going to wedding in July, WS and OW will be there....UGHHHH!!!!!

I have a dilemma. My friends who live across the street from WS are getting M. They have invited us both to the wedding. WS already is going and of course OW will be with him. I am going, and have said that I will bring someone, but I am not dating and really don't have a clue who to bring, lol! Our D is final, but I really don't want to show up by myself. The wedding is taking place 3 days after what would have been our 14th wedding anniversary.

I have already decided, at the urging of the bride (who absolutely abhors the OW just for the fact that she is an OW) to wear something so sexy it will knock everyone's socks off, LOL! That usually isn't my style, but I have lost about 30 pounds and I work out 3-4 times a week, and I have to admit that I look and feel the best about myself than I ever have.

I don't know if it was my low self esteem before that caused me not to notice, but now I notice men of all ages looking at me and smiling or waving. Makes me feel good. But nonetheless, I have not had the urge to date yet. I have a couple of friends that would go with me, but I don't know if I would be able to pull off acting like we were more than friends just for show.

Do I go alone, and face them acting like little love birds in front of me, or do I go with a friend and let it be known that it is a friendly date, or go with a friend and pretend to be something it's not?????

I want her to think that I am the winner in this situation. WS treats her like a dog, just like he did me. I would love nothing more than to show up with a man who is 10 times the man my XH is and show them that I have it together and that I am better off than they are. The last thing I want is her thinking she's won. Poor, pitiful, XW...all alone and miserable...

Of course, which ever friend I take will be made aware of why he is there and leave it up to him to decide if he wants to play the game or not. I know a couple that would enjoy it as much as I would, LOL! But just so you know, I would never use that person without their knowledge. Boy, that sounded bad.

What do you all think? Any other options you can think of? My friend would be devasted if I didn't go to her wedding, and I think she also wants me to bring a guest for the same reasons as I want to. I think making OW look small and insignificant would be the best wedding present I could give my friend! LOL!

I'd appreciate your input.

[ May 30, 2004, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Trinity Brianne ]

If you hide from life and friends, OW and ex may think they've "won". Not that anyone wins in this situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I agree with your friend. Don't let them "scare you away". You did nothing wrong! Hold your head up and be proud of the woman you are and what you've accomplished.

If you are now D'd then certainly bring someone to the wedding. Have a great time! Celebrate your friend's happiness. I understand you aren't ready to date yet but, I don't think this one occassion constitutes a dating relationship.

If I were you...I'd buy a spectacular dress, get my hair done, find a gorgeous date and have a great time at this wedding. You owe ex and OW nothing, ignore them if you want. OR, better yet, talk to them (briefly) and let them see you've moved on and are better for it!

I agree.Do you have guts??

If you do,get a gorgeous,sexy dress,some pretty chandelier earrings,see if there's a male friend(unknown to WH)that would go along with you to have some fun and laugh it up and make sure that they see you,you know,look like you're having the time of your life,smile,dance,laugh,be aloof but you don't have to be rude if they approach you.Say some quick hellos and then move on.This could be fun!

Start preparing now I would say.I think this would do wonders for your self esteem too.I am already looking forward to it FOR you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

O

Could I also add that it might be fun to take a rather younger model of man with you? Maybe 8 to 10 yrs younger?

Trinity -- How bizarre! I'm in exactly the same situation (a bit worse, but can't divulge specifics). The wedding invitation is by my elbow as I speak.

I disagree with the others. Don't bring a date. It's a tacky modern custom. It means the bride will have photos of a bunch of strangers from the wedding to paw through in the future.

Dress spectacularly -- and MINGLE, as if you were the hostess! Greet everyone -- be friendly to all. That's much more effective than cornering off with some guy in a date that's not really a date, in a fake show. Yes, it feels a bit weird to be alone when WH is not -- but it won't look that way to others. WH & OW will be stuck entertaining each other, sitting together, being ostracized. You will be around for everyone.

Hello Trinity!

Yeah! A male friend, preferably older (not male bimbo playthings),let it be known that it is a friendly date, BUT if your friend doesn't mind playing along, during the reception, let him be gallant, pay close attention to you, such as looking into your eyes intently, smiling and being real close to you, touching your elbow, kissing your hand, bringing you drinks, food etc while you keep pretending it is nothing but a friendly date. Wear a real conversation piece of jewellery and let other guests gather around to admire it. Don't forget: some perfume, and a happy smile on your face.

