All,<p>I have been praying for guidance, wisdom, strength, patience, love, understanding, and forgiveness. Things are going sort of okay but my W's PA's really has me looking at us quite differently where I am re-examining our relationship. So much so, that I am wondering if she and I really have that much in common between us to hold us together. If I had to chose her again today, I think I would refrain. Perhaps her PA's were her way of acknowledging on her part that she saw that there wasn't much there between us either, that it didn't matter if she strayed because we weren't going to be around as a couple anyway.<p>So this all brings me to my point. Now I find myself praying for a clear, direct sign from God that we are to continue on together as a married couple. I have ignored my relationship with God for so long. I lost my deep spirituality in the midst of making a living and letting the struggle to survive consume me. My wife and her kids became so much of my life that all things that were intrinsically a part of my being have fallen to the wayside. Part of my resentment for my W's PA's is the fact that the M was my entire existence and this has shaken it to the core. I am now taking care of myself and rebuilding myself as an individual. I realize that though I love my W, I cannot place my entire faith in her (can we truly place our faith wholly on any one person?), so I am working on me again.<p>So, here's the real question: Have you ever prayed for a clear answer on which direction to pursue in a situation, any situation, (not necessarily a marital plight such as this), and have you received an undeniable sign that gave you that answer?<p>Your experiences in this would be appreciated.<p>[ May 08, 2002: Message edited by: Blind Sided ]</p>

I regret writing what I did, it seemed too harsh and wasnt written how i had intended, sorry. <p>Dancer<p>[ May 09, 2002: Message edited by: Dancer ]</p>

Yes, I have prayed for wisdom and guidance and believed I received it when I prayed. The only clear "sign" that I believe to get from God is a "knowing" deep inside. There is peace about the decision and everything inside of me says YES!<p>When I have doubts, I intuitively know that something is wrong. If I have to question what I'm doing, I KNOW something is wrong. It's like my conscience is putting up a red flag. I can't explain it, it's just that when something is right, you know it. Nobody has to tell you. Only when it's wrong do we question it.<p>The fact that I question it, tells me something is wrong. When something is right to me, I don't need anyone's opinion on it.<p>Everything is not spelled out for us in the bible, we have to trust our own conscience in times where we are seeking God's wisdom.<p>When one of our preemie twins was in the hospital receiving all types of medical intervention, we got to a point where we had to decide if he was going to receive a certain type of surgery. AFTER the doctors gave up on him and told us he "would be dead in two days." [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We told them NO! No more surgery (at that time). We told them to let God finish what He started since the baby LIVED and on that 2nd day, he made a strong recovery from his previous state.<p>So yes, I have seen my prayers answered, not just regarding this situation, but in many situations. I am convinced that God loves me in spite of my human mistakes.<p>"Wisdom's pathways are peaceful..." Go with God's peace!

BinThere<p>Thanks for your reply. I understand what you mean about that "peace" within. We have to learn to listen to that inner-voice, that inner-knowing. I can recall many times in my life when I "knew" something was not right but I neglected it. So I will continue to seek that "peace" in my decisions and look for clarity. Right now, I get restless and uneasy when I think of staying and when I think of leaving, so I am really in state of confusion right now. I am not making any major decisions. I will continue to pray. I know that clarity on this situation will come to me. I am continuing to work on myself and my M, too. Thanks again. God Bless.

