Albany,

I guess I am a bit of an idiot. I just noticed that OW was due in June but I must have missed your post that she had it. Did she? What was it?

We know she had because our family friend is married to OW's mom-he told my H she had it when my H called him to inquire how his health was(he has spinal bifda) and told H she already had it and it was a boy which we knew and it names is Bryson-we know it was born first week of June but her first Due date was 6/17 and then changed to 6/10-I haven't a clue any more than that.

Just going to ramble a bit and then you guys give me your thoughts.

H was great the this morning before and after SF-then I went to work. He had a ton to do today pick up some ebay stuff to ship--big stuff--pain in the a$$ to deal with-needed to call IRS, and needed to change tires on a vehicle and he is watching our son today and that isn't all he got off work this morning at 6:00am. So that is the background.

I called him a few ago to tell him I didn't have to go pick up the cat ofmy mom's fromt he vet and he was kind of distant and grouchy and then I called back because I wanted to make sure he didn't need anything from costco and he said no and seemed irritated. I said why are you grouchy-you weren't this mornign and he said I have a lot to get done and I said okay and he hung up the phone without a goodbye.

Okay it made me want to cry--it was hurtful--I think mainly bothered me because of SF this morning and how he was nice and was it so he could get SF. The whole outcome of the last couple SF's worry me alot and I hope it isn't about me--I hope it is him--just makes me fell insecure.

Hi Albany,

My husband used to get grouchy with me on the phone. I would cry because he was mean to me. Well finally, guess what. I got tired of him being mean to me on the phone. Seems he thought I was checking up on him. What a load of crap. Well I quit calling him. I call somebody else now when I want to talk. Guess what! He calls me now and he is pleasant when he calls. Try it, it might work.

That is why I posted--because I needed to talk to someone. I think he is overwhelmed coming from working to watching son--plus he was up most of yesterday before he went to work. So I think he is stressed and fatgued--we all know what that does don't we ladies!

Posting is good but it does not replace haveing a supportive person to call. Sometimes you post and nobody posts back. I feel for you girl. I hope you feel better soon. Don't let your husband get you down. Like you said he had a lot to do and it was probably stressing him. When my husband was still with OW, I used to call and try to time it when he was with OW. She even told me I called a lot when she was with him. Yet he told me affair had ended then. I am so glad that is not going on now so I do not mind not calling him even though I would like to call to just tell him I love him. Guess I just cannot have everything my way.

Having a dh that has been working 6 p - 6 a, I think I can honestly say that he's dog tired and is stressed because of it. I wouldn't take this one day personally.

Sides,

"Albany got luck-y
Albany got luck-y
Albany got luck-y
Albany got luck-y"

Since he's being pissy, just think of that, instead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> THINK OF ALBANY AND HER GOOD FEELINGS!

- Kimmy

I know but maybe he just wanted a piece and it wasn't that he was nice because of anything other than that. Hopefully and probably I'm writing more into it--H hates that--I tend to always do that--so I will leave him be.

Also, he is having a SF issue and he didn't use to and I think it has prgressively gotten worse since he started anti-d.

I will just arrive home with a smile and offer to take son to costco with me so H can do whatever.

Hi Albany,

I feel you because my husband will be sweet till he gets SF and be mean afterwards. Makes me feel used sometimes too. I am sorry. I think these men must just be in a funk mood except when they get SF. I don't know but I cannot be responsible for his mood. Shoot if he's not happy there is nothing I can do about it. Don't take it personal. Maybe it is all the guilt they are dealing with. I just know their fowl mood is not our fault. Try and make yourself happy and don't worry about him.

Hi Albany,

I am so sorry you are haveing SF problem. I think yours is probably related to Antidepressant your husband is taking. My husband is takeing one of those pills advertised on TV to increase Stamina and size. He wants it more now. But he still is moody sometimes after SF. I just do not get men. My husband had a significant drop in SF desire after discovery day. Led me to beleive affair was still in progress. He still denies that affair continued after discovery to this day. Maybe your husband could try that stuff advertised on TV. It works. Try other Antidepressant medication. I hope it gets better for you. I remember after haveing affair wearing negligace to seduce husband and feeling hurt when he would turn me down sometimes. I hope it gets better for you. I also understand thinking he just wants you for sex. Sometimes I thought the same thing about my husband. It was like he did not make love to me.
{{{{{{{{{{Albany}}}}}}}}}}

A lot happened over the weekend-mainly bad and a little good.

H took a girl out to dinner and movie on Sat. night--I though a week ago i overheard conversation that sounded like it was with a girl. Stopped at a friends house with girl-mutual friend felt obligated to tell me eve though his wife said they wouldn't get involved and she still doesn't think her H told me. Okay, the worst is I know who the girl is--she works at the paper mill I work and do the payroll for all of the hourly mill prod. employees--she is one of them I do the payroll for--H met her through friends of his and by the way she is everything he bi@@@s about in a person--kind of hippie and dresses real ssloppy etc.--not his usual type.

I told him yesterday I knew he took someone out--my work is a huge gossip place and I told him I heard rumors last weekend. Told him her name etc-he denied it and I said see you don't even know how to tell the truth anymore--you just lie and then something major happened between us and I think he realized he has some issues. He called me last night and said he realized that he had better seek some IC because of what happened and that he was going to think about us--last Friday when i got home he had said it was over.

