Am I crazy to want to prompt a sexual encounter with my husband (the one recently found to be having an affair)(sorry haven't figured out all the acronyms?)

Last year I recognized something was wrong and was working on myself to become a better person (physically and mentally)
Our sex life had actually improved this past fall and spring. It is my understanding the affair got physical this year.
Last fall I had gotten so interested that I even questioned the doc as I hadn't had these feelings in some time. Apparently my excercising religously everyday and change of medications had helped. BUT hubby was apparently had his fill of my lack of interest in prior years.
All I can think is that I pushed him away. I realize that it is his decision to have the affair, but I honestly don't blame him.
He is in the fog and I'm desperately wanting him to commit to us AND I'm just plain frustrated.

So would I be wrong to suggest or prompt something sexual?

First, is sex a big deal for him? For me, and most men, it is thier biggest need. Most men, sex leads to intimacy, isn't that what you are looking for? Some guys just want sex w/anyone, but if your H is one who sex leads to intimacy, then this could be a way to begin to rebuild.

Having said all that, ya gotta think about STDs and testing.

Yes, sex has been a big deal. It waned off with his having a hernia (belly button) and my overweight didn't help. With my being more fit and definitely interested I am just ready to pounce.
When it came so unbearable to me, I sought relief by myself. I shared this with him, that seemed to spark some interest in him. He suggested a toy and even with this affair going on, he seemed to be quit interested in my new found interest in sex. (But, he was already in the affair by then).
If I truly acted on what I feel the man wouldn't come up for air but I'm so afraid this sounds like I'm desperate over the situation.
And yet, in fact . .. I've been desiring this for nearly 8 months.
I don't want to ruin the chance of saving the marriage by pushing myself on him. But I would just love to express my true desires.

Holy mackeral woman, why are you sitting behind a monitor?!? Go git him!!!

Seriously, I would just about kill to read a post like this from my wife. If he showed spark, well, go pour some gasoline on it!!!

dewt (who is kidding, but very serious all at the same time)

Thanks I needed that. Hubby moved out and so I don't have him here to attack. Like now its 3 in the morning and I've had to seek other means.
But I've asked him to come over tonight and he said yes but there is a possiblity he has to work (yes, really work and not be w/ someone else)

So tonight I will go for it. I sure hope he doesn't back down, as I don't think I could handle the rejection. Have even considered a game plan of talk if he resists. Something in the line of us pretending we are two different people for the moment.

I want this affair put behind us so badly and yet he is still in that fog. Our anniversary was yesterday (14 years). Oddly enough I think we expressed an appreciation for that day moreso yesterday then we have in past years.

Damn this is frustrating.

It's my 14th Anniversary next month too. Strangely enough, my WH stayed over last night and got into bed beside me. I was gagging for it too but as his affair is ongoing, I'm just not able to let myself go (a) for fear of rejection - I feel he should be making a move towards me after what he's put me through and (b) he gets the best of both worlds and I get to share my husband. I don't think so. Yet I haven't fancied sex with him for quite some time because of his behaviour (didn't know it was because he was shagging someone else). Do men ever realise that we get urges too. I'd love him to make the first move.

Well . . . I've made my mind up I'm gonna seduce him tonight.

I just got off the phone with him, and told him good morning. He was very receptive. I had already made a request we spend the evening together tonight. I hope he follows through.

I've been working on a letter to him the past few hours. Not sure if I'll give it to him but it is my back up plan if I can't seem to verbalize or make the right moves this afternoon. The letter can be the ice breaker if need be.

Yes, I know the feeling of being rejected. But I have come to terms with that somewhat enough that I want to chance it.

Also, I'm thinking if we had done the need list that MB suggests that sex would be at the top of his list. And well . . . it is on mine. I don't want to give the OW something by my inactivity.

I agree, I absolutely hate that I am sharing him. But I want him back and so its no holds bar.
Well . . .ha, I'm feeling pretty cocky now so hope this doesn't come across that way tonight in a manner that will blow it.

You know him best.

Hold nothing back...

