How to Plan B with kids involved - 04/14/04 01:01 AM
Hello all. I have been reading a lot of posts lately, especially Tinman's letter. It brought me to tears, especially the part about the vision of his W walking thru the door to make things right. I have a "Jerry Maguire" moment fantasy myself.
Anyway, we went to see our therapist today (not a very good MC, we will need a new one if H decides to want to work on things) and I basically gave H an ultimatum. He is going on a business trip to the city where the OW lives and he told me he would see her. I told him today that if he sees her, if he can knowingly and willingly inflict that much pain on me then I will have to move forward. That I can no longer sit and wait for him that I must talk to a lawyer about a legal separation and work on getting over him. It is just too painful otherwise.
He just says he doesn't know what he wants and that he can't tell me he won't see her. So I guess that is that.
I have written a letter that I plan on giving him tomorrow before he leaves on his trip. Oh, one side note, he did take the "Surviving and Affair" book and said he'd read it. I haven't gotten thru it yet myself but I will buy a new copy.
Question is: how do you manage no contact with children involved? We are currently sharing custoday 50/50. I or he call every night to talk to the girls and either one of us needs to answer the phone as the girls are too young (1, 3, 5). Also, he will be coming to soccer games, etc. I said in my letter that I would minimize contact to only be about the girls... I initially thought we could do lunch as a family during "switch" days. But since he won't end contact with OW, I told him I didn't think we should do that and give me or the kids false hope. See, we have a good time when we are together. We are a good family, a good couple. He just doesn't see that. Sigh.
Help on this topic is much appreciated.
Tinman - I'm sharing a glass of wine with you now. Good luck in your resolve.
Anyway, we went to see our therapist today (not a very good MC, we will need a new one if H decides to want to work on things) and I basically gave H an ultimatum. He is going on a business trip to the city where the OW lives and he told me he would see her. I told him today that if he sees her, if he can knowingly and willingly inflict that much pain on me then I will have to move forward. That I can no longer sit and wait for him that I must talk to a lawyer about a legal separation and work on getting over him. It is just too painful otherwise.
He just says he doesn't know what he wants and that he can't tell me he won't see her. So I guess that is that.
I have written a letter that I plan on giving him tomorrow before he leaves on his trip. Oh, one side note, he did take the "Surviving and Affair" book and said he'd read it. I haven't gotten thru it yet myself but I will buy a new copy.
Question is: how do you manage no contact with children involved? We are currently sharing custoday 50/50. I or he call every night to talk to the girls and either one of us needs to answer the phone as the girls are too young (1, 3, 5). Also, he will be coming to soccer games, etc. I said in my letter that I would minimize contact to only be about the girls... I initially thought we could do lunch as a family during "switch" days. But since he won't end contact with OW, I told him I didn't think we should do that and give me or the kids false hope. See, we have a good time when we are together. We are a good family, a good couple. He just doesn't see that. Sigh.
Help on this topic is much appreciated.
Tinman - I'm sharing a glass of wine with you now. Good luck in your resolve.