I told him that I didn't really feel like he needed to worry about us even if he went to IC because he continued his friendship with her-he says he isn't sleeping with her and I said I hope not because their are alot of stories about her around the mill and who she has slept with. I said I don't think friendship is okay and he said I'm a grown adult and I can have friendship with her--I said yes that was what you had with OW and look at it all now--I said no based on your history I don't think you can and I said her being single I think she is looking for more myself. So he is supposedly thinking about all that and I'm keeping my distant to protect myself.

I think yesterday with some events that I'm not comfortable mentioning he may have hit bottom and realized he has a lot of issues.

I will just live each day for me because I love him but not who he has become and I need to perserve the love.

I will also that we don't meet each others EN's and that would have to change--have to start at zero and take it from their and I personally don't think we have every started at zero.

I told him that I'm extremly hurt bu him taking some one out and that it is disrespectful and if roles were reversed he would feel the same way.

I think I have no choice but to implement the best PB I can with him still coming to our house some--if I change the locks he won't help pay the mortgage-but i don't have contact him--he needs to do all that--No chasing after this weekend's incidents.

Albany,

I am so sorry. I am so glad that guy told you. It is like everybody knows what is going on but will not tell you nothing. I work with a guy who goes to NA with my husband where he dated OW. He does not tell me anything. Nobody wants to be involved. My husband lies till he is caught. I think your husband is in another affair. I feel for you. I would be scared to have SF with him. He may not have had SF with her yet but if he keeps seeing her he probably will. I know how this hurts you. Why do they seek somebody else when they have us. They are so stupid. Albany I think plan B is in order. I would change the locks and file for CS for your mortgage. Albany you have got to depend on yourself financially. Depending on a man financially comes with a high price. I feel for you Albany. I feel so hurt for you. Once was bad enough but again. Your husband has serious issues.
{{{{{{{{{{{Albany}}}}}}}}}}

OH MAN! WTF??????? He is def. gonna have to hit rock bottom - if he already hasn't.

And HELLO? He HAS to pay on the mortgage with you...the house is in both your names, right? Just because he's not living there doesn't mean he's not financially responsible for it. He signed the papers, right?

What a complete and total fool. I just want to go up there and beat some sense into him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He so needs to grow up - he's acting like a freakin teenager!

Yep. PB for sure! I'm so sorry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

NO MORE SFing with that guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so pissed he got some last week, then had the nerve to take someone else out! A**hole! And a known tart at that! Ick! Ack! Blech! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I love you, hon. It's time baby. It is SO time!

- Kimmy

I don't think he is in PA or really an EA yet but I think it would lead to that. Don't get me wrong I'm not okay with any of this--I still think he is trying to run away and tries to do this by finding woman friend.

Idiot. He's being an idiot.

I have a whole bunch of other names to call him, but I'm afraid I'd be censored for life.

It's okay if I'm mad FOR you right?

BTW: It's time for him to crash and burn by himself for awhile....

sheesh. Talk about fog. I'm surprised he's not choked to death by now!

- Kimmy

actually house isn't inour names because of the bankruptcy he filed to protect himself from the business that he had that went under--house is in my parents name.

I think he saw an ugly side of himself yesterday and he thought it was gone and now he is realizes finally that this is all him--he said he was going to IC for him that he was not doing it for anyone else--that he had to get healthy first.

Hi Albany,

I am with Kimmy,
I love the way she puts it.

albany~

So sorry to hear this latest. Not exactly shocking though, right?

Plan B has got to be all the way if you want any success.

That includes changing the locks.

Is there a way your parents could cover you awhile, financially speaking? Or...did he ever sign anything with your parents, committing to a financial responsibility to them?

If he doesn't get on board soon, you may have to look for a smaller place for you and your son anyway.

Don't let having to rely on him for money get in your way, or he'll never take you seriously.

Besides that, NC is NC, and that's what Plan B is.

albany, I don't see any other way. Nothing else has gotten through to him yet.

I believe he's been positively affected by your Plan A, but not to the point of coming home and truly committing to the M.

His latest escapade is proof.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Well, it is all in god's hands now--I have said what I had to say last night and H said what he said and now it is time for him to do and no more me holding his hand thru things or enabling him--because I have enabled him and made it too easy to come back to me. The incident that happened yesterday either gets dealt with or I'm outta here--but I think that incident was a wake up for him. Actually for the first time he said this whole thing was all about him and he needs to deal with him.

So give me strentght ladies to live life as a free spirit right now and so H who I am and allow him to deal with his life. I'm so bad about trying to help solve his issues. I think I need to tell him that I do not want to see him really at all or maybe I should be around him but just be indifferent to him--I'm thinking more like PB though. I can't really do a true PB right now.

So i have to put this in god's hands now--I guess I have done what I can except send him on his way to his own recovery.

I fhe just left and didn't run to other women I would believe he is done but because he doesn't and tries to fill the gap with someone that tells me he hasn't ever dealt with anything for him-but looks for something new instead of dealing with him or us.

So it is type for me to let it happen one way or the other without me actively trying to influence it so much.

We have agreed that we won't try to sell the house until fall. I can't do a true PB but I can let go of him which I haven't ever--he may be one of those that we sell the house and I get my own place before he figures it out.

Interesting to me that he finally sees himself as the problem. I'm fairly resigned to it being done--I have done most of what I can for now and I can only see if he acts on what he said he would.

Interesting that these men jump right into somethng else.