Blow his mind...

(no pun intended)

dewt

whitefeather,

You're kidding right? Your H is having an A and you are going to compete with the OW in bed? You'd better get that man some Vitamins. He's going to need them if he is going to be bed hopping.

This is your personal choice but I don't think that you are creating an incentive for him to come back to the M. He will just have twice the pleasure of something that was lacking.

It seems more like you are simply out to please yourself. You're working out, you're in better physical condition and you're getting a little amorous. By having sex with your WH however, you are only going to add icing to his already scrumptious cake.

If you want your WH back then initiate a Plan A which does not include sex. Imply, however that upon his rededication to the M that he may find a new level of SF with you that he has never experienced before. Create incentive through Plan A not sex. Sex does not fix the marriage.

You are planning on using protection, right?

I agree with dewt in this case. Go for it and win him back, lady! If you entice him and then deflate his expectations he will flee right into the OW's arms. You do chance rejection, but isn't your man worth one last, honest effort? I encourage you to stay on the course you feel is right for yourself. If your intuition (and hormones) tell you to run to your H then by all means run to him! The seeds you sow now may well reap a great future harvest. Have fun and God bless!

Tummytuck calling whitefeather; I'm dying to know if you went ahead and seduced him? Leading up to your WH's affair, did you have much sex or do you think that is the thing that drove him into someone else's arms? My WH had really struggled to get aroused and I thought it was his health problems and depression so I backed off from sex thinking I was pressurizing him. Everyone's circumstances are different. Some people are telling you no but I think that it can become such a big obstacle that if one of you isn't brave enough to make that first move, you might never sort things out. Surely, as long as you are aware there are other problems as well and are willing to discuss them, sex is such a major issue that maybe by getting intimate again, you might feel better able to discuss things together. By sleeping together again, maybe you are taking the first steps on your road to recovery, as long as it is not the only step. Who are we to judge? Good luck cos it could be me next!!

Update: Hubby just left to go back OW for the night. No sex, instead a very tearful soul searching conversation.
So much for doing what feels good.
Nah, he turned me down right away (in as nice of a way as he could) Noteably he has been quite depressed since the affair came out (10 days ago). I take that for a good sign for me as he isn't sure he wants the divorce.
Apparently he was in need of clarifying some things and so we got into some heavy talk.
And he talked more then he has ever done so I find that positive also.

Just that the evening turned out no where close to what I was wanting. And sadly, I now see that won't be happening anytime soon.
He is in a super fog. And I need to get focused on plan A.

He blew off the sex as not an attempt to restore the marriage but as I needed relief. So he didn't take it as manipulative. Sadly I must admit it was some of that too.

Damn I hate this waiting game.

I hope I'm not fooling myself. But I honestly do believe we have a solid chance of making it work.
He on the other hand is hooked on being loved and needed by this other woman.

He is showing more interest in marriage counseling. I'll take anything that shows a chance to save our marriage.

Tummytuck - hubby and I see two different pictures regarding what was the start of our decline.
I see it as I changed jobs(I used to work with hubby and now I don't), gained 30#s in 2 years,
started medications that I suspect altered my sex drive. Add to the mix building a home and YES I turned my hubby down way too many times. Seriously I had no interest. (something I so regret) and not to much later he got a hernia (bellybutton) that he refuses to get fixed.
Also I cannot remember the last time we had fun. We have both been working so hard over the years.

His story is that he changed and fell out of love with me. That although he says he remembers telling himself he wasn't going to beg for sex that it wasn't the sex that allowed him to look elsewhere. He takes all blame for our marriage decline.

Now which person do you think has a better grasp of the situation?

Aside, I spoke to my physician last fall as I found I was regaining an interest in sex. After some consideration she placed credit to changing my blood pressure medicine and my excercising.
Sad thing is that by then I had pushed hubby away so many times that I think it spilled over into other parts of our relationship.

He somewhat sees my view on things but still hangs on to his being the changed man. Says my husband died.
I'm thinking this is his way of justifying the affair.