I stopped and thought a minute about your question. <p>I believe He guides me whether I pray or not. But when I pray to God - I am stronger than when I don't. Looking back it is so clear. I am better when I pray. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Yes, I've received answers to prayer about the A.<p>1) I prayed God would close the door between my H & the OW.<p>Answer: the 6th time my H left me, he went to his male co-worker friend to tell F he wanted to move back in...the F told him that he had begun dating the OW [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . They're married now.<p>2) I prayed through the books POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE and PRAYERS THAT AVAILETH MUCH for my H's return to faith.<p>Answer: in our 7th separation, he returned to Christian belief and a faithwalk. He began seeing our Christian counselor, attending a men's Bible study, being accountable to me--even though I had served him D papers, not going to bars without me, not hanging with disreputable friends.<p>3) After serving D papers, I started to date a guy who seemed very nice. When my H--who hadn't met my needs for 2 years, not to mention the A & the 7 separations--wanted to reconcile, I really didn't know what to do. And, a little mad at God for taking so long, I thought the new guy had been clear direction from God [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I now believe I was mistaken on that. So, my prayer was God, send me the man you intend for me. <p>Answer: The OM rather disappeared, he didn't answer his phone, he lives down the street from my business, I didn't see him driving by, he didn't stop by. My H was right there, doing the actions in #2. I reconciled with my H, the OM got married 2 months later!<p>I always think of the parable of the persistant woman, not sure where it is in the Gospels. But she is granted her prayer/need simply because she is so persistant and it was compatible with God's will.

1. I prayed for a child. I got pregnant during a time of the month when women don't usually ovulate (day 28)<p>2. I prayed for my H and OW to be split apart. H was moved to another school in the district where we all teach <p>3. I finally asked God to work His will in my life 'cause I could no longer be strong and do it by myself. This was in February and MIRACULOUS changes started occurring one right after the other until I started to believe our marriage would be recovered and the peace I felt made me KNOW that it was Him working in my life.

Yes. Over and over and over. <p>Probably the most dramatic example was when we were to be transferred across the country around 15 years ago. We had just moved back "home" a couple years prior, and nothing felt right about moving again. My wife had just started in ministry, we had moved to our community in part for the great schools here, and we were close to family and many great friends. But the transfer was an "all or nothing" kind of deal (big corporation), so we had to take it.<p>After accepting, it still didn't feel right, so we and our pastor and some friends kept praying about it. In the meantime, we had talked to realtors in both locations and were preparing to move.<p>About two weeks after accepting, my boss came in my office, all flustered, said he didn't understand what was going on, but I now had a choice to move as planned or take this other job that just popped up locally, and I had 5 minutes to decide what to do. Knowing my wife wasn't available to discuss it, I fired up a quick prayer of thanks, walked down the hall to get a sip of water, then told the boss we're staying. <p>Ever since then, I have completely trusted the process of praying and receiving God's answer. It may not always be the answer I'm looking for, it may not be in the time frame that I desire, but I trust it just the same. I could not have come through D-day #2 last week without that two-way relationship with God. I am much too weak on my own to weather the storms of life. His strength sustains me always.<p>Prayers for you as you seek His wisdom and guidance. Your quest to renew your relationship with God is the best thing you can do right now, both for you and your family.

Absolutley! All the time. (But in God's time)

