SSDD- nothing new here- just need to vent - Marriage Builders® Forums

H is in a mood today. Started last night actually, he was mad because I must have moved in my sleep and when he wanted to go to bed I was spawled in the middle of the bed, and on his half, so he shoved me over- I woke up and asked him why he did that and he plainly said- you were on my half, you needed to move... His mood continued this morning yelling at me on the phone, hanging up on me, and so on- I told him that the way he talked to me was unexceptable, and that it needed to change (I said it nicely)- his response? He hung up again. When I got home from work he pretended I was not there, if I asked him a question he pretended he did not hear me, basically he has ignored me now for almost 3 hours. We were suppose to go out and celebrate his brothers birthday tonight, I FINALLY found a sitter, and H won't go, says I do not want to go (if I did not I would not have gotten a sitter)- so I had to cancel the sitter and hurt his brother <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

Now he is playing Nintendo, yelling at the kids, and just being mean. I asked him to please talk nicer to us as he is not showing his boys how to grow up and be good men, he said nothing and continued playing.

How does all this make me feel? Crummy I keep asking myself why I stay. WHy I put up with this, why I am subjecting my kids to this. RIght now I have no good reason. I have no real desire. I know everyone is entitled to a crabby day- but this is pushing it.

My up ride is over, I am now Crashing back to earth.

YOU ARE NOT CRASHING,

oops
he is crashing, kmej you said something to me in one of my threads, it was something like, sometimes you just gotta know when to quit, i cant remember but, im sorry but you need to kick his a$$ out in the street, if this is how he is going to treat you.
you nor your kids deserve his crap.
you have set your boundries and he keeps crossing them you really have no other choice. he is abusing you and that is that.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

KMEJ, I also wonder why you stay. He plays the games of an 8 yr old - how intolerable not to talk to you for hours. It's mean, childish and unacceptable. The day you get away I will raise a glass and toast you from Hong Kong. He has done nothing to aid your recovery. Only you can take action. TT

Actually, I take that back. There would be nothing to raise a glass to. It is a heart-wrenching decision to separate and I'm sure you agonise over your sons and what your choices will mean for them. But KMEJ, sometimes, you have got to look after yourself first before you can properly take care of others. He just sounds so awful - sorry. TT

Hi KMEJ,

Your WH sounds like a grouchy little child right now and that's not nice.It also sounds like he just wants to escape his responsibilities and veg out on some video game and not tend to you or his children.Does he do this often? And he hangs up on and ignores you? What's up with that behavior? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I too would not want to be around someone acting like that.It reminds me of the brief time my WH was home on a supposed "recovery" and didn't change his behavior of spending all his free time on the computer.Boy am I glad not to have to endure that anymore,among many other things.

Sorry,I wish things could be better for you.

O

H is over tired and looking to pick a fight, that is how he gets. Right now he went to bed for the night, after he made fun of me for getting in trouble at work, he never even asked about what happened, just assummed he knew and is having a field day making fun of me. I told him he was not being supportive, and he said- like I was when he worked at his old job- claiming that I dated all these guys <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and that I got him fired <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I did not, he got himself fired. I am so frustrated.

I asked him if he really felt this was working, I told him that I did not feel it was, that I did not feel he was even trying. That I had had enough and that we needed to look at other options because I could not take this anymore. That is when he rolled over, and I left.

All I want is RESPECT. I am not asking too much. I know he is tired, because he stays up half the night watching TV or being on the Computer, but that is not my fault, and I do not feel his crabbiness should be taken out on me.

****PLEASE NOTE****

I am not back peddeling- simply shareing my view. I am hurt and frustrated, and angry. I do not regret telling him that this is not working. He feels he can treat me however he wants and I will still be around for more. He knows I love him, I just do not think he knows how sick of all this I am, and that I am tettering on the edge. I want more out of life then I am getting. I want more out of life. something I haven't done. There has to be more then this- I know there is more with H- I just do not think he is capable at the moment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sorry again but we ALL get tired from time to time but that's no pass to disrespect you,make fun of you,yell at you,ignore you,hang up on you,hurt you."This is how he get's" is not acceptable to me.If he can't treat you with dignity,love and kindness,just what does he expect in return? Grrrr.