So yeah, I wanted to have sex tonight to start the road to recovery. To show him I am interested and that I sincerely want him. He sees the distinction of my desire increasing since last summer and not an interest to compete with the OW. But he did want me to clarify my intentions, as he didn't want it to be a desperate move on my part.

This fog he is in, really stinks.

So sorry to hear your plan changed course. I've been rejected sexually when the PA was unknown to me but haven't actually tried anything since discovery. I actually feel sorry for my husband today. He had a specialist appointment yesterday and his kidney function has taken a big turn for the worst (stress plays havoc). He is heading for dialysis and it must be depressing. What a mess he's making of all of our lives. He says if he leaves this OW she is threatening to kill herself. From the phone calls to our house, I can hear the desperation in her voice. He now has to choose between a very needy, desperate woman who totally idolises him and me. There's is a highly charged emotional relationship. He's quite a low person, over-worked, bad health, financial problems. I suppose I haven't 'cared' enough about him as a man/husband. It's taken this terrible turn of events for me to really realise that men and women are SO different. We used to be good in bed and probably, when he needed me most I felt bogged down worrying about all the other issues in our lives. It's so sad really. Hope we can somehow move forward. Would love my 3 girls to have an intact family. Sorry, I know I digress ...!

Do you ever feel that you want to have him just to prove you can. Realistically, I don't want to have the marriage I lost on Valentine's Day. I want to have what we had a long time ago. I know we can't recapture the passion of an affair but we had good sex and were good friends. I know we were in a bad place before the affair started and that's why I think I can handle things a bit better. I know I have played a part in this. But I can remember the good times too. At the moment, I'm not sure he can. I think he feels that he has never felt like this before (how he feels when he is with OW) whereas I know he has. My memory is better than his!

Tummytuck - I understand what you mean about feeling sorry for him. And it is sad to see their health go down hill.
I wonder if his desire to "feel needed" is so overwhelming that he can't help himself.
Mine has always loved to help others. He is an absolutely giving person (one of the qualities I love about him) But this other woman needs him too. And he has commented that he likes that she needs him. This has really flabbergasted me as I have always "needed" him. But I am also guilty of being very independent. Oddly enough that is what he used to brag about me in that I didn't always "need" him.

I think you are lucky you have him under roof. Mine moved out and only spent one night since.
I am learning rapidly that what I think and feel is not what might be reality. As here I was thinking we were heading for the sack and instead we are so far away from that.

Tummytuck - You asked, "Do you ever feel that you want to have him just to prove you can. "
I guess I want to prove that our life can be better. Sure it would be great to have what we used to have, I don't think it'll ever be that way. But I do have it in my mind that we could have better.
We too had great sex and were always good friends. In some ways that is the only thing holding us together. He trusts me. He knows I won't lie to him. I will say just about anything to him, even if it is not in my best interest. And we too, were in a bad place in our marriage for several years prior to affair.

You speak of his not remembering the good times and you remembering. Thats exactly where we are at also.
Much of our conversation last night was his asking me why he thought we could make it. And much of my comments were based off of our history. I listed fixable things (or at least in my mind they are fixable) And as I've read somewhere he is rewritting history or he just doesn't remember.
Our anniversary was the 27th. On the card I wrote thanks for the 17 years together and look forward to another 17+.
His comment was that he had no idea we have been together that long. (I'm thinking huh?)

Regarding his feelings of newness and excitement. He has told me it is the same that we had when we got together (thats what kills me, not that he compares . .. but all of a sudden he can remember that but can't or won't remember the other years)

Yeah, seems my memory is much better then his too. I suppose it is this fog that MB explains.

You said, "I can handle things a bit better. I know I have played a part in this."
Yeah, I think it is good that we see what part we played in the situation. I too, konw I did much damage . . . in some ways I think I may have actually been the one that started this downhill slide.

What part did you play?

