Please pray for my family to be restored. Last summer I left my wife, and 2 sons. We had a great Christian home until the last five years. Due to our problems, I had fallen away from God and felt justified in leaving. Within a few weeks, after leaving, in God's mercy, he changed my heart and I left the other woman. I moved in to my own apartment. During this time I continued to meet all expenses for my family. My wife does not work outside the home.<p>The week before Christmas, I moved out of the apartment and returned home to my wife and sons. My wife is not sure that she wants me back and I am staying against her wishes. She said that she needs to be alone to heal from what I did to her. Maybe I should have given her more time alone, but it seemed that we were only growing further apart. Our says that my wife has a right to divorce me. He has allowed her to remain comfortable with the idea of ending the marriage based on my adultery. I have pleaded for forgiveness, and a chance to show that I have repented. I asked that he help bring us together, but he just tells me to stay away from my home and family. Everyone that my wife is close to accepts divorce as the final outcome. I have confessed my sinfulness to everyone including my sons. Only my sons have been able to forgive me and want me to return home. We both did wrong, ( few people knew we had problems) but I did the visible thing when I left to be with the OW.<p>I fear that my wife intends to file for separation or divorce the first part of January. She almost filed at the end of October, but my sons talked her out of do so. We live in Michigan. Please pray that God will renew her mind and allow her to forgive me and accept me back. She is a good Christian woman. I love her and my sons and so much want a second chance to be a good Christian husband and father.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

{{{RichardK}}} I'm so sorry that you've now done the right thing and your W feels it's too late. I pray DAILY for my H's heart to turn back towards me and our family. <p>Father, you know you hate divorce. Please open RichardK's wife's heart and eyes and turn them back towards her H. Please father, give her discernment about her RichardK's true remorse and help her to find forgiveness. As Jesus said "forgive your enemy 70 times 7." Father, you know what is in RichardK's heart. You know he has truly repented to you and asked you for your forgiveness. Please, Father, heal this family and heal this Marriage. Father, please keep the pastor and his opinions AWAY from RichardK's wife. Father I ask that if RichardK's wife is set on divorce, that you would put roadblocks up that would give RichardK the time he needs to repent to his wife and for her heart to be turned back to him. Father, I ask you to guide RichardK's words and actions so that his wife may find all the love she needs with this man.<p>Father, I ask all of these things in Jesus' precious name,<p>AMEN<p>PEACE RichardK<p>Kari

Kari,
Thank you so much for your prayer. I am so remorseful for what I have done. Regretfully, I now know why the Bible warns us so often about the sin of adultery. It is so destructive. I pray that my wife's mind will be renewed and that our God will soften her heart. <p>I will pray for you and your husband. I ask that he will be reminded of the love he has for you. That our Lord will show him that nothing can replace a Godly wife that loves the Lord. I pray that God will have mercy on him and allow him to turn from his sinful ways. I ask that he will find himself incomplete with out the help-mate that God has given him. I pray for you too Kari. I ask that you will be able to forgive him and accept him back.
In the name of Jesus I ask that the works of the evil one will be bound from this moment on. I ask that Kari's husband's mind be renewed and that her husband brings this household under your authority.
Amen<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

Dear Richard,<p>I am so sorry that your pastor of all people is leading your wife away from you.<p>I think it is so wonderful that you have been so determined to mend your family and start back fresh. What a pity that your wife is having so much trouble forgiving you. I know that adultery is really hard to forgive because it touches us in our weakest spot. Our hearts are so vulnerable and the betrayal is really hard to handle. But I think she will forgive you because of your determination. She needs some time. She says she needs space - maybe you can give her space in your home by being super respectful of her, helpful in the house and good to your sons.<p>Even if she divorces you, it's irrelevant because Jesus said we are married for life. You are always going to be married in the eyes of the Lord and even after a divorce, you can remarry her.<p>I am really sure she will forgive you. Don't keep repeating that you are sorry but write her a long letter saying so and telling her you want to start over again in the Lord. Don't excuse yourself, even though I don't doubt that both of you have some fault. There is no reason to share the blame because ultimately, we are all responsible for what we do. I'm sure she knows that she isn't perfect and has kicked herself a number of times over past behavior and words said (as I have done.)<p>I think you are a very courageous man and this is now your trial. But trials do make us stronger - even though they hurt a lot. You are doing the right thing and your wife will see it - don't worry. Is there another church to go to? I have a really hard time imagining a pastor who encourages the breakup of a marriage. Also, Jesus never said that after adultery, you could remarry. So will your wife stay single now? <p>Also, He said that we had to perservere till the end in order to be saved so our actions of TODAY count more than the actions of yesterday.<p>Maybe reading this website and the books can help you to address your wife's emotional needs better and slowly you can stitch back your life together. I admire you for your determination and perserverance and wish you all the best.<p>Jesus, I know You have forgiven Richard K. Please change his wife's heart so that she can trust him again and desire him as her husband. Lord, You have allowed this trial for Richard to grow closer to You. Keep him in your arms and allow him to feel the peace that only You can give. Bless all those who read this and sustain the others on this forum.<p>Amen.

