A BREAKTHROUGH??? Please read and comment!!!!! - 07/01/04 04:00 PM
For those who don't know what happened in the past 2 days, read my thread- If you want to LAUGH OUT LOUD Read this!
FOr those who do....PLEASE tell me what you think about this. I need advice in how to respond.
I got this email from WH today.......
My Dearest Love,
I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you and love you. You have been my best friend for these 12 years now and I know that in those 12 years I have made you laugh and to my shame and own heart break, I have made you cry, You are a wonderful woman and to be honest I feel you could have done better than me for a husband, lover and friend. I sit here in Baghdad and my mind wonders to you at least twice an hour when I am working and literally every ten minutes when I am not at work.
I look back at our lives together and see where I have hurt you. As much as I try I can never take those actions back. I regret the times I made you cry and can see how they have molded you into someone you didn't used to be. I remember how when we first met you were clean and innocent. You were free of the troubling cares of life and had a young glow about you. Even though I love you with all my heart and to me you look the same as you did when I used to spend nights with you at your apartment, I feel like I have done things to take your purity away. I have polluted you needlessly and I am sorry. You know that when you cry, the tears that touch me seem like acid on my skin, this is why. I hate that I make you cry and hurt you so bad, someone who is so gentle and kind.
I know I am not worthy of your love. I don't think that I can ever become the man you so righteously deserve. My heart is an evil caldron of lust and impure sexual desires by common standards. You deserve better than that. I don't know why you love me, to be honest I don't see that I have changed much throughout the years; maybe your love for me had blinded you to those foul traits that seem to haunt me. It would end my life to lose you but if it occurred I would only have myself to blame. I guess this is another part of my self destructive behaviors. I am so angry with my actions in the past years that while writing you this letter, I can't think of any reasons for you to continue being my wife and lover. As I write this I know you are there in a house that holds bad memories for you. I have made it a house that I feel the need to be burn to the ground in hopes of purging its history, but even then, I can't change history. (I would never literally do that)
I remember our wedding and how your sorority sisters sang to us. It was then I knew you were better than me and I didn't and still don't deserve someone as beautiful and kind as you. I know that if I were out of the picture you would be fine. There are men out there who can be better to you than I have been. I couldn't blame you one bit if you left me.
I remember touching your body in those first few days at your apartment. I remember how fresh and clean you were. I say "were" but know that I feel that I have made you into someone you don't want to be and really never were made by God to be. I am sure that God had better plans for you and I interrupted His plan for you. I feel like I did that through deceit and may be guilty of the "Bait and switch" maneuver I see in a lot of people. For this I am truly sorry. My dearest love I am truly sorry. I picture you living a tremendous life with all the happiness one woman could handle. I can't give you what you clearly deserve out of life, and I can't change what I have done.
I sit here in the belly of the beast and I think; I have so much time to think. I can't think long with out feeling regret. I see what I have done to you. I have turned you into a woman who has to work much too hard to stay who you were. The changes to your personality from who you were to who you are now, I have done. You are the best thing that has happened to me and I would not live a month with out you. I know this to be true. Although you can't see the tears falling down my face but know they are there.
I want to come clean with you now. I except that I have done things to you, that which no woman should have to put up with. I have slowly killed off your joy and used you for my own lust. As I write this I can here your mind's thoughts, "Why don't you change?" and I ask myself that question every day. I went to the men's retreat to change. Ever day and night I went to church, I went to change. I went to Baghdad to change and I am even writing this letter to you in an effort to change. I have disrespected you and have been mean to you. I know that we had trouble with sex in the past. My verbalization as we were intimate in the past before we went to the last marriage counselor, were never meant to demean you or hurt you. There are two things I want to say about this issue. These answers in no way transfer the responsibility to you as this was my fault. There were times when you told me, "I want to hear you." And other times when you would say, "Talk dirty to me." I really do like to talk dirty to you when we are romantic and thought that was a "Green light" to be free in my talk. Still you will tell me to be verbal and make noises. I so want to let go and do those things but now I am so fearful that I will cross an unknown line you have drawn in the relationship. The second thing is that when I got verbal, I felt free to act "Like a man" and to enjoy you as a woman giving her body in whole to me for my enjoyment and satisfaction. I do feel like we should be able to enjoy each other's body but I seem to have crossed the line and I am sorry. The feeling of me on top of you as you surrender yourself to me awoke an animal like beast and it freed some of the pent up sexual frustration I harbor. Things now are different between us and I am so fearful of hurting you again. I am so afraid of that that now I hold back when we unite. I have trouble knowing when it is ok to talk dirty to you and when it is too much. I know that you don't like being called "*****." I thought that was a context issue. I would never call you a ***** in a derogatory context but didn't know that saying something like "You are such a hot and sexy *****." was hurtful; I didn't mean it to hurt you. I am so afraid when we are together that it affects the event. I know that you probably see it as I am not into it and to be honest a lot of the time I am not. I am not relaxed and don't feel free. Sometimes I feel more frustrated after we are together than before we started. My sexual frustration is not your fault, it is my sexual preference. I like to be verbal and to get animalistic at times, now I can't do that. I like seeing you in deferent views. I like seeing you under me and on top of me. I like seeing you kneeling before me with you butt against my body but it tears at me while we are together. My mind races with thoughts of, "Does she think I am treating her like a whore?" and "Is this romantic enough for her?" A lot of time I come quickly so as to shorten the contact so I don't do something wrong and hurt you again. I love it when you give me oral sex, I always have. This is tremendously valued in my desires for you. Yet, I know you don't care for it. All these things eat at me.
