Same old attention-grabbing headlines driving you insane? Here are some suggestions for new ones ...
IT'S THE THIRD TIME THAT DARNED CAT HAS PEED IN THE HALLWAY!!!!
HOW DO I LIVE THROUGH THE NIGHT [WITH MY CAT YOWLING]????
PANIC!?!? CAT SPENDS NIGHT ON HOT TIN ROOF!!!
CAT TREED!!! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
(This message brought to you by the society for prevention of overuse of outbursts and punctuation in headlines, SPOOPH)
<small>[ January 18, 2005, 09:29 AM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>
LOL JJ! How 'bout:
YOWLING CAT PEES ON HOT TIN ROOF, SAVES FIRE DEPARTMENT FROM PANIC
????????
<small>[ January 18, 2005, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>
A little sleep deprived, J? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
How about:
CURIOSITY KILLS CATS CHANCE AT EXITING BAG!!!!!
"J LET'S THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG!"
WHILE FINALLY GETTING SOME ZZZZ'S, CAT THAT J LET OUT OF THE BAG CATCHES HER TONGUE..... AS SHE EXHALES!!!!!!
MARS ROCK SCIENTIST CONTINUES TO POST AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS OTHER POSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY KNOW WHEN IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!
...THEY JUST DON'T GIVE A...!
Speaking of cats...
"Cat Food", -King Crimson
"Lady Supermarket with an apple in her basket
Knocks on the manager's door.
Crooning to the muzak from a speaker in shoe rack
Lays out her goods on the floor.
Everything she's chosen is conveniently frozen.
"Eat it and come back for more!"
Lady Window Shopper with a new one in the hopper
Whips up a chemical brew.
Croaking to a neighbour while she polishes a sabre
Knows how to flavour a stew.
Never need to worry with a tin of 'Hurri Curri':
"Poisoned especially for you!"
No use to complain
If you're caught out in the rain.
Your mother's quite insane.
CAT FOOD Cat Food cat food - AGAIN!
Lady Yellow Stamper with a fillet in a hamper
Dying to finish the course.
Goodies for the table with a fable on the label
Drowning in miracle sauce.
Don't think I am that rude if I tell you that it's cat food,
"Not even fit for a horse!"
No use to complain
If you're caught out in the rain.
Your mother's quite insane.
CAT FOOD Cat Food cat food - AGAIN!"
-ol' 2long
CERRI'S CAT CASTS CAT CALLS AT COURTLY CUCKOO CLOCK !!!
Why Can't a Dog Be More Like a Cat?"
[raucous barking offstage]
GUDGER: Felix, why can't a dog be more like a cat? Yes,
Why can't a dog
be more like a cat?
Cats are so calm
so tot'lly serene;
Eternally graceful
historic'ly clean;
Whom did the Pharaohs revere?
Why, the cat!
Why can't the dog
be like that?
Why does ev'ry dog
do what the others do?
Can't any mutt
learn to shun the group?
Why can't just one pup
try to do what you do?
Why don't they ever
learn to bury their poop?
Why can't a puppy
take after a cat?
Cats are so pleasant
so easy to please.
Whenever you're with them
they're always at ease.
Would you be slighted
if I ignored you for weeks?
FELIX: Of course not!
GUDGER:
Would you be frantic
if I put you on the roof?
FELIX: Nonsense!
GUDGER:
Would you be wounded
if I never threw you sticks?
FELIX: Never!
GUDGER:
Why can't a dog
be aloof?!
One cat in a million
may yowl a bit.
Now and then there's one
with slight flaws yet;
One, perhaps, whose loyalty
you doubt a bit.
But by and large they
make a marvelous pet!
Why can't a canine
behave like a cat?
Cats are so placid
good natured and kind;
A better companion
you never will find.
If I were late for your walk
would you be whining?
FELIX: Of course not!
GUDGER:
If I forgot your silly
bath-day, would you hiss?
FELIX: Nonsense!
GUDGER:
Would you complain if I never
took you out driving?
FELIX: Never!
GUDGER:
Why can't a doggy,
be like this?!
Why can't a doggy
be more like a cat?
Cats are so elegant
such perfect artistes
Ready to help you
rise above the beasts.
Ready to bring out the prince
that's hidden inside.
Why can't a dog
have some pride?!
Why is grooming a thing
that dogs never do?
Why is licking
never even tried?
Chewing on their bones
is all they ever do.
Why don't they straighten
up the muss that's outside?
Why can't a doggy
be more like a cat?
If I were a mongrel
who'd been to a show,
Been hailed as a champion
by high and by low;
Would I start howling
like a coyote concert?
And carry on as if my
home were in a tree?
Would a pack of mangy old
mutts tempt me to revert?
Why can't a doggy
be like me?!
From the Musical "Dogmalian"
Youse a fast typer 2long!
HEY GET BACK HERE J!!!!! WE WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!
MY CAT PLAYS HOCKEY!
Oh! How funny.
I had a friend many years ago whose mother was quite elderly and a bit befuddled. One night after doing some work for her around the house she offered him dinner before going home. Tuna Casserole.
As he was eating he thought it tasted a bit odd, but being a rather laid back sort of guy he didn't think too much of it. Until he finished eating and took out the trash before he left. There in front of him was an empty can of tuna flavored cat food.
His mother didn't own a cat.
J sent me this yesterday. I laughed so hard I nearly...... well........ I laughed really hard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Children As Pets
THE CAT YEARS
I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate
- teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it,
train it, boss it around. It puts it's head on your knee and gazes at
you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with
enthusiasm when you call it.
Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old
cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering
who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it
disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it
pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose
up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head,
in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives
you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you
before.
You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be
desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of
depressed. It won't go on family outings.
Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and
sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with
guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.
Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before
now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs
away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go
toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.
Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave
like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to
you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too.
Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has
not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.
One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big
kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those
dishes for you."
Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.
Oh no, Star*Fish.
I thought 2long posted that ditty. I thought how could he do that so fast, as he just posted.
Anyway I just read it all the way through. Too cute!
Wow, abandon a thread for two weeks and look what happens to it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I love cats!!!! My cat drinks from our fish bowl.....the fish swims around right under her tongue. I guess the water tastes fishy that;s why the cat likes it. LOL!!!!
CAT ATTACKS BUBBLEBATH
Actually, my cat does attack the bubble bath. Then he gets offended when the bubbles stick to his paws.
Once during an early attack session, he fell into the bath. That was a real hoot. Just imagine a dripping wet cat trying to pretend he had fallen into the tub on purpose!
MY CAT'S BREATH SMELLS LIKE CAT FOOD!!!!!!!!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just J:
<strong> MY CAT'S BREATH SMELLS LIKE CAT FOOD!!!!!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is that a former lummie I see before me?
-OAK