Hello, RichardK,
I would like to reiterate what MoM said about all of us here praying DAILY for our WH's to return home. What a blessing to hear of one repentant H who has returned! Unfortunately, the hurt is deep and your W is unwilling to "do the right thing."<p>We are astonished by her actions! You must get her away from the support system she has built which is now giving her false advice. It IS false advice! I'm very sorry, but I don't understand your pastor telling her these things. Have you met with him privately and asked him to please help you save your M? God is clear. Divorce is WRONG, and any time there is a chance for reconciliation, that is His perfect Will for any M.<p>Have your read SAA? Will she read it? She will see that reconciliation is possible, and how all the partners in this "drama" feel throughout. I believe you should Plan A your W. Be more than the H you should be. Be attentive to ALL her EN's. Win her back with your love. Will she pray with you? I would make a point of praying with her at every opportunity. Take her out to lunch, dinner, whatever just to have an opportunity to pray with her! Prayer always brings us closer.<p>Dear Heavenly Father,
I come humbly before you and ask that RichardK's W. would begin to turn her heart back toward her H. Father, you are very clear in your Word that we are NOT to separate if the offending partner comes back in repentance. Let his W read this in your Word, and strip away the blinders that are keeping her from seeing it. Lord, please touch this family, and do NOT let them become another of Satan's statistics. Show her, Father, what she is to do in order to remain obedient to YOU. It matters not what WE want, Lord, but what you want us to do as your children.<p>Father, thank You for your incredible gifts to us, for Your Son, for Your Word, for Your Holy Spirit. Your Love, alone, will hold us up through our trials, and Lord Jesus, saying thank You with our words, our obedient lives and our hearts still wouldn't be enough for this gift of eternal life.
Amen<p>Lupo

Dear RichardK,
God bless you Richard. He can and will heal your marriage. I will be praying for you and your wife. I read a great article today and this line stood out to me: "There is no marriage God cannot heal. There is no person God cannot change." Praise God!<p>Heavenly Father, I thank You that Richardk has come to You with a repentant heart. Thank You Father for healing this marriage. Thank You Father for causing Richard to turn away from sin and back to You. Lord, just as You turned Richard's heart, I ask that You would turn his wife's heart back to him, fill her heart with love for her own husband. Lord, we stand on the promises of Your word that tells us that You hate divorce, and what God has joined together, let no man separate. Reveal Your Truth to Richard's wife, help her Father to become more like your precious son Jesus. Father I know that You can heal this marriage, because NOTHING is impossible for you. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN<p>Richard, a couple of websites that may be helpful to you:<p>www.rejoiceministries.org and www.familylife.com<p>Rejoice Ministries has wonderful articles on healing marriages and standing for the healing of your marriage. The Steinkamp's testimony is awesome.

RichardK,
Just checking in to see how you're doing? I hope things are going o.k.<p>Kari

<<<<RichardK>>>><p>Keep the faith! I believe strongly that whatever is meant to happen, will! God is in charge and He knows what's best. He will show you the way. Stay loyal to her and maybe just ask her for time to show her how sorry you are and how much yo love her. That's asking a lot but it might buy you time without a divorce. It's hard to wait while she heals, even for her. Keep proving to her, don't give her any reason to doubt, give her more explination that she needs and just believe. Love can conqure. Just love her and give her time!<p>My prayers are for you and your family!!
Snowcat

Thanks you so much Tryingtohope,<p>You are so right, this has been such a trial. I have pleaded with our pastor to help bring my family back together, but I know now he is set against it. A few nights after I had moved back home, the church had a youth dinner at my home.

This has been such a battle. Please continue to pray.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

Thank you Lupolady,<p>It was only God&#8217;s mercy that turned my head. He has such mercy. <p>I can not seem to get her away from her support system. That is one of the reasons that I returned home against her will. They all want me to stay away and give her more time. At first, I tried to stay away and give her time to heal, but it seemed we were only getting further apart. <p>I have not yet read, SAA. I have read Torn Asunder. She has not yet read any of the books or attended any counseling outside of talking to our pastor, family and friends. <p>I have been doing the plan A. Please pray that I will not get upset when she does not respond to any of the things that I try to do for her. I would like to take her out for dinner, but she will not go. Tomorrow, New Years Eve, is our 26th anniversary. I asked her out, but she refuses to go.