LOL! Wish I can be there. Do update us.

PS. Is your son attending the function too?

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Do I go alone, and face them acting like little love birds in front of me, or do I go with a friend and let it be known that it is a friendly date, or go with a friend and pretend to be something it's not?????<hr /></blockquote>If they are acting like love birds in front of you they are acting out of some deep insecurity they have in their relationship. You don't need to "act" back. If you have a male friend, ask him. You are a single woman attending her friend's wedding with a friend for an escort, nothing more or nothing less.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I want her to think that I am the winner in this situation. WS treats her like a dog, just like he did me.<hr /></blockquote>You already KNOW you are the winner in this situation. She'll hang all over him and try to make you feel as though you lost some prize, but you can ignore all that... you KNOW better. Someday she'll have to admit to herself that she got the raw end of the deal and when that happens, well, you'll be long moved on.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I would love nothing more than to show up with a man who is 10 times the man my XH is and show them that I have it together and that I am better off than they are. The last thing I want is her thinking she's won. Poor, pitiful, XW...all alone and miserable...<hr /></blockquote>Again, who cares what she thinks? Who cares what your ex thinks? Why not take a girlfriend and chat up the room, like Ms. Martin suggests. Who needs a guy to crimp your style when you're single and free?

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Of course, which ever friend I take will be made aware of why he is there and leave it up to him to decide if he wants to play the game or not.<hr /></blockquote>If you have to resort to bringing some poor guy friend along just so you can play-act in front of the ex and OW, you are going to end the evening feeling very let down. On the other hand, if you go alone, or with a good friend (guy or girl) who understands the situation, you just might be able to relax and genuinely enjoy yourself.

If it is going to be so much emotional work, maybe you would be better off NOT going.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />My friend would be devasted if I didn't go to her wedding, and I think she also wants me to bring a guest for the same reasons as I want to. I think making OW look small and insignificant would be the best wedding present I could give my friend! LOL!<hr /></blockquote>Think back to your wedding. Can you remember who was or wasn't there? I can't. She won't, either. As for making OW look small and insignificant, I think you are trying to accomplish the impossible. Nobody in that room will notice the little drama unfolding in their presence. The rest of the world will be completely unaware, so any "insignificance" you manage to attach to OW is only going to be visible in your mind alone. Nobody else will notice or care. You shouldn't either.

Looking at it in these terms, what do you really want to do?

Move on with your life. Don't compete with her. She got the raw end of the deal, let that be her undoing. Make yourself happy. Enjoy your friend's wedding any way you feel comfortable. But don't go there expecting to "show them." You're wasting your precious time.

~ Snow

[ May 31, 2004, 12:54 AM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]

Hi there. I must admit, if I was in your situation I would struggle to find a man to accompany me who my husband didn't know. So, how about paying for a male escort for the night? Of course it won't be cheap but if you really want to go with a guy, this would be so easy. No attachment, no strings. GIve him the info and hopefully, he'll know how to behave. What fun that could be. If not, take a friend, a relative, anyone. It's hard to walk into a situation alone. Good luck. Let us know what you decide.

Hi there,

when I read this, something came to my mind.
What message do you want to "get over" to your
X-husband???

I could imagine that if you came alone, this might get the OW upset and maybe even very "insecure". She will see that you are "free" and therefore maybe still a threat for her.
I'd for sure dress the best and I'd bring out the best sides of myself but I would go alone. I'm more than sure that OW and your x-husband will be watching you. He'll for sure see how great you look. And this might even get him thinking about "past history". (this alone will make OW feel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )

If you go with someone else, I'm sure that OW will feel safe. She'll see that you are being "taken cared of" and therefore she might feel justified with her actions.
She can then say to your x-husband: "Look, she's already found somebody else!"

If you go alone, OW might even start to LB. She'll feel insecure because you are "free"!
What will she have to tell you x-Husband???
"Take a look! Your x-wife is alone!

This might even get your x-husband thinking............

I've always found it very strange that when a couple that have shared history, get divorced.
They appear someplace with new partners and the world seems to be perfect again.

I don't believe it!!!!! It just doesn't work that way.

Everyone needs time to get over the pain when marriage ends in divorce or when a couple splits.
So why play games. You are not "less worth" if you go there on your own.