Yeah, you can be in the right place doing the right thing, but if the timing is not God's timing, it is NOT His will! Isn't that interesting???<p>So Blind Sided just wait until the confusion dissipates. And it will! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear Blindsided -
I like Twinkles reply - I think that's really true - praying is like paying attention - God is there when you cross the road, even if you're not paying attention, but when you pay attention, you're better at it!<p>And yes, I believe that I have had a clear sign from God about my R with my H - but I asked a different question. Briefly, my H and I are both devout Catholics, and my H works in Church music - he has a LOT to lose by making stupid mistakes with OW. Last summer, I found out he had "fallen in love" with a young woman we both know - I confronted him and we went to 2 MC sessions - he apologized to me and was deeply upset with himself at first after I found out - but the contact between them continued (he began to fight me and claimed he had a right to "friendship" and that I had to be "tolerant") - all this revealed the cracks in our own M - I had a deep well of resentment against him which was really affecting my attitude towards him, even though I wanted so much for things to be better between us - so I found out how much I still loved my H and tried hard to change the things I could see that I was doing wrong. During this time, I accidentally got pregnant - I can't carry anymore children - it's life-threatening for me - but my H, being Catholic, had a hard time about no birth-control (I put this down as one of the MAJOR problems in our M) - anyway, I ended up pregnant. I prayed that God would resolve this for me so that I wouldn't have to have a therapeutic abortion. Other Christian friends also prayed for me to miscarry. And I did. I believe that God taught my H through that experience that it was wrong of him to expect me to threaten my life in order to be a "good wife" - also, my H had to let go of the desire for more children - my H adores our 2 boys and would have liked more - I think God works in mysterious ways to lead us to be truly compassionate.<p>Now - that was one clear sign/<p>The other came in a dream - I am convinced this dream was God-given, but it's very personal, I hope you don't find it too wierd. It has helped keep me on plan A, although sometimes I have "blown-it" - it still is keeping me going. During that bad time, I was so traumatized and depressed - many nights I couldn't sleep. I prayed so hard for God to break the bond between my H and this girl - to separate them. (He did BTW - my H's dream-job came up and I encouraged him to take it, even though it only paid half his previous salary). But one night, i was exhausted and I just lay back about 5AM and spread my arms back and said "I don't know what I'm supposed to do - show me YOUR way!" I fell asleep and had this dream, very intense, and woke with it imprinted on my brain.<p>I dreamed I was looking out of my upstairs window - I was so lost and needing love so bad - I wanted the love of a mature man, not the immature man I was married to - in the house across the street, an older man was working - he was a sculptor - he came out of his studio into his front room and did a little dance for me in my honor, to make me happy, then went back to work. There's the man for me, I thought, so I went over to his house. I wanted to sleep with him, so I got into his bed and undressed. He seemed uncomfortable with that, but obliged me by getting into bed. Once he was in, I lifted the covers so that I could see him naked. I was shocked - instead of his manhood, I saw that he had wet the bed like a child. He was ashamed and turned over, showing me his backside. "Beat me", he said - and I saw that he was covered with filth there - like an abused baby who has been left dirty for weeks - crusted and stinking - with raw, open sores - SO WOUNDED. He cried, expecting to be hit. All the compassion I felt as a mother welled up in me and I could not bring myself to punish him. I knew he needed to be cleaned before healing could begin, but I had nothing to clean him with except my bare hands and my mouth. That is what I used to clean him with, Then I rubbed cream into his sores. That was all I could do then. Then I went to the sink and cleaned out my mouth. I woke up seeing myself continually washing filth out of my mouth.<p>Now - shocking? I'm sure some of you will think I'm crazy. But I believe the man in that dream was my H - and God was showing me how terribly wounded he is inside (I know this because I know his parents and the emotional deprivation he has suffered). Most important, God was showing me the way to deal with him. Not to beat him up when he does something wrong - but to try to heal - of course, all that old S**T has to come off first, and to do that I - moi - have to empty my mouth of all the bad, unkind, hurtful, angry, awful things I am capable of saying and have said to him in the past, when I have felt justifiably angry.<p>So - cut to present - after all that - H turned around and has had (still) another EA with another woman. Was it all for nothing? Never all for nothing with God. I know I'm still fighting this battle - but I still wasn't good about keeping my mouth clean. One of my things I am doing (since 4 April) is to look for and compliment my H on at least one thing each day that he does well - that I like, that I admire in him - this is working wonders. He is so much happier. We are still "on the road" towards recovery (my H is now in IC - has had 3 appts). <p>I don't ask God to tell me if I should still be with him - it's up to me to decide what I can and can't live with. But God has shown me how he wants me to help my H, and I am doing my best to obey.<p>Keep praying!
Odile

This might not have to do with prayers being answered but this shows me God works in mysterious ways.<p>My H told me he wanted to end it because it was taking it's toll on him and he knew it was wrong but he knew by her personality she would continue to haunt him. He said he didn't know how to get out of it. When I look back at things that happened I see how God gave him ways to get out but of course he didn't realize it.<p>The first way was when the OW told another co-worker if he wasn't nice she would tell me about the A. This other co-worker said to my H, you better watch out she's going to tell your wife something.<p>The second was when I got sick and went into the hospital to have minor surgery.<p>The third was when he went to her house to try to tell her it was over (I know hard to believe) but didn't know how to do it. On the way home he was in an accident that totalled his truck.<p>He never took these as ways out so I believe God had me find the email he sent so it would have to end. It was not normal for me to check his email, something that he received didn't look right - one of those per your request on how to make money email, made me look to see if he sent something and bamm there it was. <p>So I know God is watching and listening. And when I was at my lowest point we went to church and I prayed that God would help me deal with this pain and please carry me through this because it is more than I can bare. I know he is helping me get through this because he knows we can survive this. We are doing better with each passing day. I know I have come to a better place.