Dear Alcoholic's Wife,
Thank you for your encouragement. I really like, "There is no marriage God cannot heal. There is no person God cannot change." I have no one else to turn to, but our Lord. Thank you for your prayers. I can not thank all of you enough. Know how much you all care helps to keep me from giving up. God Bless you.<p>Dear Myownme,
Thanks for checking on me. New Years Eve, tomorrow will be our 26th anniversary. I thought of you the other day and pleaded with God to turn your situation around. I will pray extra for you in the next few days. Please let us know how you are doing.<p>Thanks for your prayers Snowcat,
I will stay loyal to her and try to show her love in every way that she will permit. I like what you said about giving her time. I am willing to do that, but I am afraid that she now sees my return home, against her wishes, as the excuse she needs to file. Unfortunately, her support system seems to agree with her that I should not have returned home, but stayed away. I trusted God in making that decision, but things have been so hard that I have questioned my decision and wondered if I should have stayed away longer.<p>God bless you all. I will hug you all when we get to heaven.

Dear Rick,
I read your pastor's letter and your letter. I was crying as I saw and felt the repentence in your letter. I'm so very sorry that your pastor is not speaking to you and your wife as GOD wants him to. He's not being a man of God in this instance, but a man of the flesh. I will pray that the Lord opens HIS heart and guides him in his ways. Everything you said to him was true; God DOES want your marriage. You've sinned, your W has sinned and so is the pastor, by not helping to KEEP a marriage together, instead trying to help Satan tear it apart.<p>Please ask God for the patience, strength and guidance to be whatever your W needs you to be to get her and you through this.<p>I'm praying for you. God will prevail in this situation. He can turn the pastor's heart as well as your W's. You just need to trust him.<p>Take care and God Bless You! <p>KARI

Myownme,
Thank you again for your guidance and prayers. Today is our anniversary. I asked her out again, but she said she can not do that and just left the house to go shopping. She said that she can not be in the same house with me and that I haven&#8217;t changed. At this time, she is not able to see anything good in what I do. It is so hard, today. I was hoping that we could set aside our problems for awhile and just enjoy each other&#8217;s company. I am trying to understand what she needs, but all she says is I didn&#8217;t want you to force your way back home and she continually reminds me of what I did, (the affair.) I pray that God will allow me to not become angry, ( I did this morning when she would not go out on our anniversary, she told me that I have not changed and everyone thinks I am wrong not listen to her.) What pushed me over the edge is when she said, don't start with the emotional stuff, ( get choked up easly at this time.) <p>I do think that she needs to vent and I am thankful when she does at least talk about something. The biggest reason I left for the OW was that my wife just simply refuses to talk with me about anything. She knows how much that hurts me, but she likes to avoid problems of any sort. It is so hard because she does really love the Lord, but I think she has been misled. The only thing holding he back, (I think) from the filing is, she does not believe the Lord has given her clear direction to do so. She thought that she had his direction at the end of October when my sons talked her out of filing. At that time she told me that if I made our sons aware that she was about to file, she would cut off all of my communications with her and the boys. She had been advised not to tell them anything until the proceedings were underway. I did try to comply with her request, but it just came out when I phoned my oldest son. He then called her and asked that she not file. I know if she files this time, no one will know anything until after it is done. <p>Everyone is telling her how brave she is to stand against me and that God will meet all of her needs and God will help her start a new life. These are the same people that I loved and trusted. I can not blame them. It is just that Satan has deceived them. Our/her pastor is a product of divorce and it could be that he has some unresolved issues from his childhood. I thank God that he has given me the discernment to understand the spiritual warfare that is going on. I think him that he has given me loving brothers and sisters to help me to stand in this battle. I know that she talks with the pastor or his wife at least daily. Please continue to pray. How could I ever thank you all enough?

I also feel your hurt. When my husband left and moved in with the OW (2 months ago)it took me time to realize that the problem was too great for me to handle by myself. I have asked for God's help daily. Lately, I have read two very good books that I would suggest you read. The author is Stormie Omartian- "Just Enough LIGHT for the Step I'm On" and also "The Power of a Praying Wife". The ideas suggested are things that are helping me to cope.
At this time my WS is telling me that he has no love in his heart for me. I am asking God to melt and softer the iceburg in his heart and turn the melted part into LOVE for me, his wife. In talking with him I can sometimes hear the pain he is also going through. I am also trying to change with God's help to become the kind of wife that my H needs, wants and desires. Please pray for us as we struggle with this trial from God. I know that God has put this test in our lives to draw us closer to Him. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Richard, I'm so sorry that it's your anniversary and your wife is currently in too much pain to share it with you. I would give ANYTHING to have my H love me the way that you seem to now love your wife. I will pray that she can see it. Can you, do you think, talk her into see a counselor with you? Maybe even if you could get her to agree to two or three sessions. I think you really need an outside party (not the pastor or his wife) to talk through things with. What about Surviving an Affair? Do you think you could get her to read it? It's so helpful for both sides. I'm praying for you. Remember, no matter who else is against you, if God is for you, what can any mortal man do?<p>Take care,<p>Kari

