Albany - Just a bit of advice which I think I have shared before, I find it best not to bring up OW/OC at all to H. If he wants to talk, he brings it up. I found that it is more comfortable for H to talk about it when they are willing. H is more willing to open up about feelings and less LBing.

If you know talking about OW upsets H, don't bring it up!! He gets angry and does not want to spend time with you. It's not fair, but if you want to work at your M, you have to do what you can to make him want to spend time with you. If you constantly bring up OW/OC and you know it makes him angry, he will not want to spend time with you and will be less willing to work on M.

Just my suggestion.

Albany,

{{{{{{{{{{Albany}}}}}}}}} - Big hug to you sweetie! How are you feeling about all this?

I guess it is good that H seems to not care about OC being born, has he told you any plans at all regarding DNA & CS being set up? If OW wants nothing to do w/ your H, I am sure she will want CS.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I brought up OW and he got cranky said he doesn't want to talk about it--said unlike me he doesn't let it consume him--I think that he thinks I can't get past it--he said you aren't very fun to be with right now--I said well then leave and he said he would because he came to see our son--not me and I said that's fine then we don't need to go to the movie's this weekend and I said I don't know why you invited me in the first place then if you don't want to be around me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what happened after you said all that, did he leave, is he pissed off now because you have a right to ask ? about OC & OW. I know Kris is right about waiting to let him talk about it but he seems content not to. The comment about it not consuming him, would have sent me LBing all over the place, the nerve of him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Hello - this is YOUR life that is be affected here!

Are you making any plans now or waiting to see what H is going to do or how he will act now that OC is here?

Stay strong. We are here for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BBYG~

He didn't leave and of course he didn't say let's cancel movie date. I'm not doing anything right now. It is his deal right now--Idon't think he wants to do anything yet. I find it so fitting that the other sister is now pregnant--see a pattern??

He called last night late for something pointless and I was asleep and he could tell so he told me to go back to bed. He was transferring some money today--I think that he called to let me know he would do it.

I'm waiting for our federal tax return--it is very large and I plan to pay off a visa and then use the other money as a slush for our checking and put some in savings.

He is suppose to come by tonight to pick up our son and take him down to the fairgrounds to watch them rope--we will see what happens.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He didn't leave and of course he didn't say let's cancel movie date. I'm not doing anything right now. It is his deal right now--Idon't think he wants to do anything yet. I find it so fitting that the other sister is now pregnant--see a pattern?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They sound like a really sleazy bunch, that is for sure.

I didn't think he left or wanted to cancel the date, he wants you, Albany & his son, not sure if it is pride or just stupidity that is keeping him away from home. How much of this are you supposed to take though?

ALBANY,

I WISH YOU MY BEST. H DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE HAS. I AM GLAD THAT AT LEAST HE DID NO TACT LIKE SOME OF THE OTHER H'S I HAVE BEEN READING ABOUT THOUGH. SO PLEASE HOLD YOUR HEAD UP GIRL 'CAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE HE REALLY WANTS YOU JUST DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO CORRECT THIS MESS. DON'T PUSH HIM TO HER ARMS. BE STRONG - I AM PRAYING FOR YOU.

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE I NEED IT!


JT

Thanks JT2

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will say now that OC has arrived it hasn't changed anything since before OC arrived--just still don't know anything--who's name it will have etc., my H doesn't want to see it. H has been great with our son--he doesn't want to talk about it--he acts like he needs to deal with it alone and maybe that is because he doesn't want me after all in his life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Albany - Sounds to me like H is in denial or just plain avoiding the topic. Kind of out of sight out of mind. If I don't see or talk about it, the problem does not exist. I also think he may not want to cause you any more pain by talking about it. I don't think our H realize that we need to talk about it in order to be able to handle it. Men seem to want to avoid things, while we need to talk. I think he loves you and just doesn't know how to fix this mess. Keep being supportive - he will talk when he is ready. In the mean time, take care of you and your DS. Things will turn around for you. Now that OC is born, maybe H's stress level will go down and he will focus more on being your H. We can hope!! Stay strong!!

The Update:

H came by last night. No taking care of things well--had his powered turned off because he didn't pay his bill--had to pay it over the phone. If I had done that he would have chewed my *ss. I didn't say a thing. He came over and ate dinner and we talked, played with our son and had a good time.

I asked about the movie and he said it was up in the air because he was probably going to be able to work some OT this weekend which we could use the extra $$$$. A lot of people are taking vacation now at his work and will be all summer long through hunting season so he will be able to get OT again.

This may have been too much pressure on him (they crack so easily)but to think about the movie because I only wanted him to go if he wanted to spend time with me and cared for me. he just responded with okay--so we will see if he wants to go if he isn't working.

He called after he got back home for something trivial, don't even remember what it was now. He took left over for lunch and brought back all the left over containers he had taken previously.

All in all it seemed to go well.

That's good albany,

I don't know but how long does he plan on being out of the house? Do you have a plan on this? Is H really not seeing the OW /OC? I am not trying to upset you these are questions that I have and I gain knowledge through you girls. I am getting no answers as far as this goes and I don't know what to do I was thinking of writing H a letter to let him know just how long he has been out of the home, and how long I will allow to be gone without ending the M. Is this a good idea. I do not want to devote my life to making him happy when I am getting no info., or even concern about my feelings from him.

