Well, I did what I have finally tried to do three times before, ended my relationship with the OW. No letter, just a meeting, plenty of tears on both sides, but I am so use to crying, I am pathetic. I am out of my house looking in. I am in severe pain. This is the only chance I have to move back with my wife and children, and the chance is so very slim. My W needs time, it will be months before there is any hope of moving in. I did some big-time damage. She wants a formal separation this week. I am sick over it, but I caused it. She is so angry that it is hard to talk with her. Right now I have nothing, and I am on the bottom. I am a worm. Everyone who has ever loved me, I stepped on. I am sorry for everything. Thanks for listening.

Ok, Cman, GREAT start! There is hope. Lots of hope. Take a deep breath, dry your tears and start reading and working.<P>You have a great deal more power over this situation than you might realize. Your withdrawal will be tough - tougher than you can imagine. DO NOT GIVE INTO IT! Everytime you give in, you will start over again. Let the pain run it's course and use the time to do constructive things for yourself and the family you so much want to have back again. Please, use this time wisely.<P>I have to assume you've read everything here, Harley's principles. Surviving an Affair is also a good start for you. We betrayed use Plan A a lot. That's a great place for you to start. Plan A - for yourself and your family, mostly for yourself. Grow and learn....that's the ticket. That's what your wife and family need from you. That's what you need for yourself.<P>Prepare yourself, ok? This is NOT an easy ride, but you have what it takes to make it through. It won't seem like it sometimes, but you do. Stay faithful, stay strong and come here whenever you need to.<P>You won't find some of us much on this board, like me, some are in recovery. Read our posts there, too. You'll see that ANYTHING is possible.<P>I'm proud of you for this first big step. Keep taking those baby steps, keep learning about yourself and growing. You CAN have what you want and so can your wife.<P>Come to us whenever you need to, ok? We'll be here.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

CMan,<BR>You did Good, You are such a Good person, Husband, and Father now. I hear that you are hurting, You have no idea how much your wife is suffering. Don't be negative now. It may be sooner then you think. Don't stay away, let your wife know how serious you are. She hates you as much as she Loves you right now, she does need space, but you also need to be right next to her, showing her how much you care, and you DO care, or you wouldn't have chosen her, ONLY!<BR>Please don't talk to her about how much you miss the OW, or how bad you feel about what you did to the OW by breaking it off. She doesn't want to hear about your feelings for anyone but her. She wants to hear how right you think this is, and the more you say that, the more YOU will believe it.<BR>Put ALL your energy and thoughts into your family. You will eventually have no room for anything else. What a good feeling you will start having that you became a real man and will regain your respect for yourself. <BR>It's going to be a long Hard road, be patient with your wife and YOURSELF. Do anything and everything you can to accomplish this recovery. With the help of your wife, lots of communication, and time, you will make a new marriage. Everything you THOUGHT you wanted with the OW, you can have and share with your wife. But, you have to WORK to get there!<BR>The best thing my H said to me, was, he wanted to go to cuonselling. What a show of willingness to get through this.<BR>Remember, the Past is OVER, never to be touched on again, no way shape or form. Stay strong, stay faithfull, truthfull, and focused. (flowers help too!)<P>Almost Happy<P>-------<BR>TIME

Good Job, CMan!<P>Things aren't going to be easy for a good long while, but you can hang tough and do what's right.<P>I can't say for certain your wife will take you back, but if you don't try, if you don't do EVERYTHING within your power to try, you will never, ever know. <P>I recently attended a software quality conference. The theme of one of the speakers was the following:<P>No one will ever change until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.<P>Neither choice you had was easy. You made a good one. You must look yourself in the eye and forgive yourself and vow to complete the changes you've started.<P>Good luck to you, CMan. Keep posting to let us know how it's going. Even though we don't know you we care. --HBC

CMAN! You are so good!!<P>I agree with Almost Happy! Don't say another word about the OW to your wife. You will have the withdrawal to do and it will feel like you are at the bottom. But the world never stays the same from one day, week, year to the next - and you won't feel this horrible forever. You DO have to forgive yourself, but you can only do that with a new direction and 100% PLAN to hold on to your wife and family, SINK YOURSELF INTO IT AS YOU HAVE NEVER BEFORE!! Your wife will recognize your efforts even tho it'll not seem like it at first. It'll take time but time well worth it in the long run (those precious children's lives and happiness just can't be replaced with visitations, it's just not the same). You can spare your children all the mental anguish and the later problems in life associated with being raised in a divorce situation. Think of the lesson you can be teaching them, that it's important to work hard at fixing and repairing a relationship, that it's not okay to run away and so easily discard people. The lesson of forgiveness and fighting for what is right will be powerful in their lives and could make a positive change for the direction they might go as adults. They learn from us!<P>Not just for your children. You have to try to understand where your wife if coming from. Trust has been crushed. You'll have to do extra things to help build it back. From my experience, after all my H has done to me (he's cheated a lot on me), I still love him, foolishly I admit but we've been together 20 years. There's very little he could do now for me to want him back; he'd have to become someone new and BEG BEG BEG. Not that you'll should have to continuously beg, but love doesn't leave easy and you can still be a wonderful husband and you will prove it to her if you set your mind to it.<P>Now pump up your courage and GO! There are more rewards in your family. No one is going to high-five you for moving out with an OW, but you will be praised so highly for keeping your family together. Besides, it's the right thing to do - and God will be happy with your efforts. Ask Him for help!<P>God bless.

One other thing - when you are feeling in the dumps, post! People are so willing to encourage and help you here. This is probably one of the best things right here you can do. You won't feel alone. Just ask for help if you need it, or ideas. Many here have had much experience with different situations.

I am so very proud of you. I know it wasn't easy, but it will be worth it. Just hold on.