Whitefeather - my replies probably come at a strange time to you cos I live in Asia. You can check out my 'case history' if you check the directory and see my posts. There's not many, I only joined up a few weeks back. Took me a while to figure out how to join in! So, what part did I play. Well, my husband works a six day week which is very common here. It makes you really independent. I came not to rely on him for company. I've got 3 girls and they are great fun (sometimes) but it is exhausting keeping up. So, he came in from work and we slipped into a dinner/TV routine. No conversation apart from a quick "how was your day". I know it goes on in every household but it's not really good enough, is it? Then, I felt he was ignoring me so I found myself keeping a distance in bed. Like, if you can't be bothered to talk to me, then I'm not giving you any treats in bed. We weren't even cuddling anymore. Not good. And it just rolls into a big vicious circle. And through all of this, I felt I couldn't nag him or pressurize him to do things because he's not in good health and he needs his rest!! Health problems really play with people's heads. He's quite fatalistic. Seems to think the worst is going to happen to him so maybe he tried to get some pleasure while it was on offer. He got more than he bargained for cos it's a bit like Fatal Attraction. She stalks, phones, pesters but I think he is so loving the attention cos he's been starved by me. I'm from London by the way. Where do you live?

Tummytuck -
Your replies are coming in at the morning here in Alabama (US) I have been writing mostly at 3 and 4am as I am not sleeping well at all. Most I get is 5 hours. First few nights of finding out about affair I got 2.5 hours. I'm really suprised how much I can actually stay awake. I'm tired of crying but the pain is horrific.
I really had thought things were slowly coming around and last night and this morning conversation went bad.

There are some similarities to us. Hubby works long hours and we fell into the he is tired syndrome too. He has some health problems and has attempted to ignore hernia.

I don't know how you deal with the pest though. I've no knowledge of who he is with, but would like to know. I suspect someone from work.

Must admit I fantasize about showing up at her doorstep and just introducing myself. I'm not the violent type or anything. I just want to invade their secret haven.

I too, am independent. Oddly enough this is what he said he loved about me many years ago. And I gave him space. If he was tired, I was understanding. If he was snippy, I blew it off as he worked so hard. I seemed to have always given him excuses. Not that I regret any of that. Just that I can see where I assumed giving him space was okay. Silly me.

Well . . . sorry I didn't have a good story to tell you about initiating sex to make the step towards the right direction.
I wish mine was at least living at the house. Hard to communicate with someone that keeps telling me "he don't know, he don't know".

So what is your next game plan? or do you have one. Are you doing Plan A and just trying to be pleasant?


So, what part did I play. Well, my husband works a six day week which is very common here. It makes you really independent. I came not to rely on him for company. I've got 3 girls and they are great fun (sometimes) but it is exhausting keeping up. So, he came in from work and we slipped into a dinner/TV routine. No conversation apart from a quick "how was your day". I know it goes on in every household but it's not really good enough, is it? Then, I felt he was ignoring me so I found myself keeping a distance in bed. Like, if you can't be bothered to talk to me, then I'm not giving you any treats in bed. We weren't even cuddling anymore. Not good. And it just rolls into a big vicious circle. And through all of this, I felt I couldn't nag him or pressurize him to do things because he's not in good health and he needs his rest!! Health problems really play with people's heads. He's quite fatalistic. Seems to think the worst is going to happen to him so maybe he tried to get some pleasure while it was on offer. He got more than he bargained for cos it's a bit like Fatal Attraction. She stalks, phones, pesters but I think he is so loving the attention cos he's been starved by me. I'm from London by the way. Where do you live?

Whitefeather - two things. I do not know who she is and what she looks like. Tempting though it might be, I haven't yet plucked up the courage to spy. She's been to our house but not when I was here (yes, they shagged in my bed but I needed new sheets anyway!) I've spoken to her on the phone. She's the one from who I discovered the affair and all the little details. She's a mum too - got a 12 yr old son. That's why I can't believe she has tried to talk to my daughters. She's totally obsessive. At the moment I have a picture of a very little, needy, desperate, pretty oriental. ""I luf him I haf very strong feeling for Peter"" etc etc. The man who can't communicate with me has got to make an effort with her because of the language barrier. I have always given him space but obviously it was too much! I'm curious to know what she looks like but something is holding me back.