You are showing others that you want to do the right thing. You want to take the time it needs to "recover" and then start over again and not just "jump" into the next relationship as "many" others do.
I mean when you married, you took your vows seriously. You didn't break them.
So why do you feel that you have to find someone fast to "replace" what you once had????

Hope this makes a little sence.....

But as I said, it depends what message you want to pass over to your x-husband and OW.
I personally don't think that you have to play any game and I don't think it's important to show them what is going on in your life.

Oh and BTW.........I think you'd have a much funner time if you went on your own. I'm sure there are also going to be a few "single guys" at that wedding. Wouldn't that be fun?????
If you came with someone else, you surely aren't going to enjoy that part!

just thinking................bb <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wow! So many different ideas <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have a lot to think about...go alone and make her feel threatened by my singleness, or take a friend and make him jealous. HMMMM. Decisions, decisions...

As far as mingling and flirting with other single men, don't think that is going to happen. I've known the bride and groom for almost 9 years. I've been to other family functions of theirs and I know their friends and family. I'm not sure I would want to engage with any of them in anything other than a friendly manner.

This wedding is taking place in their back yard. They have lived together for about 12 years. 'Bout time they tied the knot! LOL! Anyway, the "dance floor" will be in the garage, and the tables are being set up under a rented canopy. I believe the ceremony is also being held in the yard.

So, I think that bringing someone with me is probably going to be my choice. As far as OW feeling "secure" in that I am not a threat because I am "taken," I think the opposite will be true because I think she will be able to pick up on my XH's jealousy. And I KNOW he will be....even after the D, he still expects me to "wait" for him to dump her, so we can be reunited. HA!

I will keep you posted for sure! And of course I will update you on how it goes. Unfortunately, we do have a bit of a wait....the wedding is July 17. But that gives me time to plan..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> I've always found it very strange that when a couple that have shared history, get divorced.
They appear someplace with new partners and the world seems to be perfect again.
<hr /></blockquote>Here, here. (Or is it hear, hear? I can't remember.) It makes everyone so uncomfortable that I'm "still" alone after a year. They were so happy when I was going places with a much-younger, very handsome man -- they imagined all sorts of things that weren't happening. Then everyone could feel the world was right again.

Phooey to all that. I don't have anything to prove. I'm not going to be cornered into doing anything foolish to relieve people's guilt -- especially H & OW. (Though the handsome younger man was...well...handsome.)

[ May 31, 2004, 12:08 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]

A.M.Martin

what exactly are you saying??? I'm sorry but I don't understand. This is probably a "language" problem because my English has really gotten bad.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

bb <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So has mine. Oh boy, Blond, I really am having a *****y and incoherent day! (See separate post.) Apologies.

Let me try again: it does relieve a lot of guilt -- for WS, OP, and onlookers -- when the BS is seen with a new partner. Then everyone can feel like life is going on -- happy, happy -- and can entertain the new couples with no nasty feelings in their tummies. The divorce as seen as good and inevitable, and the world is perfect again.

I haven't been able to accommodate this public need. While this failure-to-accommodate brings in problems of its own (see separate post), at least it's a stand that has a certain integrity and self-interest. (The self-interest being that I want to actually digest the most recent experience, bitter as it is, before I launch into some new relationship that is likely to be a variant of the most recent one.)

I honestly don't think Trinity should succumb to the temptation to parade around in a fake show with a new man trussed up to look like a date -- even with disclaimers to all that he is not really a date(Itself a complicated PR manouever.) As someone else pointed out, this will just make her more miserable in the end.

Also, if it were me, and I were bringing an outsider into the situation, I would be feeling the pressure to be the "hostess" and entertain my friend and make sure he/she is okay among strangers. The biggest statement she can make is to be open, friendly, generous to all, and give her energy to everyone graciously. Let H & OW entertain each other or be vulgar -- she can rise above it all.

Maybe the confusing part: I did try it the other way. I did experience a wonderful, fun attraction to another man -- who remains a good friend. We chummed around together a bit. It was not an affair. Not even close.

I remember how "happy" everyone was when they saw me with a man two decades my junior. They weren't thinking of my best interests, clearly -- how would this guy have solved any of my real issues? But I do think it relieved their guilt about accepting H and OW.

I don't think one should be planning one's life around these kinds of "statements." So I didn't avoid a guy I thought was fun. One does get tired of being a married widow! But to endeavor to set up fake situations to create statements that aren't true is a shaky idea at best. Be yourself.

