I'm 20, been with my bf 2 years, long-distance relationship, and things are great between us except for the missing eachother and not getting enough attn/affection when we're apart. I might a get a dog to help out there. :-) Anyways, he's in the military, so he's often away, and when he's near near = 6 hours drive away), I generally can only see him on weekends because I go to school. Its a financial drain to drive 12 hours a week, and its a pain too. I have to be the one driving because I have more days off, whereas he just has the 2 day weekend. Its also an emotional drain to keep missing him, and it can be really frustrating. He's going to be deployed in the fall - not sure for how long, any amount of time between 3 and 10 months, most likely 3-6. So this summer, when I'm not in school will be an important time for me to see him more. I have read the rationale against living together, but I wonder if, due to circumstances, I should take these 2 summer months to move in with him.

Here are the reasons why it might not be worthwhile. He works 14-16 hour days, so I might not get to spend more time with him, especially if I work waitressing nights. I might end up just chillin with him on the weekends only, same as if I didn't live with him. I am unlikely to meet many friends up there, as its a hicktown, and the people there aren't really my bag. It may be harder for me to cope with him getting deployed if I don't cultivate my own stuff going on close to school. I may resent him if I move up there to be with him and he can't spend any more time with me. <--probably unlikely
And, of course, marriage builders does not generally recommend it.

But, like I said, I rarely get to see him, and there's plenty to gain from moving up there for a couple months. We've also shown a comittment to eachother - this wouldn't be a "lets test things out" kinda thing.

Also, I wrote in another post on these boards that I won't consider marrying him until he's out of the military, and he knows this. This is because inherent in being employed by the military is the fact that his job is his life, and comes first in every situation. I want my future husband to put me first, ahead of his job, and it isn't possible now.

Second, I want to live with him if we're married, and the places we'd live would not be places where I could find a fulfilling job. I'd need to be in a city - and my future career is important to me. So, seeing as how I'm very young and he's probably not going to be in that much longer, I feel like its best to wait until conditions are ideal for marriage.

Any advice on whether we should live together this summer?

BUMP

Spinduel,

I don't think you should live together this summer.

You should not uproot your life to spend more time with a man who, at least for now, you are not going to marry.

You said you did not want to marry a man in the military because he had so little time to spend with you and the job always came first. So why do you want to move 6 hours away to live with and become closer to this very same man who is in the military? Just to make it harder on you when the time comes for you to break up or move out?

It sounds to me that you are right and he just doesn't have the time that you need with his military career right now. You are doing all the driving, you are putting all the effort into this relationship to get the very little free time he has to offer. You are now doing the very thing you say you want to avoid in the future.

The very reason you are considering moving--to spend more time with him--is only there because he still hasn't quit the military. And if you are catering to it now, how in the heck is he ever going to believe that you won't cater to it later. He will have absolutely no reason to quit the military if you are living with him.