I have prayed for you. God will do it - I firmly believe that God "hates divorce" and will honor your heart of repentance. Keep praying and believing and I will too for your wife's heart to be softened to you and that she will listen ONLY to God's voice and make good choices even though she has been deeply wounded.<p>"God will restore what the locusts have eaten."

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by 4me&my5:
<strong>"God will restore what the locusts have eaten."</strong><hr></blockquote><p>AMEN!!!<p>Believe, Richard, only believe.<p>Ask God to open her eyes. He alone, can do it. There is NO WAY God will allow your W to div. you when you are trying to reconcile! The pastor AND HIS WIFE are telling her these things?!?!?!?! Something is wrong. There's something here we're all missing.....can you think of what it can be?<p>Spend some time in fasting and prayer....even if it means doing it in front of her. <p>God is on your side. We are all praying with you, too.<p>Thank you, Father, for bringing this penetent sinner back to his covenant W. Lord, we pray for mercy for Richard and his W and for someone - ANYONE - to come into their lives who can turn things around, and help him help his W see your truth! We know this is Your Perfect Will, Lord. We Thank You and Praise You for answering our prayers. AMen<p>Lupo

Thank you all so much. My wife just left for the evening service at church. My sons are also away for the night and I am alone. I miss her and it is very lonely to know that she has chosen not to be with me on the evening of our anniversary.<p>I will hold on to the hope that all of you have given me in your responses. Everyday, I hope, this will be the day, this will be the moment her heart changes. So much I appreciate your prayers and I will for each of you and that God will bring your family back together. <p>Can anyone suggest what my wife&#8217;s EN's might be? The only communication that she will give to me is, leave me alone. I am trying to give her space. I have given her flowers and cards, but she does not want them. I have also done some domestic chores, but that just makes her more angry.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

Thanks to everyone for you&#8217;re prayers.
I wanted to let everyone know that my wife has not yet filed, (that I am aware of.) However, my youngest son was still home from school this week. So, praise the Lord, but please keep me in your prayers. <p>It is so hard to keep going on and not give up. Sometimes I wonder where God is in all this. I feel forsaken, but Jesus felt this way too when he was on the cross. I know he is faithful. I do trust in him.<p>[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by RichardK:
<strong>Can anyone tell me what her emotional needs might be at this time?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Richard,
I'm so sorry things haven't improved, yet, but don't get discouraged! This is one of Satan's tools to defeat us.<p>I believe your W is still very angry with you for your A. Begin praying that God would convict her of her anger and place forgiveness in her heart instead. I would also agree with her when she says things like, "I'm angry with you. I don't want to see you or talk to you." You could say, "You're right, I'm sorry. I don't want to disturb you." Acknowledge her anger, and her distance. Do not fight against it, that just makes her fight harder against YOU. <p>As far as her EN's, it's obvious cards and letters are not working! But you have been M a long time! You should know what these are by now! I know it's better if they will tell you, but since that isn't happening, you will have to figure it out yourself. I had to do this, since my WH is out of the house, and won't talk to me at all, and certainly wouldn't have answered this questionnaire so that I could be a better wife! He has found "someone else" who is supposed to take my place, I guess. So what I did was take the questionnaire AS IF I were my H. I thought about his likes, dislikes, etc. and then answered it based on what I know about him from our 22 years together. I believe I've hit on the majority of his top EN's. 'Course, with a man, it's a whole lot easier b/c I know what his NUMBER ONE EN is!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Richard, this comment concerns me: "I can not believe that a pastor would come against my family in this way. His actions allow my wife to remain angry and unforgiving." There is really something very wrong here. If he and his W are really born-again Christians, following God's Word, then there IS NO WAY they should be continuing to assist in breaking up a M. Reconciliation is always God's way. I just don't mean M, but in EVERY relationship. Is there some governing board above him that you could appeal to? Could you show them this e-mail he sent your W encouraging her to continue to push you away? I hate to get radical, BUT there is NO WAY this man is following Bible prinicples. <p>This morning, the sermon I listened to on the TV quoted this scripture, "Matt. 24:12" which speaks about "Love growing cold..." but it's talking NOT about "the world" but of believers! This is happening in churches all over the world. I believe we are in "The End Times" (I know, every generation has believed that!), but if so, then it's so important for Christians to NOT let go of their faith. Pray this for your pastor and his W, as well as your own W.<p>I hope you know many of us here are praying with and FOR you in your stand for your M. In a way, I guess it gives us hope that our own Prodigals will one day come home!<p>God Bless,

