Today, we paid our final CS payment!!! It is over. Done. Complete!!! We put the full amount into the transfer account at the bank. The amount gets automatically deposited to OW account each month. We are now finished! All interest that accumulates will be mailed back to us in October!!!

It now seems to have flown by. We are simply elated. We are now scanning tons of brochures for our fab trip to celebrate. Hmmm, what beach to see......what should I pack......condo or sea side hotel.....hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Lots of things happening here. OW is now aware that she has mere months left of cs and is nervous about her house payment!! She called our attorney about him dropping the lein against her home, as she is refinancing. He told her "No". She begged, pleaded then blasted him. I guess she thinks that her actions should have no consequences. She said that us "dropping" child support will make it hard for her to live in her house. We didn't drop child support, we completed our obligation.

These years flew by. I can honestly tell you that life goes on, and it goes fast! I have had wonderful years with my beautiful children, through thick and thin we have thrived. We have had wonderful vacations, watched our children grow, watched them excel at some things and bomb at others. We have had a full and enriching life. We have done all the things a family does, despite having an child support payment due each month. It was just a detail. It did not define us, nor did it rule our lives. It was a bill to be paid. There was nothing we could do about it, so we did what we could for OUR FAMILY and moved on.

We have years of great holiday memories with extended families, we love our childrens friends as if they were our own...we have been to rainy football games, hot days at the soccer fields, cold days at the ski hill, etc. We have enjoyed it all. Sure, it was tough in the early days, when I was livid and the ow was doing her standard ow manipulations. But with firm and sound legal advice we put her in her place. She may be the mother of the oc, but they not part of our lives, and never would be.

We moved on past the mistake of ow/oc and life goes on. Life is far to short to allow this to control you. CHOSE what you want out of life and go for it. Want contact? Then get it the way that works best for you. Want No contact? GO FOR IT. Do what YOU want/need to thrive. This is your one and only life. LIVE IT YOUR OWN WAY. You can and will survive and thrive!!!

My husband and I are simply thrilled at the thought of vegging on a beach, sorta like a victory party!!! We faced the worse and made it. We are stonger for all the hell we went through. He has long ago, proven his heartfelt shame and pain for the harm his actions caused THIS family. He has proven in words and actions that we came first and foremost in his heart. WE as a couple are fine, deeply in love and looking forward to the rest of our lives.

DO NOT LET THIS DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. YOU CHOSE WHAT YOU WILL OR WILL NOT ACCEPT INTO YOUR LIFE.

We CHOSE no contact as what was best for our family. We CHOSE to allow our children to grow up in peace and without the standard OW drama. We CHOSE not to have oc around, as we felt it was to much to ask of me, and our children. We have never regretted that decision once. And quite honestly, after reading online the behaviors and thoughs of many ow, I am even a more stronger advocate for no contact. But that is MY CHOICE. May not be what you need.

Our children are loved and treasured, and my houseguest is as loved as one of my very own! I can't believe how quickly they have grown up! I am so very thankfull that we made the choices we did. While they are aware of oc, he is an abstract embarrassment to them. They were not subjected to the humiliation of having to explain the part time visitor....and that was OUR CHOICE to do so.

So my dear sweet hurting friends. Take note. YOUR LIFE WILL GO ON. YOU WILL BE HAPPY. YOU CAN THRIVE NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOSE TO DO.

So



So to each of you in the throws of anguish at all the what ifs, and what should's.....take a deep breath and settle down. This is going to be a journey, no matter what you chose or what happens. So, slow down and really think things out....with your HEAD. Do not let emotions control your decisions. Do only what you WANT and CHOSE for you.

Have great day!!!!!! I sure am!!!!!!

Great Job <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm so happy for your family, and I can't wait till I can say what you have about ow/oc. I know it is new for me and my family and we will survive this, but I appreciate the encouragement.

Glad things are good Lynn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Is the OC 18 now? Is that why your done with child support?

OC will be 18 this fall!!!!!!!!!!!

We put the amount needed into the transfer account, complete, done, finished, over, out!

