Difficult choice: Need Help Badly - 08/18/04 06:46 AM
Back in September 2002, my wife was involved in an EA that turned into a one time PA. I found out about the affair when I contracted HSV about two to three weeks later. She initially tried to tell me that she had not had sex with the OM until I explained to her that genital herpes is not something that one catches from casual contact. Faced with this she finally admitted that she had had unprotected sex with the OM, but claimed that it was a one time thing and that she broke off the relationship after it happened. She tells me that she does not have any way to contact the OM and that he paged her whenever he wanted to see her. She also tells me that she has not seen the OM and that he has not paged her since the day that she broke off the affair. I have the pager now and no one has called it since she gave it to me. I monitor her cell phone records and do not see anything that would raise a red flag at this time. I have tried and tried to find this person without success.
I have not been able to fully trust her since that time. I dwell on whether or not there have been other affairs and am sad and withdrawn a great deal of the time. I feel like a burned out shell of what I once was and cannot seem to feel happy or at ease anymore. I zone out and daydream and often feel like I am going crazy. It is as if my heart and soul have been cut out. I have been taking an anti-d medication since I found out about the affair, but it only helps to a degree. She swears up and down that she has been 100% honest with me since I found out about the affair, but it is hard to believe someone who has lied to your face in the past. She tells me that she loves me and and is incredibly sorry for what has happened. She seems sincere, but she seemed sincere while lying to me in the past as well.
We have two wonderful children and I do not want to hurt them by breaking up the family. I also do not see the situation getting better and it has been almost two years now. It doesn't seem fair to my children to to move forward with a seperation, but I don't know what else to do. My wife thinks that we should go to MC, but I don't think that it would erase all of my pain and return me to my former self. I have always had a difficult time letting go of things that bother me and, as you can imagine, this is a big issue to put behind me. Is it better to throw in the towel and move on with my life? Would MC solve anything? Is there something else that I can do? I have read SAA and HNHN already. Has anyone else felt this way and been able to make a positive change for the better? I appreciate your help.
I have not been able to fully trust her since that time. I dwell on whether or not there have been other affairs and am sad and withdrawn a great deal of the time. I feel like a burned out shell of what I once was and cannot seem to feel happy or at ease anymore. I zone out and daydream and often feel like I am going crazy. It is as if my heart and soul have been cut out. I have been taking an anti-d medication since I found out about the affair, but it only helps to a degree. She swears up and down that she has been 100% honest with me since I found out about the affair, but it is hard to believe someone who has lied to your face in the past. She tells me that she loves me and and is incredibly sorry for what has happened. She seems sincere, but she seemed sincere while lying to me in the past as well.
We have two wonderful children and I do not want to hurt them by breaking up the family. I also do not see the situation getting better and it has been almost two years now. It doesn't seem fair to my children to to move forward with a seperation, but I don't know what else to do. My wife thinks that we should go to MC, but I don't think that it would erase all of my pain and return me to my former self. I have always had a difficult time letting go of things that bother me and, as you can imagine, this is a big issue to put behind me. Is it better to throw in the towel and move on with my life? Would MC solve anything? Is there something else that I can do? I have read SAA and HNHN already. Has anyone else felt this way and been able to make a positive change for the better? I appreciate your help.