The other thing is he is not here all the time. I asked him to leave when I knew he was still in contact with her (checked the phone messages on his mobile - she sings whole songs and he saves them. I kid you not she has a terrible voice but she does sound kind of fun). He comes at the weekend to see the kids and we have not slept together but last Tuesday he surprised me. Turned up out of the blue and got into bed. Didn't touch me but lay there and I really wanted to jump him!! Hence I took a very active interest in you asking "would it be wrong to suggest sex". My H is a very deep, quiet, sober man. Always has been. I knew life wouldn't be about swinging from the chandeliers with him but I trusted him 100% and really thought he was dependable. The lies in the past year are the hardest thing - not the sex. I am scared that we can never get back on track and it's so sad because fundamentally, we care a lot about each other. Blah blah blah. Do you ever think you could already write a novel? I'll stop for now. Off to work - cheerio.

Tummytuck = I am amazed at your ability to handle this woman invading your home and bed. But I get the impression if ever figured out how to get rid of her he would. He certainly got a handfull with this wild card.
Sadly you must deal with it.

Are you convinced that you want to stay with your hubby? I am 100% sure we can make it. BUT (there always has to be a but) I just don't see him making a decision either way. This waiting game is hard on me, especially with him not even staying at the house.

Whitefeather, when she phoned and said she'd been to my house I was devastated. Despite her persistent phonecalls I didn't really sit up and take notice. But then one day - Valentines Day - she said my name. That got my attention. She reeled off the names of my girls. She described my house and told me she'd been here. Up until then, I had asked my husband if I needed to know who this woman was who was calling. I assumed it was someone who had the hots for him and I'd even considered the possibility of a one night stand. I felt I could deal with that. But when you realise that these people have strong feelings for one another, it is so different. I was devastated. I cried and screamed etc etc. But I pride myself on being quite a cheerful person and I vowed I wouldn't let him drag me down. I have so much to be grateful for (so does he) and with him or without him, I hope I can always look on the bright side of life. It is a wake-up call. People on this site talk about trust. Well maybe we should never trust our spouse 100%. That little bit of doubt might just keep us all on our toes and stop us being complacent in our relationships.

I also feel like you that he will keep me waiting on his decision. He can't make his mind up. It must be so hard to let go of an affair. But don't you think now that we (you and I) know what they are up to, it must have some kind of adverse effect on the A. It can't be the same now, can it? I'm sure the secrecy played a big part in the excitment and now that's gone.

My WH will be home to see the girls tomorrow. I said a lot of things last weekend. Think I'll say very little this time. Que sera sera, what will be, will be.

Tummytuck- I consider myself to be an extreme optomist and so yeah, this shouldn't bring you down. Even though it does and it shakes our world as we knew it.

A coworker(male) that has experience sadly of his having an affair on his wife told me that don't always picture the affair as ALWAYS rosey.
When he said that to me today, something clicked. My hubby showed some uneasiness with me the other day. It was different then usual.
And yeah, I have no doubts that even though he spends his nights with her, I have actually had several afternoons, along with I know he has been away due to family illness (his dad in hospital) so he really hasn't been with her much since affair exposed.
And his coworkers have kept me abreast of his demeanor at work and he is really very depressed.

I wouldn't find pleasure in that, but it gives me hope that he is disturbed. My little pea brain thinks if he was running around happy, I would have an extremely hard time convincing him that we should be working on the marriage.

But the waiting is so hard. The loneliness is hard. The fear and imagination I have just really works on me.
So when I make a list of things I need to do, I'm writing down "take care of me" also.
I'm having to remind myself.

Update:
Last Wednesday I made suggestive remarks that I wanted my WS. He turned me down very bluntly but with a dash of kindness.