What I have been taught and believe is that when you're prayers are answered you will have no more doubts. If what you are praying for is right, than you will not question it. I prayed all the time to know if I should stay and before all of this happened, there would be times that I absolutely felt at peace about us. After this happened and I began to understand that there was a real reason for this happening I understood that we needed a d. <p>Sometimes I feel like I should go back and I pray with my heart and soul for strength to stay away if that's right and you know what, after an hour I always know that I'm doing the right thing. <p>I believe that at certain points it maybe absolutely essential for us to be with someone, whom four months later God says, "Ok, you can leave now". Pray to understand and open your heart. <p>Another thing that helped me to forgive him and forgive myself and everything else? Pray for empathy. Maybe we spend too much time wondering why everyone is hurting us, take a minute to put yourself in their shoes. How does it feel to betray what you believed? How your self esteem crumbles. I'm not justifying affairs, but it is easier to forgive if we first try to understand.<p>Prayers, wishes, hope

Dancer<p>I remember your original post. It was pretty strong. It almost left me feeling like marriages are to be saved &#8220;at all costs&#8221; and I thought to myself, &#8220;At what point does one say it is NOT WORTH saving a marriage?&#8221; What if my spouse had been a murderer instead of an adulterer? Is it not possible that in some cases divorce, though painful, is sometimes necessary? Can either the H or the W, or both, decide it best to part ways, not out of condemnation, but out of love and reality? Even if I forgive her for what she has done, can I not still forgive her and leave her and remain her friend, but not her husband? Today the W and I had quite a talk and again years of garbage comes up from both of us. We are in counseling but it seems that years of resentment between us for various reasons is strong, and now her affairs have really added a new dimension to my resentment and lack of respect for her. Right now, other than a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in and SF whenever I want it, I am not seeing much else in our relationship. But perhaps that will change in time. Today, I feel like there is not much there to build on. This is why I am praying so hard. I know I am hurt and that I have detached. I know I can&#8217;t depend on my human thought and feeling alone. I need guidance and strength from a higher power. I am praying and looking and listening for a sign, or signs, that will show me the way. One thing is clear, if staying married isn&#8217;t going to ultimately bring me, or us, closer to God, than I do not want it. My W has a history of turning away from God, almost on purpose, so that she can go do what her heart tells her to do. Then afterwards, she regrets it and turns back to Jesus! She hates churches because she thinks that they are all hypocritical and political, but I love them because of the fellowship and sense of community. People aren&#8217;t perfect. Churches are made up of people, so churches aren&#8217;t perfect either! I see so many differences between us. Of course this situation exacerbates that view, so I am not being totally objective, I am sure. But anyway, thank you for your response.<p>Twinkles<p>Thank you for responding. I agree, I feel stronger and better when I pray, so I am going to continue to do so.<p>Lor(Lor)<p>Very compelling instances you have there, especially example #3. That&#8217;s a classic story of how we can sometimes mistake something as coming from God (your new &#8220;friend&#8221; you started dating) and what is truly from God (a reconciliation with your H). It seems so clear that He is working in your life and it&#8217;s probably because you let Him in your heart and allow Him to do his Will in your life. What a blessing. Thanks for sharing your stories with me.<p>Cali<p>Wow. Very strong examples. It seems if the prayer is sincere and the person is truly open to letting God do His Will in one&#8217;s life, then answers, or miracles, are in abundance! Thanks for sharing your stories.<p>Shattered In SF<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Prayers for you as you seek His wisdom and guidance. Your quest to renew your relationship with God is the best thing you can do right now, both for you and your family.<hr></blockquote><p>Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. Your story is very very compelling of seeing God in action in your life. It&#8217;s exactly those types of things; those little &#8220;interventions&#8221; of opportunity that He creates for us that allows us to chose rightly and follow His Will in our lives. But the key thing is that He creates an &#8220;opportunity&#8221;. We still have to be astute enough and open enough to be able to see it and take it, which you obviously did! Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience with me.<p>Odilie<p>Thank you for sharing your story. The spontaneous miscarriage was an answered prayer for sure. As for the dream, it&#8217;s not overly strange. It was clearly a message for you and you recognized it for what it was worth.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I don't ask God to tell me if I should still be with him - it's up to me to decide what I can and can't live with. But God has shown me how he wants me to help my H, and I am doing my best to obey.<hr></blockquote><p>This is a very interesting statement and perhaps one I should be really asking myself. If I truly know in my heart that my W&#8217;s A&#8217;s are going to stay within me and fester and perhaps come back to bite me in the a** later on, then I best be as honest with myself as possible and realize it now. Maybe I have been afraid to admit to myself that I know that I cannot live them. I told my counselor that if she had multiple partners I knew I would not be able to live with it and forgive her. Then of course that is exactly what she had. The ONS in our house while I was home really has me knocked for a loop! And all of her sex was unprotected. Stupid on top of being disrespectful!! Anyway, I still pray and pray and ask God for strength and guidance. Thank you again.<p>StrongerThanYesterday<p>You are so right. Even when we are not actively praying, per se, He still does let His presence be known to us. We just have to be open to receiving His messages. Thank you for sharing your personal experience with God in your life.<p>Rainefall<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> After this happened and I began to understand that there was a real reason for this happening I understood that we needed a D.<hr></blockquote><p>I am wondering is this confession of her A&#8217;s is my sign that I was looking for all along on whether we should remain together. I haven&#8217;t exactly been happy for a long time. I had accepted a lot in our marriage and resigned myself to a lot of things that I don&#8217;t care for. I pretty much had given up myself into the M and have lost the essential &#8220;me&#8221; that I was before we married. I want myself back now and if it can&#8217;t be done within the M, than so be it. (maybe). [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I believe that at certain points it may be absolutely essential for us to be with someone, whom four months later God says, "Ok, you can leave now". Pray to understand and open your heart.<hr></blockquote><p>Okay, do mean that she had to be with the OM for 3-4 months to serve a greater purpose? That I should be open to understanding that? I am not sure if that is what you are intending to say here, or if you are saying that in general, people can come into your life that serve a purpose during the time that you are with them, and then they are gone, and that is okay? I would think you mean the latter, bit please clarify if you read this. I hope that His light continues to shine upon you.<p>[ May 10, 2002: Message edited by: Blind Sided ]</p>

