JT2~I know all to well how it is easier to give the advice that we ourselves should be listening to and impletmenting in our own situation.

I'm sure you are right--he has had a long time to get a divorce and never does anything about it. Why not? Why come over? He could take our son. He makes me so mad sometimes-acting like the phone calls back and forth didn't hardly transpire. We will see if he stays for dinner or not.

I'm w/ JT2 on this. Just ignore the idiocy of that fool.

Why do the H do that? Pick on you (us) for our 'tone'?--------well, actually, I do know the answer to that----it's so that they can argue and misdirect the conversation to something PETTy & ignore the big THING!

Like pointing out the dustbunnies & ignoring the BIG pink elephant in the room! lol

Or trying to always 'sweep it under the rug'.....and then act suprised when they keep tripping over it! hahahahahahah

Just keep up the good work, the conversation flowing & try to keep the sense of humor too!

I would point out to H how much easier the budget would be if there wasn't an extra rent payment every month.

By the way albany.....on a private note......how is the cost of living over there? Do you mind emailing me so we can discuss it privately?

No I am not leaving my H...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

KT~

e-mail at work holly.hoyt@weyerhaeuser.com

Well when I got home yesterday after work H comes trotting out from the bathroom in his undershorts to turn on the oven and we collided--I had just came in and turned on the oven. H and son had just woken up from naps. H hadn't wedged the yard like he said he would but I didn't say anything about it. Of course, he acted like the previous conversation had never occured.

I put away the clean dishes and then I put the dinner in the oven. Meanwhile, H had laid back down on the bed and was resting I guess--I changed my clothes and said that I was going out to mow the lawn and he said he would come out and edge. I mowed the whole lawn(riding mower) and he was still sleeping and by this time dinner was done and I got it all out and I asked if he was eating with us or not. Of course, he got up and got dressed and ate. I cleaned up the dinner dishes and went out and planted my tomato plants and h finally came out while I was weeding and used the weedeater to edge.

I then watered my Hanging baskets and he worked on his chain saw and then he limbed up a big blue spruce at the edge of our front lawn etc. He also hooked up the VCR--our old one broke and we still have alot of VHS so myparents gave us an old one--we bought them a DVD/VCR combo for x-mas. He was very helpful and hung out until 8:00 and then he went down to my parents to see my dad.

He actually was up and out of bed today early for him--he can sleep forever--he called at 9:00 and was on the way to the house to take the tree branchs to our friends to put on their burn pile.

That is it--but don't forget he is done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Whatever! JT2 and KT you are right--I will ignore his words.

Albany, has H said anything else about the OC? Didn't she have it? Has he made plans w/ the attorney yet or is he just waiting for OW to sock it to him? I think hes playing a waiting game. He wants to be sure everything maybe is said and done then get past and go on. If he wanted a D he would have done it. I think he doesn't want one either. He doesn't contact the OW does he? So with her crap coming to a head then maybe you can get on w/ yours. He doesn't want C so you wont have to deal w/ that so I fell maybe healing times are coming. He misses home, or he wouldn't spend so much time there. Good luck girl.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Albany,

Your H is not done, we all know that & so does he. Why is it so hard to act like an adult & say what it is you really want & do it????

You hang in there too!

Thanks BBGY, Sunny and everyone else for your words of encouragement.

Sunny, H isn't doing any thing--no contact and nothing else--men be pro-active in dealing with this--yah right! I think you are right about him wanting this thing figured out with C or NC and CS but he sure isn't helping it move along--so frustrating because I like to just deal with things and have them done even if it is a bad thing. H takes the bury the head int he sand approach and only peek out when forced.

We will see what he has done all day and if he is at our house when I get home.

If H is not at our house then I'm not going to call him etc. We are suppose to meet with his cousin and his family tomorrow night for dinner--they live 5 hours away and will be near us this week for business. I was very surprised H wanted to meet with them--he hasn't tlaked to his cousin since we split up last summer--he knows what his cousin thinks of him ditching out on me and son. THey know all about OW and OC but they have to pretend they don't because H doesn't know they know. We are fairly close to them--use take cruises together during our pre-children years.

Anyway I will try to update tonight.

Albany,
I hope that everthing went ok last night. I also hope the visit with the cousins goesa well or went well if I'm late. Please try and have a good night regarless of what''s going on. No need for all of us to have a bad one right?

