My wife and I have been married for about six months (together for about 2 years). My female friends would label me the classic "nice" guy - the kind all girls would want to marry. I am attractive, have a good job, educated, work hard around the house, etc. I cook, clean, massage, cuddle, watch girly movies, bring flowers home on many occasions, and never forget a special date. I admit that I can also be the super stereotypical male, never asking for directions, be boy-ish, etc but I always put my wife first in all occasions (I don't even watch sports:) and try all the time to make her happy. I point this out because I have been told by my female friends that sometimes women will marry that guy even though that isn't everything they really want.

In the last few months I have been getting depressed because getting sex is nearly impossible... in fact, if I initiate (or try) we will never have sex - it always has to be her to start. We have sex (if I am lucky) a little more then once a week. She has told me that she wants it once a month at the most. This was different before we got married, we would have sex every other day - it feels like I was a fad (or lured). I know that she was a sexual person before me (she was very promiscuous in college - she even admits that she was a "nymph") and I have tried to change things up - candlelight, massages, handcuffs, feathers, lotions, sex toys, anything. We are both in our mid-20's and I have told her that I needed more and asked her what I can do to turn her on. She says that I am sexy and she loves my body but I just don't believe it. She says she just doesn't want sex - she has blamed it on her birth control but she has tried several types (and even gone without) and it doesn't seem to make much of a difference. I admit that I am one of those guys that really needs sex more than once a week but I'm also not asking for it everyday. I know i can't handle once a month, it scares me to think that is as much as I will get it.

In defense we always cuddle up, snuggling at night, and we do everything together - we connect EXCELLENTLY mentally & socially, which is what keeps me going. I love her more than life itself and I would do anything for her but I need more in the bedroom. Is it too much to ask her to do something that she may not completely want to make me happy? I don't know if its the same, but I always try to do stuff (outside the bedroom) to make her happy even if I don't really want to because she's worth it. I guess I am wondering if anyone has any ideas on what I can do to get her sexually motivated or willing to do something for me (like oral) to satisfy my desires in that area.

This sounds like something the two of you might want to get outside help with. Seeing a counselor together could be beneficial. It doesn't really sound to me like the two of you are communicating with each other very well concerning this particular issue. There could be some underlying issue your spouse is dealing with regarding sex. Sex is important and if your marriage is to be a success the two of you are going to have to find a way to compromise on this that makes both of you happy and feeling like your needs are being met. If she has sex with you more just to make you happy and ends up feeling resentful towards you that would be just as bad as your feelings now of not getting enough. A counselor might be able to help the two of you come to a better understanding together.

I know in my marriage there have been times I was unhappy about the frequency of sex, but the truth was there were underlying issues in our marriage that were working counter to that end. Addressing those underlying issues (whatever they may be) is the best way to fix a problem like this. It's what marriage builders is all about.