Should I refef my WS to this website? Should I print out anything from this site and give it to her. I think that it would make a difference with us, but I'm worried that she might try to use the information with the OM. One of her complaints was that I had suppressed her old self and she wants to become that again. Kinda like her own Plan A. Even then she doesn't even know she's implementing plan A. But she does know that she wants to improve herself. But should I tell her about this website? Will she use it to improve the relationship between her and the OM?<p>One more thing, she lost her key to my house, should I get her a new one made?

jasn - I hope this site is received better by your WS than my WH. I have printed somethings off for WH to read, but it ended up by him commenting that he didn't need to read that stuff because that was how he was feeling. LB because I was trying to teach, which you shouldn't do, I think it was a sign of being disrepectful.
IMHO I would bookmark the main site and if he finds the forum fine. (Honesty - Tell her this site is helping you). My WH has seen the forum site and even knows my log-in name. The MC even said in front of him that I should continue reading and posting if it is helping me.
If you WW wants to look on her own fine, but don't try to show disrespect by expecting her to read this about this site.

I have usually tried to open up the conversation about this site by commenting about some advice I had received. I mention the good statements and sometimes when people also tell me that I need to control myself and not try to impose my views of others.<p>Hope this helps - I usually just lurk.
I understand your conflict.

I asked the same question. The response I got was to go ahead and print out the basic concepts which included the EN questionnaire. I did that and have been studying it ever since. She saw me reading it and I saw her taking a peak at it once in a while also. The thought about her using these great ideas and techniques in her new relationship occured to me but I look at the statistics and the A just hardly ever works out so I figured it was a calculated risk. I was also advised not to show her the stuff an Plan A, that is your plan not your WS, or the stuff on "how to survive infidelity" that information is also for you. In my case she has read some of the "basic concepts" but not bought into it yet. In her mind all of that is for saving the marriage and she does not know if she wants that yet. But I'll be ready when she is. Hope this helps.<p>Jeff

WS don't want to see or hear anything from this site, so I say don't. I did though and I wonder if he lurks now. WH said my story is so different I am unique! Bu((sh*T!! The WS script is pretty much the same, a little verance, not much.<p>I like the way jeff did it, print it out read it and left it laying around they may pick it up on their own, key being on their own, most WS don't want to be told that what they are doing is wrong, they know that. When the OM is out of the picture and WW is looking to put things back together is when to share all the great stuff here, right now I suggest keeping it to yourself and using it for your own benefit!!!<p>Dawn

This is a VERY commonly asked question.<p>And the answer is: DO NOT have your WS come here. <p>There are several reasons why. WS's are in a FOG and perceive this site and it's methodologies and concepts as manipulative (i.e. Plan A and Plan B).<p>I have seen so many times BS brought their WS here only to regret it. It was horribly received and completely backfired.<p>Until the WS is truly ready for recovery, they should not be brought here, IMVHO.<p>Best,
Jo

Share the books and questionnaires. This site is for you right now until she is in a better frame of mind. For some letting the WS come here is like giving a knife to a 3 year old. It if it is a rubber knife and they are 'playing house' but not if it is real and they are still acting foolish. <p>Ok bad analogy but all I can think of right before lunch!!! <p>L.

Hi !<p>When I 1st started to post after lurking for several months I didn't want my WH to see what I was posting.<p>After hearing success stories & also hearing the pain inflicted on all of us I thought it would be good for H to get involved.<p>He secretly logged on and really only wanted to read the "lies" I had told to a bunch of total strangers.<p>I don't believe he's been on since...it's stupid to him. <p>He loves to accuse me of being on MB when I use terms that I have learned here or compare our story to other couples.<p>I did print out a few post & alot of pertenent literature...He read it!<p>I agree with most...it's too soon.<p>L

well i must be the ODD BALL [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] because I am the WS and i THANK GOD i found this sight. because yes...i WAS in a fog and YES i was up and down in a roller coaster....but!! whn i came here..man....the pain that you all had gone through.....was a big eye opener. But then again...im the weird one. <p>i however did try to bring MY BS here.....and NOPE. no thanks...the pain was too much..it still is too much of a reminder. although...he has began to come here off and on...but i dont even know HIS log in name. He knows mine...and yes he did read some of what i posted..but it was so painful he just realy didnt care to come here. We are now ....13 months past last phone contact....18-20 months past last physical contact. <p>What i HAVE done tho... is he has his own email andi have mine.....when i am here..and see seomething i feel is pertant to him....i sent it to him...if he chooses not to read it...then fine...but i did what i oculd to open communication doors...which....are still mostly closed.<p>anyhow..do you tell your WS about this sight?? well.. perhaps add it to your famorites..dont tell her who you are....and perhaps....she just may get nosey..<p>good luck with what ever you choose,
mercy [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

I asked Steve Harley the same question long ago when I first starting counseling with him. You can't direct or suggest the WS to come here. Just like you shouldn't "suggest" that they read any of the Harley books. It will be interpreted like you are trying to straighten them out.<p>But, on the other hand, don't be afraid to let them see you reading a copy of one of the books, or checking out the website, or even hide the fact that you are counseling with one of the Harleys.<p>Just let the WS know you are doing these things for you. To become a better person and mate. To figure out what your part was in the detoriation of your marriage that led to the affair. You're letting them know that you are doing something about the situation. Which, for this most part, is much more than they are. My WW gives me all the standard answers, that I'm wasting my time because we will never get back together. She even makes fun of the phone counseling! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]