I know, because you tell me, that I am not smooth enough or romantic enough when I want to be with you. I swore that I'd never ask you to be with me again, partly because of your refusals and partly because if I do it the way you want every time, I feel like I am begging for sex and not asking my lover to join me in the most incredible relation I can have with her. When I feel like I am begging for sex, it makes me feel like I am some 300 pound little dicked pervert who lives with his parents and cant get a woman to desire him so I
He has to beg for it like some cheesy [censored]. Even as I write this I am getting upset. You have told me that your desires are not as strong as mine and you noticed a drop in your desire. I have mentioned it to you over and over to see Bonnie as she said she would prescribe something for you. You won't go to her and I can only take it personally. When we are together, this adds to the problem of my mind racing with, "Does she really want to be here, does she really desire my inside her?" If I'm not sure you want to be with me that lends to the thoughts that I am using you and you feel whorish.
I'm going to stop here for now because this email is already too long. I will write more later, and hope we can get through this. I love you with all my heart and am committed to our marriage. I am lost in confusion but I do know I love you.
So, my first reaction is-
1. In his mind, he almost got caught by sending that stupid "Love Is..." email to both of us. When I asked about it, it got him scared, so he's trying to do damage control.
2. Even though he says he is coming clean, he does NOT admit to the A and he really does not tell me anything I did not already know, except that whole first part about him soiling is new. He's never said that before.
I need to respond, but I am at a loss. Do I open up to this deceptive ploy? He's still hiding the A and still trying to get away with it. He's still trying to save his M but not coming all the way clean. Is it time for me to tell him I know? Or do I brush all this off and reply with a sweet email saying I love him to and we will work on things when he gets home?
I think I REALLY rocked his world asking why he sent the email to me and OW and he realized (came out of his fog?) that he could lose me. Or is this all just backpedaling, covering his tracks?
I just don't know. Help!!
Trina
FOr those who do....PLEASE tell me what you think about this. I need advice in how to respond.
I got this email from WH today.......
My Dearest Love,
I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you and love you. You have been my best friend for these 12 years now and I know that in those 12 years I have made you laugh and to my shame and own heart break, I have made you cry, You are a wonderful woman and to be honest I feel you could have done better than me for a husband, lover and friend. I sit here in Baghdad and my mind wonders to you at least twice an hour when I am working and literally every ten minutes when I am not at work.
I look back at our lives together and see where I have hurt you. As much as I try I can never take those actions back. I regret the times I made you cry and can see how they have molded you into someone you didn't used to be. I remember how when we first met you were clean and innocent. You were free of the troubling cares of life and had a young glow about you. Even though I love you with all my heart and to me you look the same as you did when I used to spend nights with you at your apartment, I feel like I have done things to take your purity away. I have polluted you needlessly and I am sorry. You know that when you cry, the tears that touch me seem like acid on my skin, this is why. I hate that I make you cry and hurt you so bad, someone who is so gentle and kind.
I know I am not worthy of your love. I don't think that I can ever become the man you so righteously deserve. My heart is an evil caldron of lust and impure sexual desires by common standards. You deserve better than that. I don't know why you love me, to be honest I don't see that I have changed much throughout the years; maybe your love for me had blinded you to those foul traits that seem to haunt me. It would end my life to lose you but if it occurred I would only have myself to blame. I guess this is another part of my self destructive behaviors. I am so angry with my actions in the past years that while writing you this letter, I can't think of any reasons for you to continue being my wife and lover. As I write this I know you are there in a house that holds bad memories for you. I have made it a house that I feel the need to be burn to the ground in hopes of purging its history, but even then, I can't change history. (I would never literally do that)
I remember our wedding and how your sorority sisters sang to us. It was then I knew you were better than me and I didn't and still don't deserve someone as beautiful and kind as you. I know that if I were out of the picture you would be fine. There are men out there who can be better to you than I have been. I couldn't blame you one bit if you left me.
I remember touching your body in those first few days at your apartment. I remember how fresh and clean you were. I say "were" but know that I feel that I have made you into someone you don't want to be and really never were made by God to be. I am sure that God had better plans for you and I interrupted His plan for you. I feel like I did that through deceit and may be guilty of the "Bait and switch" maneuver I see in a lot of people. For this I am truly sorry. My dearest love I am truly sorry. I picture you living a tremendous life with all the happiness one woman could handle. I can't give you what you clearly deserve out of life, and I can't change what I have done.