Do I make myself perfectly obscure?

[ May 31, 2004, 01:48 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]

Oh! Oh! Oh! Let me point out another downside to the fake date route -- the qualifier to my "remains a good friend" remark.

The younger man started seeing another woman, inevitably. If Trinity finds a "fake date" that is attractive, eventually he will start seeing someone for real. In my case, among certain acquaintances, this set up a situation of "Oh, Poor A.M.! Getting dumped a second time!" By appearing publicly with friend and his new girlfriend (great lady!) I was able to short-circuit this thinking eventually -- but do you really want to do that much PR dancing???

The "hired escort" solution has some appeal -- no obligations to make sure he is happy at an event among strangers, for example. I liked it for its cleanness. On the other hand, the affairs of our WSs should have taught us: never do anything you would be unwilling to have become public. Suppose the fact she hired an escort became public somehow? Whoops!

Maybe it would help if I stated that I moved 100 miles away and that whatever "friend" I brought with me to the wedding would be from my new location and no one would ever know if he were to "move on" and "dump" me. LOL In fact, the only person who would be in on the whole charade would be the bride. Or I could just simply state that it is not a date...that the man is just a friend.

I've also been wondering how to introduce XH and OW to my "date" if it happens to come up. I thought something like "This is my XH, ______ and his........ehem, other woman." LOL!!! Or maybe I could refer to her as she does when she signs her little love notes to him as "licks and sucks"...."This is ______ and his girlfriend, licks and sucks." Oh I am being evil!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Any ideas on that one would be nice too. I'd love to see where you all would take that!

"This is my XH and this is the thief that gave him the X in his title" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Trinity Brianne,

again I'm only giving you my opinion and the way "I" react when it comes to situations concerning OW or the affair at all.
I don't react!!!!

I want to be able to look at myself and I want to be able to be prowd of myself. I refuse to react "low" because within time the OW will get what she deserves.

In my situation, OW was not only "dumped" immediately by my husband but now she is being "dumper & divorced" by OWH.

Read the statistics and you will realize that most relationships just don't work between OW+WS.

They are not based on truth, therefore "trust" will always be an issue.

Why do you have to "proove" something to OW and your x-husband???? (and the other guests)
Who do you have to proove something to????

OW now has what she thinks is great! Let her have it and let her live with him!!! You know the best how your marriage turned out to be.
Do you truely believe that the OW will be able to achieve better????
When a relationship is based on lies and unhonesty it will become "ordinary" within time.
It just needs time, believe that.

I myself would tend to go for the "Grace Kelly" kinda style.
Look your best, act your best and "enjoy" yourself the best you can!

You do not need anyone as a "crutch"!

Let go of the "mad and hatefull" feelings! It will not help at all and at the end it will make you look terrible.

Actually, I'd even tend to go to that wedding with a friend. But not a man, a woman. Just to be introduced as a friend, nothing more and nothing less. But she would have to be a real "knock out"! Imagine the look on OW face!!!! Imagine how "insecure" she'd be! She would not only have to "face you" she'd have to watch out for 2 woman!
She surely wouldn't feel comfortable about that, mostly not if your x-husband has something real pleasant to look at and even talk to!

Imagine that! 2 smiling,positive, happy and great looking woman!

I cannot imagine that OW will react "happy" about that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And at the end, OW will do the job herself! (maybe not in public but it will happen!)
Remember "Trust" will always be an issue and since their relationship isn't based on "trust" what does OW have to "build upon"?

take care
bb

BTW: I don't react to OW in any way. She has been trying to contact my husband in many ways! She has phoned, written anymously. She has tried to contact my husband through other people. She has attended public meetings where we usually go to just to get into contact. But we simply don't react.
Her soon to be x-husband told us that this is "killing her". Not reacting is making OW go crazy!!!!!! So I prefer this rather than making myself look "gooky".
So, OW is doing the job herself without my help and without "bad" words from my side! And my husband has definately gotten the message.

Hi Trinity Brianne,

again I'm only giving you my opinion and the way "I" react when it comes to situations concerning OW or the affair at all.
I don't react!!!!

I want to be able to look at myself and I want to be able to be prowd of myself. I refuse to react "low" because within time the OW will get what she deserves.

In my situation, OW was not only "dumped" immediately by my husband but now she is being "dumper & divorced" by OWH.

Read the statistics and you will realize that most relationships just don't work between OW+WS.