I agree that is why I added the other post. I am not trying to make excuses for him. I hate it when he gets this way, I dread these days. Ihate that he thinks it is okay to ignore me. Again I am not making excuses for him. I came to vent because I am sick of it. It took a lot for me to say to him tonight that I do not think this is working out. It scared me to say it, scares me to think it, scares me scares me scares me. But I want more, I deserve more. I am finally realizing that.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> But I want more, I deserve more. I am finally realizing that.
<hr /></blockquote><img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good for you, KMEJ. I am truly sorry it hurts so much. But for the record, you are seeing more clearly now. You are seeing value in yourself....and for that, I am very proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by L.I.T:
 <blockquote>quote:<hr /> But I want more, I deserve more. I am finally realizing that.
<hr /></blockquote><img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good for you, KMEJ. I am truly sorry it hurts so much. But for the record, you are seeing more clearly now. You are seeing value in yourself....and for that, I am very proud of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote><img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

well what I said must have hit somewhere in H, because of instead of staying in bed, he got up, came down stairs, I asked him if he was planning on joining us for dinner, and he laughed, took dinner I was cooking on the stove, turned on the Garbage disposal and dumped it down <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , I started to make dinner again, and he laughed and said he would just do it again- I told him the kids were hungry and that he shouldn't. Anyway he proceeds to start cleaning the house, throwing things away that are not his, just because he could, and when I started to object he threw cardboard boxes at my head at full speed. I asked him to stop as the youngest was standing within arms reach of me and it could hit him instead- he said he did not care but stopped anyway.

SIGH**********

No need to share more details- however now it is 10pm, and for the last hour and a half he has been acting as if nothing happened today. WTF??????? He is upstairs watching a movie, acting as if we are fine. I tried to talk to him about his temper tantrum today, and he said "I did nothing wrong...oh wait I forgot, YOUR PERFECT". I again told him his behavior was unexceptable, he said I was unexceptable. It was then decided that we would get no where in this tonight, so I am on the mainfloor and he is up in our room. I am trying to decide where to sleep tonight.

I am just really confused, and rather scared at his mood swings and how fast and drastic they can happen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

****EDITED TO ADD****
I still feel that I deserve more then how he is treating me, and I have no intentions of sweeping this under the rug.

[ January 05, 2005, 06:48 AM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Oh and as an added bonus- our oldest son lost his first tooth tonight!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You say that you want respect?

That is something you aren't going to receive from your H. He isn't capable of respecting anyone....because he has no respect for himself.

I'm sorry.....but just the info from your post above would be enough for me to have him removed from the house.

Your H is an a$$.

Sorry....had to say it.

kmej
yor h is a psychopath
call the police get him removed from the house.
do you want your sons to treat there wives like this? you are teaching them it is ok. im sorry that it has come to this but he needs his a$$ whipped, GET HIM OUT, b4 he hurts you or the kids

KMEJ,

There isn't much to say that hasn't been said before. Your husband is deranged. If you stay in this marriage...I fear for your safety. At the very least, you are going to grow to hate your H. And..his sons will hate him, also.

You mentioned once before that you had given your H a March deadline to get his act together. That's two months away. What is your plan?

I think you need to tell him firmly that if things aren't right by the end of March, you will consider all of your options..including divorce.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> and when I started to object he threw cardboard boxes at my head at full speed. I asked him to stop as the youngest was standing within arms reach of me and it could hit him instead- he said he did not care but stopped anyway.

SIGH**********
<hr /></blockquote>KMEJ,

Noone can tell you what to do. But we can tell you that the behavior your H exhibited is unacceptable not only as a husband, but as a father.

When you gain enough self confidence and self esteem to walk out on him (instead of 'sighing') after he bahaves like this, then you will have proven your true self worth.

(((KMEJ)))

**Edited to add: I am not saying this in any kind of derrogatory manner. Instead, I am proud of the progress you have made, and hope you continue to keep it up**

[ January 05, 2005, 01:52 PM: Message edited by: L.I.T ]

LIT-I was sighing after writing that, I was and still am irate at what he did. I am confused as to how he can so easily pretend that nothing happened, that it has been a normal day.