Saturday he is waiting for me at the house when I get off of work.We talk a bit and we both speak of things we need to do. He had to go work on a tractor for his dad and I needed to do some animal care (we raise birds).
I dress in some grubbies and he walks past me and turns on the shower to get the hot water coming to the stall.
I ask what he is doing and he says he is hot and wants to take a shower. So since I got turned down last Wednesday I wasn't about to try again. I admit I thought how nice it would be . . . but I didn't want to pressure him.
So I start to gather my things, put my shoes on and he comes to me and asks where I am going. Well, it was already discussed so I thought it was an odd question.
So I asked why, do you want me to stay?
And he pulled me close and said yes.
So . . . the rest is pretty well understood folks.
But I must add that the lovemaking was entirely my afternoon. WS was the most attentive in many years. I was litterly spoiled. He made love to me totally unselfishly.

So here I sit home. Alone. Yes, he left for the afternoon. I didn't question it, I accepted it.
I sure hope I am not fooling myself that this is anything less then his attempt to show his love for me. I mean two weeks ago, he was telling me he hasn't loved me in several years. I knew when he said it, that it was a lie. But still very hurtful to hear.

And of course, I realize this could turn into a viscious cycle where I end up being the OW.
But for now I'll take it as a step towards saving our marriage.

Whitefeather : interesting stuff going on there. I'm glad you feel it was a step in the right direction. Last week it was what I was craving and this weekend I haven't got a clue. Feel like I'm kidding myself that things could improve in the long run between us. I don't know if there's too much damage. He can't make his mind up and I don't seem to be able to either. Feel like I live in limbo land.

Tummytuck - I'm still in limbo too. But I have always wanted us to work.
Could it be you are just worn down, to think that things could improve?
The whole deal is taxing on the body, both physically and mentally. You said yourself you prefer to look positive about things. But even optomistic people have their down times.
Hope you are doing something for yourself. You deserve a day, afternoon or an hour to spoil yourself.

Things took an interesting turn in our situation. It was three weeks since I asked WH to leave. He called me up in the day and said he would be home in the evening and to expect some repercussions from the OW. She has todate conducted herself in an appalling manner but I am convinced she is crazy about him and would do anything to have him back.

There is no sense of victory. I am filled with an anxiety about our future together. I feel unsure whether we can rebuild a marriage but I know our girls will be thrilled to have us back under one roof.

I feel that he destroyed my faith in him and has also made such a mess of the OW's life. I actually feel sorry for her. She has a 12 yr old son too who will no doubt have his life in turmoil whilst his mother sorts herself out. This is all by no means over.

I hope it is a big lesson for all involved. With a bit of communication, perhaps so much of this could have been avoided. Anyway, it was just an update. Off to work now.

Tummytuck. Interesting that he is making the step back.
On the surface I can see you feeling sorry for the OW, especially since she is a mom, but must admit I found the comment strange.
I see the OW as an adult that can make up her own mind. She is responsible for herself. Granted WS was a participant but she made the decision to be with him . . . otherwise the A would never have happened.

Presently my feeling is an A is caused by something that was missing in a relationship and the weakness of the WS to allow that empty space to be filled by OP. I say presently as I don't have a good grasp on this A stuff.
Funny, how I've always been rather confident and intuitive about things and now I don't trust that about myself.

How did the evening go?
I'm thinking he was making a good gesture to warn you to expect some response from her since he was coming back.

Me? I'm lonely. I absolutely love the days I see hubby. He spent good portion of Saturday and Sunday with me. But Monday? well, work and only two calls. Calls were pleasant but . . .this is hard stuff waiting.

Good luck with new situation. Let me know how it goes.

Whitefeather - I suppose it does sound quite strange to think I feel a bit sorry for her but I think she (stupidly) fell in sooooo deep. In a way it must be wonderful to feel so strongly about someone and I know I can't give those feelings to him. I love him but it's old love. It's good love but it's lost its edge.
On the Sunday before he called I was thinking to myself, here is a man heading towards dialysis, not much to look forward to, feeling low and despite the complications of his health, no money, 3 kids, wife, this OW wants him so badly. Most 'normal' people would run a mile from all of these problems. She's either nuts (probably) or head over heels in love. She sold her business to get out of a relationship with her partner and bought an apartment in the hope of my WH joining her there. These are huge steps to take so soon into a relationship. She put a lot of trust into my WH and it looks like it was wasted. (These words might come back to haunt me!) He must have really convinced her that his wife was a she-devil and he needed to escape fast. People act so poorly in the heat of passion. Hope I can reignite my spark like you did!

