It's been a while since I have even been to this site, that's a good thing! Don't get me wrong I have loved this site ever since I found it over a year ago. I just thought I would check back in, H and I have been in a great recovery for a year now and I don't feel like I "need" this site anymore. At one point not too long after d-day I would spend 4-5 hours a day on this site. I sure am glad I'm not that dependent anymore, although I did need it back then, I was a wreck. I haven't been here in about 2 months and things are going great. So for any of you who are at the point where you feel like giving up or you are just not sure where you are or what you want out of life, IT GETS BETTER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I thought it never would but it does. I wish you all luck and happiness. Hope this brightens your day!

DU

I want more info on this recovery thing, please!

Did you do counseling? Do you feel like your marriage was in trouble before the A?

How have you "worked" on your M?

At this point in time, I would think it would be a good idea for me to be here for awhile. Then after a couple months not as much. However, I think if I lose sight of this website, I will lose sight of our M.

Give me your thoughts, please.
DB

My H and I did counseling for about 2-3 months. It was a must, if anything it calmed us both down enough to try to understand each other and realize we still DID love each other.

Our M was definitely in trouble prior to A, I saw that. He didn't though regarding pre-A, he says "we had problems, but what couple doesn't".

My take on our recovery - It has been far from easy, we still have bad days, but not often. Everyday used to be a bad day. We comunicate better and more than we ever have. We have found a new deeper love for each other. The difference in our relationship has even shown up in our children. We are best friends again. Prior to the A I was working 80 hrs a week trying to start a new business - he was never involved. Now we work together, everything is us, our, we, not I, you, me. Makes a huge difference when you are a team. We are far from perfect, but a heck of a lot closer than we were pre-A.

I think everyone really "needs" this site for a while, lots of great advice. I'm not so sure I would still be married if it were not for this site.

The things that helped us more than anything:

This website - even though my H would never come here.

The book - "How to Behave, So Your Children Will too!", we were out of control and in return so were our kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The book - "What Your Mother Never Told You, and Your Father Never Knew" This book allowed me understand my H more and allowed him understand me. Suprisingly, we misunderstood each other tremendously.

All of the books mentioned on this site - "Torn Asunder", " Surviving the Affair", etc.

P.S. - A hint, I got most of these books on tape at the library - I figured if my H wouldn't read a book I could at least get him to listen to one -It worked!

Thanks for sharing!!! I was afraid you left- never to be heard from again!

I appreciate all your wonderful words. Definitely brightens my day towards the future, recovery and marriage.

That whole communication and "team" thing hit home for me. Just yesterday I decided to "whine" about Christmas shopping. I had no idea what to get our kids and frankly, spending that much money makes me unhappy. My H said, "Why don't we go together?" That gave me the greatest feeling. Knowing how he hates shopping....

<small>[ December 04, 2002, 01:01 PM: Message edited by: dazedblonde ]</small>

Your welcome I was glad to share.

I don't think I will ever disappear from this site forever! When I was crying everyday, not knowing what the heck I was going to do with my life it was nice to find someone on this board who was way past the stage I was in and could tell me it does get better. As much as I thought it would never be better it did give me hope and IT DID GET BETTER! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />