also a unique sitch because typically Plan B is used when a WS is still seeing the OP. Still, albany's H is not committing to the M, so I think Plan B is a wise move after all this time.

albany~ One last thought for the day. I was thinking about how it frustrates you to see your H's actions not match his words. Think for a moment how he might be viewing your actions in accordance to your words. This is just one more reason not to threaten unless you are ready to back it up. He will never take you seriously unless or until you back your words with actions.

Have a great evening!

Aut. is right. Like my H she's not going anywhere. But he woke up when I did! But I had to go. Plus I thought it was something we both wanted. I din't like him he didn't like me. So I was doing both of us a favor. But I was wrong and we are changing and working on it now. Oh when we first got together it was back and forth. She would try and talk him out of coming home and he would be talking to me about being M and it working. So when there is OC and OW they try real hard to change H mind and tell them all the bad stuff back about us. Problem is we didn't get to tell all of the bad stuff about them! And H knows this Hello. But then hes got this OW w/OC over here and how and what are they going to do. So I'm sur Hubby is alttle stressed to. And maybe even scared. Hope your night goes well. talk to you tomorrow
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Nothing new happening--he looked at my car & said it was leaking still--I have to get a small part to fix it. Of course, he called on his way home from work this morning--I predicted to a friend that he would. He mainly smalled talked & then he did have a reason for calling and it was to remind to call and see if the dealership had the part in stock--hello--I'm always the one doing that stuff--like I would forget.

Then he called me at about 8:15 to see if had called because I said previously that they opened at 8--anyway--they have the part I'm to neighboring to VW dealership to pick it up after work--H is picking son up from DC.

That's it--nothing exciting--not a bad thing.

Sound like a lot of unnecessary calls to me, wonder if it has anything to do w/ your little speech yesterday about giving him the boot????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You got him on the run girl, he's soooooo scared.
Scared can be a good thing too, especially if it is him & not you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> !

The Update:

The weekend was fairly quiet. H didn't take son overnight at all--came over visited Friday night. He came over early Saturday morning so I could go to a garage sale. Left to do his laundry but came down and watched my mom at a horse competition. He had a good time and complimented my mom. he then went to finish helping friend cut up wood--he called my parents at about 9:45pm because I was their--we were watching Seabiscuit--just to let me know they had finished the wood and he would be over Sunday.

Brought us lunch stayed and took a bath and nap and then he left saying he didn't want to give me wrong impression. Which pissed me off--I said oh yeah you don't love me I forgot! I said if we are going to do this divorce thing then lets do it and be done. He said when & I said as soon as you start it because you want it. He didn't reply--I said you have had a long time to start it. Again, no reply. I then said if you are truly unsure then you need to just say so and we don't have to do anything for the time being. Again, no reply.

He took our son with to go grocery shopping for him and I left to take care of my horse.

Positive thing I think: I talked to a friend of ours--we use to live across street from them then we moved and then they moved next door to my parents which is 1/4 mile from us--anyway Memorial weekend him and H went out for dinner and drink. H told friend about not living together and he actually told him all about OW/OC. H told me that and I asked if he told our friend that he wanted a D and he said no. This friend is very good to have listen--might not agree with what has happenend but will listen. I called our friend and we talked and he said true H had not said anything about D. He also said by a few things H said it is obvious he stills loves me even though he tells me something different. They were all working together the other weekend helping my Dad tear down building and another friend of mine was helping--I use to datte himin college and he kinda of took advantage of me a little when I was tipsy--H hates him for it. Our friend commented to H that he didn't seem to like this guy and asked why. Our friend told me H went off about what had happened and you could tell he still really loved me. Our friend thinks I need to stop being there for H and let get worried as you guys have said and he said it is just really obvious that he loves me but can't handle this situation.

Another positive note: H called late last night and asked if I wanted to go see Harry Potter new movie--We both have been waiting for it come out. Our friend also wants to try and get us to go out together with them and have some fun--he said since you guys have had son we haven't much and that is true. I use to feel so guilty above asking someone to watch him so we could go out because he had already been to daycare all week--that caused a lot of damage to our M.

I have been reading today and post some more soon--some times I hate to give an update becasue their is so much to say and it would be so much easier to say it than type it.

Albany,

It is very interesting that any of the hard questions you asked H about D he was silent. He doesn't want a D, throws it up to you for what reason, I will never know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Those were some positive signs you got over the weekend, it is good that he is talking too, he will tell others the real truth about what he is feeling before you I would guess, why - to hard to face you, the "run away rather than face my problems" syndrome. Who knows????