Whitefeather, I meant to say I reckon your hubby will be back soon. The fact you had him for the weekend - his leisure time - already sounds like you are getting the best of him. You sound more sure in wanting him there than me. I really wish you the best of luck. Do you have friends or family around who know what's going on. Someone you can bounce your thoughts off? Isn't this website great. I really look forward to hearing your progress. This thread has pretty much turned into a two=way communication between you and me!

I have had similar thoughts about my WS regarding what or who he is. (You mentioned about his dialysis and money problem).
I have thought about my husbands excessive behavior in which he can really get on a nag or rant about something that bugs him. How he has a tendency to look at the negative side of things.
Or whatever he does it has to absolutely perfect, he doesn't like second best (trust me that can get annoying - especially when the past two years we've been building a house)
But even with all the negatives he is a good guy. He hurt us, but I know he is a good man.
When he does love, he loves very unselfishly.

Maybe you can consider a list of the good qualities of your WS, it might help on your recovery.

Yeah, I have to chuckle at your comment that most would run from the negatives we see in WH's.
I think that has helped me too. That this other woman doesn't know hubby 24 hr a day, good and bad. And in fact, he said that to me the day I found out about the affair. So he knows the comparison cannot be made fairly.

Yeah, your crazy OW is definitely crazy. Now you got me thinking I feel sorry for her. She jumped too fast and too hard. There must be a sad story in all that regarding her past life.

I am extremely cautious of the interest that WS is giving. I've read to much to feel that he will actually move back in with me or that he won't fall back to her.
But every positive sign, I feel a child-like happiness. I know our love is that old love you speak of . . . but I've got a new attitude about myself this past year and so I'm really wanting to put a different view on things with the marriage. Sadly I was thinking this way before he had the affair . . . we weren't talking much and so I failed to tell him I wasn't that happy either in the way we were.

I have always beeped him in the morning and he returns my call. I purposefully did not beep him this morning . . . and he called anyway.
He plans to come out to the house and also to do some errands for his folks. On top of all this his father is doing chemo treatments and they need help (I have been there for them daily).
But he mentioned he needed a hair cut and so he plans to pick me up and we are going to go do that together too.
I am attempting to be around him as much as possible. I want him to know how good it feels to be around me. (hee,hee, I'm really a wonderful person to hang out with)

Do I think since the affair has he been lying to the OW? sure, he was with me quit a bit on the weekend (actually more then we were prior to A) and he is probably telling her he is caring for his parents. (we live in a rural location close to each other).
And like you I probably was portrayed as a she-devil also.

Let me know what the latest is.



Most 'normal' people would run a mile from all of these problems. She's either nuts (probably) or head over heels in love. She sold her business to get out of a relationship with her partner and bought an apartment in the hope of my WH joining her there. These are huge steps to take so soon into a relationship. She put a lot of trust into my WH and it looks like it was wasted. (These words might come back to haunt me!) He must have really convinced her that his wife was a she-devil and he needed to escape fast. People act so poorly in the heat of passion. Hope I can reignite my spark like you did!

tummytuck -
Sorry, didn't answer your other questions. Yes, family is aware of the A. All made it very clear to him that he was being selfish or stupid.
I have spoken with mutual friends, some with the promise that they wouldn't divulge their knowledge to him and they have kept tabs on him.
First week, I wanted to know how his demeanor was at work and so I had people telling me about his looking extremely depressed.
Sadly I was glad, as I figured he was jumping for joy then he would be happy to dissolve the marriage. His depression gave me the impression he did feel remorse.
Yes, this is a great site. I picked up one of the books on A's. And also have got back into reading Max Lucado inspirational books to get myself focused internally. Both have helped.