I need help, I'm so confused. Here's my story: I'm 38 and my husband is 39 and we have been married for<BR> almost 17 beautifull years. We have a wonderfull son who is 10 years old. Almost 3 years ago , we move to a<BR> new province in Canada ( we're Canadian) which is a 3/1/2 hours plave ride , very far. Here we have no family<BR> but we've made nice life for ourselves. The move was initiated because of my career which my husband really<BR> encouraged, he said that it would be great for all us and great for my career. It was possible and easy for him<BR> to find another job because he's in sales and he did . So so far everything is great. People envy our relationship<BR> , we are the great couple!My husband has always been heavaly involved in Sports particulair in his Soccer , I'm<BR> his #1 fan. When we we're leaving in our previous city I never missed a game (3 to4 ) a week because we had<BR> family and support at the time. Here we have no one and it's very difficult to have sitters. so, I just stand home<BR> . In the last 4 to 5 months he started the gym w/ friends and work , I'm not the joulas type but i/m not stupid<BR> either! Soccer plus Gym , He was never home. 5 weeks ago, He told me that he needed is freedom and that he<BR> might have some mix-up feelings for his 22 year old assistant at work. And that he wants couple months off out<BR> of the house to think and figure out want he want to do. I said that this girl do not come close to my ankle and<BR> that he still loves. H e does'nt think that He love her but he think that it's an infactuation!!!!!!!! He kept<BR> prolonging is departure from our house and I finally told him that it would be better if he left because he was<BR> still seing her some night and he was coming back to our house after, since that was what he wanted. So he<BR> gone.<BR> Ever since that day when He told me my life has ended, I feel sad so sad...... Angry, Cheated, dessapointed in<BR> him. My husband is a pride man that always took such pride in hid family and in pur relationship and the fact<BR> that we were best friend before anything and soulmates. Everybody is in shock because it's not like him at all. I<BR> ' willing to do anything to save my marriage. He 's terrify of getting older , he will turn 40 this year, and he says<BR> that she makes him feel young. I'm devestated. Since then my "in-Laws" have been in our house for 2 weeks<BR> now trying to make sense of him, Thank God I have them they are helping tremendously to cope with this, I<BR> dont Sleep I dont Eat.<BR> What should I do, How long should I want , we agrred on 2-3 months!!! Our son is doing pretty ok regarding this<BR> all issue.<BR> I did read the book " Surviving and Affair" and it help me and gave me hope, I also suggested to my husband to<BR> read it at first he said no. But the day he left the house he asked me it. A couple of days ago he said that it<BR> was "pretty interesting. I guess that's good.<BR> Please help me.<BR> Anne T<BR>

I am sorry you are in such tremendous pain. Your current situation must be very difficult on you. The feelings you are experiencing are a very normal reaction to the events. You are human, and any other reaction would be not normal. I know that does not take the pain away. Please know you are not alone. There are many people here who would like to support you thru this difficult time. I will also say a pray for you and your entire family.<P>Please call the telephone counseling center. They are very experienced in dealing with these types of situations. They will quickly grasp were you are, and help you make a plan.<P>Hang in there. Many people will be rooting for YOU, and your family.<BR>Victoria Keep posting

First I want to tell you how sorry I am for your situation. I have been there and know your pain and hurt. I felt like the rug was pulled completely out from under me. I have been married for 19 years.<P>I think you needed longer that 2-3 months. My H relationship with his O/W is still changing and it has been 5 months. They are getting father away from each other and now are only talking to each other for work related questions only and try not to do that.<P>The book SSA says most affairs end within 6 months when brought out into the light of day and it is proving right with my situation.<P>I did have to file for divorce for custody reasons and to protect my children, but I am postponing it for as long as I can.<P>At least you in laws are on your side, mine told my H what ever makes you happy and have even watched O/W dog for her while see was away. I felt betrayed by them too.<P>I know that your pain is great. I know that you feel like your future is insecure. This will be a roller coaster ride you wish you could get off of.<P>Come here often. We will try to help you.<P>Right now he is is fantasy land. The bubble will burst. Hang in there.

Dear Ann,<P>I hope you are doing alright. Many are praying for you and your family. It is good your h thought the Harley's ideas interesting. I found that the workbook, with the forms, is very good. M h liked filling out the Emotional Needs Questionnaire. It helped me describe my needs better. You might want to order it. I know others will be along to give you advice and support. Keep posting. victoria

Dear Anne,<P>I am glad you in-laws are with you and helping. Your husband is lost at the moment, but it is only for the moment. He will see light in the future. Please do take care of yourself. I know it is hard on you. Many people are praying for YOU and your family. Get as much rest as you can. Take care. Victoria

Hang in there Anne.<P>I know it is hard but from what your post says, there seems to be hope in your situation. Your H is reading the book which tells me that he at least wants to explor the possibility fo reuniting with you. It is also good that your in laws support you.<P>As for getting through the pain I found the book "After the Affair" very helpful. The pain does get better with time but you will both need to work on improving your relationship. The fact that he is reading about how to do this is farther than some betrayers ever get!<P>Keep posting. You will find lots of support here.<P>Acacai

Welcome <B>Anne T</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a short time ago the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responses! <P>I agree with the recommendation of other books like <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393307077" TARGET=_blank><B>Private Lies :</B> Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy</A> by Frank Pittman... for your H!<P>Jim