Hang in there kid, maybe listen more than talk, he may or may not be stressing about OC being born soon, be his safe haven as much as possible right now if you can.

I still think PB is in order but I would wait like AD said until after the baby is born & see what that adds or takes away from the situation, of course you know better than us but it looks like that is only thing that will wake him up.

Thanks BBYG

I know--but I made a promise today--and you all have to help me with it--to not say I love and that I care--the 180's say to not say it and I need not too. He needs to wonder and I need to ignore him--maybe I should decline the movie offer. Thanks again--OC due Thursday.

SOunds good, like I said don't talk just listen, defintely no I love you's, I want you to come home, I need you, none of that.

She is due any day, do you have any thoughts on that at all? He is not planning on being there is he?

Yeah just try to be quiet & ignore him as much as possible, you know how that makes him crazy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

No--he does not--they have refused all contact that he has tried to have her or her mom since mid-Feb. to try and work something out--I'm thinking that they are scheming and it is going to be a bloody battle w/CS and everything else. Why they have not returned calls etc. is beyound me--he has no idea how it is going. the last he had heard was due date of 6/15--but you see my dad works for the company that her mom married last Sept. one of the brothers who owns the company--OW's mom married guy you isn't expected to live much longer he has spinal bifda--very sick and no fix and she made it very clear she had to get married to him and get him to sign his will before his last operation because his odds of living through it were not good--he did live and he use be a family friend but everyone hates this new money grubbing wife that is mom of my H's exOW. Long story but my dad found out from other brother who is 3/4 owner in business that her new due date was 6/10--by the way everyone is sure she got pregnant on purpose to try and keep my H and for the Cs and welfare she can now get. She is following in her mom's footsteps.

Gotta run for now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she got pregnant on purpose to try and keep my H and for the Cs and welfare she can now get </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well that can't be a surprise now can it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Yeah I bet all she wants is CS too, if she can't be a husband stealing homewrecker, may as well be a gold digger I guess.

Alb, has H seen an attorney yet or is he just waiting for her to do it? Due date being this close who will tell you when it gets here? I'm going to be a wreck when it comes. My meds need to catch up!!
Sunny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

No, he hasn't seen atty. because just maybe if you keep your head buried long enough in the sand it will go away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I have encouraged him to but I guess waiting for her to have it. I asked over the weekend if he had decided on NC or C and he said he hadn't and hadn't thoguht about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> hello, what has he been doing since he moved out end of Jan.?

I will find out from my Dad when she has had it. Everyone will know at his work.

She had it last week! H and I were talking today and I said if I find out she had it do you want me to tell you. He very quietly told me that she already had it. I said oh and how do you know and he said he called our friend who is now her step-dad about a friend of his that got hurt to see how he was doing and he told him.

H does not know what day or and details except it's name. He asked who last name and friend said he didn't know and was quite cranky about the whole thing. Oh yes you will all love this--our friend the new step-dad told us that the younger sister who grad. from HS in 2003 is now pregnant and of course keeping the baby so now we have step-dad, new awful mom, her daughter (just 21) with OC--she is exOW, 18 or 19 daughter who is now pregnant and son 15, son 7 all living in a 3bd. 2ba. with one income.

I asked H if he was going to see this OC (son also) and he said he did not believe so. Did not seem interested at all.

So how you doing Albany?

Sounds like maybe you won't have some of the problems others are having since H doesn't seem too interested in OC.

I can't believe he knew and didn't tell you. How long ago did he find out? Maybe that is why he has been acting weird? Maybe he was afraid to tell you and afraid of how you would react? Afraid to be reminded of the pain he has caused you.

Doesn't sound like you did any LBing - great job.

Keep working on your M - it sounds good. Keep being supportive of H and no LBing and things will turn around. Stay strong and let us know how you are handling OC arrival.

Talk to you later.

She had the baby last week--maybe Wed-Friday--h doesn't even know exactly what day.

H was in good humor when he came over helped me make the bed etc. I brought up OW and he got cranky said he doesn't want to talk about it--said unlike me he doesn't let it consume him--I think that he thinks I can't get past it--he said you aren't very fun to be with right now--I said well then leave and he said he would because he came to see our son--not me and I said that's fine then we don't need to go to the movie's this weekend and I said I don't know why you invited me in the first place then if you don't want to be around me.