I swear, if that first year somebody told me that I would have lived to actually even forget about oc I would have told them they were crazy. However, I never think about oc. Sure, I come here and you know what, it doesn't even phase me personally. OC is a moot point. I am totally indifferent to it.

I do get defensive and protective of the hurting betrayed and will go word for word with any ow or their supporters, cause they can't hurt me. But personally, I am so over the whole oc deal. I promise you all, that day will come.

I am so dang exicted to be done with child support!!!! It's like getting a raise! First thing we are going to do is celebrate with a relaxing trip!!!

Wonderful News Lynn!

You have been an inspiration to all of us...
You and your beautiful H can relax and enjoy that well deserve vacation!
Congratulations!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> wiz

***note to CLO****

Marriage Builders = supporting those recovering and rebuilding their marriages.

3rd attempt to ask you in a nice polite manner..

Any questions, email me..

JustUss

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

And what do you suggest she and her husband do, CLO? Volunteer to give extra money to OW/OC? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Their obligation is done, and OC is a stranger to their family. What the heck do you want them to do?!

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Congratulations Lynn!!

How very inspirational. God knows, I needed it today. Thank You! My heartfelt best wishes to you and your family.

woohoo! wohoo! happy dance, happy dance.

I say go to somepalce WARM!

Way to inspire, encourage & remind all of us that it DOES end, & HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know you and your family is glad it is behind you. Congrats!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Congrats LynnG!!!
Wishing you the best in all you do!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Have one on me while basking in the sun!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Go Lynn...!!!!!!!!

I am sooo excited for you! You made it! You lived and learned and loved as you say!! NOW live a little BETTER! WOO HOO!

I have no clue what CLO said cause I missed her, surely, inspirational and educational post.. but I have an idea-- Lynn, why not send some of those extra CS payments to CLO - she could then gloat even more to wives here who are struggling financially- and try to pour more salt in wounds with regard to how much time and money she gets due to xmm and his wife!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

We are planning on Belize!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME!!

I swear, it has gone by so fast. If I have learned anything these last 18 years is that life really does fly by. SO GO AND LIVE LAUGH AND LOVE!!!! No matter what your choices are pertaining to the oc, go and live your life that works best for you.

As for CLO, I feel sorry for her. She has to come to this site to try and hurt BW's since she is such a sad and bitter soul! Her poor children, having a seething cauldron of anger raising them!!! Oh, and for CLO's BW....Imagine the pity that BW has for her husband, having gotten entangled with a being as cold and calculating and heartless as CLO. I would bet that marraige is healed up just fine and they don't waste a minute of thought on CLO/OC. They are living their lives! The fact that CLO is so full of bitter vile is testament to her state of happiness and contentment!!! She speaks volumes of what the mindset of MANY ow are. Heartless. Cold. Calculating. Manipulative. Game Players. She is one to pity. I feel sorry for her.

Hello LynnG,

Congratulations to the completion of your CS! Hope u have a wonderful time in Belize!

I do have one question that has been puzzling me. I do not know how far NC goes, but the OC will be 18 years old soon. What if she wants to know her father, or seek him out? By law ( or NC rules set by the judge), is she (OC) not suppose to bother your husband? Just wanted some clarity. No harm intended.

Take care.

LynnG You dont know how happy I was to read your post!

Right now we are in the courts still figuring this all out and fighting tooth and nail ....its only just starting, but then I read your post WOW it seems like a life sentence in the stage I am right at this time.... but its not Thanks for reminding me this too shall end, one day.

ALL the OFPs were against his mother. (OC is a boy). It was her behavior and her stupidity that landed her with reems of paper at her feet to stay away from us, and that has her facing legal fees, etc. SHE was the one who disregarded the law, assumed that she was above it, etc.

He, we have no problem with. He is just another innocent victim of two selfish people. Just as my children are innocent of any wrongdoing as far as the affair went. In HIS home, his feelings and well being came first, in our home OUR childrens well being and feelings came first.

Should he seek out my husband, so be it. That is his choice to do so. He can ask anything he wants and he will be told the truth. How his mother tried blackmail, harrassmsent, etc. and how we came to the decision of no contact. I'm sure the picture would be quite different from what he has probably been told.

So, no, we have no legal protection from the oc calling or getting in touch.

Thanks LynnG! I was thinking that was probably the case....OW being OW.....Harrassing, leaving u no choice but to arrange NC. It is ashame that OW don't realize that they are not entitled to anything,except for CS, but they allow themselves to vision this fantasy of MM being a family with them, and they get livid, evil, and deranged when they realize that it will never, ever come to pass. Then they want to hurt BW, MM, and his family...but they fail to realize that they are hurting OC the most. Oh well, it is what it is. Life is what u make it.

Take care.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LynnG:
<strong> I would bet that marraige is healed up just fine and they don't waste a minute of thought on CLO/OC. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lynn,
You may need to take that crystal ball in for a tune up. It's good that you hope for the best though and look for the positive, the "bright side" of life if you will.
I do hope they can work things out because I know he wants his family to survive this.
Unfortunately she's been hopitalized three times for mental illness, and she continues to kick him out of the home every few months. (Gee, that's how the A started to begin with). From what I understand, he's in another A right now and his W has no clue.
Maybe I should send her the link to MB, huh?

Sorry for the threadjack, Lynn.

It truly is great that you no longer have CS to pay. CS is NOT your responsibility, it's your H's and it's a shame that it takes away from you and your children.

For the sake of OC and your H, I hope someday they can meet and get to know each other. It would probably be very therapeutic for both of them.

Exactly....life is what you make it!!!

You know, what I see is that many ow fail to see that there are two sides to this issue. That while they want the father to be there for the child, as it is best for that child, they totally forget the effect it will have on the wife and the children he already has. They assume that it is ok for those children to be screwed up, hurt, etc., and have no problem with that. They feel that those children will learn to "get over it" or "accept it" that no matter what, they should just deal with it, and if not, it "must be the fault of the BW" Totally ignoring the issue at heart....and that is that the BW and her children should not be expected to alter their own wishes and dreams to suit anyone. But many ow think just that.

Then we see those who have families who are willing to have contact and what do they do? They whine about the BW, they try to control everything as if the father has no rights to that child. Basically, no matter what you do, they are going to find fault. As if suddenly, this is all YOUR FAULT or YOUR PROBLEM to fix. It just never dawns on them that the oc is just one of many who gets to have a piece of the hurt pie. They don't respect, nor care at all, about the wife and her children and how they feel.

The oc needs/wishes do not supercede the needs/wishes of the wife or her children. Everyone gets hurt. The ow just don't see it that way. All they worry about is themselves, cause if it truly was the oc, then there wouldn't be so many stupid, drama filled, almost by the number problems with visitation. You can almost set a watch by the antics the ow will pull. Same as with no contact. If having an active participating father was so important to them, then why even have a child with a married man?

Bottom line, two sides. In our case, the ow wanted contact with husband and his family. She couldn't grasp the fact that they didn't. She didn't quite grasp that the family didn't like what had happened, and decided to protect and preserve the family. Just as our children had pain and upset over the oc, so to will the oc have pain and upset. It is a sad result of two selfish people.

Thank you Lynn, you couldn't have worded it better. I find it amusing that ow believe cs is the right of the child and that seeking cs is their solemn duty to their child and making daddy own up to his responsibility is noble. But it's only his responsibility and her duty as a mother when h ends his relationship with her.

If the A is in full swing, WOW ow doesn't need his money. It's okay with her to share her man with an unsuspecting bw. It's okay to keep the paternity of her child a secret, like her child is something shameful, just to keep her lover. It's okay for mm to be a part time dad, to not be able to be with his child on holidays because he has family obligations. It's also okay that her child never knows his/her siblings. Yet when the A is over then the exmm and bw are evil for not treating her child as an equal even though she herself never has.

Bw's are bitter nasty women because we refuse to share our man, because we will put our family first and if that means nc, then so be it. Because we don't particlarly savor the idea that cs takes away from our children to give to hers. Maybe we are just not willing to put up with as much as they are.