My H and I did counseling for about 2-3 months. It was a must, if anything it calmed us both down enough to try to understand each other and realize we still DID love each other.
Our M was definitely in trouble prior to A, I saw that. He didn't though regarding pre-A, he says "we had problems, but what couple doesn't".
My take on our recovery - It has been far from easy, we still have bad days, but not often. Everyday used to be a bad day. We comunicate better and more than we ever have. We have found a new deeper love for each other. The difference in our relationship has even shown up in our children. We are best friends again. Prior to the A I was working 80 hrs a week trying to start a new business - he was never involved. Now we work together, everything is us, our, we, not I, you, me. Makes a huge difference when you are a team. We are far from perfect, but a heck of a lot closer than we were pre-A.
I think everyone really "needs" this site for a while, lots of great advice. I'm not so sure I would still be married if it were not for this site.
The things that helped us more than anything:
This website - even though my H would never come here.
The book - "How to Behave, So Your Children Will too!", we were out of control and in return so were our kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
The book - "What Your Mother Never Told You, and Your Father Never Knew" This book allowed me understand my H more and allowed him understand me. Suprisingly, we misunderstood each other tremendously.
All of the books mentioned on this site - "Torn Asunder", " Surviving the Affair", etc.
P.S. - A hint, I got most of these books on tape at the library - I figured if my H wouldn't read a book I could at least get him to listen to one -It worked!