I sit here in the belly of the beast and I think; I have so much time to think. I can't think long with out feeling regret. I see what I have done to you. I have turned you into a woman who has to work much too hard to stay who you were. The changes to your personality from who you were to who you are now, I have done. You are the best thing that has happened to me and I would not live a month with out you. I know this to be true. Although you can't see the tears falling down my face but know they are there.
I want to come clean with you now. I except that I have done things to you, that which no woman should have to put up with. I have slowly killed off your joy and used you for my own lust. As I write this I can here your mind's thoughts, "Why don't you change?" and I ask myself that question every day. I went to the men's retreat to change. Ever day and night I went to church, I went to change. I went to Baghdad to change and I am even writing this letter to you in an effort to change. I have disrespected you and have been mean to you. I know that we had trouble with sex in the past. My verbalization as we were intimate in the past before we went to the last marriage counselor, were never meant to demean you or hurt you. There are two things I want to say about this issue. These answers in no way transfer the responsibility to you as this was my fault. There were times when you told me, "I want to hear you." And other times when you would say, "Talk dirty to me." I really do like to talk dirty to you when we are romantic and thought that was a "Green light" to be free in my talk. Still you will tell me to be verbal and make noises. I so want to let go and do those things but now I am so fearful that I will cross an unknown line you have drawn in the relationship. The second thing is that when I got verbal, I felt free to act "Like a man" and to enjoy you as a woman giving her body in whole to me for my enjoyment and satisfaction. I do feel like we should be able to enjoy each other's body but I seem to have crossed the line and I am sorry. The feeling of me on top of you as you surrender yourself to me awoke an animal like beast and it freed some of the pent up sexual frustration I harbor. Things now are different between us and I am so fearful of hurting you again. I am so afraid of that that now I hold back when we unite. I have trouble knowing when it is ok to talk dirty to you and when it is too much. I know that you don't like being called "*****." I thought that was a context issue. I would never call you a ***** in a derogatory context but didn't know that saying something like "You are such a hot and sexy *****." was hurtful; I didn't mean it to hurt you. I am so afraid when we are together that it affects the event. I know that you probably see it as I am not into it and to be honest a lot of the time I am not. I am not relaxed and don't feel free. Sometimes I feel more frustrated after we are together than before we started. My sexual frustration is not your fault, it is my sexual preference. I like to be verbal and to get animalistic at times, now I can't do that. I like seeing you in deferent views. I like seeing you under me and on top of me. I like seeing you kneeling before me with you butt against my body but it tears at me while we are together. My mind races with thoughts of, "Does she think I am treating her like a whore?" and "Is this romantic enough for her?" A lot of time I come quickly so as to shorten the contact so I don't do something wrong and hurt you again. I love it when you give me oral sex, I always have. This is tremendously valued in my desires for you. Yet, I know you don't care for it. All these things eat at me.
I know, because you tell me, that I am not smooth enough or romantic enough when I want to be with you. I swore that I'd never ask you to be with me again, partly because of your refusals and partly because if I do it the way you want every time, I feel like I am begging for sex and not asking my lover to join me in the most incredible relation I can have with her. When I feel like I am begging for sex, it makes me feel like I am some 300 pound little dicked pervert who lives with his parents and cant get a woman to desire him so I
He has to beg for it like some cheesy [censored]. Even as I write this I am getting upset. You have told me that your desires are not as strong as mine and you noticed a drop in your desire. I have mentioned it to you over and over to see Bonnie as she said she would prescribe something for you. You won't go to her and I can only take it personally. When we are together, this adds to the problem of my mind racing with, "Does she really want to be here, does she really desire my inside her?" If I'm not sure you want to be with me that lends to the thoughts that I am using you and you feel whorish.
I'm going to stop here for now because this email is already too long. I will write more later, and hope we can get through this. I love you with all my heart and am committed to our marriage. I am lost in confusion but I do know I love you.
So, my first reaction is-
1. In his mind, he almost got caught by sending that stupid "Love Is..." email to both of us. When I asked about it, it got him scared, so he's trying to do damage control.
2. Even though he says he is coming clean, he does NOT admit to the A and he really does not tell me anything I did not already know, except that whole first part about him soiling is new. He's never said that before.
I need to respond, but I am at a loss. Do I open up to this deceptive ploy? He's still hiding the A and still trying to get away with it. He's still trying to save his M but not coming all the way clean. Is it time for me to tell him I know? Or do I brush all this off and reply with a sweet email saying I love him to and we will work on things when he gets home?
I think I REALLY rocked his world asking why he sent the email to me and OW and he realized (came out of his fog?) that he could lose me. Or is this all just backpedaling, covering his tracks?
I just don't know. Help!!
Trina