I get home from work today and he shows me all the video of all the stuff that they did today. It was really cute, I love seeing video of my little men- and I especially like seeing H when he is happy to be with the kids- he can be such a good father- I am glad that side still shows at times.

However H does not get it that does not make up for what he did yesterday.

Tomorrow is my son's birthday. I just got done changeing the date of the party so it falls on a day where if the Vikings win this week it will be a playoff game day- against Lemonmans Eagles which he would take off anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I told him I see where we fall in line of importance, and he said "play offs are imprortant"- I asked if the kids were not!?!?

Dalson- I tried talking with H about the up coming March and what it means to me, he waves his hand in the air, turns around, says "yatta yatta Yeah right Whatever!". I am not even sure H knows anymore what he is doing, If he is trying to be mean, or if it is something out of his control.. All I know is that yesterday I was scared when he even walked behind me, and it should not be this way.

no it should not be that way, you are trying to change him and you have shown him there are no consequences to his actions. so why would he change. you need to show him you mean business

Fair enough.

I am trying. Obviously my way of trying is not enough. I am looking into other options currently, including divorce.

I again told him his behavior was unexceptable, he said I was unexceptable.

Nope...it IS acceptable. You have been accepting this behavior from him for months...if not years. What would make him think that THIS episode was any different? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

He proves that here...

I tried talking with H about the up coming March and what it means to me, he waves his hand in the air, turns around, says "yatta yatta Yeah right Whatever!".

He does not believe a word that you say. How often have you threatened him with divorce and separation now?

Call it a DJ, but I bet that you have used those words so many times (with ZERO action) that they no longer mean a thing to him.

He doesn't believe you...and he won't believe you ever...at the rate you are going.

Say what you mean...and mean what you say.

JMHO
committed

Say what you mean mean what you say was/is my fatherss trade mark for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

A few years back I remember me saying I wanted a divorce became pratically a stable in every fight. Once I realized I was doing it so often I stopped. Yeah I meant it in the heat of the moment- however I turned into the little boy who cried wolf.

We seperated for 10 months, and I told him I did not want a divorce, took the blame for everything that went wrong. Became a classic doormat, for the first 6 months.

WE have been back together now for 10 months, and I have said I do not think this is going to work twice- both in the last month. I mean it, it scares me in my heart because when I say it now both my head and my heart are in sync- not just my head- or angry head. I think about it more often when we are not fighting. I have been setting up boundaries and H follows them for a while, then plows them down. The things I have tried as reprocussions do not even effect H. I have tried what ever I can think of, besides walking out the door, and to be honest the reason I have not was when I did that was the night he decided to start his A- and he blames me for it. I guess I am afraid if I leave again I will be pushing him to have another A. I realize that is stupid talk, as I can not force someone to cheat-

I need to see the forest through the trees. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

[ January 05, 2005, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> he threw cardboard boxes at my head at full speed.<hr /></blockquote>This is abusive behavior towards you.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> the youngest was standing within arms reach of me and it could hit him instead- he said he did not care but stopped anyway.<hr /></blockquote>This is abusive behavior towards your child.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />"I did nothing wrong...oh wait I forgot, YOUR PERFECT". <hr /></blockquote>This is an attempt to take the focus and blame off him and place it on you.

I am rather new to this forum so I may be speaking out of turn, but what you are talking about here is an abusive relationship. As I have been in an abusive marriage, I feel compelled to speak. Once I was away from my marriage, things became clearer. One thing was this-it is amazing what one will accept as "normal" behavior over a time period. This is not normal behavior and you do not have to tolerate it. You are choosing to. By continuing to stay in this relationship you are giving him permission to treat you and your children abusively. One thing that prompted me to leave my abusive marriage (since my self-worth was so destroyed and I didn't care enough about myself to do it for me) was the fact that I had two children (a son then 3, and a daughter, then 5). Not only did I believe THEY deserved better, I tried to picture them in the future...my son as an abuser and my daughter as an abused wife. Because that was exactly what they were learning.

[ January 05, 2005, 04:45 PM: Message edited by: frozen1229 ]

I too see that. Thank you for posting.

I have a question however. Do your kids see their dad still? Do they not see them in another relationship? Is he not abusive in the new one?