They are not based on truth, therefore "trust" will always be an issue.

Why do you have to "proove" something to OW and your x-husband???? (and the other guests)
Who do you have to proove something to????

OW now has what she thinks is great! Let her have it and let her live with him!!! You know the best how your marriage turned out to be.
Do you truely believe that the OW will be able to achieve better????
When a relationship is based on lies and unhonesty it will become "ordinary" within time.
It just needs time, believe that.

I myself would tend to go for the "Grace Kelly" kinda style.
Look your best, act your best and "enjoy" yourself the best you can!

You do not need anyone as a "crutch"!

Let go of the "mad and hatefull" feelings! It will not help at all and at the end it will make you look terrible.

Actually, I'd even tend to go to that wedding with a friend. But not a man, a woman. Just to be introduced as a friend, nothing more and nothing less. But she would have to be a real "knock out"! Imagine the look on OW face!!!! Imagine how "insecure" she'd be! She would not only have to "face you" she'd have to watch out for 2 woman!
She surely wouldn't feel comfortable about that, mostly not if your x-husband has something real pleasant to look at and even talk to!

Imagine that! 2 smiling,positive, happy and great looking woman! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I cannot imagine that OW will react "happy" about that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And at the end, OW will do the job herself! (maybe not in public but it will happen!)
Remember "Trust" will always be an issue and since their relationship isn't based on "trust" what does OW have to "build upon"?

take care
bb

BTW: I don't react to OW in any way. She has been trying to contact my husband in many ways! She has phoned, written anymously. She has tried to contact my husband through other people. She has attended public meetings where we usually go to just to get into contact. But we simply don't react.
Her soon to be x-husband told us that this is "killing her". Not reacting is making OW go crazy!!!!!! So I prefer this rather than making myself look "gooky".
So, OW is doing the job herself without my help and without "bad" words from my side! And my husband has definately gotten the message.

Blond,

Watch what you say. Grace Kelly was an OW!

Trinity, you're joking, yes? You won't even talk to H at the event, let alone introduce him.

Just posted on another thread, and this is what I've learned the hard way: don't manipulate. You can manipulate all sorts of WH reactions with third parties, etc. -- but do you really want to be the kind of person who does that sort of stuff?

I know there are some cases where it's "worked" -- but I thinking playing straight is always a better way to go, and a better way to keep your self-respect. "Tricking" someone into coming back won't jump the hurdles of recovery.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Watch what you say. Grace Kelly was an OW!
<hr /></blockquote><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
I didn't know that!!!!!!!

But she did do a good job "looking very confident and appearing to be very classy". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I do agree with you, not to "manipulate". Playing "straight" is definately the best way to go. Nothing will ever "backfire".

take care
bb

Yes, I am just fantasizing! (sp?) I probably will steer clear of them just to prevent a confrontation...I hate confrontations in reality. But I do enjoy thinking about being nasty! LOL

However, I really am not like that. If I were, I think that after a year of this, I would have done or said something by now. In fact, last December when WS's mom got sick with cancer, OW was at the hospital with WS. I was very civil towards her, and kept my poise and grace in a difficult situation. I was very nice to her, even talking about "mom" and the care she would be needing. I think the thing that "hurt" OW the most was that WS's entire family ignored her, and huddled and rallied around me. They are from out of town, and it had been some time since we'd seen each other, so it was all hugs, and I love you's and I miss you's...and I could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears! She certainly was feeling like the outsider. And I didn't have to do a thing to make it happen! I really enjoyed it!

Also, I am not doing anything to try to get him back...I don't want him back. You brought up trust...well, I don't trust him and I don't think I will ever be able to learn to trust him again. And I know she is very insecure about my role in his life. So, though it is fun to fantasize about all the mean and ugly things I could do to make her uncomfortable, I agree that just my presence will be enough, especially if I come off as "Grace Kelly," confident, poised, and graceful.

As far as the date....I'm still pondering that. We'll see. Either way, I think I will have a good time being happy and carefree and sure of myself, while she writhes with insecurity!

Thanks for having some fun with me on this!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Trinity Brianne:
 As far as OW feeling "secure" in that I am not a threat because I am "taken," I think the opposite will be true because I think she will be able to pick up on my XH's jealousy. And I KNOW he will be....even after the D, he still expects me to "wait" for him to dump her, so we can be reunited. HA!

