Well, Hurrian Hoosier, this is where I'm coming from.....<p>WH has told me he wants to stay here with ME. He says he loves me, never had any plans to leave me, that the EA got deeper than he meant, that it's going to take a while to get out of R with OW, etc. He hasn't told me he's having no contact with her. He tells me when he tells her he DOESN'T want to meet her, etc., but I know he's editing what he tells me and is leaving a lot out! I'm not stupid here, ya know! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Like I said a few days ago, I'm focusing on staying with WH and getting remodeling finished. He really is working his little fanny off, working on all kinds of things he started, but hadn't finished yet. I'm not about to sabatoge getting my house totally FINISHED! He's buying the materials too, so I'd be a fool to do something now (like a Plan B) that would screw everything up.<p>He's told everyone at work that he's going to 'retire' in a few months. He told me that will give him time to get all our building materials with his employee discount and pay off a few bills before he quits. If he quits, I'll think he is serious about ending EA. He really likes his job there, though it is very stressful.<p>So this is one a time frame, HH. I'm relaxing and just enjoying doing a really good Plan A. He can't say I'm driving him to OW like he used to when I major-ly LB him about A and OW. The ball will be in HIS court and like Conqueror said, I'll look on this time with him as 'dress rehersal' for good M w/wo WH. Somewhere there is someone else, if he chooses not to play by the rules of monogamous R!<p>I'm saving my talk with OWH for later if need be. But I'm still open to that possibility AFTER WH completes his work around the house. I'm going to get SOMETHING out of this M, if it's only a beautiful house! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Remember, my time frame for Plan B isn't till August! A lot can happen in the meantime....<p>amazingrace

Oh, HH, I forgot the PI question....<p>It was raining very hard that day, so he didn't get any pictures. And I have to take his word for what he said was happening in the car they were in.....he told me he couldn't really see anything. But why would you be at a park during the day. They couldn't have done anything really improper--there's a park ranger who drives around all the time making sure everything's legal and cool, you know no kids sitting in cars 'smoking weed' or whatever.<p>My WH said they went there to 'talk about ending R." Whatever.....being together in her car at the park in the rain....it just doesn't work for me! Making out or not...... [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Yes, the PI has kept records of his findings and is willing to testify of their accuracy, even without pictures, he assured me.<p>amazingrace

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by amazingrace:
<strong>
Like I said a few days ago, I'm focusing on staying with WH and getting remodeling finished. He really is working his little fanny off, working on all kinds of things he started, but hadn't finished yet. I'm not about to sabatoge getting my house totally FINISHED! He's buying the materials too, so I'd be a fool to do something now (like a Plan B) that would screw everything up.<p>I'm going to get SOMETHING out of this M, if it's only a beautiful house! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>amazingrace</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Amazing,
I totally forgot about the house thing! I was so consumed about the relationship issue. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Now I like this attitude! I can see you are not in the FOG!! This gives new meaning to the idea of focusig on self! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
The WS know how to play his S many times and is typically very self-centered - you have a somewhat constructive way to get some pay back for yourself -- good detachment posture -- I realy do like this approach!
Peace be with you!
HH

Amazing,
Good work with the PI thing & one more thought about your thing with making sure house project is done before any plan B kind of actions -- You go girl!!
I can see that you do have potential that you can have an attitude ... and I love it!!
Just so you are not a doormat!
Peace be with you,
HH

AG,<p>I qualify for Plan B now. Today is 7-month anniversary of D-day and Plan A. I believe contact ended at least since January, so not in such a hurry about Plan B. Now, just mainly dealing with the fall-out from his A and all the other M issues that existed before the A. Still major work to be done.<p>BTW, my H and OW did it in the car in the park in broad daylight without even the cover of rain. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I wouldn't put anything past people in the throes of an A.<p>That was one of my LBs. I asked him to join me in the shower. (We used to enjoy doing that together.) He declined, whining about how uncomfortable it was, not enough room for both to be under the water at the same time, etc. My response: "Okay, let me get this straight: Sex in the car in the park with my girlfriend--YES!!!!!. Shower with my wife--He\\ NO!" [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 23, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Conqueror:
<strong>AG,<p>BTW, my H and OW did it in the car in the park in broad daylight without even the cover of rain. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I wouldn't put anything past people in the throes of an A.<p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>eeeeeeewwwwwwwww! On second thought, maybe I should rethink the park scenario! Anyway, I guess it really doesn't matter one way or the other..... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] It's all BAD regardless of what really happened!<p>Conqueror, may I ask how you found out the specifics of the 'park' incident? And what was your H's reaction when you said that in the shower? I'll bet he needed to change his undies..... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>HH~
Thanks, I like to think I can have attitude when I need it! I sorta feel bad for not dealing with this A RIGHT NOW, like I shouldn't let the remodeling even be a consideration in this attack on my M. But we've been married 30 years. What's a few more months in the whole scheme of things? I have been the stable, dependable one in our R for a long, long time. And we've been working on the house for a loooong time. Seeing the finished product in sight is too much to throw away.... I think it's time I looked out for my interests for once. And I really don't feel bad about my 'plan' at all. It's payback time!<p>If it comes down to Plan B and I want him to move out in August, I can hear WH now. 'All the work I did on the house, all the money I spent, etc.' But he KNOWS I told him he had to stop all contact with OW and if he chooses not to, it's no one's fault but his own! Right?<p>(BTW, we live in Evansville, not far from U of E!)<p>amazingrace

AG,<p>The park incident in particular is one of the worst [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] things, if there is any classification of such muck and mire.<p>HE told me about it, and guess when? Two days after D-day. On D-day he had told me he "f***ed up" and had sex a couple of times with a coworker back in July, that it was over in July. I had my suspicions that that was not the whole story because I had access to cell phone records that included contact up to D-day, but his explanation was that she kept calling him to "see how I am". I emphatically impressed upon him the need for full disclosure in order to have any chance of recovery. He chose to ignore this plea.<p>Anyway, the day after D-day I end up opening up to him sexually for the first time in 5 months, and the next day he informs me of the park incident just SIX DAYS EARLIER!!!!! Blecccchhhhh! doesn't even begin to describe the feeling of discovering I was just the flavor of the week! And here I had thought we had had this special bonding experience. Most of the hope in me died at the discovery of that violation.<p>I felt like a total and complete idiot, and to top it off he of course blamed it on me because I took the keys off his keyring the night before when I discovered his car packed with his clothes and that he was leaving me, so he went out the next morning and f***ed her in the car in the park to get back at me. That all happened the week before D-day when he wanted to come home and began his Chinese torture-style confession over the next few months with D-day after D-day after D-day.<p>The shower incident probably happened within a couple weeks after he confessed the park incident. His reaction was one of self-defense and more justification, minimization, and how there's no correlation between the two, blah, blah, blah.<p>He also had the nerve to balk at going to the Dr. for the STD testing, claiming to have to work and not have enough time. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I said that it was apparent that he had no problem finding time in his busy schedule to be with the OW, so if he had a problem going to the doctor with me (where we were both subsequently diagnosed with an STD!), then that told me a whole lot about the status of our R.<p>The point to all this for anyone reading is what I've said before. More damage can be done AFTER D-day by this sort of stuff than was ever done during the A itself. It is THIS stuff that offends me more than anything else--the continued manipulation and deception in the face of discovery. The contempt it conveys just nauseates me, and it ended up all but destroying any remaining feelings I had for my H. Whatever chance we had to recover our M on D-day was significantly crippled by his post-D-day behavioral choices.