I know it a dumb thing to think- but what if it is me? What if I am bringing out the bad in him? Will he be better in his next relationship or will I be subjecting him to someone else? He can be a good dad some days, but what happens when he is in another mood like yesterday and it is his weekend, and I am not there to protect them?

Sorry all things going through my head.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Do your kids see their dad still? Do they not see them in another relationship? <hr /></blockquote>That's a complicated answer. To try to make it short, he is my son's father. He didn't get any visitation with my daughter, thank God. When we divorced (son was 3), the visitations became scary and it seemed the police were always involved. I finally put my foot down and told him no more visitation- he could file a contempt citation against me if he chose to. He didn't. Instead he chose to continue to drink and use drugs until it eventually landed him in prison. When he was released from prison, he immediately took me to court to get visitation (son was 12 by this time). So I managed to protect my child at least through some of the most impressionable years. He did finally get visitation. There have been low points, such as him smoking pot in front of my son and encouraging him to keep that secret. A real low point was Christmas, when he wanted my son Christmas day and to lure him he promised him that he would have him home in time with Christmas with my family (an occasion that is the highlight of my son's whole year). The time came, and to punish me he told my son he wouldn't take him and told me it was to pay me back for all the Christmases I had kept him away from HIM. By this time, I think my XH began to realize that our son was old enough to choose and see things for himself. He quickly made an effort to straighten up. My son is now almost 15 and the situation is not perfect, but at least manageable. My son also shows NO abusive tendencies (he was very violent at age 3 when we divorced).

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> Is he not abusive in the new one? <hr /></blockquote>For the longest time, he wasn't abusive in other relationships (he never has the same one very long), and I began to really believe that it WAS my fault, just like he'd told me so many times. Then about three years ago, he got some girl pregnant. They were not married but continuing a relationship, and he beat her up (while pregnant) in front of MY son. She is now in court with him fighting to keep him from getting visitation of their 1.5 year old. It's odd how history repeats itself.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I know it a dumb thing to think- but what if it is me? What if I am bringing out the bad in him? <hr /></blockquote>As stated above, I thought the same thing. But the simple fact is, you are not responsible for his behavior. He is. You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CHANGE it, and you CAN'T CURE IT. I stuck around in my marriage hoping things would just change (or that I would change them). It is SCARY to leave, I know. I was 20 with a 3 and 5 year old. For me, staying was finally scarier than leaving. It's particularly hard when you feel so hopeless, worthless and beat down. I sat down with a friend, devised a plan to leave, set a date and when that date arrived I just acted like a robot carrying out my plan so that emotions weren't involved. That way I couldn't back out. The times I'd left before, I did it without a plan because it was in the middle of an emotional situation (spur of the moment). I always had to come back because I hadn't thought things through. That fact, along with my idle threats, caused me to lose my credibility with him.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />will I be subjecting him to someone else? <hr /></blockquote>Not your problem. Your loyalty is to yourself and your children. You are NOT RESPONSIBLE for his actions, even his future behavior.
(see the 3 C's above again)

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> He can be a good dad some days<hr /></blockquote>It has been my experience that no one is all bad or all good. The bad just has to be at a level which you find acceptable.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />what happens when he is in another mood like yesterday and it is his weekend, and I am not there to protect them <hr /></blockquote>Well, there are precautions you can take, depending on the extremity of the sitation and the state you live in. The FIRST thing I did when I left was get a VPO (victim's protective order). It's a little different than a restraining order. You could perhaps ask an attorney what your children's right's are concering this issue and the issue of emotional abuse to limit his visitation if that becomes a problem. It would be typical for him to use the children against you. While that is horrible, it is not illegal. All you can do is not compound the situation by reciprocating (I never told my son opinions about his dad, only facts. I told facts because I didn't want enable my XH by lying to my son for him). The only person you can control is yourself. Fill your children's heads with reassurances from you. If YOU think it's YOUR fault, can you even imagine how they probably feel??

I'm very sorry you are going through this. I know it's difficult and scary. You aren't powerless. It just feels that way. You have power over yourself, your's and your childrens futures and the power to make decisions. I admire your strength and if answering your questions and sharing my experiences helps, I would love the opportunity to give something back to this forum that is helping me through a difficult time.