Lupolady,
Thanks for your continued prayers. <p>I asked my wife what she intended to do, she would not tell me anything other than, at best we can remain friends. I asked, does that mean we can not be husband and wife. Her answer was unclear, but she said I should leave our home, live on my own and leave her alone. I told her that being apart does not help us to heal our marriage and that separation is one of the methods used to fall out of love with someone. She said we could remain friends and that lots of divorce/separated people do. I asked her not to file. She said that I am making forceful demands of her by staying and that I should leave. <p>I did, sometime ago, while we were seperated, make several promises to her that if I could return I would do the following:

1. To never threaten her with divorce again. (Pretty successful with this one.)
2. To never threaten not to pay any of her bills. (Very successful with this one. I have committed to pay all of the bills plus all of the charge card bills that she had/has run while we were separated. God has been good to supply the extra money needed to pay them.) <p>Today, I am so fearful. She has been convinced that divorce/separation is her only choice. She also thinks that she will be able to get as much money in support as what I give to her now each month. She does not work outside the home and plans to use that against me in a divorce saying, I did not want her to work. She also plans to say that I have mentally abused her, had an anger problem, and never sought any help for it.<p>She is concerned with how things will look to our sons and others if she does file. I think she regrets that she did not file while I was with the other woman. She knows that I moved out after two months of being with the ow, lived in my apartment for four months and that my moving back against her wishes is the last good excuse she can use to file for divorce/separation and still make it look like the right thing to do.<p>This morning, after our discussion before I left for work, I told her. I am willing to do anything to restore our marriage. I will do my share plus more. I will read books, go to counseling, not make any demands on you, pay all bills no questions asked, give you the space you need, but please do not file. She then rejected everything I said saying, you are only concerned about what you want.<p>Sorry, I have gone on so long about this. I really need prayer and fasting in this situation. ... this is the week she will file, if she intends to do so. If she does not, then she will loose the last good reason to file and still make it look like it was the right thing to do, (the fact that I moved back home against her wishes.) <p>Please pray that God will not allow her to file and stop this downward spiral to allow what I think is Satan's work to continue. At this point, in her/their way of thinking, I can do nothing good enough to show that I have repented and want to save my marriage. My wife has been blinded to turn from making any effort to save our marriage and thinks that divorce/separation is the easy answer. She would will make the easy choice instead of working together to save our marriage.<p>I love her and my family very much. God blessed us to be together and to bring two wonderful sons into this world. I want no one else, but her. I know what I did was sinful, selfish and wrong, but it is more that just my affair that is holding us back. This is the most difficult battle I have ever engaged in. Everything I try, no exaggeration, only makes things worse. Please pray that Satan be defeated and that we will return our household to God. Please ask God to move. I do trust him, but everything just keeps getting darker. <p>God Bless you, my brothers and sisters.<p>[ March 19, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by RichardK:
<strong>
Today, I am so fearful. She has been convinced that divorce/separation is her only choice. <p> I am willing to do anything to restore our marriage. I will do my share plus more. I will read books, go to counseling, not make any demands on you, pay all bills no questions asked, give you the space you need, but please do not file. She then rejected everything I said saying, you are only concerned about what you want.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Richard,
I have a lot of ideas, but some of them might not be "MB material." I would like to chat with you via private e-mail. If you are not comfortable with that, I can respect that. If you would like to do that, I will give you my e-mail addy.<p>I STILL think you need to "distance" a little bit. The last statement above of hers that you wrote is what makes me think you are going about this all backwards! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She wants to feel "in control" of her life, NOT like "second best" after what you did. Understood. She wants to "make the rules" - NOT have you tell her what rules you are willing to abide by. Understood. She wants you to HEAR HER say she "needs time to heal." You are not acknowledging that you hear that. Understand it.<p>OK, there's tons more, which may or may not be of interest to you. If so, I'd feel more comfortable not sharing it on a public forum like this. Otherwise, if you prefer we keep it here, I'll share as much as I feel comfortable with.<p>Lastly, you wrote (see above) that you "are fearful that she feels div./sep. are her only options." OK, you KNOW fear is NOT of the Lord!! You are being tossed around like a leaf in the wind by Satan, as is she, and you are allowing it to happen to you! DO NOT allow Satan to invade your family anymore than he already has!! TAKE CONTROL!!! Ask the Lord to protect your family from anymore of Satan's lies. Take control. BE THE PROTECTOR of your home. HUSBAND. The word is literally taken from the word which means - HOUSE-BAND - which means that YOU are the BAND which binds the household and holds it together. It's time, my friend, for you to STOP giving in to YOUR fears and "act like" the husband you vowed to be to your w and family. LET HER DO whatever she is going to do. YOU following your vows (coming back to them, repenting for leaving them, and continuing to be the husband to your W and "loving her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it...") is the thing God is going to honor and use to reunite your home.<p>Pleading, begging, making every promise you can think of will NOT cut it. Just DO IT. Just be the husband, the father, the man of the house. Just let her be angry. Just let her stew. Just let her ALONE!!! God has to speak to her heart. There is NOTHING you can do or say. She is now in the position YOU WERE IN when you left!!! Didn't she try to plead with you NOT to leave your family? Didn't she try to promise things to you and make you stay or give up OW? If so, then you KNOW how futile it is to try to change someone's mind.<p>Stop it. It won't work. Prayer ALONE will work. God alone, doing His Will will work. Believe. Pray.<p>God Bless you and your family.

