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Same old attention-grabbing headlines driving you insane? Here are some suggestions for new ones ...
IT'S THE THIRD TIME THAT DARNED CAT HAS PEED IN THE HALLWAY!!!!
HOW DO I LIVE THROUGH THE NIGHT [WITH MY CAT YOWLING]????
PANIC!?!? CAT SPENDS NIGHT ON HOT TIN ROOF!!!
CAT TREED!!! CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT
(This message brought to you by the society for prevention of overuse of outbursts and punctuation in headlines, SPOOPH) <small>[ January 18, 2005, 09:29 AM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>
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LOL JJ! How 'bout:
YOWLING CAT PEES ON HOT TIN ROOF, SAVES FIRE DEPARTMENT FROM PANIC
???????? <small>[ January 18, 2005, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>
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A little sleep deprived, J? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
How about:
CURIOSITY KILLS CATS CHANCE AT EXITING BAG!!!!!
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"J LET'S THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG!"
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WHILE FINALLY GETTING SOME ZZZZ'S, CAT THAT J LET OUT OF THE BAG CATCHES HER TONGUE..... AS SHE EXHALES!!!!!!
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MARS ROCK SCIENTIST CONTINUES TO POST AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS OTHER POSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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THEY KNOW WHEN IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!
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...THEY JUST DON'T GIVE A...!
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Speaking of cats...
"Cat Food", -King Crimson
"Lady Supermarket with an apple in her basket Knocks on the manager's door. Crooning to the muzak from a speaker in shoe rack Lays out her goods on the floor. Everything she's chosen is conveniently frozen. "Eat it and come back for more!"
Lady Window Shopper with a new one in the hopper Whips up a chemical brew. Croaking to a neighbour while she polishes a sabre Knows how to flavour a stew. Never need to worry with a tin of 'Hurri Curri': "Poisoned especially for you!"
No use to complain If you're caught out in the rain. Your mother's quite insane. CAT FOOD Cat Food cat food - AGAIN!
Lady Yellow Stamper with a fillet in a hamper Dying to finish the course. Goodies for the table with a fable on the label Drowning in miracle sauce. Don't think I am that rude if I tell you that it's cat food, "Not even fit for a horse!"
No use to complain If you're caught out in the rain. Your mother's quite insane. CAT FOOD Cat Food cat food - AGAIN!"
-ol' 2long
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CERRI'S CAT CASTS CAT CALLS AT COURTLY CUCKOO CLOCK !!!
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Why Can't a Dog Be More Like a Cat?"
[raucous barking offstage]
GUDGER: Felix, why can't a dog be more like a cat? Yes,
Why can't a dog be more like a cat? Cats are so calm so tot'lly serene; Eternally graceful historic'ly clean; Whom did the Pharaohs revere? Why, the cat! Why can't the dog be like that?
Why does ev'ry dog do what the others do? Can't any mutt learn to shun the group? Why can't just one pup try to do what you do? Why don't they ever learn to bury their poop?
Why can't a puppy take after a cat? Cats are so pleasant so easy to please. Whenever you're with them they're always at ease. Would you be slighted if I ignored you for weeks?
FELIX: Of course not!
GUDGER:
Would you be frantic if I put you on the roof?
FELIX: Nonsense!
GUDGER:
Would you be wounded if I never threw you sticks?
FELIX: Never!
GUDGER:
Why can't a dog be aloof?!
One cat in a million may yowl a bit. Now and then there's one with slight flaws yet; One, perhaps, whose loyalty you doubt a bit. But by and large they make a marvelous pet!
Why can't a canine behave like a cat? Cats are so placid good natured and kind; A better companion you never will find.
If I were late for your walk would you be whining?
FELIX: Of course not!
GUDGER:
If I forgot your silly bath-day, would you hiss?
FELIX: Nonsense!
GUDGER:
Would you complain if I never took you out driving?
FELIX: Never!
GUDGER:
Why can't a doggy, be like this?!
Why can't a doggy be more like a cat? Cats are so elegant such perfect artistes Ready to help you rise above the beasts. Ready to bring out the prince that's hidden inside. Why can't a dog have some pride?!
Why is grooming a thing that dogs never do? Why is licking never even tried? Chewing on their bones is all they ever do. Why don't they straighten up the muss that's outside?
Why can't a doggy be more like a cat? If I were a mongrel who'd been to a show, Been hailed as a champion by high and by low; Would I start howling like a coyote concert? And carry on as if my home were in a tree?
Would a pack of mangy old mutts tempt me to revert? Why can't a doggy be like me?!
From the Musical "Dogmalian"
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Youse a fast typer 2long!
HEY GET BACK HERE J!!!!! WE WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!
MY CAT PLAYS HOCKEY!
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Oh! How funny.
I had a friend many years ago whose mother was quite elderly and a bit befuddled. One night after doing some work for her around the house she offered him dinner before going home. Tuna Casserole.
As he was eating he thought it tasted a bit odd, but being a rather laid back sort of guy he didn't think too much of it. Until he finished eating and took out the trash before he left. There in front of him was an empty can of tuna flavored cat food.
His mother didn't own a cat.
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J sent me this yesterday. I laughed so hard I nearly...... well........ I laughed really hard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Children As Pets
THE CAT YEARS
I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate - teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts it's head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.
Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.
You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings.
Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.
Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.
Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.
One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you."
Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again.
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Oh no, Star*Fish.
I thought 2long posted that ditty. I thought how could he do that so fast, as he just posted.
Anyway I just read it all the way through. Too cute!
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Wow, abandon a thread for two weeks and look what happens to it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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I love cats!!!! My cat drinks from our fish bowl.....the fish swims around right under her tongue. I guess the water tastes fishy that;s why the cat likes it. LOL!!!!
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