Ohhhh [censored]-
H just pointed out to me the promise I made to him a year ago. H always said the only reason I wanted him to come back was so that I could be the one to leave him, and I promised I would never leave him! And now that is what I am telling him I want, by saying that this is not working for me.

I am a person who tries hard to stick to her word, and he is using it against me. What am I to do? I do not want to leave H, but his behavior and treatment of the children and I is making the living conditions unbareable!

All he kept saying was- see I told you you would leave!

Ouch- that stings, it is hitting me right in the head and heart. I did not say that to him to give him a permission to treat me however he deemed! I just meant I would not take him back from OP to just turn around and dump him. I am trying really hard to make this marriage a go. Granted I could improve in other areas, but to use this against me!

NOW WHAT DO I DO????

[ January 05, 2005, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]

He is manipulating you. Your first loyalty is to yourself and to your children.

You changed the date of the party to coincide with a "possible" NFL playoff game that your H would be home for? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

He was unwilling to prioritize your son's party so you changed the party to a day when he might be home watching an important game...

Did he agree that he would be available on that day to help with the party?

I am afraid that you have set yourself up to be disappointed when the game is his primary interest and the party a distraction.

What did you decide to do for the party?

Sorry for so many questions but I am concerned that your son is going to take a back seat to the TV. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You changed the date of the party to coincide with a "possible" NFL playoff game that your H would be home for?

KMEJ-H claimed he did NOT open my e-mail- and does not read anything I send him, that when I send him things he just deletes them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . That I should have discussed the date with him first, I tried, he told me to do what ever he wanted. The original date is our youngests sons actual birthday- I figured he would have at least part of the day off for that anyway- not work 9-9! He will not even try to get the day off, as he wants the next for football <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He was unwilling to prioritize your son's party so you changed the party to a day when he might be home watching an important game...

KMEJ- He would hold it against me forever if I did not reschedule the party, believe me we went head to head for days, and I was tempted to have the party with out him, told him so, and he told me I did not value him. Yeah that is why I gave him a months notice!

Did he agree that he would be available on that day to help with the party?

KMEJ- no he would not even look up what time the game "might" be- but said if the party took place during the game he would not participate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> so I went on line at work (which I am not suppose to do anymore) and looked it up since H would not, found out the game would be at 1 if it takes place- so I scheduled the party for 6, and no he has no intentions of helping me with any of it.- In case you are wondering, YES I AM LIVID WITH THIS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am afraid that you have set yourself up to be disappointed when the game is his primary interest and the party a distraction.

KMEJ- I am just making sure he has nothing to use against me later. Also so that my son is not disappointed. I plan on taking the kids tomorrow to Chuck E. Cheese (oldest will be 8 tomorrow) and on the youngest birthday- the original date of the party, I took the day off and I am taking the boys out for a day of fun and to McDonalds. I will enjoy them and he will miss out. Not that he will notice anyway- he will probably just be mad that I spent money <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

What did you decide to do for the party?

KMEJ-THis party is the Family party, the kid party Dylan wants to wait a little and see if we get snow, if we do he wants to go sledding, have a snowball fight, and capture the flag in the snow and then come back have hot cocoa sit in the hot tub and then have a sleep over! Big plans for a little man. If no snow who knows!!!

Sorry for so many questions but I am concerned that your son is going to take a back seat to the TV

KMEJ- all take a back seat to what H wants. If he wants to spend time with us then he is amazing, otherwise I feel we are an obsticle in his way. That makes me angry! The man is 26 acting 16, when is he going to grow up????

[ January 05, 2005, 07:26 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]

H just pointed out to me the promise I made to him a year ago. H always said the only reason I wanted him to come back was so that I could be the one to leave him, and I promised I would never leave him! And now that is what I am telling him I want, by saying that this is not working for me.

kmej
he promised to forsake all others, love honor and cherish.

p1ss on him, weak a$$ power play.
he has broken VOWS which to me means a heck of alot more thane a promis

you are the one who has to make the decision of when enough is enough.

it does hurt to type doesn't it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Thanks Dalson.