Hi lupolady,
Yes please email me. I respect your advice and am eager to learn more.
Thanks so much for your concern.<p>[ March 19, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

RichardK,<p>I pray for you and your family in this time of need.<p>Oh Lord, Please watch over this man and this woman, and over their family as well. In this their time of need, give them strength to overcome evil, and give them the serenity to face their challenges with open hearts and open minds, and bless them with all your glory. In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Richard, I agree with lupolady, take a step back. You have told her how you feel, she knows, and you cannot control her and how she feels. I think you need to focus on you and your relationship with Christ right now. Get into the Word, I would start with Psalms and Proberbs and let the Lord lead you and teach you how HE wants you to deal with this situation. Learn how to be the Husband that God wants you to be, that will take some time, but every step towards Him is good. That may be what your W is waiting for, for you to show her that you really are going to change, she has heard enough words. That will take time, so if you do anything be PATIENT, wait upon the Lord. <p>Eat Honey, my son, for it is good;
honey from the comb is sweet to
your taste.
Know also that wisdom is sweet to
your soul;
if you find it, there is a future
hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.<p>Prov.24:13-14

I just got a call from my wife's lawyer. She has filed.

Richardk, The enemy wants you to keep your focus on the circumstances. Just move forward with growing and doing the will of God, and the Lord will do the rest. Only God can change hearts. Ive spent years trying to reach my wife. I still find myself trying to get thru to her in other areas and its always the same. Frustration and nowhere. Who got thru to you when you messed up? It was the Lord. It will be the same for your W holding onto unforgiveness.
Right now your trying to prove to her youve changed and she should do the right thing. She cant hear it or see it right now. Why? She dont want to. She will test you until she proves you wrong and the enemy's job is to make you give up.<p>Most of our situations here will take nothing short of a miracle. We have to get to a place where we realize nothing we do can change anything. Although my situation isnt over yet(over 3 years seperated) my W and I have been growing the last year, and are in Love again. That alone is a miracle. I do know what works and what dont. Some i probably shouldnt share here, but it all comes down to handing it over to God daily and that doesnt always seem humanly possible.
The biggest picture in my mind that helped me the most thru this was Jesus laying His life down for us. We are the ones whom also spit on Him denied Him and nailed Him to the cross. Our mates are nailing us to the cross. May we be like Jesus and forgive them and say, forgive them Father for they know not what they do. We will rise again, and so will our marriages, but first comes the faith testing period and if i had it all to do over, i would wish i had never been born...
Mark

This weekend has been one of intense pain. The pain is so great that I am yet unable to even cry about it.
I have made the transition from wanting to give up to standing in the next battle. Please pray that God will guide me in making decisions I hardly have the strength to think about. Pray that God will lead me in how I can show my wife how much I love her and want to remain with her and my family. Please pray that she can forgive me for what I have done to her and my boys. Today, the Lord has shown me the parallel between what I did to her last summer and what she is doing now.