I want it to be over. But at least I am glad that you guys still have fun with each other, I need to be at that point.

JT

Yes JT2, I'm sure.

Albany,

I hope that I didnot upset you. That was not my intention these are questions that I feel I need answers to. I was just curious if you knew the answers to yours. Please dont be mad. I am just so confused at what to do!

JT

JT2~ I'm not the least bit offended or upset with you sweetie.

Hey Albany,

Where are you girl? I have been waiting to see you post but you have not lately. Are you okay? I am sure that you are busy but you usually do not go this long without posting - at least not during the week?

I just wanted to check on you and maybe chat for a little while. Gotta go I am about to leave for my weekend trip - so I'll see you later. take care of yourself - and keep posting we need to hear from you from time to time.


JT

JT2~

Thanks for checking on me. I'm good--nothing really new. H picked son up yesterday from daycare and they were at the house when I got home last night. H had given son a bath and that was about it--oh yes gave him a snack. H asked for a back rub before he headed off to night shift. I gace him a back rub we chatted and had a pleasant time. Left him voicemail last night to tell him not to pick son him because I would because I had made him a haircut appt. Haven't heard from H today--he is sleeping I'm sure --he has a hard time with his two night shifts. Movie is up in the air--haven't heard a thing--don't think that I'm going to ask.

That's it.

You will have an excellent time and you deserve it and it will be very good for you H to be alone with kids--they take us for granted when comes to raising children.

Have a few drinks on me--try a carmel apple martini.

Hey Albany,

How did things go this past weekend?

Good then bad today. I really feel like giving up--I can't do anything right.

H came over Saturday and hung out most of the day--actually he slept. I invited him to dinner last night and he said he would let me know yesterday during the day. He called from work-he worked OT yesterday and said he was coming for dinner and I said I want you to come not just for our son--not just to see him and he said okay. Came and had nice dinner.

He was suppose to come over this morning to watch our son at 7:00--wasn't their called him at a little after 7 and he didn't answer. He finally called me back at 7:15 and was on his way--I have to be to work at 7:30--thankfully I live less than 5 minutes away. We got into over the phone as I left as he pulled in. I said that it really made me mad that he could manage to get to work but couldn't get here to watch our son.

Then he called about moving money and how much did I need. Was all pissy about that and I called him back and left a voicemail to call me--I had calculated what I had to have. He called me back and bi***** me out about how my tone on the message was negative and how I was such a negative person. I asked him what was wrong with him and he said the money--we are always tight now with pay for extra living expenses and the whole situation he said he was tired of and I said then what do you plan to do about it and he said probably get a divorce.

I said then why do you come over and spend all this time at the house--he said to see our sona nd he hates his apt. but that he doesn't come to see me and I'm way too negative for him to be around and I'm not good for him and I said well OW was real great for you to be around. He said he won't come over anymore and I said all I have tried to do is love you and be by your side through all this--he said don't love me abymore and that he doesn't want to be around me and he won't come over anymore. He makes it like I'm the bad person in this whole situation. So I guesss unless I get my voice fixed so that I have a happy tone all the time then I'm a negative person. If I was such a negative person I wouldn't want my marriage to still work and I would kick his a** to curb a long time ago.

I'm sorry to ramble--just really hurt because I pretty much said yesterday do not come over unless you want to see me too--intivitation is not just for you to have dinner with our son.

Hey Albany,

How are things with you? did you have agood weekend? I sure did! Hope you did too!!

JT

Albany, ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) No you don't have to have a happy tone. He did this, not you. I don't care if M people don't get along. You just don't cheat!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Its adultry! Hello, back in the old days is was against the law. You would get stoned. We really need to go back to those days! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> People have no sense these days. I bet H would hit the roof and have a heart attack if the roles where reversed. I know mine would. "My woman" thing. He knows I wasn;t raised to sleep around and it does have to mean something to me. I don't think really deep down inside he wants a D. If he did he would have already. But in the mean time your stuck waiting. Have you set a date yet? We will do plan A til ? Then move on. DO you think he would ever think that you would file? Hope things get better. Oh and him not liking apartment, yea there's no wife there? Wake up! He wanted the apartment, have ya'll talked about him coming home instead of him having a place to go hide? Is he taking the Kids w/ him? Are you getting your time to have peice and quiet? (((((((((Hugs again)))))))))))
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Sunnydale~

I agree with the apt and no wife--why is it that they can't admit those things?? We haven't talked about timeframe. He doesn't take our son to his apt-he comes and sees him at our house. Since the end of January when he moved out he has had our son overnight once, yet he sees our son almost everyday.

Hey,

I must have been typing the same time you were earlier. But don't listen to what that fool H of yours says. Trust me actions speak louder than words and if he did not want to see you and spend time with you he would not still be transfering money to your account nor would he be coming over there to lay around and see your son( excuse the run on sentence). He would just pick him up and drop him off. The anger in his tone should tell you something. It is a cry for help! He really probably has no clue what to so or where to go from here, so he makes sure that he stays close to his family so he knows where the light at the end of the tunnel is.

If he really wanted a D - trust me I think he'd stay the h*** away from you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
But that's just the pride talking so be as sweet as pie and don't worry he'll come running with his tail between his legs soon enough - (hey I should take that same adivce)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JT

<small>[ June 14, 2004, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>