No Denial/? To Do - 01/27/03 05:30 AM
I was wondering if some of you can give me advise. I am married, and I know my husband had an affair, although he will not admit it. I have been through this before in my life. I also know it is over now, but I just can not seem to get over it. I feel betrayed, hurt, angry, and so sad for what I believed to be the most wonderful relationship of my life. I was never so happy, now I feel so miserable. It happened last summer, and I still can't get through the emotional pain. I love him, but to be honest I know that I could divorce him and be content with that descision, if he would just admit it. I guess I need that for my own peace. I feel so disrespected that it even happened, and now I dont even get the respect of him admitting it.
To make matters worse, He grows increasingly distant towards me! I'm not perfect, don't get me wrong. But I am faithful, and I am there for him any time he needs me. I am supportive, loving, and we had the most wonderful intimacy before this happened. One day he just changed. It all just stopped. When I noticed the change in him, I brought it to his attention, he just continued to push me away. He stopped wanting to be intimate as often, and I had to fight for what we had left. I resent that I had to fight. I guess now I have given up, don't care as much anymore and the relationship continues to become distant, though now we fight like we never have. Little things that have no importance, are now arguments.
My need for advise is this: We are suppose to move and I dont know if I should go with him. We have kids, but would they be better off with/without their father. I know I could make a life for them, I would survive and struggle but I could do it. Am I being selfish for even considering not going with him? I did not deserve what he did, but to be honest I dont think he deserves to put up with me not being able to get over it either. I think I could give it a good effort, if he would just show me love and affection for more then a day at a time after an argument, but he wont even do that. Should I leave what security I do have now, to be with a man that will not meet any of my needs, or desires in a place that I have no one and the fear of another infedility in the future is a daily struggle for me. If he loved me, how could he do this? What did I do wrong? I don't understand how this could happen. I thought I was doing everything right, I learned from my past and tried so hard to do things differently. I thought we were close. I thought things were perfect. I never cheated, so I just dont understand.
Thank you for your time.
To make matters worse, He grows increasingly distant towards me! I'm not perfect, don't get me wrong. But I am faithful, and I am there for him any time he needs me. I am supportive, loving, and we had the most wonderful intimacy before this happened. One day he just changed. It all just stopped. When I noticed the change in him, I brought it to his attention, he just continued to push me away. He stopped wanting to be intimate as often, and I had to fight for what we had left. I resent that I had to fight. I guess now I have given up, don't care as much anymore and the relationship continues to become distant, though now we fight like we never have. Little things that have no importance, are now arguments.
My need for advise is this: We are suppose to move and I dont know if I should go with him. We have kids, but would they be better off with/without their father. I know I could make a life for them, I would survive and struggle but I could do it. Am I being selfish for even considering not going with him? I did not deserve what he did, but to be honest I dont think he deserves to put up with me not being able to get over it either. I think I could give it a good effort, if he would just show me love and affection for more then a day at a time after an argument, but he wont even do that. Should I leave what security I do have now, to be with a man that will not meet any of my needs, or desires in a place that I have no one and the fear of another infedility in the future is a daily struggle for me. If he loved me, how could he do this? What did I do wrong? I don't understand how this could happen. I thought I was doing everything right, I learned from my past and tried so hard to do things differently. I thought we were close. I thought things were perfect. I never cheated, so I just dont understand.
Thank you for your time.