Richard,
I'm so very sorry that your W has taken the wrong advice and filed. I continue to pray for your family. God CAN change your W's heart. Never give up on that. I don't really have any advice as my D is proceeding. But I will tell you this; my faith in God and his plan for me and my life is STRONGER than it's ever been! Keep the faith!<p>PEACE,<p>Kari

Thank you for your prayers. With all the strength I have left I am trying to hang on to the hope that she will stop the divorce. I am really broken trying to understand were God is directing me. I want to trust and go on with the (spiritual) battle, but question if God is telling/forcing me to give in and let the divorce go on. I know that the possibility of remarriage will likely not happen. Not sure if I would hang on that long.<p>It seems that the price I am now paying for my sin of adultery is so great. Not only am I suffering from what I did, but so are my sons and my wife. She has not allowed my son that is still at home to be in my presence since she filled. <p>Last Friday her lawyer called to inform me that she had filed. My son was gone from my home from Friday until late Sunday evening. When she went to pick him up she said, DO NOT talk to him about any of this. She has also taken him away every evening this week. He has been at her pastor&#8217;s house. HE WAS THE ONE that told my son that his mom and dad were going to get a divorce. HE STOLE THAT FROM ME. Then he instructed my son not to talk about what he had told him. How can a loving God allow this to happen? <p>I know that this week&#8217;s sermon at his church was about cutting out anyone that would lead you away from God. That is not what I am trying to do. I want to serve God and my family, but my wife and son have been turned against me. Now I am locked in a battle with a lawyer. When I read her list of charges, I could not believe what was on the paper. She is asking that I be removed from my home so that my son will not have to live with me. I have never intentionally done anything that would be harmful to him. When I have sinned, my affair included, I confessed and asked for his forgiveness. <p>I have pleaded with God, am I wrong, have I misunderstood you? Am I not following your will? Am I only doing what I want? I beg him to show me if I am doing that. I am so worn down. I just don&#8217;t know why things keep working against saving my marriage. <p>Sorry that this post does not offer much encouragement. I know that I will continue to follow God, but can not come to terms with all this. He did convict me and told me NOT to divorce my wife, (I know it is her that is doing it.) I have prayed in faith to a God that hates divorce. I do not want to blame her pastor. I know that he too and my wife want to follow God&#8217;s will. How can they both be wrong and ME be the only one that is right?<p>Sorry again. I know all this sounds bad. I prayed that God would give me the desire of my heart and have prevented this divorce. My wife and I truly, deeply loved one another for over 20 years. Why did God pull me back to want to give her my love again and at the same time cause her to fall out of love enough to divorce me? I know I must believe and trust him and I am clinging to my faith. I have no intention of running from God. I JUST NEED HIM to stop this mess and I am broken that he has not. <p>All it would take is for her to stop moving further away from me and take one step back. I know that God would bring us back from that point. <p>I have asked GOD, where is your power? I sinned, I confessed, God forgave me. How can they thing I would lead them into sin after what I have been through? I hate sin. <p>I am so sorry to everyone. If I am hurting this board with this post I am sorry. If anyone discerns that to be the case, please email me and I will remove it immediately. I do not want to discourage anyone. I know that God loves us and knows what is best. I still love my lord and my fellow Sisters and Brothers. Sorry, I did not intend for this to be so long. She and my son should return home soon. Another day ends and we are further apart than the day before.<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>

Richard,
I'm so sorry to hear your hurt. But know that God is not far from you. He KNOWS what you are going through, and He's right there with you in the midst of it.<p>Richard,
Is there anyway you can counsel with Steve or Jennifer? even one session may help give you an "action Plan" for dealing with this negativity all around you. You can find their number at one of the links above this page.<p>Prayers to you & your family,

RichardK, I know all too well the painful place you are at and the questions you have for God. God doesnt put a price tag on sin and unforgiveness is just as destructive as unfaithfulness. Your W is now being lead astray. She should take her so called pastors advice and cut out those(him) whom are leading her away from the Lord. But thats besides the point. You need to reach out to the Lord harder and harder. The enemy isnt just out to destroy your marriage.He wants to destroy many at the church your W attends. This is a spiritual battle. Until your W is humbled by the Lord, she will hold onto her bitterness and unforgiveness. Its Gods job and His time in all this. Now i used to hate hearing about Gods time and still do so im sorry to bring it up. He will see you thru this trial.
You have repented, so let it go and stop listening to the accuser of the bretheren thru all his puppets. The enemy from my experience and still hasnt stopped, will use just about everybody, especially family againts you. You will be hated and treated like a criminal. This according to Gods word is normal. It is no fun at all either. I can see already God wants to restore your marriage, or the devil wouldnt try so hard to finish it off. There are a lot of people in your W's congregation watching the situation. They are either thinkin, yeah im going to get a divorce, or is this situation to big for God to handle. Nothing is too great for God to handle, yet find a pastor that acually believes that. enough said.
This is a very narrow and hard road Richard. You will have to resolve in your mind and heart, if your willing to stand all the way, or not. At times you will give up, but the spirit of the Lord will carry you thru.
Dear Lord, i pray that you would send your Holy Spirit strong upon Richard and give him your peace. I pray that you would deliver him of the fear that grips his mind and that he would know you are really there and love him. Lord, give Richard your strenth to push on, and teach him (and me too) Lord how to fully trust you.
In Jesus name , Amen