Hello,<p>My WH and i seperated 4/99 and i soon discovered that OW was more than just rumors floating around at work. My WH is 40, I'm 40, right now and other woman is in her 50's with nice fancy house, fancy van and MONEY! For the last 1 1/2 years, my WH had led me to believe that OW was gone. well, 4/02, I found out through sources that WH is still involved in A with OW. I love busted all over when I found out. I threatened Divorce and the whole 9 yards. Just days after I confronted WH, whom screamed at me that he was tired of me jumping him for everything every Tom, [censored] and Harry told me, WH lost job and is having truck problems. WH was staying in comapny apartment (unless that was a lie to), so he also had to find somewhere to live. Last time we talked (2 weeks ago today), he was angry, hateful and informed me that he was not telling me where he was, and he was tired of everyone having their nose stuck in "his business". I have had NO CONTACT for 2 weeks.<p>This has been exceptionally hard as WH is 150 miles, was working in city, from me and about 80 miles from OW. We have lived apart since 4/99.<p>For last 1 1/2 years, WH has been coming home, telling me that he loves me and missed me. That only reason we were still living apart was because of his job. Well, he lost that job on 4/22/02.<p>I was suuffering from all kinds of physical things like headaches, stomach problems, rapid weight lost, depression and you name it after learning 4/13/02 that OW was still in the picture.<p>I decided to completely let go and place WH, OW and our marriage in GOD'S HANDS. Since doing this, my physical ailments have disappeared and I feel a "peace and calmness" inside. I have not tried to find WH or gone snooping to see if he is with OW or not. I have been focusing on me, reading "Power Of A Praying Wife", His needs, Her needs, How To Survive An Affair and Love Busters. I am focusing on my personal relationship with GOD. I have been PRAYING for GOD to bring conviction on them (WH & OW), make the changes in me that GOD feels I need and asked GOD to deal with them. I have even been PRAYING for OW. YES, PRAYING for her.......<p>I have a "knowing" inside that my prayers will be answered.......I just have to "let go of WH" and let GOD do his work......I have to be patient and true in my walk with GOD. I believe the peaceful feeling is a DEFINITE sign that I've chosen the right path and I blieve that my heart's desire (MY husband returning and us re-building this marriage) is in GOD'S PLANS and HANDS. GOD never wants a marriage to end......a marriage that everyone has already gave up on.....is one that truly shows the power and love of GOD, when it turns around and thrives.......<p>I have a "knowing".....this will be the outcome of our marriage......<p>My WH and I have NO CHILDREN and very little to seperate if we divorced. I have given WH every opportunity to tell me he wants out but even in the last 2 weeks, he has never once said that he wants a divorce. I have also PRAYED that GOD binds WH from any actions, thoughts, or encouragement of divorce. That he be repulsed and turn away from ANYONE whom does so, including OW.<p>So far, he hasn't said a word, just simply "cut me off" and i am "ok" with that. After all, I AM WALKING WITH THE LORD, and he is "IN CHARGE" now...<p>SO "YES", I believe that GOD answered my prayers, is doing his work now on all 3 of us (ME, WH and OW).<p>Sorry so long! And HAPPY TO SEE THIS TYPE OF POST!!!!!!<p>(((((HUGS TO ALL))))))<p>PS: KEEP PRAYING.......KEEP BELIEVING AND KEEPING TRUSTING IN OUR HEAVENLY FATHER!!!!! It's the ONLY way to go..............

