Hi guys, I'm at his new apt., he just left for work. The kids & I (I have his son here too) are leaving for PA in a little while.<P>This is so great, he gave me a key to his new place, he's not weaing the jewelry she gave him anymore. He's wearing mine. . he asked me if I noticed. Of COURSE I noticed!!!! He said he's going to have to get some new stuff cuz he's not wearing hers anymore. He said he made a mistake when he gave her his number down here. (She hasn't called since last Monday). He said how did I ever get involved with her anyhow? He said he's been thinking alot about us moving here, he said he really is thinking that we belong together. He said, look at you, you just kinda decided that we're a thing again. I just said that I knew it all along & never stopped thinking it. He said he doesn't want me to feel degraded at all cuz he was seeing her, I said I don't, she can't touch me. He agreed, & said that nobody can. He said she got to be WAY too much, that she was trying to control him after only a few months (see just like all you guys said would happen!!!). He said she's got nothing to talk about except who tries to pick her up when she's out, he said she needs too much. He said she's a *(^% (male body part!). Nuh uh!!!<P>He said he was talking to his landlord & he asked when his girlfriend (me!) was moving here. .I said how did your landlord know that you have a girlfriend? He said, I guess I mentioned something about it, I said, so that's what I am huh? See. He just smiled.<P>I am trying to decide about telling him about MB, how & when? The only bad thing about it is, I know I've written some stuff here that will not make him feel very good if he reads it. I'll probably be posting some questions about that later to see what you guys think. But for right now this ROCKS!!!

Oh Bitsy...I am so glad for you!! The best to your family. It's so hard but I can say 7 months removed, it is so worth it.<BR>About MB, My H is posting under "unbeleivable". This may be a good place to start your H. He is musing, basically, about how this happened to us and how he feels now. We have been talking to each other on the board and it's pretty cool. You haven't posted there so maybe it;s a good idea...?

Hello Bitsy,<P> I am so happy for you!!!! You must be beaming.<P> Now may I play DR.Laura, Get a ring and a date? or am I being a little pushy? like a mom.<P><BR> Lots of Hugs and prayers!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Hooray!!!!

Thanks everyone! I'm so, so happy. When I left his house yesterday I left him about 10 little notes hidden in places for him to find. He said when he got home from work he was finding them, he said it was great cuz he was just thinking about me & about how much he loves & misses me, then he started finding them. He also told me he's proud of me for how I've changed & how much he likes me.<P>bnbsbdG, (that's hard to type!). No you're not being too pushy, it's just that pushy used to be my middle name! I'll have my ring back, I know it, and I don't think it will be very long either. But I've got to let him give it to me when he's ready.<P>He really is a great guy, he just had so many things to work out for himself & until recently (since I found MB) all I did was make his problems worse for him (I've apologized to him for that). There's a poem I found (from here I think??) and one of the lines says "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them too, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have". I think before the A (even during) he was loving me with all he had at the time, and since it didn't feel the way I thought it should, I just didn't even accept it from him. Must have felt terrible for him.<P>You know what else is wierd? He seems to really like how confident I am about us. I don't know if it tells him that I believe in him, or that he's worth not giving up on. I mean, I'm confident now, without being needy I guess, without trying to force him. I remember reading in one of SKM's posts how deep down she wanted her H to tell her NOT to do it, she wanted him to tell her that he didn't want to share her. Anyhow, I'm finding it kind of interesting.<P>Any thoughts?<BR>

I cannot believe it, he just called me from work, he needed my SSN & DOB, I said what for? He said for the beneficiary stuff on my work life insurance policy!!<P>I just about fell off my chair! It's working you guys, it's happening! He's doing it all on his own, not cuz I'm pressuring. It's cuz he wants to!<P>Gotta go, I'm in shock!

I am happy for you Bitsy. <P>While I don't know all your story, would you mind telling me what "things" you did to make him feel unappreciated so much that he found someone else. Does this make his affair justifiable. <P>While I believe in MB, and I believe I had a part to do in the breakdown of our marriage, I don't feel the responsibility lies only in what I did, but he has a lot of blame also. When he started his affair, as to when I think it started, (maybe sooner) I had a 1.5, 2.5 and 4 year old child. I had post partem depression, stay at home mom with no support(other than H) and he really didn't help the way I needed him to help. <P>Do you just take him back and say, well, it's all my fault and you are so wonderful, I love you just the way you are or does he need work also.<P>Just curious as to your thoughts. <P>Again, I wish I could say I was in recovery because I am burning out.<P>Hopelessmom

Hopelessmom: I don't know what Bitsy's opinion is on this, but here's mine. An affair is NEVER justifiable. It is a cruel, selfish, injustice act on another human being.<P>My H was the wayward spouse. I take partial responsibility for the demise of our marriage, but I DO NOT take any responsibility for his bad choice to have an affair. He made that decision all on his own, without my knowledge...without my input...without my blessing.<P>I did take my H back, did my best (within my state of mind) to Plan A him, but my willingness to give him another chance was conditional. He didn't get off easy. Having an Affair comes with consequences. To fully heal, there isn't any other way around it.<P>

Yay! This is wonderful and I'm jumping for joy for you.<BR>My H has been out of town for three weeks, and maybe gone another three weeks! However, I've been talking about getting away together once he's home and once I've finished my next contract (mid-May). I was just thinking of somewhere in Banff or the Rockies (as we live a mere hour away) but he's decided he wants to do a week in Jamaica! He wants us to be nude on the beach and make love all day! HEY - I could go for that !! So, not sure if we can really afford it financially right now as our debt is at an all time high, but not sure if we can't afford to do it for ourselves as we've never done a vacation like that - ever! SO - I guess even tho the "I Love You" hasn't come out of his mouth yet - I think we're getting closer.<P>

Good for you!!!! Bitsy<P> You sound so happy!!!! I am Happy for you!!!!<P> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BITSY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P> A HAPPY HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Deb