Thanks again my brothers and sisters in Christ. We do need to pray for one another and I do ask God to answers the prayers of those on this board. We can not give up on God, one another or ourselves. <p>Lostpup, I went back and read a few of your recent posts. Yes, you and I have some of the same forces working against us. I am not complaining, but everyday, the situation does get worse. Everyday, I am engaged in a spiritual battle that is much more fierce that the previous one. I pray this means that God is about to cause a break through, but I am searching for the truth of God and not a reward for my prayers and faithfulness. <p>This morning, my wife called me at work and insisted that I leave our home today. She said that my son can not be around me because of my adultery and how he feels about it. When she filed for divorce last Friday, she said, she wanted me removed from our home because of my angry behavior in front of him. (This was the most difficult line to read on the divorce papers.) None of this is true. He does not think that I am angry, said that he has forgiven me for the adultery and that I should stay. However, I can tell that he has and is being conditioned to think otherwise, please pray. (I was careful not to make him feel like he is being placed in the middle.) I love my wife and son. God gave me the grace to remain calm and about thirty minutes into the one hour conversation, I prayed that God calm the situation and allow us to follow his will and not our own. My wife did not want me to pray and cut my prayer short with an amen, but it did quite the situation for a moment. As far as leaving my home, my lawyer has advised me not to leave. I can do want I want, of course, but must take this to the Lord in prayer. He did give me a peace about returning home, even against her wishes. ((((Please my brothers and sisters, pray for discernment, but God did show me that, if I give in to someone's sinful behavior;
I reward sinfulness, give Satan the victory and deny God's grace and mercy to someone who needs it.
BUT, please instruct me if anyone sees that I may not be listening to God in this respect.))))<p>During the call, my wife got upset that I was calm and collected. (Funny, just last night, I cried with moanings that absorbed every bit of my being. I have never heard such sounds come from anyone.) Generally, during this type of phone call I would get upset right along with her. She told me several times, she is learning to hate me. She did threaten me, that if I did not leave, she didn't know what she might do to herself. Yes, God is in this with us.....All of us who seek to serve and love him. Just as he had the mercy to turn me from my sin of adultery, he gave me grace to love my wife even through this difficult conversation. I also feel a burden for my wife. I know she is hurting to core of her being. I do not want her to hurt and pray that our wonderful Lord of mercy give her comfort. I see the parallel between how I behaved with my adultery and how my wife is now behaving with the divorce.<p>The last few days, the Lord has directed me, (I AM THE FIXER TYPE) to not say anything to my wife and just be gentel. Anything that I do say is brought back to the accusers and used in judgement against me. He is an ALL KNOWING GOD. <p>Anyone that has followed this thread knows how much I want to save my marriage. You would also know that I have questioned God in why the filing for divorce had to happen and why my accusers come after me in such force. <p>So what is my point? I would love to see God stop this mess and put my marriage back together. I hope that he is not going to tell me to let go, but I know that he may do so. With every event, the likely-hood of saving my marriage moves farther and farther out of man's hands. WITH THAT, I have no other choice than to turn it over to him, COMPLETELY. <p>>>>>><p>Sorry, I am back. It is now the end of the day at work and I just got another phone call from my wife. She insisted that I leave our home this weekend. I told her that tonight, (Friday) I would be away at a fellowship meeting, tomorrow, (Saturday) I would be out shopping, and that Sunday I would be at church in the morning and wanted to take our son out in the afternoon. She immediately said that our son would not want to go. She said that if I did not leave, she would put all my things outside, (we have snow.)<p>Perhaps, I am not listening to God? She has told me that I am not to pray for her or ask God to bless her or anything like that again. I did tell her that I would pray about what she has asked me. I also explained that I have been advised by my lawyer to stay in the house. I am not sure what to do. I do not have the money to go and get another place this weekend even if I wanted to. I am in debt from living in the apartment I had, yet maintaining all the expenses for our family home as well. <p>As I mentioned, every (spiritual) battle is worse than the one before. I do not know what to expect next. She may try to have me forcefully removed. She keeps bringing up our son, but he has not expressed any signs that he does not want me to be in the home with him.<p>Lastly, I do think that God did direct me to move back home and that Satan knows that. I do not know the reason she wants me to leave so badly, but I do think that Satan wants me to leave and my wife is just fooled into believing that. Please pray that my mind will be clear and my path set straight. If I am not hearing from God, ask that in his mercy the blinders will be removed. If I am following his will, pray for his protection from Satan.<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: RichardK ]</p>