Let me specify. I meeant that for me that at one point it was the right thing for me to be with my h. for a certain amount of months and then I understood that then it was right to move on. Does that make sense? At one point it can be the absolute right thing to stay and fight for the marriage and a little later the absolute right thing to leave. <p>Good Luck!!

Prayer,
Yes
1. Told by specialists that I could not concieve without surgery and/or fertility treatments:
I have a Four year old son, didn't use any of the above mentioned.<p>2. God's timing in my marriage:
Everything fell into place once I gave it to God, Timing was perfect. Moved back in time to enjoy the summer together before starting son in preschool. Had time to find a new church we love, and developed a great friendship with another couple. The dear friends we did have here moved to the mid west.<p>3. Peace during the turmoil:
I felt good and laughed and had no reason to be so happy. Couldn't help myself, I had a peace that either way I would be fine, and was able to release it to God and stop pushing for a decision.<p>4. Patience:
Hard one, if you pray for it you will be tried. Still not my strong point but am much better and calmer.<p>5. To show grace and mercy with my words and actions, the way God has shown them to me:
Kept me from lashing out in anger during the beginning and saying things that I could never take back and would always regret.<p>6. That my son would have a healthy adjustment during the limbo time:
He was great, made some good friends and spent time with his grandparents and aunt that he would otherwise not have had.<p>7, To see some purpose for the separation other than the marital breakdown:
Father had heart attack,mother had heart attack, both had surgeries, in the hospital every few months for nearly two years. Two years was the length of my separation. I didn't pray for their heart attacks, but if I had not been living there at the time, I would not have been able to stay at the hospital and help with other needed things had I still been three states away.<p>8. Spiritual Growth:
Bible study, personal reflection, Sunday school-made lasting friendships, and we have helped each other through different difficulties, great pastor, and had an awsome sense of peace.<p>9. To let go and let GOd and not grab it back after giving it to him:
Still struggle with this one sometimes, not anything like before. During the separation was able to do it about the marriage, and had a complete feeling about it. <p>I was so comforted through prayer. It is the most powerful thing a person can do, and too often I forget to say thank you for all the blessings in my life.