I know you are right. Now time to find the courage. Want to send your nazi-like trainer my way to work some sense into me?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

i would rather send his big over puffed self over to squish your h

Thanks again Dalson- time for my run- will you be on later?

im back i am at my office, my w took the computer when she cleaned the house, so this is the only computer i have, i have a sales meeting tommorow so i have some work to do. i like you am addicted to this sight and spend my whole day checking up on everyone. but im self employed so im only screwing myself.

Thanks for anwering my questions. Now I am just plain ole dumbfounded... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

He told you that he would not take off time for a birthday party but then accused you of leaving him out when you planned one? You say he is acting 16? No, he is acting about 3.

He has no intention of helping with the family party? Then why are you having it?

You are setting yourselves up for a fight here, why take the bait?

You are not going to be able to make him happy no matter what hoops you continue to jump through, he is self absorbed.

You are planning a fun day with the boys for their birthday and that is all YOU can do. Enjoy them and let your H miss out, he is CHOOSING to be left out.

The plan for a fun snow party sounds great, will you have it regardless of your H's commitment? Do not depend on him, call a few friends and make sure that you have ample adult supervision.

Is the weekend family party for your family, his, or combined? Are they aware of your personal situation?

I would make a big pot of soup or chili, salad, bread and a cake and enjoy yourself no matter what he does. He is likely to be a non participant and if you allow his actions to ruin the party, your son loses...

Let us know how things go.

you are right about his behavior! +-

Tonight we all celebrated our oldest sons birthday. We went to Chuck E. Cheese for pizza and pop, and then out for ice cream, dropped H off at bowling and now we are home and the two older boys are happily with their GameBoy's- oldest one got a new one today with new games- so they are shareing, the youngest is sound asleep on my chest, I am sitting here typing to the rythum of his snores, gotta cherish these moments.

The family party is for both sides, and yes if asked why I was changing the date I told them why.

I will still have the party with out H's help, as I did the same thing last year for the birthdays, as H was out with OW and showed up just as the party was starting. This year I am making two spiderman cakes (where I rent a cake pan and use all the cake decorateing supplies and they turn out really cool- I made a Scooby Doo one for our middle sons birthday in September) and I am getting pizza- so I am makeing it easy on myself this year!!

No my side has no real idea of the extent of H's mood swings, however they know things are not smooth sailong just by H's attitude when he decides to show up to family events like Christmas, and when he choses to not show up to birhday parties and family gathering because he plain does not want too, they are not blind, just not fully informed. His side of the family knows more, but choses to make excuses for him, as there is ALWAYS a reason H does something, or I HAD to have done something to egg him on, or something along those lines.

H and I still have not talked about the other day. He has actually been really weird around me, and going out while I am at work shopping, but if I call him and ask where he is is says he "your moms" I ask what is he doing and he says "your mom"- and that irritates me greatly!!

Today he got me a present because it marks the day 8 years ago that I gave him his first Child- nothing big, but I appriciated it, and I really do like it!!

He has his good side. I am still struggleing with what I plan on doing right now, as things are not the way I had planned to live my life, and I am still feeling I need to get out, but he is doing just enough to hold me here, and I fear it is part of his game.

Not much I can say but, {{{{{KMEJ}}}}}.

KMEJ you deserve so much more. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to do.

Good to hear from you MIF? Thank you for your words. How are things for you?

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by KMEJ:
 Good to hear from you MIF? Thank you for your words. How are things for you? <hr /></blockquote>Read here
I'm hangin' in there. Today wasn't to bad. Yesterday was tough on me for some reason.

This has helped me quite a bit. Go ahead and call me a pansey. I am a big enough man that I can take it now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I had just read your thread a minute ago, sounds rough. I remember fog all too well. I understand completely what you are going through. I still feel like H is in a fog of sorts, not for another person, but a fog of himself- not sure how to explain that one, but basically I feel H is in love with himself, no one is better can do better or knows more then him. No one knows more then him, that kinda thing.

Thank you for shareing that link, I am really intreged!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by KMEJ:
...
Thank you for shareing that link, I am really intreagued! <hr /></blockquote>You're welcome. I have been doing that lately and it has helped me let go of a lot of anger. The past week has been pretty good with the WW and I.