JT

Last night went well--tonight dinner with H's cousin and his wife and two little girls. We will see how it goes.

If I'm up to it I will post an update but sometimes I'm too tired to at night.

Dinner was great--we had an excellent time and we laughed a lot when talked about a trip we took in 2000 to Cabo San Lucas with them pre-kids. You couldn't have know we were having any problems unless someone told you. H acted as if everything was great.

I found that a little annoying that just because he acted so normal and yet I know it isn't all normal. A good night all and all. I will see if H calls today or not.

I think he wants everything to be normalagain. My H talkes talks like that to. Let them enjoy their normal time and you take advantage of it. I'm sure those H that are truely sorry and wished it never happened would love to have thier "normal" lives back. Even if we where the B's they claim we where. See if they so relied on talking to us instead of going us no credit, then the A's and OC wouldn't be a part of our lives. But no way to turn back time, just a way to make the time we do have together better and TRY to be normal. Even though our "family units are not normal in most eyes, we still can be. So enjoy the normal times and make more of them and H will begin to feel he where he belongs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> There w/ you and your kids, laugh in , love in, and live in together.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

Thanks Sunny for the encouragement. I want the normalness back but you know if I ask H to come back he will just say he doesn't want to be with me--at least that has been the general response in the recent past.

Hi albany~

I think your H is going to continue to eat cake, sit on the fence, waffle, whatever...till he gets a glimpse of life without you.

As you can see, time hasn't changed my advice...

I know AD.

But he really has been making some big positive steps--spends alot time doing stuff at the house again and talks about the future with us both in it and even his cousin's wife noticed all of that last night at dinner--we talked this morning. A lot of things are better. I do notice anger towards me come out some times but I think it is more that he is mad at what he has done and is ashamed--can't really explain it but the anger doesn't seem like it is anger about me but it seems to get directed to me. Which I know isn't fair.

I giving him more time--but you know I'm really just living for me and if he catches up that is great but if he doesn't then I will be a great mom without him and he will be the loser--not me.

Albany,

I hope he catches up with you too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But he hasn't said the magic words, "I'm coming home albany, ready to commit to the M and the restoration of it".

Do you have a time limit in mind?

I'm glad you're doing things for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Okay, I want everyone's thoughts on this

Giving H a picture frame w/picture for Father's Day. Should picture be of son, son & H, son & I, or all three of us??? I'm not sure that I have a good picture of all three of us that is recent.

Everyone's thoughts welcome.

ALBANY,

I HOPE YOUR H CATCHES UP WITH YOU TOO. H DOES NOT KNOW JUST HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM. HE PROBABLY EVEN LOVES YOU JUST AS MUCH BUT DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

I THINK YOU SHOULD REMIND HIM OF HIS FAMILY AND THE LOVE THAT YOU ALL HAVE FOR HIM. SO GIVE HIM THE FRAME WITH A PICTURE OF THE THREE OF YOU. YOU ALL ARE STILL A FAMILY UNLESS D HAPPENS. BE A FAMILY LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU STILL CONSIDER HIM A VITAL PART OF YOUR FAMILY AND YOU LIFE AND THAT YOUR LOVE IS ONGOING.

LOVE YA,

JT

One of your son or father and son would be a nice touch and good reminder without him in anyway being able to see it as "pushy".

If you haven't already bought the frame...my DD bought me one for Mom's Day...it was a double one. One side for the picture of baby, the other was a type of clay that she did an imprint of baby's hand and foot, and a greeting. I know your son is older, so maybe just his handprint and greeting.

~ad

Sounds like a really good gift. Thats so funny, my H wants us to go get a family picture made. Now not later? Me him and D. So I will find a place soon. If we stay in town long enough. We are booked until about Aug now. SO I don't know if we will get time or not. But I would let it be from everyone. Do you have pictures up around the house of all of you together? I have alot of just little frames & little pictures. Just camping, boating ect, parties. I have filled frames with all the good times we have had as a family. When we have bad days, look at them. Something will remind you on why you are together and what your love means. I dont think he is sitting on the fence, but he just doesn't want it thrown up in his face everyday that he let his family down. Is he taking AD's? Have you tired just not talking about it just for a week to see how he acts. Have you forgiven him? Has he forgiven him self? Just a few questions hope you don't mind.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D