Rainefall<p>Thank you for clarifying. I truly understand that concept of it very well! Right now it feels "right" to stay and efforts at finding a place to move to have not been fruitful; plus other factors tell me to stay right now. So I am waiting and praying to see what God has in store for me! I am open to anything and any possibility! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

While I realize that I can pray for 'anything' I knew that my responsibility to God was to pray in accordance to his will. That in itself is a broad range which does include the sanctity of marriage and the family arrangement. <p>With that in mind, I knew I could not pray for God to help the WS because that would mean to enable the A to continue. The Ws had to help himself. I used to pray that God help us be 'better friends, moms, dads and children.' God knew the proper definition of 'friends'. <p>The WS had developed bad habits and wrong 'friendships'. So for a while I stopped praying for the WS and his 'friendships'. I think that was also important and had an impact. My little son prayed in a similar vein (on his own without coaxing from me). <p>The part about my prayer that I advocate here is to pray for a calm heart and a clear mind. That to me is vital to get through this 'fog of an A. <p>Does it work? Yes. While there were moments where I thought I was in dire despair and others where I knew I had lost my santity (who wouldn't), I knew that for the most part, God had given me the opportunity to keep a calm heart and a clear mind. That became evident when I went to plan B. I was 'soooo calm' that the OW claimed to be scared of me. You know when she felt that she had lost her 'controlling powers' over me. <p>See in the case of those dealing with OWs (maybe more than OMs), women do excercise a 'type of power'. Remember where the 'honeydo' lists generally originate!!?!?!?! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So it is eerie but normal (in the fog) for the OW to try to 'control' the BS' W's life via various devious methods (that's why there is soo much talk required in the A). <p>Realizing that vital piece of info made me come to the conclusion that the best way to 'rock her boat' was to provide the calm before the storm. <p>The how to do that was challenging. But it was not difficult. I just had to be in control of myself and therein lies the importance of a calm heart and a clear mind. <p>God does answer prayers. We need to pray in accordance to his will. <p>JMHO,
L.<p>[ May 12, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

Well, ironically, I got a clear sign yesterday! Actually, 2 of them!<p>I have been hemming and hawing and sitting on the "Stay, Make It Work" and "Go, Leave It All Behind" fence since D-Day and finding myself actually contemplating DV, when it suddenly happened!: I actually found myself sick to my stomach thinking about her not being in my life! <p>What brought on this revelation? <p>We were talking today about how much each of us has to work so hard and so long to make ends meet that we never have the time to enjoy other, let alone rebuild our marriage and make an enjoyable life for ourselves, so she made the comment "I don't know Scott, I'm getting pretty tired of living our life like this!" <p>Then it hit me! That stomach flipping thingy! I felt a pang inside as I envisioned her telling me she had had enough of the rat race and the doldrums of survival and just wanted to move on, separately. Inside I was like "Nooooooooo!!!!" Perhaps this is one element of our life that led to her straying. All I know is she is fighting depression and she has been beating herself up real bad lately over her betrayal and over her own self-disappointments in life. <p>I want to help her feel better about herself and about us, so now I know that I have to make better and more vigorous efforts at revival than the half-hearted efforts I have been making so far. I was waiting for some signal, some clear sign within me, and I certainly got one! I guess my feelings had to be tested this way to show me where my heart truly was in all this. So, I am going to go with it and strive to revive! I went home from work with a new attitude and an open heart and open mind. <p>Later on, before I went to sleep for the night, I was in bed, sitting upright, meditating and praying (as I always do), and suddenly a thought dropped into my consciousness, &#8220;If my W comes in here and to make love to me before I go to sleep, than I will consider that a clear sign that I should be staying with her.&#8221; Bah! I tried to dismiss the thought. I figured &#8220;What right do I have telling God what signs I will accept in this situation!?&#8221; So, I continued my meditation and prayer. Within 2 minutes of that thought, guess what? My W came into the bedroom to make love with me before I fell asleep! I was almost shocked! That&#8217;s twice. Now one more sign will clinch it for me. I believe in these run in threes, as it has for me in the past, and I will not consider it coincidence or my wild imagination. I will continue to pray!