<hr /></blockquote>I think you should go for it, bring a date/friend and enjoy yourself to the fullest! It is a shock how men expect women to 'wait' for them while they are off being jerks.... what is good for the goose is good for the gander.... You hold your head HIGH, you did not break the marriage vows.... You should be so proud of losing weight, and dress to kill..... I know that will help your self esteem. There's nothing wrong with what you are doing.... good luck, and I know you will have a great story to tell!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have already decided, at the urging of the bride (who absolutely abhors the OW just for the fact that she is an OW)
Why is the bride allowing the ow (and your soon to be ex) to come to the wedding?
Marriage is sacred (and all that yada. yada) but your husband and the ow showed it meant nothing to them.

Inviting them to the weeding is like calling for ice delivery to the Titanic after it has hit the iceberg.
Friendship is one thing but total disregard for your own wedding?

Chris~

The bride is inviting them because my XH is very good friends with the groom. Oh well.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This is my opinion:

I wouldn't want or need a man!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Like you said..."your the winner!!!" free to roam and mingle as you please!! 20 dance partners all night long~~~~beautiful and radiant.

NO MAN NECESSARY!~
In my opinon TRUTH and HONESTY works better. Why "fake" something???? YOU just be YOU.....foot loose and fancy free!!!!

That's my opinion!
NOTHING wrong with going stag! NOTHING! you have actually earned the right....think of it in the positive...all those single men~~~drooling over you! he he he he! Nothing is sweeter in my imagination than an EX and his OW seeing that!

Blessings,
Atruheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, I guess you are right about going alone. It just might be more fun than having a man with me that I will have to entertain. LOL So, now I have to call the bride and find out how many good looking single guys will be there that I can "flirt" with! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As I play out both scenarios in my mind...having a gorgeous, charming, YOUNGER (LOL) man on my arm, or playing the room and mingling with all the single guys...both are tempting. But I think being alone and doing the mingle thing and also, the ultimately "available" thing, might just get both their goats. I mean...WS would be thinking about what he lost...and OW would be thinking I am a threat to her...especially as good as I look now. (And I wouldn't have to do a thing to invoke that, just my mere presence will be enough <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) As my father-in-law stated to me, I am 10 times the woman she is...in looks, class, personality, and intelligence. Why not use that to my advantage???

Ok, so now the question is this...I go a lone, do I ignore them, or play the vivacious, playful, got-it-together XW and smile and wave at them...maybe slipping in a little wink only the XH is supposed to see?

BTW, just to give you an idea of what I plan to wear. First let me say, that I look the best I have ever looked in my entire life right now. I am healthy, I am physically fit, and I am about a good 15 pounds less than OW and about 6 dress sizes smaller than her. I am wearing something casual, but sexy. I have a new tattoo on my lower back that kinda falls below even the lowest waist band, and when visible, I get a lot of compliments on it. I thought a mini skirt with a halter style top that is open in the back. I don't want something too cheap looking, but rather classy but sexy. I work out 5 days a week, and I tan every other day. Any one have some suggestions on what to wear? Keep in mind that this is an outside wedding in July.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> you sound fantastic!!!!!

How about something "Classic black"!

Don't forget to "oil" your legs (not too much) because that looks great, mostly when you have worked out and when you are tanned! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I wouldn't go out of my way to "ignore" them, remember, just stay "classy" with alot of style.
Give em a nice smile and say hi!

Don't "over react".

Holding back and just saying hi and giving a "soft & warm" smile will definately make you interesting. Your x is gonna have alot of things "swirling" through his head! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
OW will too!!! She's going to have to "hold on to your x very tightly" ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care
bb

You are setting yourself up, Trinity. If you are going to this shindig imagining them seething in envy and jealousy...well, you are setting yourself up for a miserable time if they aren't.

One trick I've tried: imagine what you can GIVE at this party -- give to everyone. A smile, a kind word, a compliment. Give out as much as you can. Go with the idea of giving (and yes, look sexy and classy ... but imagining 20 single men drooling over you, especially with your ex nearby, is another set up for disappointment. If they do, fine; if they don't, position yourself so it doesn't matter. Have it NOT be what you are going for.)

That way you won't be disappointed if, say, H and OW are having a good day. They WILL have good days, you know -- and you don't want to be on their rollercoaster.

opps

[ June 15, 2004, 02:28 AM: Message edited by: blondblossom ]